“JUSTIN!”

“No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. No, no, no. God!”

911, I have to call 911.  The dispatcher tells me they are on the way.

“Justin, Sunshine, I’m here.  Hold on! They are coming.”

Brian presses the scarf on Justin’s head as the pavement below turns red. ‘This can’t be happening.  It is all my fault. If I hadn’t come….I shouldn’t have come.’

“Sir, sir, can you tell me his name and what happened,” a paramedic is talking to him.  ‘When did the ambulance get here?’

“It was a baseball bat. His name is Justin Taylor.”  I say. “One blow.” ‘Where did the fucker go?’ He isn’t there anymore. “Is he ok?  Is he going to be ok?” ‘I know they can’t tell me that. Why am I asking stupid questions?’ The paramedics were both busy doing what they could.

“Sir, are you family?” They put Justin on the gurney.  He had two IVs in his arm. He hadn’t even seen them do that.

“I’m his boyfriend, sort of.”  They load Justin on the ambulance. ‘I don’t care what they say, I’m going with them.’ Brian started getting in the back and no one stopped him.

“Can you contact his family? Do you have their information?” ‘Jennifer, I need to tell Jennifer. What do I say to her.  Your son’s head was hit with a bat by a homophobic prick?’

“Yes.”  ‘I have to touch him.  I have to hold his hand.  This was my fault. If I hadn’t come to the prom this wouldn’t have happened to him.  His hand feels so cold. I want him warm. He is never cold in bed. He is alway hot.’

Brian finds Jennifer’s number on Justin’s phone and calls her.  “Justin, are you have a good time? I didn’t expect you to call.”

“Jennifer, it’s Brian.”

“Brian, where’s Justin?  Why do you have Justin’s phone?”

“Jennifer, you need to go to the hospital.  Justin’s been hurt. I’m sorry. I’m really sorry…...I….”  

The paramedic took the phone and I hear him telling Jennifer what hospital they are going to.

Brian knew he called Michael but honestly had no idea what he said.  He hadn’t expected to get ahold of him. He was sure he was following David to the west coast.  God, he needed Michael. Michael was always there for him.

‘Sunshine, that really does fit him. Even days when I don’t want to interact he forces me and makes me feel alive.  If I knew what love is maybe I could tell him. I just don’t know what that means and I don’t need it. But if I don’t need it why does it feel like I am dying right now. God, Justin, you can’t leave me.  You are such a persistent shit.’

Brian continues the internal conversation as his eyes skim over Justin’s face and then down the remainder of his body.  ‘When I picked you up I thought you were just another virgin I could take. But, damn, if you didn’t keep up with me. No one keeps up with me.  And you made me feel something I had never felt before. You challenged me.’

“Sir, what’s your name?” the paramedic asks kindly.

“Brian.”

“Brian, you can talk to him.  He seemed to respond when you took his hand.  Try talking to him.”

“Sunshine, I’m here.  I’m so sorry I knew I shouldn’t go.”

“Brian, talk to him about family, friends…”

Brian nodded, “Justin, your mom is on the way.  She loves you. Justin, do you remember our dance.  It was probably the most romantic thing I have ever done.  We will do it again, soon.”

Brian took Justin’s hand in both of his and brought it up to his lips. He kept Justin’s hand pressed against his lips as he had to fight to hold back the tears.  ‘No one had ever not taken no for an answer. You stalked me, just like I would do if I wanted something.’ The corners of Brian’s mouth lifted. ‘I was so jealous when you walked in and took the guys from me in Babylon.  It wasn’t because you took them from me. It was because they were with you.

Brian felt the ambulance slowing down. He kissed Justin’s hand again.  “Justin, I’m not ready to let you go. We aren’t done yet.” He let go of Justin’s hand as the back doors opened and he jumped out as the gurney legs dropped.  He tried following it but he is stopped. He gently kissd Justin’s cheek and Justin is whisked away. A nurse at the desk calls Brian over and hands him a clipboard and asked him to start filling it out. It is then he realized he was still grasping on to the blood soaked silk scarf.

As he put it around his neck so he could write, he thought about the reason he had bought it.  Now the size of an orgasm means nothing compared to Justin’s life hanging in the balance. Is he really that shallow?’

There was nothing shallow about the pain Brian was feeling. Those few minutes he had spent on the dance floor with Justin made him feel things he didn’t know he could feel.  Justin’s joy was palpable and contagious. He would do anything to have Justin look at him like that again. His heart felt like someone was grasping it.

“Is this what love feels like?”

Michael walked quietly down the hall and took him in his arms and Brian cried.

Read more at: http://transcripts.foreverdreaming.org/viewtopic.php?f=149&t=8989