Justin and Brian were exhausted when they got home.  They had been up since 5:00 am. They had a daughter and Brian knew he had cancer again.  He had called his oncologist back and verified he would be there in the morning. He would have to lie to Justin.  He hated doing that but he was not going to put that on him right now.

As they lay side by side neither of them could fall asleep. They finally turned into each other’s arms. They touched and kissed. “I never asked what the phone calls were all about.” Justin stated.

Brian hesitated for just a split second.  It was work. Three people telling me about the same minor issue.  Tomorrow I will just need to run in for a few minutes. I can meet you at the hospital around 10:00. Maybe you can ride in with Tony and John and then at the end of the day we can go home together.”

“As long as we’re together you can take me anywhere with our children of course.”  With that said Justin fell asleep in Brian’s arms.

After laying there another hour, Brian slipped out, put on  his robe and went to the kitchen. He was making himself a cup of tea when he felt a hand on his arm.  “You heard something didn’t you,” Alice stated.

Brian nodded, silently.

“And?”

“It’s back.  It is in my lymph nodes.  He needs to do another test in the morning but it is probably stage 3.”

Alice opened her arms and Brian stepped in and wept.  They stood like this for some time. Finally Alice stepped back.  “Brian, you have to tell Justin.”

“Let me get through the appointment tomorrow. I need to know details myself. Justin needs to celebrate this new life for at least a few days.  The baby is probably coming home tomorrow, and Tina, of course. Those have to be good memories, Alice. They have to be.”

“Brian, you need to try and get some sleep.  Sleep is going to be important.”

“I promised Justin I was going to be there for him.  I was going to help with the baby. Justin doesn’t need me adding to his work.”

“Go to sleep, Brian. Go upstairs and hold the man you love and sleep. We will deal with this one day at a time.”

Brian went upstairs and did what Alice said.  He took Justin in his arms and fell asleep.

Brian’s  alarm went off at 6:30 am.  He hated waking Justin up but he needed him desperately this morning. He moved across the bed and buried his head in Justin’s neck. “Good morning, Daddy.  Did you sleep well?”

“Better than you.  I woke up and you were gone.”

“I couldn’t sleep so I got a cup of tea and Alice was up so we talked a couple minutes.” Brian  was nibbling on Justin’s ear and neck. Who knew a new dad would be so sexy?”

Justin turned to face him. “I did.  I remember a gorgeous, sexy dad that took my virginity a few years back. He is still as gorgeous and sexy as ever.  And, he is the holder of my heart.” As Justin touched his mouth to Brian’s. Brian devoured him. He needed him now. Brian pull Justin up on his knees and slid in behind him.  Justin’s back was plastered against Brian’s chest. In this position Justin couldn’t see the agony on his face. He loved him so much it was ripping his heart out. How could he do this? Brian slid into him and was nearly frantic to feel all of him.  

Brian’s hands were everywhere and finally Justin said, “Baby, relax.  I haven’t seen you like this since you still had a pharmacologist. You didn’t…”

“No Sunshine, I am just high on you.” Brian shouted as he held Justin’s hips.  He then reached for Justin’s stiff cock and stroked it over and over until Justin joined him in pleasure.  Brian slowly pulled out.

“Oh, shit, I have to get going. I’m going to be late.” He rushed to the shower and got in.  In case Justin followed hopefully he won’t notice the tears streaming down his cheeks.

Justin decided new fatherhood did strange things to Brian. Something was going on with him.  Maybe he had a surprise coming for them. He would give him a little leadway this week. He smiled as he saw Brian in the shower.

Brian left about 8:15 telling Justin he would see him at the hospital around 10:00. Alice had texted him insisting he let her know what he found out. The specialist drew some blood and, thankfully, just needed to take some fluid for a biopsy.  The treatment they wanted to start immediately was chemo and depending on how it responded, he would probably need a stem cell transplant.

Brian finally looked at the doctor.  “My daughter was born yesterday. What is the chance I will be around for her wedding? Let me change that.  What is the chance I will see her go to kindergarten?”

“If I am correct and it is stage 3 it is about 60%.”

“I have made a promise to be there for that little girl.  If the treatment kills me at least they will know I did the best I can to be around for her.”

He was scheduled for his first chemo treatment on Tuesday.  He called Ted. “Hey, Ted, are you busy? Sorry, I know you have the day off.  Can I stop by?”

“Sure, Brian. We are just hanging out today. This isn’t good, is it?  It isn’t the baby, is it?”

“No, the baby is beautiful and perfect. I will be there in 10 minutes. Call Cynthia to come over, too.”

When Brian arrived he swore all of them to secrecy. He then went on to tell them about the cancer. He also told them of his decision not to tell Justin just yet. With the new baby that had to be Justin’s focus. The plan was that Brian would have an emergency trip come up. He would actually be staying at the loft while taking killer levels of chemo for most of the next four weeks.

“And you want us to do what?”  Cynthia fumed. “You are being so unfair! And you want us to do what? Justin is going to call and ask questions if he can’t get a hold of you. I will not lie to him.  So do you plan to stay away for Christmas? To miss that with your family?”

Brian nearly dissolved at that.  “ All I know is Justin can’t handle me being sick and a new baby.  I don’t know what to do. Maybe the results will come back and it won’t be as bad as we think but right now it is looking like stem cell transplant is my best bet.  I’m not asking you to lie. I am asking you to forward calls. Just tell him you can’t answer any questions and forward the calls. Please, I just want to go see my new daughter and take her home and love her for the weekend. Monday morning my life is going to crumble, maybe forever.  Please!”

Ted and Cynthia looked at each other.  All of them were in an impossible place.  Cynthia hugged him. “Go take you daughter home. I hope to see her soon.”

“Thank you,” Brian than looked at Ted.

“I don’t like it at all, Brian, but what else can I say.” Ted grabbed Brian in a tight hold. He glanced at Blake. Blake nodded. “We’re here for you, Brian. Why don’t you come here and stay?”

“No, I don’t want you to get in any deeper. I need to get going.  I’ll be in touch and if you need me you know how to get me.”

Brian came flying into Tina’s room. “I’m sorry I’m late.  He kissed, Justin and Tina and scooped Brinn out of Justin’s arms. He held her close. He wanted to just cry for everything he may not get to see but right now he just wanted to love her. He took her to the window and acted like he was showing her things as he wiped away the tears. She was so beautiful.  He hoped he would be there to chase the boys away.

Justin came up behind him, “Brian, where were you?” He noticed the tears and hugged him.

“We were just having a conversation about how special she was and not being allowed to date until she was 25.”

“The nurse is coming for Brinn and will get her ready to go home.”

The nurse swept Brinn out of the room and Tina was getting dressed.  Brian stepped up to Justin and just held him close. “I love you, Sunshine.”

“Look who’s all sensitive today. How did the thing at work go?”  

“We can talk about it when we get home.”

“My mom is coming over later. I hope that’s alright with you.”  

“Your mom is always welcome.  I bet she’d even stay overnight if you ever wanted her to.”

Tina came out and bathroom not looking happy. “What’s wrong,” Justin asked walking over to her and putting an arm around her waist.  

“I’m just so fat.  I’m not pregnant anymore but I look like I still am.”

Brian walked over and looked at her.  “Tina, you are beautiful. You gave birth to a baby yesterday, actually last night.  It won’t take long. By Christmas when you go home, your family will be so happy to see you.

An orderly brought in a wheelchair and a nurse carried in Brinn. Brian looked at Justin, “Justin, take your daughter.”

“Brian, Brinn is our daughter.  You carry her out.”

Everyone was loaded into the SUV.  Justin sat in the back with Brinn while Tina sat up front. As they road along Justin began singing to Brinn.

♪My ear upon her belly

I listen to the beat

So tiny and so precious

Can't wait until we meet

I'll hold you and protect you

with my entire be

How can a heart have grown so big,

For such a little thing?

It's been the longest day

And one I won't forget

The day that we first met

The day that we first met♪

Brian’s heart was melting as he listened.

♪When the nurse first called me daddy

And handed you to me

The tears welled up in my eyes

I found it hard to see

The meeting I had waited for

Finally was here

And everything I couldn't say

Was captured in a tear

It's been the hardest day (hardest day)

And one I won't forget

The day that we first met

The day that we first met♪

Brian’s eyes were misting over as Justin’s voice continued.

♪The rhythm of the monitor

A slow and steady beat

The faintest glow

The lights alow

Your mother is asleep

My world is in this room

My world is just us three

There's no other place that I would rather be

So much I wanna give you

So much I wanna say

You've changed my life forever

And it's only been a day

I'll spend a lifetime loving you

Starting from day one

I can't believe you're finally here

My everything, my son

It's been the greatest day

And one I won't forget

It's been the greatest day

The day that we first met

The day that we first met

The day that we first met

The day that we first met♪

By the time Justin had finished, Brian had tears running down his face. Who cares if the song talked about a wife and son.  That is how he felt about this little girl. Why was this happening to him when his life had finally gotten on the perfect track.  He noticed Tina was sitting stone faced looking out the front window. Brian reached over and tried to take Tina’s hand but she pulled it away.

As they pulled into the garage and shut the door.  Tina opened the car door and said, “I can’t do this.  I just can’t. I can’t.” She ran into the house.

Brian and Justin froze. “She can’t be serious.  Brian, she can’t change her mind, can she?”

“Let’s not jump to conclusions.  You are Brinn’s father, Sunshine. She can’t change that.”

They carried Brinn in.  Alice and Tony stood there smiling with a welcome home sign.  Alice claimed Brinn. She looked at their faces and said, “John followed her up.”

“She said she couldn’t do it.”

“Couldn’t do what?” Alice questioned.  

“We don’t know.” Justin said.  Alice unhooked Brinn and handed her to Justin.  He instantly snuggled he close, kissing her cheek.

“Let’s not panic.  Let’s wait until John comes back down.”  Alice started preparing a bottle as she heard Brinn starting to fuss. Brian took her out of Justin’s arm and started whispering to her.  She quieted right away. He snuggled her close.

They heard steps on the stairs and John came into the kitchen.  “John, is Tina alright?”

John smiled when he saw Brinn in Brian’s arms. “How is Beautiful doing?”

“She’s good.  Very healthy. John, Tina?”

“Tina is just very sad and upset.”

“She said she couldn’t do this.  What did she mean, John? She isn’t changing her mind, is she?”

“Take a breath, Justin. She isn’t thinking about taking Brinn.” Both Brian and Justin let out a breath. “Tony, are you alright with Tina staying at our house, at least for a few days?”

“Of course she can stay with us.” Tony responded.  

“She just can’t face seeing your daughter right now. She needs a little space.  She is packing a few things now.

Alice nodded, “I can see that.  I think that is a really good idea.  She can decide if she wants to come to the house. She is very hormonal right now.”

Justin had come over and hugged Brian and Brinn. “That scared the shit….oops, crap out of me.”

The doorbell rang.  Alice handed the bottle to Brian and went to answer it.  Brian sat in the newly purchased rocking chair with Brinn greedily drinking. Brian looked up and saw Gus coming around the corner. Brian’s heart nearly exploded having both his children here. “Hey, Gus, come meet your baby sister.”  Gus walked over as Lindsay and Mel came in the room. Brian looked at Gus’ big eyes. “Would you like to feed her?” He nodded. Justin gave Gus a big hug and helped him get seated on the sectional. Brian carried Brinn over and set her on Gus’ lap.  Justin was taking pictures already. He took several of his three favorite people. Brian let Gus and Justin finish feeding Brinn and he walked over to the counter.

“Hey, Dad, how does it feel having a new little one.  She is beautiful.”

“She is isn’t she.”

“You seem pretty mellow, Bri.  Everything Ok?”

Brian put his arms around Lindsay. “Tina has struggle a bit. She is going to stay at the guest house for now. I think she will be fine but she needs some time and space.” Lindsay gave him a kiss.

“Are you sure you’re Ok?”

Brian started to say something but stopped himself. “I’m fine, Lindsay.  Look at our boy over there. I think he is in love already.”

Jennifer came just as Gus left with his moms and she took charge of her granddaughter.  She looked over at Brian and Justin. “You are not getting your hands on the little one for at least two hours so go take a nap. I know had a short night the last two nights so go.”

Justin realized Brian hadn’t had a chance to tell him what happened at the office yet. When they got upstairs they sat together in the oversized chair.  Brian buried his head in Justin’s neck. “I love the way you smell.” He licked Justin’s neck. “I love the way you taste, no matter what I’m tasting. And, Sunshine, that song you sang today made my heart melt.”

“Brian, I feel like you aren’t telling me something.”

“I have to leave town Monday morning.  I am not sure how long I will be gone. There is a major deal going down in Asia and I have to go.  I know the timing couldn’t be worse. I hate the thought of being away from you and Brinn. I hate this.” Brian had tears in his eyes.  “I am sorry, Sunshine, I am so sorry. I will come back as soon as I can get back.”

“I’m sorry, Baby.  I know you don’t want to leave us.  Of course I wish you didn’t have to go but you have to protect your business.  I know you will come home as soon as you can.”

Brian pulled him as close as he could.  “How did I get so lucky? I love you more than life itself.”  He paused, “I think we should take your mother’s advice and take a nap.”  Brian realized how tired he really was and soon he was asleep in Justin’s arms.  

As Justin held Brian he felt tears running down his cheeks.  Why did Brian have to go away now? Oh, well, they had a lifetime to spend together. He drifted off to sleep.

Justin woke up and slipped out without waking Brian.  He was traveling to Asia, he’d need his rest. Jennifer was holding her granddaughter as she rocked.  His heart was so full right now. “Did you have a nice nap?” Jennifer smiled at him. “My little Brinn is so perfect and what a sweet little girl.”

Justin’s smile came from his heart, “She is isn’t she. Thanks for the nap.  It really felt great.”

“What do I see in your face, Justin? Is something wrong?”

“Brian just told me instead of being able to stay home until Christmas, he has to fly to Asia.  He isn’t sure how long he will be gone. I know he feels horrible but I was so looking forward to the three of us bonding this week.”

“Oh, Honey, for all of Brian’s faults I know he wouldn’t leave now if he didn’t have to.  I am sure he feels terrible.”I am just being selfish. I want both my daughter and husband home.

“He really does. You have created a great family and home.  I am so happy for you all.”

Justin bent down and kissed his mom and daughter.  This is what Brian saw when he came into the kitchen area.  He was so glad Justin had that support. If he wasn’t here Justin would still have lots of help.

Saturday and Sunday there were lots of guests in and out of the house.  At lunch on Sunday Brian finally said to everyone, “If anyone else calls about coming over please say NO. I want time with just family.” Tina was still staying at the guest house and understandably adjusting. As if on cue noises came over the baby monitor.

Brian stood up. “I’ll get her.” He turned off the monitor as he walked past it and went to the nursery. Brian picked up Brinn and held her close.  She quieted down as soon as she felt her dad’s arms. Brian changed her diaper but wasn’t ready to share her with everyone else. “Sweetheart, I am so sorry I need to leave you and your daddy.  I will do my best to get back to you. There is no place on the world I would rather be but sometimes we don’t get what we want. I hope if I do go they tell you how much I love you. I know your daddy will love you enough for both of us.”

“Of course I will love her enough for both of us while you are gone, “ Justin encircled Brian’s waist. Brian prayed Justin just heard the last sentence. Justin continued, “For a man who didn’t believe in love you have become a total softie.  Of course, I knew you always were.” Brian turned and kissed him, pulling him close with one arm while holding their daughter with his other. He wanted this moment to last forever. It may have to.

Brian wanted so badly to share the news with Justin but just couldn’t do it. Justin deserved to enjoy the time with his daughter. Their daughter.  He was glad Gus would always have Justin. Justin would always love him as his own.

“Brian, you looked like you were a million miles away.”

“Actually I was just in the next room.”  Brian smiled and then noticed the bottle in Justin’s hand.  Let’s feed her in our bed.” They sat propped up against the headboard. Justin was holding Brinn and Brian was holding Justin. He soaked it in as much as he could. Brinn fell back to sleep and Justin eventually brought her back to nursery.  When he returned he slid in next to Brian.

“I am so glad you said no more guests.  I was thinking the exact same thing. I just wanted this. You, me, Brinn and knowing those we love are close.  

Brian held him close but to Justin’s surprise he fell asleep.  He was probably wise. Brinn was a good baby so far but sleep was precise.  They could always love each other. He pressed deeper into Brian’s embrace. As he started to doze he had an ominous feeling move over him again. He was so glad everything had turned out so perfect.

Monday morning came far to quickly.  Brian had packed the night before. Of course, he didn’t need most of what he packed.  He snuck in enough exercise clothes he could be comfortable in and there was some stuff at the loft. He said his goodbyes to Justin and the baby upstairs.  Now he just had to get past Alice to get out of there. Brian thought he had made it when he opened the passenger door to put his suitcase in but then he heard the door to the house open and close. Brian knew who it was without looking. “Stay out of it  Alice. I have things set up and you don’t need to know details.”

“Brian, how can you do this to him, to them?”

“I am doing this for them! Brinn deserves Justin’s full attention and he can’t do that if he has to worry about me.”

“So you are just going to fall off the face of the earth for how long?  He expects you back in a week or so. Brian it is going to take months of treatment. Where are you going?”

“Alice, I have it taken care of.  When I get the final word on what I need to do I will decide how to deal with this. Maybe the chemo won’t hit me as hard as the radiation did.”

“You are only trying to fool yourself. You would rather crawl off somewhere to die without those that love you than let them help you. Brian this isn’t fair!”

“Cancer is never fair!  Alice, I will contact him regularly.”

“Why bother? He is going to feel deserted when you don’t come back after a week.”

Softly he said, “Because I have no hope of living without him.”

Alice couldn’t stop herself.  She hugged this stubborn, loving, damaged man. “You aren’t doing this on your own, are you?”

Hugging her back he simply said, “No.”

Brian drove directly the clinic.  After his first treatment he drove himself home but he knew they wouldn’t allow him to do that again.  He managed to con them this first time since it truly was just a ten minute drive. By the time he got into the apartment he hung up his suits that he wouldn’t be wearing.  He called Ted to check on the office and let him know he was at the loft. He had noticed fruit on the counter and that probably meant the fridge was stocked too. He turned the TV on loudly so it sounded like he was in a crowd and called Justin.  He needed to hear his voice.

“Hello.’ Justin’s voice was hushed.

“Hey, beautiful. Are you with Brinn”

“Ya, she just fell asleep. Where are you?”

“I just landed in LA. I have a few minutes between flights.  How is our daughter?”

“She misses her dad already. So do I.  I miss you, baby.”

Brian’s stomach lurched. “I love you, Sunshine.  Don’t ever forget that.”

“I love you, too.”

“Oh, they are calling my flight early.  I’ll call you later.” Brian hung up and ran to the bathroom.”

By late that night he seemed to be done throwing up but he was so tired he could barely lift his head. He texted Justin letting him know he had ‘landed safely’ and he would call him later.  

The next morning he was sitting up trying to drink a cup of tea when Cynthia walked in.  She walked up and felt his forehead. “You’re running a low grade fever. Do you feel as bad as you look?”

“I feel better now than I did last night.  I need to get ready to go in for round 2.’

“That’s why I am here.  I will drive you. Ted will pick you up.  Neither of us agree with what you are doing but we both know it isn’t worth wasting our breath trying to change your mind so finish your tea and get dressed. We need to leave in 15 minutes.”

“How do you know my schedule?” Brian asked as he got up.

“You would be surprised what I can learn when I say I am your assistant.”

This went on the remainder of the week.  By Thursday Brian didn’t call Justin because he knew his voice would give too much away. By Friday, he forgot to text.  By the time Ted helped him into the loft, Brian barely made it to the bathroom and then laid down and was instantly out. Brian woke up in the evening. He knew he should try to eat something, at least some soup but he wasn’t sure he could get up. He heard the loft door open and was scared it might be Justin but then he was scared it might not be him.  He heard Ted and Blake’s voices. They both came into the bedroom. Blake was carrying a bowl and Ted was caring a cup. After setting the bowl down on the nightstand, Blake helped Brian sit up and set a bed tray across his lap. He set the bowl of soup on it and then Ted set down the tea.

“I don’t have to ask how you feel.” Blake said. “How long do you think you can do this, Brian.  You have completed 5 treatments. How many more do you have?”

Brian tried to get the spoon to his mouth.  He was shaking badly and couldn’t get it too his mouth. Blake sat down on the edge of the bed and started feeding.  

“It is at least three more weeks but I have the weekend off.”

Blake’s calm even tone was soothing. “How are Justin and Brinn?”

“I haven’t ...I can’t call him. I text him.”

“Brian,” Ted said, “You know that won’t satisfy him long.”

“I hope by Sunday I will be strong enough to call him.  I will make up some excuse about my phone not working.”

Blake looked at Brian, “Justin deserves a lot more than excuse!”

Justin hadn’t heard anything from Brian, not even a text in the last 24 hours.  He had tried calling him but it went to voicemail. Friday afternoon he called Ted who didn’t answer and then he called Cynthia.  When Cynthia dodged his questions about Brian, Justin growled at her, “Cynthia, what is going on? You have to tell me what is going on!”

It took all her will to only say, “Justin, I was told all questions are forwarded to Brian.” She choked up a minute and then said, “I’m sorry, Justin. That’s all I can say.” She hung up.

Justin was getting more frantic by the minute.  What was going on? Had something happened to Brian in Asia?  And why didn’t he know where in Asia Brian was?

Brinn started fussing and Justin picked her up, carrying her to the kitchen.  His face gave him away. “No word from Brian?” Alice asked.

“None. He won’t even text me.” John, Tony, and Tina were sitting by the table.  Tina was slowly adjusting to being around Brinn and not crying every time. She had even held her a couple times. Alice took the baby from him.  “And Ted and Cynthia are stonewalling me. Something is going on and they won’t tell me what it is. Brian was acting a little strange before he left and I thought it was just the emotions because of the baby.  Maybe,” Justin stopped and thought about what he was going to say, “Maybe he’s having second thoughts about Brinn but he seemed so in love with her.”

Alice was biting her tongue to stop from telling him what she knew, which really wasn’t much.

By Sunday evening it had been 4 days since Justin had heard anything, not even a text.   On Monday Justin took Brinn to the doctor for her first well baby check up. She had gained half a pound.  Justin wasn’t sure why but he texted that information to Brian’s unanswered phone.

Brian was laying on the couch when his phone told him he had a text. He figured it was Ted or Cynthia although he had seen both of them today and, face it, he was about as useful as a two year old right now. Every molecule of  his body ached. This was only week two. He was afraid they would switch his schedule dragging it out longer. He picked up the phone and saw the message was from Sunshine. It said, ‘I am not sure what is going on or if you even care but Brinn grew half a pound since she came home. She needs her dad.’  He pulled his knees to his chest and sobbed.

Justin bundled Brinn up warmly and took her for a walk out to the studio.  He had gotten an email from his agent and he needed to send some records to him.  The problem was they were on the computer at the loft. John had taken Brinn and was holding her on the sofa.  Neither John or Tony had asked Justin many questions. They knew it was bad but they really didn’t know what was going on.  “Justin,” John asked quietly, “Is everything alright?”

Justin dropped his head into his hands. “No, nothing is right!  Brian is, who knows where and won’t respond.”

“You don’t know where he is?  I thought he went to Asia.”

“Think about it, John.  If you were going to travel wouldn’t you say you are going to Japan or you are going to Vietnam.  Who just says they are going on a business trip to Asia. He is hiding.”

“Hiding from what?”

“I wish I knew. John.  I know he is your uncle and I know you had to grow threw some of the same stuff Brian did.  Please, never do this to Tony. Now, I need you to do something for me.” He scribbled something down on some paper and handed it to him. “Please, drive into the city and go to the loft.” He handed him a thumb drive and the paper.  “The password to the computer is on there as well as the name of the file I need. Can you download it for me and bring it back so I can find the exact file I am looking for? You know where the loft key is in the main house, right?”             

“Sure, Justin. Can I say something?” Justin nodded. “Brian loves you more than I have ever seen person love someone.  I should say, you love each other. I don’t know what is going on but he loves you.” Justin took Brinn and John set out for the loft.

When John pulled up at the loft the first thing he noticed was the Stingray was in the parking area. Maybe he got a taxi from here.  John took the lift up and used the key to let himself in. His first thought was that someone was living here. He heard someone moving around in the bedroom.  John moved to a position where he could see in. Brian stood there. Well, it sort of looked like Brian.”

“Oh, shit, what are you doing here?’

John couldn’t get words to form.  Finally he said, “What happened to you? When did you get back?”

“The only place I have gone is the clinic. I have had 8 chemo treatments as of today. How is Justin? Brinn?”

“Brian why aren’t you at home? Why aren’t you with them, with us?” John just didn’t know what to say.

“John, you can’t tell him.  He has so much on his shoulders.  John, I don’t know if I am going to make it through this. There is a good chance the cancer or the treatment will get me. I can’t take that much energy from him.”          

“Brian, can I do anything for you while I’m here?”

Brian asked if he would heat up a little soup for him.  “Just put it in a mug. It’s easier.” As John heated it up Brian asked, Why are you here, John?’

“Justin needs something off the computer.  He asked me to get a file.” John was wishing Justin had come instead.  He brought the soup over and Brian sipped on it. “How have you been surviving here by yourself?”

“Ted and Blake have been stopping by in the evening.  Cynthia has been driving me to treatments.” He took another sip of soup.  He made a face and John was sure he was going to vomit. John grabbed a bowl sitting there, he was sure for that reason.  Brian held his hand up, letting him know he was Ok. “You better go, John, or Justin will wonder what is taking you so long.”

“Brian, please, come home with me.”

“No, John, not a word.”                                                                                                   

John was so torn.  How could he not tell Justin that Brian was sick, maybe dying, just half an hour away? He went over and over this in his head.  What was he supposed to do!

John texted Justin and let him know that the thumb drive was at the studio.  He was very distracted that night at the house. Tina had already gone to bed when Tony and John went up to their room. “What’s wrong, John? You haven’t been yourself since you came back from the city.”

“Tony, I want to tell you but….will you trust me and I will tell you as soon as I can.”  

“John, of course I will trust you.”

John pulled Tony close.  “Thank you, Tony. I wish I could….”

Tony put a finger across John’s lips. “Tell me when you are comfortable.  Right now I think we can find something better to do.” Tony worked his way down John’s body.  He left a trail of love bites. It was almost to the point of painful but it was driving John crazy.  John flipped Tony over and he switched his orientation. They both began driving each other totally crazy.  After having been together this long they knew what to bite or lick or suck and soon they both. Soon they were both frantic and simultaneously came spiraling over the the edge.

John had made a decision over night.  After being with Tony and thinking about what he would be going through if something happened to Tony.  They drove to school together and headed off to their own classes. John went to his morning classes but had some free time in the early afternoon.  He ran into a friend as asked if he could borrow his phone. He didn’t give them details but promised it was nothing bad. He texted Justin. The message said, ‘Did you know your husband is staying at his loft?’  John hit send and then blocked the number so Justin couldn’t text or call back.

John didn’t feel good.  He knew what Justin would be going through but he felt like he did the right thing.  Justin deserves to know and Brian needs the family. As Tony and John drove home John told Tony about Brian. “I promised him I wouldn’t tell but I couldn’t keep that.  He isn’t thinking straight. He needs Justin and to be honest, Justin needs him sick or not.

“You did what you needed to do, John.  I am proud of you,”

“You know we are going to have to help with this.”

“Of course, we will.”

Justin reread the text.  “Could it be true? Could Brian be at the loft?  Why? Why would he be doing this? Did he have a seven month itch?  As Justin started going over all this in his head he was bundling Brinn in her coat and then her car seat.  After locking the car seat into place he drove into the city. Alice had been getting groceries so he left a vague note for her.

What was going on?  He refused to believe Brian was having an affair.  Brian loved him and he loved Brinn. Justin thought back to anything unusual that had happened.  Brian had been acting really odd. He had been overly sensitive. He had been more tired than usual.  Justin started going faster. He had a lack of appetite. He had fainted. He had gotten those messages on Thanksgiving.  By now, Justin was speeding. He had to slow down. He couldn’t risk Brinn’s life. Brian was sick, seriously sick and that ass hole did it to him again. That was the odd feeling he had come over him.

Justin pulled into the parking area by the loft.  He was angry. He was confused. He was petrified!

Carrying Brinn and her car seat  he took the lift up to the loft. He took a deep breath and unlocked the loft.  “Brian, where are you? I know you are here. Where are you?” He walked to the island and set Brinn there.  He then turned and saw him. “Brian!” He rushed across the room where Brian was laying on the floor and dropped to his knees. “Baby, oh, you asshole! You can’t go this way.  You can’t just get sick and leave us. You can’t DIE!” Justin saw Brian’s eyes flicker and opened. Tears streamed down his face. “Oh god, oh god.” This was the first time Justin looked at him. Brian looked horrid.  He had lost a lot of weight and his skin had a gray tinge.

Justin bent over him and kissed him.  “Brian, Baby, can you hear me?”

“Ya, I can hear you.”  Brian’s voice was very weak, “What are you doing here?”

“I’m here to bring you home where you belong!  What the hell were you thinking?” Justin’s voice was rising in pitch and volume.  Brinn started whimpering.

“Get her.  Bring her here, please.”  Brian had fought his way up and leaned against the couch.  Justin brought Brinn and her car seat over. Justin took her out of her seat and placed her on Brian’s chest.  Brian grasped her.

“Brian,”  Justin started crying silently again.   “Why didn’t you tell me?” He sat next to Brian and pulled him and Brinn to him.  

“Sunshine, can you take her.  I can’t even hold my daughter. That’s why I needed to leave.  I can’t help you with anything and now I am going to add so much work for you.”

“You are such a jerk!  I love you. You stopped contacting me.  You lied to me.” Justin kissed him. “You can’t just leave me. You are part of me.  Do you need to go to the hospital, sweetheart?”

“I just need to go to bed.”  

“Well then we need to get you to the car so I can take you home.”

“Justin, I am staying here.”

“No, you aren’t!  You are coming home with us, your husband and your daughter. There is no debate. If you refuse we will just move in here.”

“Ok, you win for now.”  Brian had no fight.

Justin helped bundle Brian and put him on the lift.  He then picked up Brinn in the car seat, brought her out and locked the place up.  They got on the elevator and went down to the car. Justin drove them home. He called Alice and let her know they were on the way.  When they arrived John and Tony met them in the garage.

“Tony and John, will you help Brian up to the bedroom. I will be there in a minute.”  

Justin got Brinn out of the car and brought her in.  He handed her to Alice and she nodded. Justin went up to take care of Brian.  Tony and John slipped out. Justin kicked off his shoes and crawled in behind Brian so he could sit up a bit.  “Brian, tell me. What is it?”

“It is in the blood.  They aren’t sure if I will need a stem cell transplant or not but first I need a lot of chemo.  I had the first 10 treatment so far. I am scheduled for 2 more weeks and then a week off. Then we will start over.”  

“Oh, baby.” Justin clung to him.  His heart was breaking. “You are going to be fine, baby, just fine.”

“They say I have just above a 50 50 chance.”

“No, Brian, you don’t have that option.  You are going to beat this because your daughter and I  need you.”

Justin looked down and saw Brian had fallen asleep. He slipped out from behind him and lay next to him.   Alice stuck her head in with Brinn. Justin waved her in. “I thought you might need her.” Justin nodded as he took his daughter and nestled her between them. He didn’t care if they never could have sex again as long as Brian made it through this.  They needed him for a long time. He looked down at Brinn and her dad and cried.