A smile crossed Justin’s lips as Brian’s tongue crept into his ear and  he slipped his inside of him. Brian began massaging Justin’s prostate extracting a shudder from him.  Justin turned his head around as far as he could so Brian could reach his lips. Brian was still having a bit of a problem getting an erection but he was enjoying himself as often as possible.  Justin melded his mouth with Brian so his scream wouldn’t wake up Brinn. His body was wracked with shutters as he came. Justin turned into Brian’s arms and his hand slid down to Brian’s cock and the other arm around Brian’s neck drawing him as close as he could.

Over the monitor, Brinn’s sweet cooing could be heard.  Justin started moving away but Brian held onto him tightly. “Not yet. I don’t want you to move.”

“Brian, our daughter needs attention.”  With a parting kiss he went to the nursery.  Over the monitor, Brian could hear Justin talk to Brinn and Brinn responding.  Fatherhood had definitely not dampened his feelings for Justin at all. In fact, it may have had the opposite effect. He wasn’t up to full strength yet but he had passed the 50% mark and everyday he felt stronger and felt the need to make up for the months he was laid up. He could not get enough. He wished his body felt the same. Patience had never been something he was good at.  Waiting for his stamina to catch up with his mind was killing him. An entire month was basically a blur but what he did remember was Sunshine being there every night. He knew that had been against the doctor’s orders but Justin knew what was best for him far better than any doctor. Thinking about it, he hoped Brinn finished breakfast soon. He hadn’t finished with Justin yet.

Justin walked in, still naked with their beautiful daughter. Brian sat up and opened his arms as Justin handed Brinn to him. Brian instantly brought her to his chest and lay her there.  She was already falling back to sleep listening to her dad’s heart beat. Justin slid onto the bed from the foot end and bared Brian’s cock. He latched on to it like Brinn did her bottle. Justin smiled up at Brian as he started sucking.  He kept an eye on Brian’s reaction since Brinn was laying there. Soon Brian was fully erect. Justin slipped off the bed and picked a sleeping Brinn and quickly brought her to her bed. He returned and looked at Brian. He spread his arms out in offering.  Brian grabbed his hand and yanked him onto the bed. He pulled Justin’s legs up and entered. He began thrusting but Justin could tell very quickly he was tiring. Looking at Brian’s face he could see the strain. “Baby, it’s ok.” He put his hands on either side of Brian’s face and saw the stubborn set of his jaw. “Brian, I am fine.”

“I’m not Ok.  I can’t even,”  He was beginning to pant.  Justin didn’t want to make him stop but if he had to he would.  Justin brought his hands to Brian’s shoulders.

“Brian, please,” Justin pleaded.  Brian dropped to the bed and turned away from Justin.  Justin spooned up to Brian’s back. He wrapped his free arm around Brian and slowly stroked his chest.  “We can try again later, baby.”

Very softly Brian said, “I’m sorry, Sunshine.”

“There is nothing for you to be sorry for, Brian.  I am so thankful you are here with me. Just feeling you next to me, hearing your heartbeat with mine, I just need you here, period.”

“Sure, Justin.”

“Brian, look at me.” Justin said softly.

Brian didn’t move.

‘Dammit, Brian, look at me!” Justin said angrily. Brian did not move.  Justin stood up and as he pulled on pants and a shirt he shouted. “Fine! Feel sorry for yourself. Feel sorry that you lived.  Feel sorry that your husband loves you more than air. Feel sorry for yourself when you have the most beautiful daughter ever.” With that Brinn woke up crying because of Justin’s yelling. Justin stopped at the door.  Took a deep breath and walked into the nursery. “I’ll here, Brinny, I am so sorry…..” The door shut and his words became muffled.

Justin picked up Brinn and held her close.  “I am sorry, BabyGirl. I’m sorry daddy yelled.  I’m not mad at you. Your dad just made me so mad.” Justin didn’t hear Brian come in. “ I love him so much but he can’t seem to realize I love him inside more than his outside.” Justin was so distracted by his thoughts that he didn’t notice Brian walk up.

“Sunshine, I’m sorry.” Justin walked away from him.  Brinn whimpered feeling Justin’s tension.

“Please, Justin.”  Brian put his hands on Justin’s shoulders.

Justin spun around. “Brian, I spent nearly 3 months, nearly every minute of the day with you.  I fed you. I bathed you. I wiped your ass for god sake! I didn’t do that because I love the way your dick feels in my ass.  I did it because I can’t imagine not sitting next to you at the dinner table with our family. I can’t imagine not talking business with you.”  Brinn whimpered again. Justin relaxed his arms around her and kissed her cheek. “I can’t imagine raising our daughter without you.” He now stepped into Brian’s arms.  “I know this is still rough for you, Brian, but you are stuck with me, with or without sex.”

Brian dropped his head on Justin’s shoulder, “I am sorry.”

Brinn had settled as soon as Brian had touched them.  Justin turned his head and kissed Brian’s cheek. Brian captured his lips.  Softly Justin said. “Brian I love you, all of you. I am not going anywhere. You are stuck with me until you’re old and gray or until you tire of me.”

Brian carefully took Brinn and laid her in the crib and then took Justin in his arms. “Sunshine, I don’t deserve you.” Justin’s arms snaked their way around Brian’s neck and Justin held him tight.  

“I don’t know what I would have done,” Justin’s voice had a catch in it, “If I had lost you.  I would have died along with you. In your letter,” He had never mentioned it before, “You told me to go on but I don’t think I could. I would have nothing to love with.  Not that kind of love. I would live for our kids, not me.”

Brian silenced him with his lips.  After some time, Brinn made a noise that sounded like a giggle.  Justin and Brian started laughing. “She is far too young to start making fun of us already,” Justin laughed.

“She better get used to it!” Brian bent him backward for a second but his strength started giving out.

“Don’t rush it, Baby.  I’m not going anywhere.”

Over the next couple of weeks Brian worked very hard.  He was determined to get back to full strength. Justin noticed he seemed to be calling him or buzzing him on the intercom more frequently. He tried to be understanding.  Brian nearly lost his life only weeks ago but there were times it became annoying.

One afternoon when Alice had Brinn, Justin was working in the studio.  He just had to paint for a while. He needed a couple hours to himself. Somewhere in the back of his mind he heard his phone ding and then heard the intercom buzz.  He continued to paint. Five minutes later the door to the studio opened. Before he realized it Brian had pulled him away from his painting and into Brian’s arms.

“Thank god you are alright.  You didn’t answer my text and then the intercom.

“Brian, I’m painting.”  Justin said exasperated. “You know how I get when I’m painting.  Seriously, I just need to work a while.”

“But, you scared me.” Brian said.

Justin took a deep breath trying not to get angry but wanting to pull away and go back painting. He placed his hands on Brian’s face, “I’m here working, Baby.  If you need to sit and watch me, fine, but I need to paint.”

With Brian staring over his shoulder it was no longer an outlet so he cleaned his brushes and walked back to the house. “Brian, maybe you should start working a bit.  I am sure Ted and Cynthia would love having you pick up some of the slack again. You could do it from here. That way by the time you are ready to go back to the office you will be back up to speed.”

“I was thinking I might not go back to the agency.  I mean I would still be the CEO but maybe hire a good junior executive to start training.”

Justin’s heart almost stopped.  When Brian was working a crazy hours he had wish Brian would take off time but now it brought him fear.  Brian would be underfoot all the time. If he didn’t kill him Alice would. “Don’t be hasty, Brian. You love your work.  You don’t want to be around here all the time.”

“We would have more time to spend together.  Alice could have more free time while I watched Brinn.”

“Just don’t rush into any decisions.  You probably could use another executive to lighten  your load but, Brian, you aren’t ready to retire.”

“From the sound of it, you don’t want me around here.” Brian said curtly.

“I am just saying don’t rush into anything until you are back to full speed.”

By the time they got to the house Brian was tiring. “Brian, why don’t you go take a nap.”

Putting his arms around Justin, he said, “Come join me.”

“Brian, as much as I love you, I have things I need to get done.”

Brian’s look was close to a small child’s pout.  “With John going to school he has less time to work and I have galeries screaming for paintings and they have questions.” Justin realized he was now bargaining with Brian like he would a child. What was going on here?  By now they were standing in the kitchen and Alice was listening. “Brian, give me two hours to do paperwork. I will be at the studio. You rest and in two hours if I am not back you can come get me.” He hugged Brian and over his shoulder pleaded to Alice with his eyes.

Without anymore comments Brian went to rest.  Justin looked at Alice and waited to hear the door shut to their bedroom. “Alice, what is going on?  Any ideas?”

“He obviously has separation anxiety and some of that is understandable but there is more to this. We both know he isn’t going to go to a counselor.  Think about it for a bit maybe something will come to you and I will do the same. And I will make sure he doesn’t bother you before 2 hours are up. I am thinking he will sleep at least that long.”

When he had returned to the studio John had arrived to work.  Everytime he looked at John he saw a young Brian. That made him think of something. “John, I hate to even ask this.  You have been so much help the last few months but I really don’t know what to do.”

“What’s Uncle Brian up to now?” He smiled at Justin.  He knew Brian was having some problems getting back into his normal life.

Justin explained what had happened earlier.  The panic Brian had just because he hadn’t answered his text immediately. “I really think this has to do with his homelife but can you see Brian willing to talk to a counselor or therapist?”

“Good luck with that!” John agreed.

“But I am thinking maybe if he thought he was there for you…. I am going to call Blake. He has just finished a new certification in family counseling and I am hoping Brian will go along with it if he thinks he is helping you and Blake.  Something has got to change or I am going to have to get a studio away from the house and then I think he would still follow me. It’s like he isn’t sure who he really is or doesn’t dare to be who he is. I just want the old Brian back.”

John hugged Justin.  “I hope when this is all over Uncle Brian realizes what he has. If it will help Uncle Brian I am game. I like Blake and I probably do have a few hang ups that Blake can explain.  I have Spring Break next week so if you could set something up to start anytime should work.”

Next Justin called Blake.  “Justin, good to hear from you.  How is Brian? Ted said he is doing much better. And how is that gorgeous girl of yours.”

“Brinn is just the most amazing child I have ever met! Brian is doing great physically.  It is taking him longer to make gains than he would like it to but, Blake, the reason I am calling is, basically, he won’t leave me alone.  He is having what I would call panic attacks when he is out of my sight. Today I was painting. I just needed to get away and because I didn’t respond to his text immediately he came to the studio worried something had happened to me.  I can’t decide if it is possessiveness or fear. I know this might be a bit out of your field but I also know you have more degrees then I would know what to do with.”

“If I can be of any help I will gladly help, Justin, but I don’t see Brian willingly coming to see me.”

“I thought of that, too.  I am not sure but I think some of this is happening because of his childhood.  You’ve met John, his nephew. He is willing to go with Brian and be the focus if need be at the beginning.”

“Justin, if you can get him to agree I will see them and, yes, I can use John as a cover. I wouldn’t do that in my normal practice but we all know Brian isn’t normal.” He chuckled.  “Since you called, Justin, any tips for new fathers?”

“Are you saying….”

“We have a mother interested in us. It looks like in the next 4 months we may have a baby of our own.”

“That’s great, Blake.  It will change your life in the best way possible.”

“You know Justin, your life has been crazy the last 3 months.  If you ever just want to talk….”

“Thanks, Blake, I will remember that. Trust me there are days I want to deck him and fuck him at the same time.”

“Justin, do you think you can get away for lunch tomorrow.  I want to pick your brain a bit. You really have gone through a lot this year and I think we could help each other.”  They set up a time and place.”

Justin rushed out of the studio expecting Brian to be on his way to meet him.  He made it to the house and saw Brian helping Alice. Bless her! Justin walked in and kissed Alice on the cheek.  

“What am I?  Chop Liver?” Brian took Justin into a deep kiss. As Brian pressed against him Justin looked up and smiled.

“Uh, Alice, Can you keep Brinn for another hour?” She rolled her eyes and waved her hand.

Justin ran up the steps and then realized he had left Brian in his dust.  By the time Brian walked in Justin stood there naked. “Now that was worth taking my time.”

Justin sent one of his killer smiles over to Brian and Brian growled. They met in the middle and both sighed as their lips met. Justin tugged off Brian’s shirt.  He wanted skin on skin. Justin undid Brian’s pants and after pushing the pants down Brian stepped out of them. Brian pushed Justin down on the bed and flipped him on his stomach. Brian had one thing in mind. He started mid back and slid down. His tongue found its home and explored inside and out.  Justin began to squirm and his breathing became ragged. Brian positioned himself and slid into the loosened opening. He moved slowly. Although Justin couldn’t see him he could tell Brian was slowing down. Justin reached back and grabbed Brian’s hips and held him deep inside him. Justin contracted and relaxed around Brian until he felt Brian begin to shutter.  Brian then finished a few strong thrusts and dropped on Justin. He rolled Justin with him so they were still joined.

After a few minutes, Justin started to get up but Brian held onto him tightly.  “Don’t go.”

“Brian, I have to get Brinn.  Alice is off tonight.” Brian was kissing his neck trying to convince him to stay. Justin moaned. “God, Baby, I need to go.”  Brian’s hand slid to grasp Justin’s cock. As if on cue they heard Brinn through the monitor. “As much as I want to stay….” Brinn started crying now.  Justin pulled away from Brian and walked to the nursery. Justin heard Brian swear under his breath.

Later that night as they laid in bed Justin broached the subject of therapy with John.  “Brian, today I was talking with John and I think he could use your help.”

Brian’s look turned concern, “What’s wrong with John?”

“He was telling me about a few issues that have come up because of some things that happened when he was growing up.  He is really uncomfortable about going by himself. Blake is willing to talk to him but he would really like you to come with him.  He knows you understand what he’s going through.”

“Damn, I hate the fact I left him in that house.” Justin pulled him close. “Of course, I’ll go.” Justin laid close to Brian and draped his arm across Brian’s chest.

“Thank you, baby.”  He kissed him and said.  “I’ll be right back. I want to check on Brinn.”  When she returned five minutes later Brian was sound asleep. Justin curled up next to him and in his sleep Brian pulled him close.

The next morning Justin talked to Alice and let her know he would be gone for a couple hours. He hated lying to Brian but he wasn’t sure he could tell him about lunch with Blake. He was sure Brian would want to come along but he couldn’t lie completely. Brian had therapy before lunch so he used it to his advantage. Brian had just started his session when Justin tapped on the door.  “Come in.”

“Sorry, to interrupt. I forgot to tell you earlier, I am picking up some art supplies.  When I was scheduling that appointment with John, Blake asked to have lunch. He is getting nervous about being a father. I will be back in a few hours. I have Brinn with me.”  Justin walked over and kissed Brian. “I love you, Baby.”

Justin was out the door before Brian could respond.  Justin thought he heard him say his name but he kept going.

By the time Justin got to the deli, Blake was waiting.  They kissed and sat across from each other. “You made it!” Blake smiled

“I hate feeling sneaky.” Justin sat Brinn’s car seat on the table to the side. “ I did tell him we were meeting but told him it was about fatherhood.”

“I will take any advice you have about that.’ Looking at Brinn, he said, “May I?”

“Sure. I don’t know what I would have done without Brinn the last few months.  She was my hope through everything. Both Brian and I may have given up without her.”

Blake snuggled the sweet girl close.  “That makes total sense, Justin. You two have always had that kind of connection.  I can’t imagine life without Ted.”

“I don’t know what we have done without Ted, too.  I am sure you saw him a lot less than normal, too.”

“I did but since I was finishing up my degree the timing was very good.  Now Brian is working at getting back to work and Ted and I can have some time together.”

Justin smiled.  “You two need to use our house in Ibiza for a week or two before you get your baby.” Justin put something into his phone.  “I will get it set up and you two pick a time.”

“That sounds perfect!  Thanks.” Blake had barely taken his eyes off Brinn. “So, what can you tell me, Justin?  You told me what’s going on but I don’t know much about Brian’s upbringing other than it wasn’t good.”

The men put in their order before continuing.  Justin gave Blake the basic rundown of Brian’s family life. “Brian was never shown any value.  His father was a drunk which wasn’t good but I think his mother did more damaging to him. There was never love or affection,  That’s why he had no idea how to love anyone. You were around part of that time. Debbie was the only adult that showed him worth.  I often what he hasn’t told me. He has told me a lot.’

“That would definitely affect him.  And his nephew?”

“He was raised in a very similar situation.  I wouldn’t be surprised if they both still harbor secrets. We have dealt with all of that but now Brian really doesn’t want me to leave the house without him.  He can’t seem to focus if I am not around and when I am around all he can focus on is sex.”

“Now that sounds like Brian,” Blake smiled.

The server brought their food.

“Blake, you can put Brinn back into the carseat while we eat.”

“Do I have to?”

Justin laughed, “No you don’t have to.  Feel free to spoil her. I am so glad she can’t remember everything we went through these last couple months.”

“Justin, she had all the love and care a baby needs. You had an amazing network in place but, Justin, I am sure this has taken a toll on you, too.”

“If it hadn’t been for our family of friends, I don’t know what I would have done.  Now Brian wants everything to return to exactly like it was but we aren’t exactly the same.  For one thing we have Brinn. I am afraid he is even getting jealous of her. We were in bed last night and he didn’t want me to leave him when she started fussing.  That is where I will have to draw the line. I love them both so much. I would have to leave him if he pushed that but I can’t live without him.” A tear ran down Justin’s cheek.  

Blake slid in next to him.  He slipped Brinn into Justin’s arms and then put his around Justin.  Justin began crying silently. Blake just held him and let him cry it out.  “Justin, just to let you know, your reaction is totally what it should be. You are one of the strongest men I have ever met.”

“I’m tired of being strong,” was all he said.

The men finished lunch.  “Thanks, Blake. I hope Brian doesn’t give you too much shit….crap.  Trying to watch that.” He smiled down at his daughter. “I am hoping John can help and be helped at the same time.

“I’ll keep in touch and I will talk to Ted about the vacation.  I can’t wait to do that.”

Brian was upset.  He had snapped at the therapist and after apologizing did finish his session.  But after he left Brian couldn’t settle down. He wondered where Justin was and what he was doing.  He had Brinn with him. He hoped everything was Ok. He saw a note on the fridge about an appointment with Blake tomorrow morning.  He had been worrying about John ever since Justin mentioned it. He looked up and saw John walking toward the house. Maybe he could help and not have to go see Blake. Maybe they could take care of it.

“Have you heard from Justin?” Brian met John on the door.

“Why, what happened? Don’t you know where he is?”

“Well, he just told me he was going to lunch with Blake.”

“So, what’s the problem? Justin is out for lunch.”

Brian thought a minute, started saying something and then stopped and changed the subject. “Did Justin tell you he has an appointment set up for you with Blake tomorrow?”

“Well, ya, for both of us.  Face it, Brian, our family is nuts.”

“We have known that for years. Your grandma was nuts. Mom had no redeeming qualities.”

“Your sister was no prize either.  If I had to go through one more night of, ‘You’re the man in the family.  You need to take care of me.” John shivered at a memory.

The way he said that made Brian look at him. “John, what are you talking about?”

“Never mind. Nothing.”

“John, your mom didn’t….” Brian put his hand on John’s shoulder

“Forget it.  It’s in the past.” John started shaking a bit.

Brian changed the subject.  “I’ll be ready tomorrow at 10:00.”

When Justin got home,  Alice immediately took Brinn and started talking to her while she got a bottle ready. “Where’s Brian?” Alice said was in his office.  Justin hoped that was a good sign. He tapped on the door and opened it. “Hey, Baby.” Justin knew it wasn’t going to be good. Brian sat at his desk with his favorite Jim Beam sitting there.  “Kind of early for that isn’t it?”

“Where have you been?” He said with a slight slur.

“I had lunch with Blake and got some supplies.  Blake held Brinn for the longest time. I think he fell in love a bit.”

“Where’d you have lunch, Philly?”

“Brian, I wasn’t gone that long and you knew who I was with. In fact, I think we need to send Ted and Blake to the Villa.  Ted has been working so hard, they could use time away before they become dads.”

Brian took another shot. “You left me alone for the day.”

“Brian, I was gone for 3 hours.”

“Yes, I was gone three whole hours, Brian.  For the first time in months I took our daughter to have lunch with a friend. What is wrong with that! It is 3:00 in the afternoon and you’re drunk.  You could have done some work. You don’t need me to breath anymore, Brian!”

Justin turned and left the office.  He went straight out to the studio.

Five minutes later Brian came out of the office into the kitchen.  “What did you do, Brian?”

“Of course, I did something.  Justin never does…..” Brian reached for Brinn.

Alice stated as she refused to pass Brinn over to him, “You’re drunk or very close to it. You’re not getting this baby.”

Brian stormed away.  Soon he came back. “Where is he?”

“Where does he go when he needs time to himself?  Brian, take advantage of seeing Blake, even if it is supposed to be about your family life.  Maybe you should think about focusing on this family.”

Brian left the house without responding to Alice. He wasn’t drunk. Sure he had a few drinks but he had been left  at the house. Now that he was doing better Justin was losing interest in him. Ok, so Justin wasn’t gone all day. Ok, he screwed up! Again…. Soon he was outside the studio.

He looked around.  It was too early to find a flower to bring him.  He just realized he still had a glass in his hand.  He threw it against the building shattering it. Why was he being such a screw up!’  

He knocked on the studio but there was no answer. He turned the knob, hoping it was open. He walked in and saw Justin flinging paint at a canvas.  As he got closer he saw tears running down Justin’s cheeks. He had caused him so much pain and he kept doing it. He walked up to Justin and softly said his name. It was obvious that Justin had heard him but hadn’t turned to look at him.

“Sunshine, I’m sorry.  I’ll leave you alone. I know you need a break from me. I’m sorry.” He turned and headed toward the door.

“Brian. Stop.” He did. “Come here.”

Justin dropped the paintbrush on the table and opened his arms. He clung to Brian.  “I love you, Baby. Don’t doubt that but I need a little space to live my life now that you can live yours.”

Brian dropped his head to Justin’s lips and the passion he always felt for him was overwhelming.  If only his body was ready for everything he was picturing. He slid his hand down to Justin’s has and then with all his might he slapped it. Justin went from to surprise to a grin from ear to ear. “Do you think you are up to that Brian.”

“I am if I can find some assistance.”  Brian looked around the studio and found the riding crop they had used once before with horrible results. He held it up to Justin and Justin nodded.  He needed this right now. Brian pulled Justin’s pants down and leaned him over the desk chair. Justin heard it move through the air before it landed across the very tops of his legs. He forgot how painful this was but he instantly had an erection. Brian swung 4 more times.  By the 5th swing, Justin moaned in pain and in need.

He turned to look at Brian who appeared exhausted.  His stamina was still not up to normal. Or maybe this was the new normal they would adjust to.  Brian knew he was tired. He dropped his pants and handed the lube to Justin. “Are you sure, baby?”

“God, yes!” He leaned over the  chair as Justin had. Justin put lube on his fingers and slowly entered Brian with one finger.  Justin slowly worked a second finger in and Justin heard him moan. Justin slowly entered trying to restrain himself. Justin increased his speed and soon they were both shuttering with pleasure. Brian turned nearly ready to collapse.  Justin helped him sit in the chair. Justin bent over and kissed Brian,

“You alright, Brian.”

“I really wish you didn’t have to ask me that. I am so worthless to you.”

“What the hell are you talking about?” Justin turned and put his butt in  Brian’s face. “Don’t you know by now how turned on you make me. And the fact that you would push yourself to exhaustion to please me is a bigger turn on than anything.”

Justin redressed and supported Brian as he stood up. “Justin, I am sorry.  I wish I knew why I have been acting like this but I can’t seem to change it. I just can’t stand it when you are out of my sight.”

“Brian, maybe Blake can help you figure it out.”

“You have been talking about Blake a lot lately.”

“Maybe because I want my husband back full time.  A few minutes ago you were my amazing, loving, generous husband but earlier you were an obsessive, possessive jackass who had obviously been drinking  for a while already. That’s not good for any of us, Brian.” Justin took a deep breath. “Let’s go back to the house You need a nap.” Brian wanted to argue but he couldn’t.  He was so tired.

The next morning John picked Brian up at 9:15 and drove them into the city.  “ Uncle Brian, can I ask you a favor? Please don’t over react and tell the truth when we get in there.  Lying to ourselves and each other won’t help anybody.” Brian looked at John and nodded. He put his hand on John’s shoulder and walked into the office.  Brian took a deep breath and reminded himself this was for John and his issue with Blake right now couldn’t get involved.

Blake felt the tension in Brian immediately.  There was not only tension but hostility. He had a feeling that had to do with the lunch he had with Justin yesterday but for now he was going to focus on the family issues shared with John and maybe that would lead to Brian’s current situation.  Brian’s illness was still very evident. Brian was very thin and although his coloring was better then it had been it was still not a healthy tone.

“I’m glad it worked for you to come in today, guys. John, Justin told me you were trying to work through some of your family past and since Brian is your uncle you thought it might help if he was here with you.  I know a bit about Brian’s background but why don’t you tell me about your family. Brian, anything you can add will be helpful.” Brian nodded.

John started talking about his parents messed up marriage and eventual divorce.  He talked about his grandmother being a big presence in the house and the negativity that was always there.  He reached for Brian’s hand and went on to talk about the hate they spewed at Brian as often as they could and their disdain for his life ‘choices’. He went into details that had been recurring comments.

“So, John, having heard those things over and over, how did that affect you?”  Blake asked.

“I never even considered the fact that I had feelings for men.  I just blew them off as I got older thinking i probably had those feelings because I was curious about Uncle Brian since I really didn’t have a relationship with any men.  And it didn’t help when my mom…..” John hesitated.

“When your mom what, John?”

Brian had been listening intently but he now sat up straighter and squeezed John’s hand for encouragement.

“Alcohol was a crutch for all the adults in my family.”  He looked at Brian but continued. “My mom was, well is, a very lonely woman.  As I got older she started calling me the man of the house and she wasn’t thinking about me working around the house.  She never thought I could help with that but what she did think I could help with was making her feel less lonely.” John took a deep breath trying to figure out how and what to say next.

“John, take your time.  Brian and I are not here to judge anything.”

“I was probably about 12 the first time she woke me up late one night and had me get out of bed and follow her so Peter wouldn’t wake up. She took my hand and let me to her room.”

Brian’s eyes were growing bigger as he listened to his nephew.

“She told me how lonely she was and how it would make her feel so much better if I just held her for a while. So I got into bed with her and she pulled me close to her body.  She was drunk. She didn’t know what she was doing. She kissed me a couple times and then passed out. The next morning she acted like I was in her bed because I wanted to be.” John stopped talking. He had reverted back to his mother.”

Blake was in a bit of shock.  This was supposed to be a bit of a setup to get Brian talking but John really did need this, too. He almost feared what might come out.

‘John, maybe this is a good place for us to stop today. Brian, you have been a very quiet support for John today.  Do you have anything to add or say to John?”

“John, I’m sorry.  I really don’t know what else to say right now.  It is obvious there is more you want to tell us.”

“Uncle Brian, did anything like that happen with Grandma.  I mean Grandpa didn’t leave you guys but he wasn’t a good husband or father.  I figured that out when I was pretty young.”

“Your grandmother would have never have had me in her bed.  In fact, I don’t ever remember being in bed with her, not even when I was really small.  As for any physical contact, there was none, ever. It would either make me soft or unmanly.  Men weren’t supposed to ever need help with anything. I know my dad was a drunk but if I had to live with that woman as long as he did, I would have drank myself into a stupor as often as I could, too.”  Brian was surprised he had said that much. He was sure Blake had said something that pulled it out of him.

Blake was sure Brian had just given him a big clue as to what was going on with Brian.  He was also fairly sure Brian didn’t have a clue yet. He was also fairly sure right now he was more frustrated than ever before.  He wished they could continue the conversation but right now he had another patient waiting.

John and Brian left planning to come back in a couple days. Blake had said if John felt like talking to his uncle, that would be fine.  It might even help him process.

Brian and John grabbed a sandwich and pulled into a park, sitting on a bench by a pond.  Brian wasn’t sure what to say. Finally, he said, “I wish I would have known.”

“Uncle Brian, I would never had believed you if you told me anything.  They had me so brainwashed. Mom did anything Grandma told her to.”

“Her mother would have never gone for you sharing a bed at any age but especially by the age of 12.  She would have condemned both of you.” Brian realized the amount of hate that came out with that comment.

“Brian, have you ever thought about talking to someone. Grandma still has a hold of you.”

“And Claire has a hold of you. John, I can’t imagine what your mom put you through.  If you need to talk ….”

“That’s what we’re doing with Blake.”

Brian arrived home and started looking for Justin.  Alice appeared to be gone so Brian checked in Brinn’s room.  They weren’t there so then he headed for the studio. “Justin, you here?”

“Over here!”  Justin replied.  He was standing near an easel.  Brinn was laying on a playmat near him cooing while her daddy painted.

Brian walked over and pulled Justin to him, kissed him and held on to him.

“How did the appointment go?” Brian continued to hold on to Justin.

“I just need to hold on to my wonderful, normal family.”

“That sounds a bit ominous.”

“My sister is more screwed up than my mother.  John hasn’t given details yet but….”

Justin looked into Brian’s eyes  “Sweetheart, what is it?”

“She made him sleep with him so she had someone to sleep with.  I am betting there is more he’ll talk about. I’m not sure I want to learn how messed up my family really is.”

“Brian,” Justin kissed him deeply.  “Your ‘normal’ family is here for you. Did Blake say anything of ask you about your life?”

“He listened and I think talking to him is good for John. I didn’t say much.  This is for John.”

Justin so wanted to say, ‘NO, it’s for you.’ But now it sounds like John really did need help.

Brinn started fussing a bit.  “I think someone wants her dad to pick her up.”  Brian smiled, kissed Justin again and then picked her up.

“Brian, why don’t you take her up to the house if you’re up to carrying her that far.  Alice will be back soon if she isn’t there already. Maybe you can take a nap and I will come up later and, “  Justin ran his hand down Brian’s ass and then slid his hand around to the front of his pants, “we can find something to do.”

Brian sighed.  “See you soon, Sunshine.  I will do my best to be ready.”

“Brian, you are always ready to love me with your heart and mind and that’s all I care about.”

As soon as Brian left Justin called Blake.  “Hey, Justin. Thought I might hear from you.”

“Brian just told me about John.  I know you can’t talk about it and I understand that but did Brian say anything that gave you any clue?                                            

“Actually, he did say something that might be the root of his issues.  Justin, trust me, I will let you know if I need to but I hope to get him to tell you.  Justin, I mentioned the trip to Ted. He is excited about it. Can we have lunch again so I can ask some questions about it? If you bring that beautiful daughter I will pick up the tab!”

“Does tomorrow work? Tell me the time and place and we will be there. I need to meet with my agent this week so I will just  schedule it before we eat so he doesn’t keep me there all day.”

Justin walked back to the house really hoping Brian was up for some ‘exercise’. He really missed their spontaneous lovemaking. He missed that fun loving side of Brian that seemed to be trapped inside him somewhere and in its place was the possessive, jealous replacement.

Walking in the kitchen, he found Alice and Brinn.  Justin planted a kiss on Brinn’s forehead. Alice pointed to her own cheek and Justin gave her a kiss and asked, “Is Brian upstairs?”

“Last I saw him he was heading to your room. Justin, it is none of my business but is everything going alright with Brian? Obviously, he has things to work through yet.  Is that what the visits to Blake are about?”

“Yes, and John is taking advantage of it and getting some family stuff cleared up too.”

“Go find Brian.  You have a couple hours until dinner.”

Justin  quietly opened the door.  Brian was sound asleep on the bed. Justin’s heart skipped a beat looking at him. He loved this man so much.  He removed his clothes and slipped onto the bed pressing up against Brian’s back. Justin reached over Brian and slid his hand into the shorts Brian had on.  A growl came out of Brian’s throat. Justin licked Brian’s ear and then ran the lobe through his teeth. Brian caught his breath. He turned to face the love of his life and claimed Justin’s lips with the desire he felt in his heart and hoped would reach his lower organs.

He loved feeling Justin’s body.  He was so beautiful. He wanted to touch him inside and out. The kiss was long and breathtaking. Justin’s need was growing and his hand was frantically working on Brian’s cock.  He finally broke the kiss and slid down Brian’s body. Brian moaned feeling his husband’s mouth ensconced his semi erect dick. He caressed it with his tongue as he lightly sucked.  Brian responded slowly but soon moaned, “Now, Sunshine.” Justin rolled to his back and Brian positioned himself. After adding lube he entered Justin steadily until he was seated deep in his asshole.  Justin was nearly frantic needing so badly to cum. Just thinking about the love he had for this man drove him over the edge with a shout. Seeing the love on Justin’s face sent Brian to a place he hadn’t been in months.

Justin clung to him.  It had been so long since they had been able to make love this way. He held Brian on top of him.  He wrapped his legs around Brian’s waist and held him inside of him. Justin felt tears running down his cheek and then realized he wasn’t crying.  

“Are you alright, sweetheart?”

“I haven’t been to that zone in a long time.  I hate not being able to do that when I want to anymore.  I love you so much, Sunshine. I hate that I can’t make love to you like that all the time anymore.”

“Baby, you just saw you are able to. I have patience.  I am not going anywhere.”

Justin told Brian about the trip to the city and left while he was in therapy again.  He said they were going to the gallery and out for a bite to eat. He left out it was with Blake. Their first stop was at his agent’s office.  “Justin, glad you could make it in. I hope you are getting ready to do some more promoting soon. People want you. You have been out of circulation far too long.  What would you think of 6 months. We would schedule a weekend once a month so you can see your family regularly.”

“Stop right there.  I am not going anywhere for six months and Brinn is coming with me the whole tour.  I will not be away from her. Period. If you are serious about this aim for maybe September and October. Two months only.  Absolutely no later than the second week in November. We need to be back for Brinn’s birthday. Brian is going to have problems with us being gone for two months.”

Justin walked to the little cafe he was meeting Blake at. Blake held Brinn while Justin told him about Ibiza and the villa.  Justin had put an album together on his tablet and showed Blake the pictures. After finishing their meal and Justin getting Brinn back, Justin and Blake kissed and said goodbye. Justin noticed Blake’s wallet in Brinn’s car seat and chased after him. After getting his attention, Blake ran back gave Justin another kiss and kissed Brinn as he left in a jog toward his office.

Brian tried not to overreact when Justin arrived home.  It was nearly three and he had never met that long with the agent. His mind had raised through all the reasons Justin would want to leave him.  He was so useless most of the time. By the time he got his strength back, Justin might be gone. Brian had several shots of whiskey by the time Justin arrived. Brian knew there was a tour in the works again.  His mind flew back to his tour many years before. It had nearly ended their relationship. Brian did his best not to be a jerk. He came off cold. The drinking also didn’t help his libito. By the time they had gone to bed, Brian went right to sleep with no more than a kiss goodnight.

John and Brian drove to Blake’s office for their second counseling session.   Brian noticed John was a bit jittery. “You Ok, John? You know you don’t have to say anything if you don’t feel like it. Don’t feel pressured.”

“Brian, this is stuff I have been holding on to for far too long.  I had totally blocked out that until I just said it. I need to clear the air for myself and now for you since you have heard part of it. I need to know I didn’t do anything to cause this.  Uncle Brian, I think you need to realize that, too. What Grandma said and did probably isn’t true or relevant in your current situation.”

Brian didn’t respond.  He understood what John was saying but wasn’t sure how to do it.

They sat in Blake’s office and Blake smiled at both of them.  “How’s your beautiful daughter, Brian?”

Brian smiled, “She is perfect. I wish I could help with her more than I can.”

“You have come a long way, Brian in just a few weeks.  Give yourself a little more time.” Blake responded. Blake then turned to John.  “Well, John, how have you been? It wasn’t the best place for us to leave off last time but I knew I had someone else waiting and I thought you might like a little time to think through your experience and maybe talk to your uncle a bit.”

“I was fine with it, Blake.  It is something I had pushed out of my mind until it just came out the other day.”

“I don’t know how much you want to share and I am sure if you would like to speak to me alone Brian would understand that, too, since you are talking about his sister.”

“Brian can stay.  He knows what my mom was like although, from our conversation, this was a bit of a surprise. I am not saying this is easy to talk about. In fact, I have woken up in the middle of the night this week just shaking.  Thankfully, Tony has been there every step of the way for me.”

“If you would like to just tell us that would be great.  If you prefer I ask questions that will work, too. I want you to be as comfortable about this as possible.”

“I’ll start,” John said. He instinctively reached for Brian’s hand. Brian took his and held it in both of his. “Mom started taking me to her room every Friday and Saturday night.  Eventually, I was just supposed to go there at bedtime. I didn’t want to. I couple times I tried acting sick or acted like I’d fallen asleep on the couch. Well, it didn’t take her long to want more than a kiss or two.” Brian unintentionally started squeezing John’s hand tighter. “Uncle Brian, it never…..she never… anyway, She would act like it was an accident at first but she would place my hand on her chest on purpose and their were times she would press herself against me or brush her hand across my crotch,”  John flushed and sat quietly for a second.

“And you are embarrassed it might have caused a bit of an arousal?” Blake asked gently.

John nodded.

“John you were a  young teenager. At that age we were all hard half the time. Can you go on?”

“Ya, well this went on most weekends for a couple years.  I learned to sneak out as soon as she fell asleep. One night when I was probably getting close to 15 she had made me take off my shirt because she wanted to see how I was changing. Well, she rubbed my hand across my chest and then to my surprise her hand traveled into my briefs.  She mumbled something about an exam and,” John stopped again and took a deep breath.” Next to him Brian swore under his breath.

“John we don’t need details if you don’t want to tell us.  She fondled you?”

John nodded.

“DId it stop there?”

“She took it as far as to pull my shorts down and started to ….. manipulate me a bit.  I really thought she was going to start giving me a blow job when, instead called me a bunch of names and sent me to my room. After that it was hands off, completely.  There were times she didn’t want to be in the same room as I was in. I honestly don’t think she has laid a hand on me since. She started telling Grandma what a bad kid I was and they would sometimes punish me together when I did something wrong.”

Blake noticed Brian trembling a bit.

“It was never horrible and I usually deserved something when they did it.  I somehow put it behind me and over time realized I hadn’t done anything to cause it.”  He again paused and took a deep breath, “The hardest part was not having any physical contact with my mom.  There were no hugs or kind words. There was one time I almost would have taken a night in her bed again just to feel wanted.” A tear trickled down his cheek as they started streaming down Brian’s.  

Brian dropped on his knees next to John’s chair and took him in his arms. “John, you didn’t do anything.  I am sure your grandmother told her to stop coddling you. She probably told Claire if she had to raise boys into men she had to be tough. Men don’t cry.  Men needed to be tough, never show weakness. Touching you might lead to giving support and we would never want to do that!”

As Brian held John in his arms, Blake could see Brian’s reaction was not only for John.  He was reacting to something that had happened to him. No wonder Brian had slept with so many men.  He was trying to catch up for all the physical contact he never got as a child and transfered it to sex. If Justin hadn’t been so tenacious about their relationship who knows where Brian would be now.

John actually had a better grip on his childhood than Brian did.  There is no doubt this was helpful for John. It validated what he thought was true.  

Blake realized their time was almost up again.  “John, how are you feeling about all of this?”

“You have validated what I thought were accurate feelings.”

Blake looked over at Brian.  “Brian, you reacted strongly to what John has said today and that shows me how much you love your nephew but, if I’m not wrong, you might have a few things that might be  helpful for John to hear. I think it would help if you came for one more group counseling and then, John, we can see if you want to come a few more times. It will be totally up to you at that point.”

Blake saw Brian’s hesitation but he did agree. Brian was too smart to think he wasn’t going to be asked to share.  Blake had an opening tomorrow afternoon due to a cancelation so they agreed on tomorrow afternoon since John would be going back to school next week.

This time the ride home was very quiet.  Both men were in their own thoughts.

Justin was out at the studio with Brinn when Alice called him.  “Justin, I think you need to come up to the main house, now. On second thought I will come there.  We have a major problem coming our way. Did you tell Brian about lunch with Blake yesterday?”

“No, I didn’t specify who I had lunch with.” Justin said into the phone as he heard the door open and shut.

From the front of the studio Alice’s voice said, “So you lied to him, basically.”

“Yes, but it was just to save him the stress.”

Alice scooped Brinn out of the seat she was in to snuggle the little girl.  She smiled at Alice with her big grin. “Justin go to the Arts and Entertainment section of the paper online.”  

Justin clicked on the site.  He followed the art scene but the last six months he had only skimmed through a few things since his career was basically on hold with a baby and Brian.  “Oh, shit.” was all that Justin could say. There on the opening page was a picture of him, the car seat at his feet, his arms were around Blake and they were kissing.  It had just been a peck but at this angle it looked like they were deep in a long interaction.

“This doesn’t look good, Justin.  I am sure there is a rational reason but if I was Brian I would need a complete explanation and Brian isn’t rational right now.  You know someone will send him a link.”

“Alice, he is going to lose it.  I need to warn Blake so he can talk to Ted as soon as possible, too.”

“I think you better explain to me why your daughter is in a car seat on a public sidewalk while you have your arms around a man other than your husband.”

“Does it really look that bad?”

“It does, Justin, I know there is no way something is going on but this doesn’t look good for anyone.”

Justin drops into his chair and drops his head in his hands. “You know I would never leave Brinn on the sidewalk, don’t you? I would say she was there for maybe 15 seconds. Blake had tucked his wallet into her carseat after paying for the meal.  Well, we had just said goodbye and I noticed it. I yelled for him to come back which he did. I set Brinn down because the wallet was wedged in tight and I didn’t want to jostle her too much. If you look really close you can see he has something in  his hand. I don’t understand who would have taken pictures of me anyway.”

“The article mentions an upcoming tour.  Tell me Brian knows about that.”

“Yes, he knows I will probably be doing one in the fall for a couple months.  I am hoping he can join us a couple weeks of that time. I don’t expect you to come with us.  I am hoping you will stay here and watch over the house while I am gone and Brian comes and goes….by then I hope he is back to work at least close to full time.”

Alice looked at Justin and was compelled to put her arms around him. “Why don’t I call your mom and see if she would like Brinn overnight and I will stay at my place.  As angry as Brian is going to be he wouldn’t hurt you and if you need someone for something Tony and John should be home. They started giving me a schedule by the week so I knew when they should be in. I just think …..”

“You’re right, Alice. I will give her a call,”

“Just let me do it.  I will meet her somewhere if it works for her.  Otherwise, Brinn can stay at my house. This baby is too sensitive to be here if her dad and her daddy are both going to be very tense.  She doesn’t need that.”

“Thanks, Alice.  I know she will be in good hands no matter where she is.”  Justin picked her up and snuggled her, breathing in deeply.  She always smelled so wonderful. “I’m sorry Babygirl. I messed up. You have fun with one of your grandma’s tonight.  Daddy will see you in the morning.”

As Alice put Brinn in the car seat the intercom buzzed and Brian’s voice came over it. “Justin, can you come up to the house?”

“I will take him up to our room so you can just get away.” He walked to the intercom.  “On my way, Brian. Give me five.”

“Thanks, Sunshine.”

Justin turned and looked at Alice.  He tried to smile but he dreaded what was to come even though he had to face it and he needed to know what had happened with John.

Brian met him at the door and pulled him into his arms. Justin clutched tightly to Brian.  Last night Brian had been drunk and stayed away from him except a quick kiss. He was afraid it could be a while before he was with him again. He kissed Brian deeply and longingly.

“Let’s go up to our room.  I think we have some things to talk about.” He kissed him again pressing tightly against him.  “I love you, baby.”

Brian looked at him a bit suspicious but pulled him close.  “I love you, too, Sunshine. I’m sorry about last night.”

“Brian, please don’t. I really want to hear about John and then I have something to talk to you about.  Let’s go up to our room, less chance of being disturbed up there.”

“I do like the sound of that.”  Brian kissed Justin again. “But I know we have serious things to talk about.  In fact, i got a picture of how sick my family really is.” They walked up to the room.

Justin noticed how tired Brian looked.  “Baby do you think you should take a nap before we talk?  You look really tired.”

“Maybe after we talk about John.  You aren’t going to believe what Claire did to him.”  Brian’s voice started getting more agitated. “She….She made him sleep with her.  She kissed him, not like a mother should kiss a son. She…..” Brian’s phone dinged.  Out of habit Brian reached for it and looked at the message that came through. Justin didn’t have to ask what the message was.  Brian’s eyes went black. His face turned to stone.

“Brian, please, Brian let me explain.  I told you I needed to talk to you. I was going to tell you about the pictures as soon as we finished talking about John.  Baby, you need to listen. They aren’t what they appear to be.”

“I will kill him.”  Brian clenched his fist and took a step toward Justin he then stopped.  “I get it. I haven’t been able to keep up with you. Blake is close to your own age. So how long have you been screwing around?  Did it start when I was sick and Ted brought him out here? Did you sleep in out bed?” Brian started pacing, “ Did you fuck him right here!” Brian shouted.

“Brian, please, listen to me, please.”

“Shut up!  I can’t listen to you.  I hate…..” Brian drove his hand through the French door. He pulled it back to him as he grabbed his bleeding hand with his free one.  

“God, Brian, what have you done?.”  Justin grabbed Brian and guided him to the bathroom.  He had Brian sit on the commode and looked at Brian’s hand. “Oh, baby, we need to get this bleeding stopped.”  Justin looked at the damage. “You have some glass in here. Let’s go to the hospital. You need stitches.”

Brian pulled his hand away.  “Where’s Alice? She can take care of it.”

“She’s not here. She is taking Brinn to my mom’s house.” Justin’s voice was shaky.  “Brian, your hand.” He reached for it and Brian laid it in Justin’s hand. “Baby, please, leave the cloth under it.  There is glass I need to get out of here.” He grabbed alcohol and a tweezers, as well as a trash can. He dropped to his knees and cradled the injured hand.  He blinked rapidly clearing the tears from his eyes. “I’m sorry, baby, this is going to hurt.” With the tweezers Brian pulled out several slivers. There was one larger piece that needed to come out.  It was in there so deep, he knew it would be painful. “Hold on.”

“Justin do you really think this hurts.  My husband is having sex with a friend, that hurts.”  

Justin slowly and steadily pulled out the large shard. Justin quickly cleaned it.

Brian swayed and Justin caught him. “Baby, we need to get you on a chair. He grabbed a couple more towels and supported Brian over to the chair in the bedroom. Justin spread towels all over Brian’s lap. ‘I’ll be right back. There is a first aid kit in the kitchen. I think there are butterfly band aids in there.” He didn’t dare say anything else. He rushed downstairs and back up with the kit. Justin decided to try to explain while bandaging it.

“Brian, the picture was taken yesterday when we had lunch.  Yes, I should have told you but I knew you would be angry. Blake just wanted to see pictures of the villa and play with Brinn.  The picture was taken as we left from lunch. He left his wallet when I called him back to get it and we gave each other a quick kiss. I am sorry I didn’t tell you.  That was wrong but, sweetheart, you are the only person I will ever love. I would never, will never cheat on you. You and Brinn and the rest of our family are my life but you, baby are my heart.  My very reason to live.”

Justin had used butterfly bandages to pull the worst cuts together and then wrapped the whole hand in bandages. He then laid his head in Brian’s lap and cried.  He cried for Brian’s injured hand, he cried for Brian’s childhood, he cried because he nearly lost Brian, and now he may lose him anyway.

Justin felt Brian’s hand on his head.  “Sunshine,” Brian ran his hand through Justin’s hair, “Please stop crying. Of course, I know you wouldn’t do that.  I was being irrational. I love you, baby.”

Justin climbed up into the chair with Brian.  He pulled Brian near and clung to him. Brian’s arms wrapped around him and held him close. “I’m sorry, too, Sunshine.  I haven’t been any use to you in months. I wouldn’t blame you if you had found someone else.”

“Brian, you are not useless.  That is just your mother in the back of your head. Speaking of your mother, can you tell me what happened with John.

“Claire is a lush that almost raped her own son.  She touched him and made him touch her. I don’t know how John handled it so well.”

“How often did this happen, how long?” Justin had pulled himself together and was now getting angry. “It went on for two or three years. It stopped about the time he was 15. John dealt with it somehow.  He may go back to….Blake once more on his own just to see if there is anything else he needs to talk through.”

“Brian, you look exhausted.” Justin looked at Brian’s hand to make sure it wasn’t bleeding through. It looked like it was as good as he could do. ”Let’s get you in bed.”  Justin helped him undress with his injured hand and covered him up. Justin undressed and climbed in next to him. “Did Blake discover anything about you?”

Brian tensed when Justin mentioned Blake’s name.

“Brian, there is nothing between Blake and I.  I actually asked him to try to figure out what is going on with you.  Your mom still has a hold on you but I can’t figure out what you were holding on to.  Blake didn’t tell me anything you said. He’s a professional and I think he is good at his job but you said something a while ago that makes me think i might have figured it out. Your manhood is not part of how much you can do, Brian.  If you were confined to this bed the rest of your life you would still be the best man I know. Your worth has nothing to do with what you can and can’t do.” Brian brought his other arm around Justin and held him tightly.

They were both worn out.  They hadn’t eaten dinner but were too tired to do it at this point.  As they laid there Brian said, “I’ll talk to someone, just not Blake.”  He kissed Justin’s cheek and they drifted off to sleep.