I like working at Kinnetick, don’t get me wrong. I get to see Evan and Brian everyday, and on a lot of days I see Justin, who, according to Brian, is my little “soulmate,”—and obviously having a job surrounded by people who sign at least a little is the kind of situation a lot of Deaf people can only dream of. I always figured I’d have to work for a Deaf organization or at a Deaf school to get that kind of access unless I wanted an interpreter following me around all day, and no offense to those people at those organizations doing great work but those jobs don’t exactly...pay, and no offense to interpreters but oh God spare me having a stalker.

So Kinnetik is a sweet gig, and trust me, I’ve looked up what the average salary is for an executive assistant on Glassdoor and what Brian pays me is frankly ridiculous, so...yeah, not complaining. 

So. That being said.

It is not the most exciting place in the world.

Brian, whose hard-on for advertising is matched only by his hard-on for Justin, is always going on about how fast-paced the ad world is, how it always keeps you on your toes, no day is the same, not your average fucking desk job for average fucking people, that’s for sure, and all respect necessary to my dear boss but he’s so full of shit. An office job is an office job and most of what I do is relaying emails to Brian and relaying deadlines from Brian. Every day. Look, it’s fine, and it’s cute that Brian is so amped about it, but most days there’s nothing too exciting going on at Kinnetik. It’s kind of fun when the clients come in and we have to put on presentations, and sometimes Lucy brings in croissants, but all in all...yeah. Not much happens.

Which is why it was very exciting when they hired the hottest man in the entire world in all of the history of time.

Obviously this needed discussing immediately, so I took my coffee break down in the art room.

His name is Alexander, but he goes by AJ, I said. He’s thirty-one and he’s from Maryland. He went to AU—American University. And he was valedictorian.

Evan was doing something with tissue paper and glue. How do you know all this?

I read his personnel file, obviously.

And what’s he doing here?

New VP of accounting. Pretty flashy for his age.

Accounting. So we care why?

Because he’s an Adonis.

Evan quirked up an eyebrow.

Greek guy, I explained. Very hot. Like very. Like...if I don’t sleep with him Gwen will actually be mad at me, that’s how hot.

Okay, you have my attention.

He looks like Zac Efron. But tall.

High School Musical Zac Efron or traveling the world eating pasta Zac Efron?

Greatest Showman Zac Efron.

Motherfuck.

That’s what I’m saying.

Is he gay? Evan said.

God I hope not.

Only one way to find out.

Conveniently, I had some invoices I needed to bring over to accounting, so I told Evan’s boss that I needed to borrow him for a moment and he rolled his eyes because...yeah, the two Deaf kids skipping off together is rarely actually business related, fine, but can they prove it? Evan and I make sure to sign fast and throw in as much slang as possible when we’re talking to each other, and a few signs we made up just for good measure, to make sure the hearies can’t understand us. Keeps them on their toes.

So Evan and I went up to the third floor, making our serious faves at each other in the elevator full of executives, and then headed over to accounting. The plan, of course, was to drop off the invoices as quickly as possible and then scurry around looking like we belonged until we found a good spot to spy on AJ a little bit. Just some light stalking. Hey, it worked for Brian and Justin. Evan and I may both be in committed relationships, but neither of us is shackled with monogamy. If there’s a new hot guy at Kinnetik, one of us has to try him out. Preferably me.

Anyway, the plan was immediately foiled, because Meredith, who’s in charge of the Hapberg account, had to argue with me for ten minutes about like, one line item on the invoice, and she doesn’t sign really so we had to write everything back and forth and her handwriting was truly abysmal so the whole thing was a chore and a half and not nearly as exciting as ogling new hires. So Evan, unsurprisingly, dipped out after like a minute and a half of that to explore on his own, and it took me a while to find him once Meredith finally gave in and admitted I was right.

I finally found him in the hallway near the water fountain. Talking to AJ.

Oh, this bastard, I said to myself. Fucking Evan and his fucking oral upbringing! Give me ten minutes with AJ and I'd let him know what oral really means and I think you know what I'm saying.

But no, all Evan had to do was talk. Boring, boring, boring.

Oh well. Odds are he was straight, so it wouldn't matter how much speaking Evan did, he'd never—

AJ laughed and placed his hand delicately on Evan's arm.

Goddamn it.

**

I went into Brian's office after lunch with some forms for him to sign. We talked about our travel reservations for a trip coming up—Paris, darling—and the possibility of the new client we were going to sign there, what kind of ideas I had for the campaign. Normal stuff.

How's Justin? I said when we were done.

Good. At his studio. He heard from the dog people yesterday and it sounds like that's finally getting underway.

Brian with a pet.

He fixed me with a look. It's not a pet. And it's definitely not mine.

Sure.

He rolled his eyes and turned back to his paperwork, but I did a little dance in my heels until he looked back up at me.

Yes? he fingerspelled slowly.

Have you met AJ?

Who the fuck is AJ?

The new accounting VP. I thought you hired him.

No, Isabel did. Something wrong with him?

Only that I think there was a glitch in the universe that allowed someone that beautiful to be conceived, I said.

Brian tapped around on his computer for a minute and then said, There's no picture up for his badge yet.

He just started today. I was here when he came in. I think my heart stopped for a moment.

Better looking than me?

I gave him a pitying look.

This I gotta see.

Well, feast your eyes, I said, and I took out my phone and showed him the picture I'd snapped of him talking to Evan. Just some light stalking.

Brian stared at it for a long minute and then said, Holy fucking shit.

That's all I'm saying.

Why is he here? He should be in fucking Milan doing a feature in Italian Vogue.

And yet. He graces us with our presence. I held out my hand for my phone, but Brian kept looking at it, contemplatively. What?

Brian handed the phone back, slowly. What's he doing talking to Evan?

**

I went over to the Big House—that's what Jane calls it, compared to our little apartment—the night after so Jane could have some time with her dad and I could have some time with Brian's wine. Jane sat on the couch with Justin and explained her coloring books to him, and Brian floated around organizing things and straightening bookshelves and sipping from his glass. It was peaceful.

Where's Evan tonight? I asked.

Brian shrugged, but Justin said, He has a date.

Brian stared at him. What?

Justin said. Yeah, he didn't tell you? He's out with that guy from Kinnetik. The sign for Kinnetik, in case you were wondering, is the K from Brian's sign name, tapped twice.

AJ? Brian said.

I don't know, I guess so.

God! I said. I flopped back on the floor.

Justin said, What's with you? to Brian.

Nothing. I don't care.

I do! I said. Why did he have to be gay? What were the odds? Why why why? I saw him first!

I always forget you fuck guys, Brian said.

I sat up. Seriously? I'm not exactly quiet about being pansexual. Never have been.

I don’t know, you’re married to a woman, Brian said. I just think of you as gay.

I am gay, I said. It’s an umbrella term.

You kids and your shit.

Yeah, because we totally invented multi-sexuality. You know Pride was created by a bisexual woman so like, you’re welcome.

Ah, yes, because of my deep love of parades, Brian said.

We had fun that one year, Justin said, one-handed, the other tickling Jane who was writhing around on the couch.

I was happy you were doing better. We would have had fun in line at the DMV too.

I’m just saying, I said. That a lot of what you think is exclusively gay and exclusively male was actually given to you by queer women.

Thank you, queer women, Brian said gamely. His eyes darted over to Justin. You okay?

I’m fine.

Heavy breathing. Take a break.

Justin did, handing Jane back her coloring book and slumping against the couch. Have I ever told you what a pain you are when Evan’s not here and you have no one else to fuss over?

Maybe he should stay home, then, Brian said.

We put Jane to bed here so I could stay later, and I was still there, finishing up a late dinner with Brian and Justin, when Evan got home from his date. He rubbed sanitizer between his hands and came over and kissed Justin.

Did you have fun? Justin asked.

Yeah! We went to a play. It was good! We need to go to more plays.

Did they have an interpreter? Brian asked.

No, they had those listening devices you can connect your aids too. Worked great. AJ was really curious about how it worked, asked all these questions. It was cute. He’s really nice. I met his dog!

So that’s why Justin’s sneezing, Brian said. Did you fuck him?

A lady never tells, Evan said smoothly, taking a spot at the table.

Justin looked delighted for him, but I was about ready to curl up and die from jealousy. And so, by the looks of him, was Brian. Ha. Whenever anyone else gets to some new guy first he gets so pissy.

Are you going to see him again? Justin asked.

Yeah, he wants to take me to this new Chinese place on Friday.

Brian cut angrily into his chicken.

**

I ended up staying over in their guest room because Gwen would have already been asleep by the time I got back anyway, and when I woke up Brian was still sleeping, naturally, but Justin was in the kitchen giving Jane her breakfast. He was chattering away to her and she was hanging on every word, repeating half his signs back at him and laughing every time he smiled at her. They're magical.

He grinned when he saw me. Good morning! I came over and gave him a hug. We're both short so it works well. We fit together. Little soulmates.

Do you want to take Jane to the playground before I have to go to work?

I absolutely do.

We walked the few blocks to the playground, Justin pushing Jane in the stroller, and chatted about Jane's development and Evan's date and AJ's body and eventually got around to the conversation we'd had with Brian the afternoon before. I don't think he was listening to me, I said. In one ear, out the other.

Brian's views on queer culture can be...irritatingly retro, Justin said. I've had to teach him so much shit, and he still thinks of himself as my gateway to all things gay. I'm not even sure he believed in bisexuality until I beat him over the head with it.

This isn't even a bi thing as much as a girl thing, I said, bending down to let Jane out of the stroller so she could run around the jungle gym. I've run into this my whole life. You guys include us...to a point. But there's always this like...wall we hit, where at the end of the day you're convinced that women just can't be as gay as men can. You have straight people and gay men as the two dichotomies, and then queer women are just over there being not really straight, but not nontraditional and iconoclastic enough to be really gay. You guys think that gay men have some secret, super-gay room that we don't have access too, when really you're the most white bread of queer there can possibly be, and you guys are the ones missing out on the deeper stuff that women, and trans people, and people of color have access to. You are not the Platonic ideal of homosexuality.

You're absolutely right.

I know I am.

God, I wish I signed as well as you do.

Everyone does.

**

Justin was worn out by the time we got back to the park, which is always a risk with him, and he ended up having a seizure while we were fixing breakfast and flinging a plate across the floor. I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry, he said to Evan while he picked up the pieces, and Brian snickered into his coffee.

You're fine, Evan said. Go sit down.

Guess who's coming to work with us today! Brian said brightly, and Justin smacked him with his clenched-up hand. Don't have seizures if you don't want to deal with the consequences, Brian said with a shrug.

So we all trekked to the subway, Justin riding on Evan's back and Brian pushing the stroller while the two of us discussed a new campaign pitch that was supposed to be coming in today. It finally showed up in my inbox just before lunch, and I got up and walked to Brian's office to let him know but stopped when I could see him and Justin having an intense conversation through the glass doors and well...you know. Some light eavesdropping would go well with my light stalking.

You're insane, Justin was saying.

Yeah, well, you haven't seen the guy.

How he looks is incredibly not important.

Of course it’s important.

I both could and couldn’t believe that Brian was still obsessing over this. He gets turned down once at the club and it’s all he’ll talk about for the next week. You’re not twenty-five anymore, Brian! None of us are! Get the fuck over it! But I guess it’s part of his charm. Still, you’d think he’d get over himself and let Evan enjoy something, with all that he has to deal with.

But then Brian said, Do you remember what happened the last time some gorgeous guy came in and swept him off his feet? and it was a different ‘he’ from when he was talking about it how beautiful AJ is; you can tell these things in ASL.

He was talking about Evan.

And how about you? Brian added.

That was a million years ago. It’s not the same at all, Justin said gently.

Why not?

Because he’s happy now. Everyone is happy how we are.

He could leave.

He’s not going to leave.

He could, though.

Brian.

Maybe we should ask him to leave before he can leave us.

You are so damaged.

Holy shit. He wasn’t jealous of Evan for going out with AJ.

He was jealous of AJ for going out with Evan.

Sometimes you just don’t know whether to laugh or cry, right?

Brian started fussing over Justin’s headache after that, so I gave them a minute and then opened the door. Brian?

He shook out a blanket and put it over Justin. What’s up?

The new pitch is in.

Oh. Good.

I said, Justin, need anything?

I’m good, he said, but Brian signed coffee behind him, and I nodded. And then I went over and gave Brian a hug. We don’t fit together as easily.

What the fuck? he said.

For taking care of everything, I said.

Justin pulls his weight, trust me, Brian said, and I thought of Justin's soft signing as he reassured Brian, the gentle way Brian lay the blanket on top of Justin, and everything made so much sense.

**

Evan and Gwen and Jane and I went to services on Saturday at the Deaf synagogue in Manhattan. We mingled afterwards, having cookies and wine and chatting with everyone. That's a normal part of synagogues, I've learned, but when it's a Deaf synagogue, oh Lord. Deaf Jews have got to be the most connected group of anyone in the world. Everyone knows everyone. And neither Jews or Deaf people know how to shut up, so you can imagine how busy the social hour is. I love it. They welcomed me in with open arms when I converted, and now they were doing the same to Evan.

Evan was still a little shy talking to people here he didn't know well, still thought he didn't quite belong, but he was getting better. I watched him talk to a woman I knew from the daycare here, exclaiming over how cute her new baby was, and eventually he came back to me with a sheepish smile.

I love it here, he said.

They love you too.

Everyone keeps asking me why I'm not eating, he says. I'm still full from dinner last night with AJ.

How was that?

It was really nice. He's very worldly. Been everywhere. Seems older than he is. He has all these friends who are positive so that's sort of a relief, not having to teach him about it.

I couldn't stop myself. So what are you...planning to do with him? Like long term?

Long term? Like, you date him now, you sleep with him, you have fun...what's the endgame.

There's no endgame, Evan says. He'll fit into my life until he doesn't.

I just want to make sure you're not in over your head, that's all, I said, though it wasn't, really.

Evan rolled his eyes. You sound like Brian. He's been so goddamn weird about all of this.

Brian worries about you, you know.

Of course I know that.

No, I mean... I sighed. He worries. About you.

Evan blinked at me.

Don't make him worry about this, I said.

Yeah. Yeah, okay.

It was Justin's weekend with Jane, so she and Evan and I went back to their house to drop her off. Brian was on the couch, looking through mock-ups we'd had Justin tweak for us.

Have fun? he asked, barely looking up.

Yeah. Evan went over and kissed Brian's cheek. Brian cocked an eyebrow at him. But it's good to be home, Evan said.

Brian looked at him for a long moment, then tilted his head up, nudging his nose against Evan's.