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Billy wandered around the house after they got back from the picnic with the team. It was weird how normal it seemed to everyone. The other kids acted like Billy and Colton were just one of them. Everyone treated them like they belonged, yet Billy still had the fear he’d wake up back in the system. Colton and Max were getting more and more comfortable, yet he still couldn’t get comfortable enough to let go completely and believe, even though they’d all done everything they could to make him believe. He could see the hurt in Em’s eyes when he wasn’t interested in decorating his bedroom. He didn’t mean to hurt any of them with his lack of interest, but he’d spent his life living out of a bag or whatever he was given to pack his life up. Having more things just meant there were more things to be left behind. And while he knew in his head that Emmett and Drew wanted him, a lifetime that had shown him differently made it harder for him to let go. While he knew Em and Drew would understand as best they could if he explained it to them, he felt like they’d be hurt by his lack of trust in them. It’s why talking to Uncle Brian was easier, because it was like he understood why Billy thought the way he did. 

 

“Hey, did you have fun today?” Justin asked when Billy looked into Colton’s room.

 

“Yeah. I didn’t know you were coming over.” Billy told him, sitting on the bed as Justin was sketching on the walls.

 

“It’s hard for me to resist a canvas once an idea gets in my head. If you think of something you’d like, let me know.” Justin told him.

 

Billy stared at the sketch pad Justin always seemed to have somewhere around him. He’d never asked to see it, because Justin hadn’t told Billy he could. He’d looked up Justin on the internet one day, curious about him, only to find out he was actually really successful as an artist. Billy wasn’t a art fan, so it intimidated him a little, the way Drew had at first.

 

“I sketched a few ideas in there. See if you think Colton would like them.” Justin told him.

 

“He’d probably like anything you do. Not many kids can say a famous artist decorated their room,” Billy told him, not reaching for the sketchbook.

 

“I hope the only thing that makes it special is that he wanted it this way,” Justin told him.

 

“Colton’s pretty easy to please.” Billy told him.

 

“What about you? Your room doesn’t have to be painted just because I wanted to do it. Emmett would be more than happy to do it any way you want.” Justin told him, handing him the sketch pad.

 

“I didn’t try to like anything,” Billy told him, happy he could stare at the pad.

 

“It took me a while to decorate my first apartment when I move to New York too,” Justin told him, getting up and going back to work.

 

“Why?” Billy asked.

 

“I had spent five years not really having one place to live, mostly going from one place to the other. Brian and I weren’t always together like we are now, so sometimes I lived with him, sometimes with Deb, and a few times with others in the group. It was easier to have the things I needed fit into the bags I could carry.” Justin told him.

 

“I get that.” Billy said, looking at the way Justin drew Emmett, Drew, Colton, and him sitting together on a blanket in a yard.

 

“Brian finally got tired of my lack of furniture and dragged me shopping for more than a futon he hated,” Justin told him.

 

“Why didn’t you live with your mom?” Billy asked.

 

“At first because my father expected me to live the way he wanted me to. I wanted to go home, but it wasn’t one anymore for me. My mom tried and I tried, but my father wanted it his way. I didn’t want my sister to have to deal with what my coming out to my family would have been like if I stayed.” Justin told him.

 

“If one room looks like any other, than I won’t miss it. It’s stupid, because all of you keep proving over and over that Colton and I are part of the family, but…” Billy told him, thinking Justin would understand it.

 

“There isn’t anything stupid about it. You can’t help feeling something that years of experience makes you feel. I grew up having everything I could have wanted, only to find out it didn’t fit into my life even if I wanted it to.  Brian, Emmett, and I all understand fear for our own reasons. Me because I didn’t know where I belonged anymore.” Justin told him.

 

“Why would Emmett?” Billy asked.

 

“Why don’t you ask him, I think he’d like to share something with you.” Justin told him.

 

“I don’t want him think I’m still scared of everything.” Billy told him.

 

“It would hurt him more that he can’t help you.” Justin told him.

 

“He and Drew are already doing a lot for us,” Billy told him.

 

“It’s not how they see it. Like Brian and I, there’s no such thing as enough when it comes to our family.” Justin told him.

 

“Would it be easier if I come in and tell you what Justin was talking about?” Emmett asked.

 

“I can come back later.” Justin told Billy, who nodded.

 

“This is going to be great when Justin finishes it.” Emmett told Billy, as Justin left the room.

 

“How much did you hear?” Billy asked.

 

“Enough to know you're trying as hard as you can, and that you think you’d hurt Drew and me if you told us everything isn’t as great as we want it to be,” Emmett told him.

 

“I want to be like Colton and Max, but it’s not easy when most of my life was spent not getting the things I wanted. Every day there are new people becoming important to us. I only had to make sure Colton was okay, that the important things to us didn’t end up being left behind. I trust you guys because everything you do tells me that I can and should. But it’s like I’m still trying to protect myself from everything.” Billy told him, not sure if it made any sense.

 

“It makes sense to be scared. I grew up in a close family, but also a closed-minded family. I spent my life getting ready to be alone, because I knew once they found out the truth about me, nothing about me would matter to them anymore. Living that way meant spending years scared of what would happen and the fact that my family was going to disown me. It made it hard for me to believe that the people I surrounded myself with wouldn’t end up disappointing me too. I didn’t want to let people in, because the people who should have loved me anyway didn’t in the end.” Emmett told him.

 

“Now you don’t feel that way.” Billy told him.

 

“It took my friendship with Brian, Ted, and Michael to get me to that point. We all fight, get angry, and at times want nothing to do with each other, but if any of us needed each other our family was more important than things that we didn’t like about each other. I still had problems not wanting to believe in people, and it took time for those fears to disappear completely. It takes time for anyone to overcome something a lifetime has taught you, but you have all of us to show you we’re here to help you with it too. You also never have to be afraid of hurting us by telling us anything, because it’s part of being family for me.” Emmett told him.

 

“It’s why I don’t want to just call you Dad, because it’s too important, even though in my head you already are,” Billy told him.

 

“Em, Emmett, Hey You, Dude, you can call me whatever you like as long as it makes you happy.” Emmett teased.

 

“‘Mine’ works too,” Billy told him.

 

“Drew and I like ‘Ours’,” Emmett told Billy, wrapping his arms around him.

 

 

Justin stopped by Mel and Lindsay’s house to grab some things Gus needed, since he wanted to hang out with Brian tonight. Mel answered looking frazzled, leaving Justin to get what Gus wanted. He knew they’d been busy lately with the GLC, and Jenny being upset, so he only planned to grab and go, only to see Lindsay standing outside Jenny’s bedroom, looking worried.

 

“She came home fine until Michael called to tell her he was coming home to see her, without Ben. Mel and I tried to tell her that sometimes relationships need a break, and it didn’t mean they were breaking up. I tried telling her about Mel and I, how things weren’t always perfect but in the end we made it. Only to want to kill Michael for telling her Ben was angry because Michael suggested having more kids. She thought it was about her since they’d been off the whole time she was visiting.” Lindsay told him.

 

“She probably blames us too, since she doesn’t know the problems have always been there between Michael and Ben from the beginning,” Justin told her.

 

“What problems?” Jenny asked, opening the door.

 

“Things they let go of, because they loved each other.” Lindsay told her.

 

“I don’t blame you and Uncle Brian, or Auntie Em and Uncle Drew, but it feels like my family is falling apart while everyone else's is getting better. I’m mad at my Dad for running away instead of fighting for Daddy. How does being apart make it any better? Dad always talked about how you wouldn’t go away even when Uncle Brian didn’t want to put up with you, but he’s doing the opposite. Not even getting that it worked for you.” Jenny said, looking exasperated that Michael wasn’t doing what worked for Justin.

 

Lindsay and Justin tried to not looked amused, since this was important to Jenny. They both went into the room and sat down, trying to think of how to explain to her they both made the same kinds of mistakes too.

 

“There were times when Mama and I couldn’t be in the same place. You weren’t born the first time it happened, and you were just born the second time. We didn’t see a way around the problems we had, so it was easier to be away from each other. It helped even when it hurt for us to do it, because we couldn’t talk to each other without blaming each other for everything. I can’t give you guarantees that your dads will work it out, but if they love each other the way I love Mama and she loves me, they have a chance.” Lindsay told her.

 

“I want Dad to see that living through Uncle Brian is the problem,” Jenny tells her, too wise for an eight-year-old.

 

“Brian and I weren’t perfect either. That running away issue happened with us too. A lot of it happened before you, and by the time you would remember we’d grown up and made it work. It is easier to work things out when you're together, but only if both are willing to see what they did wrong instead of using what the other person did as a reason to stay mad. Ben and Michael have problems, the same as all of us.” Justin told her.

 

“But shouldn’t he have done that by now? Grown up?” Jenny asked. 

 

Lindsay and Justin didn’t have any advice for that comment since it was something they couldn’t figure out either.

 

“All we can do is make him work it out on his own. Because sometimes what we're doing to help isn’t the right thing for the people involved because it wasn’t what they really wanted.” Lindsay told her since she made that mistake herself when it came to Brian and Justin.

 

“In the end, it’s up to the couple to overcome things if they really want to be together. I know Brian and I both got the life we wanted in the end, and now have two great sons and you.” Justin told Jenny, silently acknowledging Lindsay’s apology for something he’d already forgiven her for.


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