Welcome

LaVieEnRose

Emily called me at two o'clock on Thursday, March 28th, when I was at home grading some seriously depressing papers from students who clearly hadn't been listening to a fucking word I'd been saying in the past few weeks, but you know, hooray academia. Brian know you're making personal calls? I said.

My water just broke on Brian's Prada shoes, so I think he can't be more pissed at me than he already is.

Your water broke.

Ta da, she fingerspelled.

Shit. Okay. Where's Gwen?

In surgery, it's fine, she'll be done in an hour, and this is going to be a while anyway.

Do you need me to come get you?

She shook her head. Brian's taking me. Can you go get Justin and come to the hospital with him? Brian says he's at his studio.

I get to tell Justin? Yeah, sure. What hospital?

Pres. Daphne's hospital. Think you can find it?

Yeah, I think I'm familiar. Good luck! Don't spit the kid out until I get there.

I'd been to Justin's studio before but I couldn't remember exactly how to get there, so I looked up the address—Daphne has all this stuff written down, she's amazing—and took a cab there because whatever, special occasion and all that. I headed into the building, found the number for Justin's unit, and opened the door. He was sitting on his ratty little couch with a bag of ice on his wrist, reading one of those mystery novels he's always carrying around. He glanced up at me and raised an eyebrow.

Hard at work, I see, I said.

Oh, you know, the creative process. He stood up and stretched. Want to get lunch?

Sure, how does the hospital cafeteria sound?

Uh, bland. Why, we meeting Daphne?

You're really not putting this together? Christ, you're stupid.

I've heard that, yeah.

Get your shit packed up and let's go, darling. You're having a baby.

He blinked at me. I'm...

Emily and Brian are at the hospital. Gwen is on her way. I'm here to get you.

He threw his arms around my neck, and I laughed and hugged him.

Holy shit, he said as he lowered himself back down to flat feet.

Come on, Dad.

**

Brian was in the waiting room of the maternity ward when Justin and I got there. He gave us a small smile as he stood up, straightening his cuffs, and he kissed me and pulled Justin in under his arm.

Who's with Emily? I asked.

No one right now, they're sticking things up her and she said she'd just as well not have her boss in there with her for that. But she wants one of you until Gwen gets here because, to quote her, they've seen it before.

Okay, so at least we know she hasn't lost her dazzling manners, I said.

Brian looked Justin up and down. Wow.

You think?

He touched Justin's hair. I haven't seen you in hours, where have you been?

It was you, you were at work.

I'm going to have to stop doing that.

Working?

Yeah.

I said, Guys, literally any other time.

Brian said, Sorry. Room 2319.

I'll go, Justin said. He got on his toes to kiss Brian's cheek and scampered down the hall. Brian watched him go.

I squeezed Brian's arm. How are you?

I'm good, he said. This doesn't really involve me. He shook his head a little. It's...very weird to be in a hospital and not worried about Justin. It's freaking me out.

Want me to like, flash some lights in his face, give you something to worry about?

You're a good friend.

I try.

He nodded towards the hallway. You're going to miss the show. You don't have to babysit me.

I'm not. I am going to go see if I can find Daphne, though. You need anything?

Brian rolled his eyes. Like I said. Barely involves me. I wouldn't even be here until the baby was cleaned off and bundled up if Emily hadn't spilled her amniotic fluid at my office.

I said, So you're still here why?

He looked at me like I was crazy. I can't leave Justin at a hospital.

Very healthy thing you two have going on.

Mmhmm. Say hi to your girlfriend for me when you're interrupting her while she's trying to save lives.

Fiance! I signed on my way to the elevator.

I found Daphne pretty quickly once I was down in the ER without having to ask anyone, which is good since I definitely haven't practiced pronouncing her last name. She was by the nurse's station filling out a chart, and when I touched her back she said something without looking up.

“Hi?” I said.

She looked up and laughed. Sorry, I thought you were this orderly who won't leave me alone. She got on her toes and gave me a quick kiss. What are you doing here, is everything okay? She looked around, presumably for Justin.

Everything's good. Emily's in labor.

Oh, that's great. She's doing okay?

I haven't seen her yet. Wanted to come update you. I kissed her. And maybe some of this.

She laughed a little. Okay, I'm off at ten, I'll come up and check on how it's going then.

Emily and Daphne have kind of a weird relationship that I've managed to avoid getting too involved in. Emily didn't have a lot of close female friends growing up—I mean, really it was just her and me, most of the time—and Daphne said she didn't either, so I think maybe that's part of it, that neither of them is really used to having another girl around all the time. Or maybe they just don't like each other, I don't know. Emily doesn't like that Daphne's hearing, and Daphne...I don't know, maybe doesn't like that Emily's slept with me? Like I said, I try not to get involved.

I went back to the elevators, and the doors opened as I walked up and there was Gwen. Hey! I said, and gave her a hug. You know Emily's not down here.

I know, I can't find any signs for maternity or whatever and these hearing people are useless. I was going to see if Daphne could tell me where.

I guided her back to the elevator. Fourth floor.

Jesus, thank you. How is she?

Haven't seen her. Justin's with her now.

Brian wasn't in the waiting room anymore when we got up there, but I remembered the room number and led Gwen down there. Emily was pacing the room in a hospital gown, and she bounced a little and held up her arms when she saw Gwen. Gwen hugged her and had a quick conversation with her, asking how she was feeling, and I gave them some privacy and went and sat next to Justin. He made a face and picked off some of the animal fur Gwen had left on my clothes.

How's she been? I asked him.

Good, contractions aren't too bad yet, she says. They're going to give her an epidural pretty soon. I think. She doesn't want an interpreter so I'm just going off of Emily's lipreading.

I waved until Emily looked over. You're not getting an interpreter?

Hmm, yeah, most important moment of my life, who do I really want there? My girlfriend, the baby's dads, my best friend, and a stranger. Sounds great.

Justin raised his hand. I'm not going to be in here when she's born, for the record.

Emily said, Are you kidding?

Are you kidding? he said. You think I can handle all that blood? Noooo, I'll see her when she's...clean.

She waved her hand. You and your trauma.

He sneezed and nudged me away from him. I know, it's very tiring for you.

Brian came in a minute later with a paper bag from the cafeteria. He kissed Gwen's cheek and handed the bag to Emily. Should you be walking around? he asked her.

Yeah, getting it out of my system before the epidural. Ooh, blueberry. Love you.

Brian said, I'm going on a supply run, what do we need?

Everything's packed in a blue bag by the door of my apartment, Emily said. Just didn't think to fucking bring it to work.

Brian pointed at me. Need anything?

No, I'm good.

He moved over to Justin. Sketchpad, meds—including Claritin, apparently, what the fuck...

Justin pointed to Gwen.

Okay, and a change of clothes for Gwen. He turned to Emily. Do you want a video camera or something, document the...

She gave him a look.

Okay, fine, don't document the magic. See if I care. Not my kid. He leaned over and kissed Justin. I'll be back in a little while. You're good?

Brian, I'm fine. I'm not in the hospital.

Strange. All very strange.

Emily's contractions picked up after Brian left, and we sent Justin out to talk to the hearies, but his lipreading is for shit so I came with him as some sort of two-headed Deaf interpreting act. We should get Evan here, Justin said as we looked for a nurse. The way he lipreads, he's practically a fucking hearing person.

We flagged down a nurse and Justin said his friend needed an epidural and the nurse said something I was reasonably sure was “Okay, I'll tell her doctor,” and we lingered outside after the doctor went in. This is very medieval, Justin said to me. The men standing outside the delivery room.

No one's delivering anything for hours, I said. Who knew childbirth was so boring?

What do you think they're going to name it? Justin asked.

They haven't told you?

He shook his head. What, have they told you?

No, of course not, but I'm not the dad.

Brian's convinced it's going to be something super weird, he said. He says Emily's going to ruin her life right off the bat.

I mean...her dolls had some weird fucking names.

Oh, God, Justin said.

We went back in after the doctor left. Emily was settled in the bed now with a million monitors attached to her, and Gwen was French braiding her hair out of her face. I'm a great French braider. Better than Gwen, but I had just enough tact not to say anything.

Justin and I pulled our chairs up to the foot of the bed and entertained ourselves with poking Emily's feet for a while and asking her if she could feel it. Justin went down to the gift shop and got a deck of cards, and we played Egyptian Ratscrew until his hand started to ache. He stretched his fingers, looking at one of Emily's monitors. What's that one? he said.

Gwen looked. I think that's the baby's heart rate.

It was higher before, right?

We all looked at it.

I don't know, I said.

Gwen looked at Emily. How do you feel?

I don't know...okay, I think. She poked at her stomach. You good in there?

If something was wrong, an alarm would be going off or something, right? Gwen said. Do you think that would have lights?

Would you be able to hear that? Justin asked me.

No, I don't think so. But someone would come...

We watched the door for a minute, but nobody came in.

I guess it's okay? I said.

Justin pointed to the monitor. It dropped again.

Emily hit Gwen's arm. Go get someone. Gwen nodded and kissed her cheek and charged out the door, and I got up and took her place to hold Emily's hand.

I'm scared, she said to me.

Everything's fine. You've got a whole army here.

Justin kept watching the monitor, his eyes narrowed, like he could keep it from dropping any more by sheer force of will.

Gwen came back a minute later with a nurse, who said something to Emily, who squinted at her and signed to Justin, Make her say it again. Justin spoke out loud, and the nurse talked again, but none of us got it this time either, and the nurse just shook her head and reached up under Emily's gown.

Wow, okay, Emily said.

Justin said, No, I don't like that.

When this is all over I'll borrow your therapist.

Justin stood protectively next to her. Yeah, she's good.

The nurse came up from between Emily's legs, snapped off her gloves, and said something to us.

You know we're all Deaf, right? Justin simcommed. Can you just, I don't know, give us a thumbs-up if everything's okay?

She did, but she didn't look even sort of fucking reassuring. Don't they teach you a poker face in medical school?

What the fuck, Emily said to Gwen, just as the nurse got up and left. What the fuck, are you kidding? Where the fuck is she going, is she getting someone?

I don't know, Gwen said. How do you feel?

I feel fucking weird as shit, but there's a needle in my spine and a baby in my cervix, I don't know what the fuck is normal.

Justin said, Emily...I think we need a hearing person.

Nobody ever needed a hearing person, Emily said, adjusting herself on the bed.

Justin looked at the monitor. It dropped again. I'm calling Brian.

Brian doesn't know the first thing about any of this shit, Emily said. She looked at me.

He can still interpret, Gwen said. We can get him on the phone with your doctor, and—

Emily, I said.

The rest of them weren't putting it together, but she was. She looked down, then up at me, then down, then up at me again.

Okay, she said. Go.

**

Daphne wasn't where I left her, which was really inconvenient, and when I scanned the ER I couldn't find her anywhere. There was something going on, must have been a big car accident or something, because there were a whooole bunch of bloody people, and I said a quick thank you to Emily in my head for sending me on this errand instead of Justin.

I flagged down the first doctor I saw and said, I'm just going to sign to you and hopefully you'll get the idea that you should find the doctor who knows sign language.

She held up a finger like one minute, and walked away, and thirty seconds later Daphne was walking up, all fucking business in her scrubs. She said, Baby, I can't talk right now, we just got this—

It's Emily, something's wrong. We need you.

Her eyes were wide. Derek, I'm not a maternity expert, I've delivered like, five babies ever, this is not my—

You sign. Nobody is listening to us, no one is telling us anything, we need you. She doesn't have an interpreter, Daphne, she's scared. Justin's scared. I'm scared. We need you.

She looked around the ER, then up at me.

Okay, she said. Okay, come on.

We rode up in the elevator and I led her to Emily's room, where she said a few words and blew off a nurse who tried to stop us. She entered the room and immediately was all fucking take-charge, rubbing her hands with antiseptic and pulling on a pair of gloves. Justin, out, she said.

He said, No, I—

You get panicky and you're already wheezing, this is my room now, you're out.

Justin glared at her and left with a threat to call Brian, like he wasn't already about to do that. Daphne came up to Emily's head and checked all her monitors. Hi there. How are you feeling?

She started feeling dizzy a few minutes ago, Gwen said.

Daphne nodded. Let's go ahead and get this oxygen mask on you, okay? Here we go...good. So the baby's heart rate is a little slow. I want to check how far you're dilated, is that okay?

Just with your hand, right?

Uh-huh, just a few fingers.

Emily nodded and scooted down on the bed as best she could, and Gwen and I helped get her feet into the footrest things. I petted her hair and kissed her forehead while Daphne examined her, trying to get my heartbeat to slow down.

Daphne emerged and took off her gloves. Okay. Great job. Do you know your doctor's name?

She shook her head.

That's okay, I'll find out.

Gwen said, Tell us what's going on.

She's not very dilated yet and with the baby's heart rate this low I think we need to be considering a C-section, but I'm not an expert, Daphne said. I need to go talk to her doctor right now.

Emily started crying, and Daphne came to the head of the bed and put her hand over the oxygen mask.

Listen to me, she said to Emily. Are you listening?

Emily nodded.

I am not going to let anything happen to you or this baby, okay? That's a promise.

And when Daphne came back with Emily's doctor who examined her again and told us, interpreted through Daphne, that she wanted to get Emily in for a C-section right now, the first thing Emily said, I want Daphne there.

**

If it was medieval back when Justin and I were waiting outside Emily's room, you'd need a whole different era for this. Gwen, Daphne, and Emily in the operating room, and me, Brian, and Justin in chairs in the waiting room tapping our feet on the floor. Brian was doing his usual shit, making sure the nurses knew who we were for updates, getting us coffee, fussing over Justin.

Justin shivered in his seat in the waiting room. It's just so violent. I hate surgery.

Doctors do a million C-sections every day. Brian handed him a cup of coffee. It's got to be one of the most routine surgeries there is. Not exactly drilling burr holes in a skull. He looked at me. Coffee?

I told you, I'm fine.

He turned back to Justin. How's your hand?

It's good. I'm good.

This is so fucking weird, sitting in a hospital waiting room with you here.

You're not technically sitting, I pointed out. I don't think you've sat down since we got here.

Brian ignored me and shifted his weight around, the way Justin does when he's nervous. What can I do? he asked Justin.

I expected Justin to shut him up and tell him to sit down, like I'd been doing since they took Emily away, but Justin rubbed the back of his neck and said, Can you get me a bagel from the cafeteria? And maybe some tea, that blueberry green stuff?

Yes.

And can you call Molly and update her? And my mom?

He tilted Justin's chin up and kissed him. Yes. Use your fucking inhaler if you start coughing again. He pointed at me. Watch him.

I said, Oh my God, will you just go already?

Brian scratched the back of Justin's head, gave me a mock glare, and disappeared towards the elevators. I raised an eyebrow at Justin. Bagel and tea?

It helps him to have something to do, trust me. Hospitals make him anxious. I don't think he's really internalized that we can be inside a hospital without him needing to protect me from imminent death. Bagel's the least I can do.

Can I ask you a question?

Oh, God, yes, please. Justin took a swig of his coffee and set it to the side. Anything to distract me from what they are probably doing to Emily right now. He shuddered. God, they have to cut all the way—

Nope. Brian. We're talking about Brian.

Right. He took a deep breath. Brian.

I said, So what's his situation with the baby? Like...how are they going to be related?

The same as me and his son, I assume.

Which is...?

I don't know, Justin said. We've never really talked about it. It's just kind of...natural, I guess? I don't make decisions about his life or anything, but I mean, Brian barely does either. He's calling this baby his sister. He knows I love him.

What does he call you?

Justin, he fingerspelled. It's never been a thing, it's just easy. But...I don't really know. Brian didn't even think he was going to love Gus until after he was born. I don't know how he thinks he's going to feel about this one, when it's not even his.

I nodded.

I'm just trying not to pressure him, Justin said. Gus looks just fucking like him, so he had that immediate connection, seeing him and realizing, oh fuck, that's mine. It's biological. If he doesn't look at this new baby and feel that right away...I don't want him to think he's letting me down, or that I'm going to think that means anything, or that it means he won't love her once he gets to know her.

I smiled a little and leaned back in my chair.

What? he said.

I just think it's funny that everyone thinks he's the one who takes care of you.

Hey, Justin said. He does take care of me. That doesn't go anywhere.

Brian came back a few minutes later and handed Justin a bag and a cup. He put a hand on Justin's chest and signed, Breathe.

Justin did.

Good. He kissed Justin's cheek and nodded towards the hallway. Look who's coming.

It was Daphne, still with her hair back in a scrub cap, and she smiled at us as she was coming, so there wasn't really any suspense, but I still didn't relax until she got to us and said, Emily is doing great. She's in recovery now, Gwen's with her. And you, she said to Justin. Have a beautiful, six pound, two ounce baby girl.

Justin put his hand over his mouth, and Brian drew him into a hug and kissed the top of his head. Emily's really okay? Brian said.

She's great, Daphne said.

Brian breathed out slowly. Okay.

Daphne said, She needs to be in recovery for a few hours. The baby's in there with her now. Once she's moved back to her room you guys can go see her and meet the baby. Right now she needs to rest. She took a deep breath. And I need to get back to work.

We all swarmed her with hugs and kisses like we were on cue, thanking her over and over again.

You guys know I didn't perform the surgery, right? Daphne said. I hung out up by her head with Gwen.

Shut up, I said. Let us love you.

She looked up at me with those fucking brown eyes I would start a goddamn war for. Okay.

**

Two hours later, Gwen came and got us, and we followed slowly to her room, nudging Justin ahead of us.

Emily looked tired and pale, but she was smiling, and she waved us off when we went over to check on her. I know you want to see the baby, she said. Go see the baby.

You first, Justin said. He'd been getting progressively more and more antsy as we waited; he really, really doesn't like hospitals, Brian had explained with a shrug. But anyway, he was still fussing over Emily, checking her monitors and touching her hair and asking her if she was in pain, when Gwen tugged me and Brian over to the tiny crib in the corner.

She was sleeping, bundled up in a blanket so she was just a little head and a hat. She had this layer of blonde fuzz peeking out from under the brim of her hat, and she yawned in her sleep and kicked her feet a little.

Brian stared at her like she was...I don't know, like he hadn't really believed that she was going to be here, and now she was. He ran his hand over his mouth and reached out and touched her cheek, hesitantly.

Oh, fuck, he signed to himself, small. Oh my God.

Gwen laughed a little. Pick her up, she won't break.

So Brian did, and she fussed a little and Brian went “Shhh,” and cradled her in the crook of his arm, and she blinked her eyes open, and they were so goddamn blue, and Brian pulled his lips into his mouth and looked up at Justin, then back down at her face.

“Hi, baby,” I saw him say. He looked up at me, this fucking illuminated smile on his face, and nodded to Justin, so I went over and got him.

Justin looked almost scared, but Brian nodded to him encouragingly and transferred the baby from his arms to Justin's. Justin put his pinky in her palm and she wrapped her fingers around it, and Brian took a few steps back and turned away from us for a second, and I gave him a minute.

She's beautiful, I told Emily and Gwen, and they beamed from the bed. What's her name?

They looked at each other. We need Justin's approval, Emily said, and Justin nodded and handed the baby to me before he went over to sign secretly with them. She was so soft and warm. Kind of like holding a cat.

Really? I saw Justin say, and they nodded, and Justin did this kind of bouncing thing like he was trying not to cry, and Gwen laughed and gave him this enormous hug.

“Brian,” I said, and he turned around all fake nonchalant and came over and took the baby from me, which I had a feeling he was going to be doing a lot of. You want to know her name? I said.

Sure, Brian said vaguely, staring down at her.

Gwen stamped her feet until he looked up, then held out her hand to Emily, and Emily said, All right, fuckers. Meet Jane Taylor Klein-Buroughs.

Justin wiped his eyes and I laughed and tackled him under my arm.

Jane, Brian fingerspelled to her, nice and slowly. He tapped her on the nose. That's you.

**

We were all still in the room taking turns with the baby—Jane—while Emily napped on and off when Daphne came in after her shift, in her street clothes this time. She shook Jane's foot and kissed Justin's cheek and then came over to me and slid into my arms. She's cute, huh? she said to me.

Very.

She glanced around to make sure no one was watching. Ours will be cuter.

Oh, without question.

Gwen was on the bed, Emily curled up against her. Daph was perched on the arm of my chair with her legs in my lap. And Justin was on Brian's lap, Jane in his arms, Brian wrapped all the way around both of them. I can't even describe the mood in that room right then. It was like for just a couple minutes everything was right in the world.

And then the doctor came in with this somber look on her face, and...God, I don't know what everyone else was thinking, but I was full of this fucking dread right away. Emily was barely awake and that probably made all of this more upsetting for her, because she immediately started looking around for the baby and Brian got her attention and said, Here, she's here. She's fine.

The doctor started talking, and I lipread enough of it to get what was going on. Brian was immediately pissed off, Emily and Gwen were frantic trying to figure out what she'd said, but Daphne just held up her hand for the doctor to stop and went over to the girls by the bed.

She's saying, Daphne said. That Jane passed her Deaf test.

Gwen started laughing, Justin tried to stop Brian from yelling at the doctor, baby Jane slept, and Emily, my Emily, threw her arms around Daphne.