Justin woke up Saturday morning with a new goal in life.  He was going to keep Brian alive. He heard Brinn next door and picked her up.  He talked to her as he cleaned her up and dressed her. He loved these times with her.  He had pictured Brian next to him but that was not going to happen. He put the baby monitor next to Brian and went to the kitchen to get Brinn’s first bottle of the day.  Alice poured him a cup of coffee as he walked in. She also handed him Brinn’s bottle.

“How are you doing, Justin? And look at that perfect baby.”

“Alice, we are going to need to talk about the schedule.  If you think we need more help in the house please let me know or even better, hire someone.  I am afraid I will need you for Brinn more than I thought. I am going to need to leave her with you when chemo starts again on Monday and we will have to see his reaction on a……”

Alice put her hand on Justin’s arm.  “Justin, how are you doing with all this?”

“I’m doing what I need to do.  I am going to feed Brinn up in our room.”  He went back upstairs with the bottle. He sat on the bed near Brian as he fed Brinn.  He softly sang as he fed her. He noticed the bed shift slightly next to him. He looked over and saw Brian was awake. “I’m sorry,  did I wake you?”

“I was afraid I’d died and had angels next to me. You didn’t wake me, Sunshine.”

Justin shifted so he was able to kiss Brian and so Brian could see Brinn. “Justin, I want to love you so badly but I just don’t have the energy.”

“Oh, Brian, I know you love me. I love when we make love but that isn’t the most important thing.  I would love you if we could never have sex again. I love all of you, not just your dick.” They kissed again.  “Brian, if you ever do need something, want something physically, please, let me know.” He slid his hand down Brian’s arm.  “Remember, there are lots of ways to love each other, not just intercorse.” Brian was such a physical guy, Justin didn’t want him to feel that loss, too. He was going to continue touching him unless it hurt him. Brinn had drifted back to sleep after she ate and Justin laid her next to Brian.  

Brian leaned forward and kissed her cheek.  “She has really grown already. God, she is so perfect.”

“Brian,” Justin choked on his words and brought his lips to Brian’s, “You scared me so bad. You should have just told me.” Justin stroked Brian’s hair and arm as he drifted back to sleep.

As the day went on, Justin’s phone began blowing up.  Word had gotten around their friends quickly. Justin finally turned it off.  He spent time between Brian and Brinn. Tony and John spent a good part of the day helping Alice anyway they could.  They helped with laundry and cooking. They did some decorating in the house. And they answered the phone. They said the same thing to everyone. Yes, Brian was going through treatment.  Thank you but we are all fine right now. Yes, we will call you if there is something you can do for us.

By Sunday the phone had quieted down.  Jennifer came over. She found Justin and Brinn in the nursery.  She could feel the pain her baby was in. The waves rolled off of him.  She took Brinn out of his arms and laid her in her bed. She than collected Justin in her arms and let him cry for as long as he needed to.  “Justin, I am here for you and the family. What can I do for you right now?”

“Thank you, Mom.” Justin squeezed her once more.  “Could you just take care of Brinn? Alice has so much to do and the guys have been helping so much already.”

“Of course, Justin.”  

“When Brian wakes he wants to take a shower or a bath and that might be quite an ordeal.” Jennifer kissed her son as he walked back to there room.

Brian was sitting up in bed. Justin sat next to him and took him in his arms. He just needed to take every chance he had to hug him.  “You have a little more color today.”

“Ya, I feel a little better.”

“Did you want to take a shower or bath?”

“If you will help me in and out I would love to sit in the bathtub for a while.”

“That tub was made for two.  I’m not letting you there along.”

Justin helped Brian undress and dropped his own clothes.  He started the water and then helped Brian step into the tub.  Once Brian was sitting Justin slid in behind him. He wrapped his arms around Brian and pulled him against him.  He moved a bar of soap over ever inch he could reach. As he did this he noticed Brian’s body was responding. Justin’s hand went down and took his semi erect penis in his hand.  Brian’s reaction told him Brian wanted this. He moaned.

“Baby, is this ok?  I don’t want to take more out of you.”

“Oh, god, Sunshine.  It makes me know I am alive.”  Justin bit Brian’s neck and although it was very gentle Brian came to a small orgasm and then totally relaxed, laying against Justin. Justin held on to him not wanting to ever let go.

After Brian had rested a bit Justin brought him something to eat.  He actually asked for more and John brought up another bowl of soup and some bread.  

“I’m glad you are feeling better today.”Justin said as he combed Brian’s hair.  “Gus will be here soon. I know you still feel like crap but it might be a little easier to talk to him if you are sitting in the chair or if you want to venture out you could go downstairs although those steps might wipe you out.”

“I am definitely feeling well enough to sit in the chair.” He walked over and sat down. “We have a lot of memories in that chair.” Brian pulled Justin onto his lap and then in for a kiss.

“You are definitely feeling better today.”

“I do feel like I have a little more strength.  Too bad by tomorrow I will be puking my guts out again. So, we need to take advantage of it while it lasts.” As Brian’s hands wandered Justin couldn’t help but respond. Even on his deathbed, and he was far from that, this man would excite him.

There was a knock on the door and Justin started getting up but Brian held him in place. “Come in,” he said with as much volume as he could.  Gus opened the door and tentatively walked in with Lindsay and Mel behind him.

“And here I thought I’d find you looking sick” Lindsay said as she walked over with Gus.  Justin slipped off his lap and sat on the footstool right next to the chair. Lindsay hugged Brian and then Justin.  Even Mel hugged Brian and then Justin. After a minute of chatting and Brian letting Mel know he needed to talk to her, the women left the room.

Gus looked from Brian to Justin.  Brian patted the chair next to him and Gus sat down. Justin put a hand on Brian’s knee and on Gus’. “Dad, are you sick?  I overheard the moms talking. And I wasn’t eavesdropping, well not on purpose.”

Brian put his arm around Gus’ small shoulders and pulled him close.  “Yes, Gus, I am sick. I have cancer.”

“Can’t they just do surgery and take it out?”

“It’s not that simple, Gus. My cancer is in my blood so they have to give me medicine that goes right into the blood and it makes me feel sick and very tired.  I still want you to come as much as you can and I want to spend time with you but I want you to know that I will be sleeping a lot and I will probably look bad.”

“Dad, are you going to be better after the doctor is done with your medicine?”

Brian glanced at Justin who nodded.  “Well, Gus we really hope so but I can’t promise that.  The doctors don’t know yet. But you know, if something ever happened to me you would still have your daddy.”

“I know.” Gus said quietly, “But I love you, too.  I don’t want anything to happen to you, Dad. And I will help Justin with Brinn and I will help Alice, and that way Daddy can keep staying with you and he can make you feel better.”

“Gus, you are right that Justin makes me feel loved and cared for but no matter how much Justin wants me to get better he won’t be able to fix this.  We just have to wait and see what happens.”

Gus turned and gave Brian a ferocious hug. “Dad, you will be ok because you have so many people that love you.”

“I hope you are right, Gus.  I love you, Sonny Boy.”

“I love you too, Dad.”  Gus stood and headed quickly to the door.  

Justin dropped a kiss on Brian’s lips and followed Gus.  When he stepped into the hall he nearly ran right into him. He was standing in the middle of the hall sobbing.  “Oh, Gussy.” Justin pulled his son close to him as Gus let all the emotions he had held back for his dad out.

“Daddy, he can’t die.  That would mean I would never see him again.  I love him. I want to see him.”

Justin couldn’t hold the tears back.  “We all feel the same way, sweetie. And your dad is going to do his best to fight this thing. And Gus, there is nothing wrong with crying.  That just shows your dad how much you love him.” After standing there together for some time he said, “How about you go downstairs and tell your mom Mel to come up.  Your dad needs to talk to her.” He squeezed him once more and kissed the top of his head. “I’ll be down in a couple minutes, Ok?” Gus nodded and walked toward the stairs.

Justin went back in the room to find Brian sitting in the chair with tears running freely from his eyes. He sat down next to him and pulled Brian’s head to his shoulder and joined him in tears. A couple minutes later Mel was standing in the room and cleared her throat.  “Oh, hey, Mel.” Justin stood, ”Can you tell me where my daughter is right now?”

“Last I saw your beautiful daughter was in the arms of your son and my wife,” she kissed Justin on the cheek as he walked out the door.

Mel walked over to the footstool and dropped onto it. “What have you gotten yourself into this time, Kinney?” She gave him a slight smile as she took his hand.

“Were you able to get the will changed?”

“I have it here.  I have set up a trust for Brinn just like you have for Gus.  Brian, if you ….. Damnit, Kinney, you are going to beat this thing but when you beat it and I end up killing you for something you say, Brinn, and Gus will be fine.  I just need you to sign this,” She pulled out a form for him to sign. Brian reached for the pen and caught Mel’s hand.

“Thanks, Mel, for this but also for loving Gus and Lindsay.  I never doubt that. I know you will take care of them for me.”

“You had to go there, didn’t you?”  Mel reached out and hugged him tightly.  “For all the grief we have given each other over the years you have a good heart. Our son loves you so much.  He doesn’t need to deal with this at age 11. Fight this, Kinney, fight this with that whole stubborn soul of yours.”

She shoved the form in front of him and he signed it.  She rushed out of the room and left him sitting there exhausted and alone.

Brian waited.  He knew Lindsay would be next.  He was getting tired so got up and started walking to the bed. He was more tired than he realized as he swayed a bit. “Hey, big fella,” Lindsay slipped an arm around his waist.”  

He bent his head and kissed hers. “Just heading to bed. Want to join me?”  He waggled his eyebrows at her.

Lindsay helped him to the bed and covered him.  He patted the spot next to him and she joined him. Quietly she said, “Hey, how are you, really?”

Brian turns into her and  puts his head on her shoulder.  “I’m scared.” She put her arms around him and pulled him in tight.  “We’re here for you, Brian. Anything you need, we’re here.”

“I know you will do this but let Gus get to know his sister.  Justin and Gus need each other and Brinn needs her big brother.”

“Of course, Brian.  Justin and, now, Brinn are family.”

“I worry about him.  He acts strong and he is but he will crash sometime. He can’t keep it up.” Brian started tearing up and Lindsay brushed back his hair. “Brian, sleep, we will take this one day at a time.”

Lindsay slipped out and came downstairs.  Justin looked up at her. “Relax, Justin, he is sleeping. Is there anything we can do?”

“ I just want to make sure we can schedule Gus here over Christmas.” He was holding Brinn with his other hand on Gus’ shoulder.  “Maybe he can come Christmas morning and stay for a few days? John and Tony can pick him up.” Justin looked over at the guys and they readily agreed. “Maybe, around 11:00 am.  That way you can open gifts and then he can come here.” Gus is nodding.

“Of course, Justin.  That will work. We can get details later.”

Goodbyes were said.  Justin dropped down so Gus could say goodbye to his sister and Justin gave him a big hug. Gus hugged him tight and kissed Brinn on the cheek. “I love  you, Gussy.”

“I love you, too, Daddy, and I love my new sister.”

The house seemed very quiet after they left.  Brinn was sound asleep. Tony walked over and took Brinn.  “Justin, you go up and rest. Alice should be home any time and John and I can handle this angel for an hour or so.  There is a bottle ready for her and I can change a diaper if I need to. Go be with Brian.” Justin gave both Tony and John a kiss on the cheek and left the room.

When Alice arrived a half hour later and found Tony and John asleep on the sectional with a cooing Brinn in Tony’s arms.

Justin entered the room silently.  Brian looked better today. Having two days off the chemo had helped but tomorrow it started again.  Five days on two days off. Two more rounds like that and then he would have at least a week maybe two off. The problem was by then he would be week as a kitten. Christmas had to be perfect.  It was just going to be family. Jennifer, Alice, John, Tony, Gus, and Brinn. No one else was allowed on Christmas Day. He had read a few things about this type of chemo and Christmas may have to be done in face masks but who cared. Brian’s immune system would be very low by that time.  He thought about gifts and the best thing he could think of for Tony and John was to pay off their school for the year. That way they wouldn’t have to worry about tuition and could work a bit for spending money but not run up debt. Alice had been driving an old beat up car since her accident last April so Justin would send Tony and John out to find her a decent one.  Tina would be gone by then, in fact, he hadn’t seen her in days. He knew she had popped into the main house now and then but she preferred not to be there. She knew the computer he had bought was hers but he knew of an art program that she would love to have and there was no way she could afford it. He would purchase that for her. Brinn needed nothing but he hoped to find a couple outfits for her.  Gus was the hard one.

Justin felt Brian’s hand skim down his body. It instantly responded. He missed the physical loving desperately.  He looked into Brian’s beautiful face and moved closer. Their lips met and his taste nearly made him cum at that moment.  He groaned as Brian’s hand was resting on his crotch. Involuntarily, Justin’s hips thrust toward Brian’s hand. Justin’s hand drifted downward and found Brian was in the same state.  

“Brian, are you up to this.” He smiled, “I can tell you are up for it but are you UP for this.” Brian motioned for Justin to turn around. Justin grabbed lube and handed it to Brian.  He felt Brian’s fingers slide in and then he felt Brian slip in. Justin made small moves not wanting to wear him out. Brian held Justin in place and just felt him around him.

“Justin, promise me no matter how sick I get that if I ask, you will do this to me.  I probably won’t be able to do this for you but please I will need to feel you. Promise me even if the doctor says we shouldn’t.  I will need you!”

“I don’t know.  If the doctor says no there is a reason.”

“You are always the best medicine I can get.”  At that Justin felt Brian release inside him and he felt ripples of pleasure run through him.  

The voraciousness of their physical love may not be what it once was but every emotion their hearts could feel flooded them with love.

Later John and Tony spent some time with Brian while Justin spent time with Brinn.  As Justin spent time with Brinn his phone rang. It was Tina. “Hi Sweetheart.” His voice sounded tired to her.

“Justin, I just wanted to let you know I am leaving tomorrow.”

“What, you weren’t supposed to leave for a week.”

“You have your hands full and Daphne moved yesterday so I can get into the apartment in New York.”

“May I bring Brinn out to see you before you leave?”

“I would like that.” She replied very quietly.

“We will be there in 5 minutes.”  Justin let Alice know where he was going and walked to the guest house.

Tina was opening the door as he walked up.  “You are looking really good, Tina. How have you been?  I am sorry I haven’t had time to check on you.”

“Justin, of course you haven’t had time to check on me.  How is Brian?”

“It is the beginning of a long journey.  In other words, it sucks! Would you like to hold your daughter?”

She nodded and took the beautiful baby into her arms, loosening Brinn’s coat.  “She really is perfect, isn’t she?”

“I may be prejudice but I have never seen a more beautiful baby and she is so sweet. She is such a good girl. You don’t have to worry about her.  I promise I will take care of her.”

Tina held up her hand. “Justin I know you are a great father.  You just don’t need another body to worry about and I think I am ready to move on.  Thank you for everything.”

“Tina, you don’t have anything to thank me for.  You have changed my life in the best way possible and I am afraid I changed you in the worst way possible.”

Tina was focused on her daughter.  “I would love pictures from time to time but i think I need a little time.  I will spend the holidays with my family and then start working at the NYC office.”

“Tina, I haven’t got your Christmas gift yet but it is something you can get anywhere.  The software we talked about will be sent electronically to you. Tina?”

Tina stared at Brinn in her lap.  She held up her hand to Justin. “Please don’t say anything.  Let my daughter know I love her and let her know I will visit when I am ready.” Tina stood and kissed Justin and thrust Brinn into his arms before running up the stairs.

Justin enjoyed the fresh air as he strode back to the house.  Brinn was wrapped up well and it was sunny out. Justin talked to her as they walked.  He hummed and sang. How could his heart be exploding with love and sorrow at the same time?

He would never survived this before Brinn but now he had no choice. Their daughter needed a parent!

The next morning Tony and John helped Brian come down the steps. Justin decided Brinn was coming with them as long as Brian wanted her too.  Brian loved her so much as long as it was safe for everyone she belonged there and face it a baby made everyone feel good. Every day Justin drove them to the clinic and back.  By the fifth day Brian was very weak. Since John and Tony were off of school John worked in the studio and Tony helped Justin with Brian and Brinn. When they arrived Tony went and got a wheelchair while Justin undid Brinn’s car seat.  Once Tony got Brian in to the clinic he went shopping and would be back when Brian was done.

Brian crawled into the chair for his treatment. If he felt like this now how horrible was he going to feel by Christmas? He was hooked up and tried to relax. After a half hour Brian was really hurting.  Justin laid Brinn on Brian’s chest. Brian held his daughter and talked to her taking his mind off his pain. The nurse disconnected Brian. Before he even got out of the building he was sick. Tony drove them home while Justin sat in the back supporting Brian and Brinn.  Alice met them in the garage and took Brinn. Justin and Tony supported Brian up to their room. Brian hadn’t said anything since they left the hospital. Justin sat with Brian and smoothed his hair as he got sick over and over. Justin put a cool damp cloth on his forehead and then his neck. Brian finally settled down.  He lay there shivering violently. Justin stripped down to nothing. He added more blankets and curled up to Brian. Justin cocooned Brian in his arms and just laid with him. Justin dropped off to sleep.

Some time later Brian woke him.  “I’m thirsty,” he whispered. Justin grabbed a bottle of water and helped him take a drink.  

“What can I do for you, Baby?”

“Kill me now.”

“Let me get you something to eat.”

“No, I don’t want anything.”

“Brian, you need….”

“I need to be left alone. Just leave me alone!” If he had the strength to yell he would have but it came out in a breathy whisper.

Justin walked toward the door. “Sunshine,” he heard very quietly, “I’m sorry. Maybe in an hour or so you could bring me something.”

An hour later Justin returned to their room with some vegetable beef soup in a mug.  He helped Brian sit up and handed it to him. “I thought it might be easier to just drink it out of this than to try to balance the bowl and spoon.”  

Brian didn’t say anything but reached out and trailed the knuckle of his index finger down Justin’s cheek, resting it on his lips for just a second.  He then brought the mug to his lips and sipped. Brian finished about half of it and then he motioned for Justin to take it away. There was a knock on the door and Alice walked in with Brinn.  She didn’t say anything but handed Brinn to Justin and cleared away the soup. Justin knew Brian too weak to hold her right now but he joined Brian on the bed and sat very close to him. He then placed Brinn on Brian’s legs.  She lay cooing up at him and for a second Justin was sure he saw a smile cross Brian’s lips. He seemed to draw strength from her. For a moment he lay his head on Brian’s shoulder and pictures what this day should be like. A healthy Brian, carrying Brinn around, pointing out Christmas decorations,laughing and smiling. He stopped himself just before the tears came. He was not going to break down, again.

Like the weekend before, by Sunday afternoon Brian was feeling some better.  Lindsay had brought Gus by for an hour and he sat on his dad’s bed and talked about Christmas.  Before he left, Brian asked, “What do you want for Christmas this year?”

“Dad, all I want is for you to be better.” Gus threw his arms around his dad and held on tightly.  Brian had no words but he wrapped his arms around his son and held him.

After Gus and Lindsay had left, Justin, who had left them alone, sat next to Brian. Brian rested against him.  “I need to get Gus and Brinn Christmas gifts.’

“I’ll take care of it.  Did he tell you what he wanted?”

Brian cracked.  He laid his head into Justin’s lap and cried.  “All he wanted was me.”

“You are working at it, Baby.”

Before dinner Michael and Ben stopped by.  Ben and Justin left the old friends alone. Brian was sitting in the chair and Michael sat across from him on the foot stool.  Neither said much but they held hands. Finally, Michael said, “Brian, you are the strongest person I know partly because you are the most stubborn person I know.   You are going to beat this.”

“I hope so, Mikey, I hope so.” They spoke for a few more minutes but it was obvious Brian had had enough company for the day.  Michael kissed Brian and left.

As they left, Justin was glad Michael had Ben.  This was almost as hard on him as it was on Justin.

Justin and Brinn sat with Brian for a long while that evening. Justin had laid her in the valley of his legs again and Brian held her bottle.  Justin could see their bond. This was his world. Once Brinn had fallen asleep and he put her down he grabbed them both something to eat. Justin fed as many bites as he thought he could get away with to Brian.  Finally, Brian looked at Justin, “You need this almost as much as I do. Justin, you need to eat too. I HATE this. I am weaker than Brinn and can’t do anything to help you.”

“Brian, knowing you are here is all I need.”  They held each other for a while.

There was a knock on the door and Tony and John appeared. “Can we come in?” John asked.  Brian waved them in. That’s when he saw it. The young men had a Christmas tree with them and a box of, what he expected was, ornaments.  Brian and Justin sat in bed as the other two worked at decorating. Alice came up with hot chocolate for everyone and some cookies.

Alice was trying to get permissions to do the chemo treatments at the house.  As Brian got weaker it was getting more and more difficult to get him to and from the clinic.  Just the steps wore him out. The would make it through this week and then when he was ready for the second round they would seriously need to talk about options.

Brian’s last week of treatments was hell for everyone.  After Monday Justin realized it was too hard for him to focus on Brian if he took Brinn and Brian really needed his focus now.  Both physically and emotionally Brian was drained. He had been unbearable some nights. Justin knew it was from the pain and nausea he felt but that didn’t help when Brian didn’t want him near him.  Before leaving the clinic the doctor scheduled to see him after the first of the year to start the next round. That would give him two and a half weeks to regain strength. The doctor emphasised to both Brian and Justin that with Brian’s immune system being so low he should not be around a lot of people.  Everyone needed to wash their hands often and it anyone has a cold or anything else they should keep away or at least wear a mask.

When they had returned to the house and gotten Brian settled into the bedroom, Justin went down to get Brinn from his mom.  Jennifer had come over to watch Brinn because Alice was busy with some Christmas shopping. Jenn looked at her son and she ached for him.  He always wore his heart on his sleeve and today she could almost see it bleeding. Justin took his daughter in his arms and Jenn took her soon into hers.  He drew strength from her. No words were said. No words were needed.

After the moment had past, Justi said, “Thanks, Mom, for being here today. Alice has been working 24/7 and she has had no time to herself.”

“Honey, where else would I be?  I got to spend the day with my beautiful, sweet granddaughter. And I hope I can get you to eat a good meal.”

“When it is ready I will go up and eat with Brian. He seems to eat a little more if I am there with him.  If you want to go home I can…”

“I am not going anywhere until I know Alice is back.  If Brian needs something I will be here for Brinn.”

When it was ready, Justin brought dinner upstairs for both of them. There was a gray tone to Brian’s face.  He had lost more than 20 pounds and could barely sit up right now. Justin helped him sit up and started feeding him mashed potatoes filled with cheese and butter.  Justin was careful not to share his silverware. He needed to make sure he was careful about that. After they had both eaten enough to satisfy Jennifer Justin brought Brinn up to see her dad. Brian held the bottle as she drank.  She then fell asleep. Justin took Brinn to her room and made sure they had the monitor. Justin started tidying up the room until Brian got his attention.

“Sunshine, come here.”  Justin sat on the edge of the bed.  Brian’s eyes had lost their sparkle but to Justin he was still the most beautiful man in the world.  Brian leaned forward and lightly touched his lips to Justin’s and pulled him tight with more strength than he had had for weeks. “Sunshine, I need to feel alive!  I don’t think I can even get an erection to love you but , Justin, you need to fuck me. I need to feel you inside of me.”

“Brian, I don’t…..”

“I understand.  I can’t turn anyone on looking like this.”

“No, Baby, you are always the only one I want.” To prove his point, he brought Brian’s hand to his cock.  Just having thought about being with Brian got him hard instantly.

“Then, please, use it. I can’t hurt more than I already do, Sunshine.  Love me.”

“I need to at least shower first.  I need to be as clean as I can be.

Brian and Justin both got in the shower.  “You ok, Baby?” Brian nodded. “Let me know if you get too tired. Justin used big circular motions to soap  his back and then from behind he reached under Brian’s arms to soap his chest pulling Brian against him. He felt Brian’s body relax as he spread soap everywhere.  He slid his hands lower and took Brian’s penis in his hand and Brian audibly sighed.”You still alright to stand?” he nodded. Justin wanted so badly to pleasure him but with all the chemicals in his body he didn’t think that would be wise but he continued using his hand until he felt a wave, that he hoped was pleasure, run through Brian. Brian sagged against him.  After giving him a minute to regain a little strength Justin shut off the water. He dried Brian off and helped him back to bed. Brian fell asleep immediately. Justin climbed into bed next to him and held him close. He was soon sleeping, too.

The next morning after Justin had fed Brinn and she drifted back to sleep, he laid back on bed.  Brian rolled over to face him. “You tricked me last night.”

“I really didn’t mean to, Brian. It just kind of happened.”

Brian wiggled his finger for Justin to come closer.  “I am not complaining, Justin. Thank you. It is what I needed, maybe not physically but mentally.”  

Justin kissed him. “Brian, I can’t imagine not being able to do that. I love you so much!”  For the first time in days Justin allowed himself to cry for a few minutes as Brian held him.  Soon he was up and going for the day.

Brian and Justin had finally figured out what to get Gus.  After talking about it and discussing it with the moms they were getting him a cell phone.  It would have lots of restrictions but he could call, text, and skype with Brian and Justin while he wouldn’t be able to visit because of the doctor’s request.   After spending Christmas together it could be some time before Gus got to visit.

Christmas morning Justin heard Brinn and then realized Brina wasn’t in bed.  For a second Justin panicked until he walked into the nursery to find Brian in the rocking chair with Brinn.  He was talking to her quietly. His heart was so full at that moment. “Merry Christmas,” Justin said as he walked over and kissed Brinn and then gave Brian a long, savered kiss. I was hoping to have some time with you this morning before we were both up.  

“Well, she has had a bottle and is about to go back down.”

“How did you get the bottle already?”

“You slept later than you think.  Alice heard Brinn and was going to feed her but I got to instead. But that was about an hour ago.”

“You should have woke me.”

“It was my turn for dad and daughter time. And the little angel is now ready to go back to sleep.

Justin reached for her and Brian handed Brinn to him.  Justin snuggled her and laid her down. He turned around and ran directly into Brian.  “Merry Christmas.” Brian pulled Justin in and claimed Justin’s mouth. “I know I look like a perfect specimen of health but I need to go back to bed.

Justin winked at him.  “How many times have you said that?”  He put his arm around Brian and they walked to their room. By the time Brian was in bed and Justin walked around it, Brian was already asleep. Justin snuggled up to him and Brian instinctively pulled him close.  An hour later Justin was dressed and about at the door when he heard Brian’s voice. “Hey, Sonshine.”

Justin returned and kissed him. “Good morning, again. I hear our little one awake so I am taking her downstairs.  Why don’t you get dressed? Gus will be here in about an hour. Let us know when you are ready to come down so someone can come up and help you.”

“I can come down on my own.” Brian sounded a bit indigent.

“Baby, it would only take a little slip and you would ruin Gus’ Christmas.”

“That’s hitting below the belt but I get it.  I will let you know when I am ready.”

Half an hour later Brian buzzed from upstairs.  Alice took Brinn from Justin. “If he is feeling well enough, take your time.  Gus can wait a minute or two if he needs to and I am guessing it has been a long time since the two of you have had much time together.”

“Alice, you can just say it.  No, it has been a very long time since we have had sex and I wasn’t sure it was safe.”

“Justin, just be safe and if he isn’t hurting enjoy yourself.”  

Justin kissed Alice and ran up the steps.  He walked into the bedroom and locked the door.  

Brian raised his eyebrows. “Did you just lock the door?”

“I did!  Do you feel up to the reason I locked the door?”

“I am sure I could enjoy something!”

“We have to play careful because of your treatments.”

Brian was already reaching in a drawer and pulled out a condom and lube.  He handed them to Justin. “Brian, you…..”

“Justin, I just don’t have enough energy but, god, I want you so please,” Brian kissed Justin and reached to his crotch.  Justin pressed himself tightly against Brian and reached into the back of Brian’s pants. Soon he had both his hands slipped down.  It wasn’t hard since Brian had lost so much weight. Justin’s fingers were already probing and Brian was making sounds of pleasure.

“What will be most comfortable, Brian?”

“Don’t analyze this, Justin, just love me!”

Justin decided he was right.  He yanked Brian’s pants down and, after applying lube he slipped in very slowly wanting him to adjust as he did so.  He knew Brian wasn’t comfortable but he also knew Brian wanted to feel this. He just needed to feel love right now. He didn’t rush but had long slow strokes. Justin wanted to cry and cheer and keep this going forever all at the same time.  Justin held him tight and felt the pleasure continue through them.

Gus was still excitedly telling everyone about Christmas morning with his moms.   Justin and Brian walked in arms around each other. Gus flew into their arms. “Merry Christmas!” Gus yelled.

“Merry Christmas, Sonny Boy!”  Brian hugged him tight. “It sounds like your moms were very generous this year.”

“Well, if you think you are ready we could open a few more gifts.”

Very politely Gus said, “I got my present.  I am having Christmas with Dad.” Everyone said awe at the same time.

They all sat around the tree and gifts were passed out.  Brinn was going to be the best dressed child in the Pittsburgh area.  Gus was thrilled with the cell phone and all his other gifts. They explained he may not be able to come by for the next month but with his phone he could call them anytime.  He liked that.

John and Tony were both speechless when they realized their tuition was paid for. And Alice cried when they handed her the keys to her new car. All the gifts had been shared except between Brian and Justin.   Justin never expected Brian to have something for him but why did it surprise him. Brian handed him a gift. Justin was curled up next to him on the sectional. Justin opened up the package. In it was personalized license plates.  Justin squealed when he saw what they said. On them were B&GDaddy. His heart nearly burst. “I had ordered them just before Thanksgiving.

Now Justin handed something to Brian.  Brian was never bashful and ripped it open.  In it was a framed sketch of Gus holding Brinn.  “I am sorry I had hoped to paint it but….”

Brian took him into his arms and kissed him.  “This is perfect. I don’t know how you had time to do this.”

It was an amazing day.  Alice had made dinner but left to be with family of her own.After eating mid afternoon the men, including Gus enjoyed playing some games. Brinn spent time in everyone’s arms.  She was such a good baby. By late afternoon Brian needed to rest. He was totally worn out. Tony and John helped Brian get into bed while Justin fed Brinn. Gus went to play with his new toys in his room.  Tony and John went back out to their place to talk to Tony’s family before it was too late in Italy. Justin brought a sleeping Brinn to the nursery and went to join Brian.

Brian was sound asleep so Justin went out to the hallway and called his mom.  “Merry Christmas, Mom.”

“Hi, Honey.  How was your Christmas?”

“Christmas was good…..” his voice cracked.

“Oh, Justin.  This can’t be easy. Can I come out tomorrow?  At least I can help with Brinn and I have a gift for Gus.”

“I would love that mom.  He is so tired. I’m so tired.”

“One second, Justin,” She put him on hold for a  minute. “Honey, I will be there about 10:00. You can spend the day with Brian.”

“Thanks, Mom.”

He checked on Gus and let him know if he needed him he could text him or come to their room.  Justin laid down on the bed, and soon he was sleeping.

Justin thought he had just dozed off when he felt a hand on his shoulder.  Gus smiled at Justin. “I just thought I’d tell you that Brinn is waking up.”  

“Thanks, Gus, I guess I fall asleep.  I was just going to rest my eyes.”

“Can I help with something?”

Justin walked him into the nursery and closed the door.  He picked up Brinn and the three of them went to the kitchen.  Justin made a bottle and Gus fed Brinn while Justin heated up some leftovers. Brinn finished and Justin laid  her in the bassinet which Alice had given her for Christmas. Gus and Justin sat and ate. “Is Dad going to eat?”

“I’ll bring him something after we eat. He was really tired.”

“Justin?”

“Yes, Gussy,” he reached for his hand.

“Can I tell you something.”

“Sure you can.”

“Is Dad really going to get so sick I can’t see him?”

“Well, Gus, the medicine they give your dad is trying to kill all the bad stuff in his body but then it also kills some of the good stuff in his body that helps him fight off germs.  So because of that he could get sick really easy. That’s why your dad will have to be really careful who he sees. He will go to the doctor and he will be in our room. Even John and Tony won’t be able to see him.”

“Will Brinn get to see him?”

“I don’t think so. It will just be me and maybe Alice and we will wear special clothes and masks. And I am going to be honest with you, Gus, because you aren’t a little kid anymore.  There will be times when your dad is just too sick to talk to you but you can always call me.Gussy, you know your dad loves your, right?” Gus nodded. “That is never, ever, going to change. And no matter what happens I will always be your daddy.”

Gus got off his chair and climbed onto Justin’s lap. He wrapped his arms around Justin’s neck and said. “I love you so much, Daddy.” As Justin hugged him back Gus said, “I know you will always do what’s best for him.”

Justin kissed him and replied, “You’re right, I’ll do my best and right now what’s best is getting him something to eat.  Do you think you can keep an eye on Brinn while I do that?” Gus nodded and he walked to the bassinet.

Gus went to his room to watch a movie and Alice had returned and was watching Brinn.    Brian laid in Justin’s arms as they talked. “Justin, I think we need to have a little get together maybe on New Year’s Eve.  I know I will never stay awake until midnight but maybe we can have something before people go celebrate. There are people I need to see, like Emmett.  I am sure he has stayed away because he doesn’t want to intrude and Daphne has moved back. I want to see her. Of course I need Ted and Cynthia to come.  Sunshine, could you invite those four over maybe around 2:00 and then have the other’s come around 4:00. See if Emmett might have something he could bring to help Alice.  I can talk to him first.”

Justin listened to Brian but his mind began to wander a bit.  Brian’s voice was sounding tired. This was probably the most memorable Christmas he had. It started out with them making love and was ending with Brian making sure he got to tell those he loved how he felt about them.  “Brian, you have overdone it today. I can hear how tired you are. I will take care of everything. I will invite everyone we love and have an open house from 4:00 to 6:00 and then I can have you to myself for the evening.” Justin’s heart was so full he couldn’t say anything more.  He held Brian close as they said goodbye to Christmas.

The household enjoyed the rest of the week to the fullest.  Negativity was not allowed. The family spent lots of time together.  They played games and watched movies and they laughed. Justin had talked to Emmett and he was more than willing to help with the little open house.  He said he would be there around 2:00 and said he would take care of everything.

Justin did notice Brian getting more tense as the week went on. The night before the party as they lay in bed, Justin asked, “What are you thinking about, Baby?”

“I was thinking about how horrible I will feel in three days, not to mention in three weeks.  Justin, I know I won’t be thinking straight sometimes. You are going to be ready to make some tough decisions.  I am so sorry you have to go through all this.”

“Brian, as much as I hate this, as horrible as this is, I would not choose to be anywhere else other than by your side. I love you, Baby.” They fell asleep with their lips still touching and they hearts overflowing.

Brian decided he was going to be in the office for a little privacy while he talked to his friends. Emmett arrived on time and Justin let him know Brian was waiting for him in the office.  Emmett took a deep breath as he walked down the hall and knocked.

“Come in.”

Emmett walked in and found Brian sitting in one of the accent chairs he had for guests.  He stood and Emmett and Brian embraced. “Thanks, Emmett. I know we didn’t give you much time to put this together.”

“Brian, I am not going to waste my time with you talking about a silly party that I threw together in five minutes.  How are you, Brian? Is it as bad as I’ve heard?”

“I’m afraid so.  In the next four weeks they are going to do their best to kill me so I can live.  Emmett, I know you and I have had our ups and downs but I hope you know how much I respect you and appreciate you.  You are so strong and convicted to your beliefs. I know you will be here to help Justin in any way if I don’t make it through this.  Emmett, I just wanted you to know how much I appreciate you and,” There was a hitch in Brian’s voice. “I love you.”

“Now you have done it.” Emmett said as tears rolled freely down his cheeks.  “I will always be here for your family, Brian. I would never have believed I would say this but your house has become the hub of this crazy family we have.  You and Justin are the heart of it. Brian Kinney has learned to love as strong as anyone I know. Anything you need of anything your family needs….I’m here.”  Emmett and Brian pulled their emotions back into place and Emmett went to set up.

As Emmett and Brian talked Daphne and her new daughter arrived.  Justin exchanged hugs and babies. As they got to know each other’s babies they talked. “Justin, I can’t imagine what you are going through.  I mean, you and Brian are, well…..you and Brian! You are like one person. I don’t know how you are going this.”

“If it wasn’t for everyone helping me I couldn’t. Tony and John help out all the time and Alice basically runs the rest of the house.  I just try to focus on the kids and Brian.”

“Well, Justin, I am so glad I am back in town and if I can do anything or if you just need someone to listen, call me.”  They hugged for a long time until both girls started squirming.

Emmett let Daph know that Brian was waiting for her.  “Should I leave Ali here?”

Justin shook his head, “I think Brian will want to meet Ali.”

Justin was right.  Brian sat down with Ali in his arms.  Brian and Daphne talked for 15 minutes.  Brian wanting to make sure Justin had a support system and Daphne assured him she wasn’t going anywhere. They laughed about their first meeting, “Who would have thought you and I would both be married with babies.” Brian commented.

“I am so glad we are.  I can’t imagine Justin’s life if you hadn’t been in it.”  Daphne said thoughtfully. “But it isn’t over, yet, Brian. I think you two still have many years ahead.”

“I hope you’re right, Daph.  Your daughter is so beautiful.  I’m glad to know Brinn will have a playmate all the time too.”

Daphne collected her daughter and Brian stood and kissed Daphne on the top of her head. “Bye, darling.”

Daphne laid her sleeping daughter next to Brinn and she walked over to Justin and hugged him,  “They may as well start sharing secrets because I plan for them to spend lots of time together.”

Cynthia spent time with Brian before Blake and Ted arrived and then Ted joined them.  Brian wasn’t worried about the company. Justin could help if he wanted to but if he chose not to the company would be find.  Cynthia had somewhere to go so she gave Brian a big hug. “I will see you when you beat this thing.”

“Well, Teddy, we’ve come a long way, haven’t we?”

“Brian, I will not accept the fact that you won’t come back.  You will be back causing all of us grief soon enough. Brian, I love you, buddy. Blake and I are here for you and Justin anytime.”  They walked of the office to find more people had arrived. Brian noticed Blake was walking around with Brinn.

“Ted, looks like you might need to think about a family soon.”  

Ted opened his eyes wide but looking at Blake he got a soft smile on his lips.  “I may have to talk to him about that.”

It was a very low key event.  No one really brought up the reason for the party.  Everyone tried to keep it light. People came and went.  Mel and Lindsay came to pick up Gus. Before they left Brian gave Gus a long hug.  “Remember, Gus, I love you with all my heart and I can’t wait to see you again.”

“Dad, I love you.  I miss you already but I know I will see you again.”  Gus was trying to stay strong but as he walked away he slumped against Lindsay who guided him out the door.

Emmett had just left after cleaning up.  Tony and John had plans for the evening so headed off for a party.  Alice and Jennifer had been talking throughout the afternoon and they walked up to Brian and Justin who were on the sectional in the kitchen.  

“Justin,” Jennifer started, “I am not asking your permission.  I am taking Brinn home with me. I will bring her back in the morning.    Alice already put her stuff together for me and I will just drive your car so I have the car seat.  I will have her back by 10:00 so you can spend the day with her but tonight you two have the house to yourself.”

Justin almost protest because he hated not being with Brinn even one night but he was a bit selfish and was thrilled to have the night to themselves.

Both Brian and Justin gave Brinn a kiss and as the door closed, Justin stepped into Brian’s arms. Without a word they headed to the stairs.  Brian fall asleep within minutes of laying down. Justin didn’t fall asleep so he laid there just trying to memorize the feel of him. He thought back.  In the past they would have made love three or four times already by this time. This year he was just thankful Brian was here.

When Justin could tell Brian was beginning to wake up he went to the kitchen and got some dinner for them.  He brought the tray up to the bedroom. Brian was awake but still laying in bed. “I brought up some leftovers.”  Justin sat the tray down and walked over to the bed. He sat on the edge as Brian sat up. Justin laid against Brian’s chest, listening to his heart beat strongly in his chest. “Have I told you lately just how much I love you.”

“Sonshine, you show me that every day. God, I love you!  Let’s eat and then,” He claimed Justin’s mouth and his hand skimmed Justin’s body. “I have plans for us later, I hope.”

They ate  and then Brian moved the tray off the bed.  “I am not promising anything but I want to feel you around me. I need this so bad. I need that memory fresh in my mind before I...”

Justin was already wiggling Brian’s pants down and than slipped out of his own. As he brought his mouth to Brian’s cock, Brian stopped him.  “You shouldn’t…”

“I don’t give a damn.” Justin took him in his mouth and Brian moaned. Justin worshiped his cock until it was nearly erect.  No matter what he did Brian still was not up to his own standard.

“I’m sorry, Sunshine, I just can……”

“Bullshit!” He slipped a condom on Brian and had him lay on his back.  Justin sat over Brian and very carefully slipped onto Brian’s semi erect  dick. Justin leaned over and nearly stole Brian’s breath with a kiss. As he kissed him he could feel Brian growing within him.  He then slowly moved up and down as tears stream down their cheeks.

New Year’s Day was just for family.  John and Tony knew they would be limited to their visits soon and Brinn would need to be kept away.  The goal was to keep him home and not have him be admitted as he got weaker. Everyone wanted to spend as much time with him as they could.  As the day went on Brian got quieter. Justin could tell his nerves were starting to work on him. After John and Tony went back to their place Brian sat in the nursery and held Brinn until he couldn’t keep his own eyes open.  Justin put their daughter in her crib and offered his arm to Brian. Justin helped take off Brian’s clothes and tucked him in. He then stripped himself and came to rest next to Brian. “I am here for the long haul, Baby, and I will be here when you come out the other side, healthy and strong.” Justin kissed him and snuggled in Brian’s warmth.