Title: I’m Missing You…
Story Type: AU
Word Count: 2044
Rating: R
Warnings: Passion and Lust…
Beta Queen: bigj52
Banner: yvonne_reid

Summary: Brian goes missing during a sea cruise…

Chapter Summary: The family encourages Justin to seek emotional help to deal with Brian’s death…

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable charters, settings, plot, etc. are property of their respective owners, including, but not limited to Russell T. Davies, Cowlip, and Showtime. The author of this story is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended…


I’m Missing You…


Chapter 11 ~ My Big Mistake…


Justin wakes early the next morning realizing what he’s done. He gets up and orders a big pot of coffee from room service and starts pacing nervously in the sitting room of the suite; he let his guard down and made love to Shawn. He feels terribly guilty about it and knows that he has to apologize; he never meant for that to happen.


He needs his best friend right now so he calls Daphne and tells her all about it, saying that it never should have happened. How could he have been so stupid? And that it’s his fault entirely. Daphne says that there was two of them and they’re equally responsible for letting things go as far as they did.


“But I love Brian and we stopped using condoms! How am I ever going to explain this to him? He’ll never trust me again.”


“This is Brian, for Christ sake. Of course he’ll understand…”


“No, you don’t get it. He will have lost his trust in me; he’s really a very insecure person sometimes. Oh, Daph, what am I going to do?”


“Wait, I think I hear Shawn in the other room. I’ll call you back.”


With that, he hangs up and pours Shawn a cup of coffee just as he’s coming out of the bedroom.


“Hey, you’re up…”


“What time is it?”


“It’s early… I couldn’t sleep. Shawn, I don’t know how to say this but what happened last night… it was a mistake… I never should have let things go that far. It’s all my fault. Please forgive me.”


“Justin, I understand you’re worried about what happened but do you really think it was a mistake or are you just feeling guilty because of Brian?”


“It was definitely a mistake… I never meant for things to go that far between us. Don’t get me wrong. It was fantastic, it just never should have happened. I love Brian and I know that he’s coming back sometime. Maybe we can just roll back the clock and pretend that nothing happened.”


“Justin… I’m not sorry that something happened; I’m glad that it did. I think we’ve both wanted something to happen for some time now. Please don’t think it was a mistake. Why don’t we just see where it takes us? This could be the beginning of something wonderful…”


Shawn comes over and puts his arms around Justin and holds him close. He explains that of course he feels guilty about what’s happening between them; that it will take some time for him to get over Brian. He tells him that they’ll go slow and not rush into anything; that they’re already really good friends and that’s the best way for their relationship to develop.


Listening to how Shawn puts it seems like the most natural thing in the world, so he relaxes and agrees to have a good time this weekend. They make plans to meet up with some of Shawn’s friends for breakfast that morning and now Justin’s worried about meeting his friends. Shawn tells him he’s being silly and that they’re going to love him.


So they meet Jan, Alex and Matthew at Angelo’s and have a huge breakfast. Afterwards they go back to their studio and show Justin their art work. Jan and Alex are painters and Matthew is a potter like Shawn; they end up spending most of the day playing at the studio. Shawn even shows Justin how to use the potters’ wheel. He had tried it several times in school but here he finally got the hang of it and made several pieces that he’s really proud of.


Later that night Shawn and Justin meet up with Norman to go to the art opening; it was really crowded and surprisingly Shawn knew several people there. So they mingled with the crowd and between Norman and Shawn, Justin was introduced to just about everyone there. Him and Shawn gradually made their way around and saw everyone’s art work, critiquing it as they went. Justin loved being there with all the who’s who of the art scene in New York. Shawn had lived in New York for about ten years and then he moved to Pittsburgh to be near his aging parents.


After schmoozing with all the artists and art critics for several hours and many glasses of champagne later they decide to go out to dinner. They find a place a couple of blocks over that was crowded and only had a half-hour wait so they sit in the bar and eat chips and guacamole, laughing and having a good time. Dinner was excellent and they ran into some other friends of Shawn’s that had just gone to a violin concert. Justin couldn’t believe it when they said it was Ethan Gold… Justin explained that they were friends back when they were both still in school.


By the time they made it back to the hotel Justin was exhausted but he had had such a great time. He was surprised because he usually hated attending such pretentious affairs but being with Shawn and laughing at everyone was really a lot of fun. He leans up and gives Shawn a big kiss on the lips and thanks him for such a wonderful evening. One kiss leads to another and before they know it they are in bed again. Justin motions for them to go slow. They make out like teenagers, petting and groping until Shawn crawls down his stomach, leaving little kisses and nibbles as he goes.


Justin arches his back and throws back his head, spreading his legs open for Shawn. Shawn licks down his big beautiful vein, all the way across his perineum, gently taking his balls into his mouth as he works his shaft. He swirls his tongue around them, sending a rush of pleasure through Justin as he moans out Shawn’s name. Shawn runs kisses up his cock, taking his plump head into his mouth, running his tongue around the ridge before he swallows him whole.


He takes Justin all the way down his throat, slowly creating a steady rhythm as he slides his mouth up and down his cock. He gently rotates his balls in one hand as the other hand slides down between his cheeks and circles his rosebud. He gently works his fingers into Justin’s moist opening, stretching him open, pushing in one, then two of his long fingers. He brushes against his prostate as he increases his rhythm with his lips, bringing Justin to climax as he shoots down Shawn’s throat.


He crawls back up Justin’s body, kissing him passionately, letting him taste his spunk on his lips. Afterwards they just hold each other, cuddling until they fall asleep. Shawn knew that Justin wanted to go slow and so he’s made himself a promise not to push him into doing anything he’s not ready to do.


The next day they played tourists. Even though they both had lived in New York City they never had really done all the tourist-type things, so they went to the Empire State Building, Chinatown and Central Park. They even went shopping in the many little curio shops around the city and really enjoyed themselves. On Monday they meet back up with Norman and he takes them around to the galleries that had hung Justin’s paintings he had brought with him on Friday. They had lunch and made plans for Justin to come back at the beginning of December and stay for several weeks to prepare for his first solo show.


~~~~


Justin sits at the breakfast table, telling Daphne all about his trip to New York and just how much fun he had with Shawn. How he got to see his paintings hung at several art galleries and how it made him feel so special. The wonderful dinner Shawn took him out for to celebrate his success and the clubs they went to with Shawn’s friends or just hanging out at their studio and seeing all the cool art work his friends are into. How they went to the Emerging Artist’s Gallery Opening and ran into a couple of Shawn’s friends and how they walked around and critiqued all the art work. How easy the whole weekend was; he was nervous before he left because he tends to be a loner and wasn’t sure how things would turn out with Shawn for several days.


Daphne can’t help asking what happened between him and Shawn. Justin blushes and says, “Yeah, we finally went all the way and it was great. I mean, I knew it would be but I was really nervous beforehand. Then it just happened and it seemed so natural. Of course I freaked out the next morning and called you. But then we talked about it and he agreed that we can go slowly. Gosh, Daph, I’m really starting to have feelings for him. In the beginning I felt so guilty about it - like I was cheating on Brian. Not that I don’t feel bad about it now but I’m also really excited about it too. I can’t explain. It’s like I feel for both of them. I don’t know how I’m supposed to feel. Part of me feels like I’m making a really big mistake.


Is it wrong to allow myself to have feelings for Shawn? I’m just so confused all the time; it would just be easier if Shawn wasn’t so nice about everything, so god damn understanding. The thing is now that we’ve gone all the way it’s like our relationship has really accelerated into something really serious and I don’t know how to put on the brakes or if I even want to. I’m totally baffled about the whole thing. Do you think it’s possible to be in love with two people at once?


“Oh my God, Justin! Are you saying that you’re in love with him?”


‘Yeah, I think I am… I know it’s too fast but I can’t stop thinking about him like that.”


“Justin, I think you need to figure out what you’re feeling for Brian first, before you start letting yourself fall for someone new…”


“That’s what I’m trying to tell you. I love both of them.”


“But what if Brian comes back and you’re with Shawn?”


“Oh, Daphne, why does it have to be so complicated? I love Brian and I still want to be with him. Shawn knows that; I mean, we’ve talked about it.”


“Yeah, but that was before you got sexually involved with him. I think you need to go into counseling and figure out your feelings.”


“I don’t really need counseling, do I?”


As much as Justin is trying to put the brakes on his relationship with Shawn the harder it is. They now see each other several times a week and Justin has invited him to Sunday dinner at Deb’s. Then of course, they seem to have started bowling and are even talking about joining the bowling league. Lindsay really likes him. She’s been to his studio on a couple of occasions and is trying to convince him to join the GLC, saying that they’re always looking for professional people in the community.


No one ever mentions Brian anymore and that really pisses off Justin. It just seems that no one believes that he’s coming home any more. Justin won’t let Shawn stay the night at Britin and he rarely stays at Shawn’s. Justin is just not ready to give up on Brian. Sometimes Shawn and him fight about Brian; he feels like he’s been more than understanding about Justin’s feeling but now that he’s met Justin’s friends and family he wants their relationship to elevate to another level. He wants to live together but Justin refuses to let things go that far.


Everyone keeps saying that he needs to be able to let go of Brian but he just can’t; he loves him too much. One night Shawn and Justin are fighting and Shawn says, “I’ve given you enough time to get over him and now I need you to focus on our relationship!”


Justin shouts back, “I’m engaged to Brian…”


“You should be engaged to me!” With that Shawn slams the door and leaves…


TBC…