Title: I’m Missing You…
Story Type: AU
Word Count: 2433
Rating: R
Warnings: Passion and Lust…
Beta Queen: bigj52
Banner: yvonne_reid

Summary:  Brian goes missing during a sea cruise…

Chapter Summary: Justin returns to Florida in search of Brian …

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable charters, settings, plot, etc. are property of their respective owners, including, but not limited to Russell T. Davies, Cowlip, and Showtime. The author of this story is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended…

I’m Missing You…

Chapter 7 ~ Justin’s Summer Vacation

In the end Justin went to Florida by himself; it always made him sad when he and Daphne had a fight. He just couldn’t believe that she thought so little of Jared. He didn’t think anything she had said about him was true; Jared seemed to be the only one who completely understood where he was coming from. He tried to convince himself that it wasn’t all about the drugs but in the end he had to admit that their coke use was just about the only thing they had in common. And the idea that Jared was interested in him sexually was just unreasonable when he knew he was still pining over Brian.

Justin checked with the police and the Coast Guard as soon as he got to Florida and there was no new word on the case; they had called off the search and he was now officially listed as a missing person. Justin wasn’t the only one that believed that Brian was still alive; the insurance company had hired a private detective themselves to look for Brian. They had no intention of paying out millions of dollars without their own investigation. Of course Justin was a person of interest from their perspective. After all, he could be in on the scheme to embezzle the insurance company’s money.

Justin was staying at a time-share condo that he had rented through his mom’s work. It was right on the ocean with a beautiful beach so Justin spent the first week lying around getting a suntan and sketching, waiting for word on Brian. He had talked with the private detective that he and Ted had hired, accusing him of not looking hard enough for Brian so he ended up firing him and hiring a new agency. Of course this one charged a lot more money but they promised to scout out the small unnamed islands in the Bermuda triangle; they also scoured the marinas for anyone that might have seen the yacht. Several people said they had seen the boat but that it just appeared to be sailing and there was nothing distressed about it that they could see.

A couple of sailors said that later that afternoon they had noticed that there was a strange dense fog near one of the islands but they had steered clear of it. Of course there was speculation that maybe the boat had capsized from hitting a waterspout which was not unheard of in that part of the ocean. Justin was hopeful and yet fearful all at the same time. Maybe Brian was shipwrecked on one of these small islands so he shelled out outrageous sums of money to have these islands searched.

He had been in Florida for several weeks and was feeling desperate again for any word concerning Brian. He was still using cocaine to ease his pain but he also found himself crying for long periods of time. He was just glad that he didn’t know anyone here, so he pretty much kept to himself. He was still losing weight and he looked terrible from not eating and sleeping; to say he was depressed was an understatement. He so wanted to believe that Brian would be found and now he was paranoid that people were following him which they were.

He was finally inspired to start painting again so he went to the local art supply store and stocked up on brushes, paints and a variety of canvases. He awoke each morning after dreaming of Brian and spent all his time painting on the beach. He used different themes with Brian as the main subject and he was amazed how easy it was for him to paint Brian from memory. There were just certain images that he’d never get out of his head.

One afternoon he took a break from painting and went for a walk down the beach, collecting seashells and taking pictures with his camera. He was hoping that taking a walk would clear his head but no matter how much he tried he couldn’t stop thinking about Brian. How much fun they had at the cabin and going out dancing with Julie and Brad and what a coincidence it was that they ran into Jared that night. As a matter of fact it’s quite a coincidence that he ran into him in New York, especially since he said he was planning on spending the summer at the lake writing his novel.

Is it possible that Jared had gone to New York just to see him and his art show? No, that didn’t seem right; that would make him some kind of stalker although Brian said he thought that Jared was interested in him after they left the bar that night. He just shook his head and let that idea slip away. Later that evening he took out his computer and downloaded the pictures he had taken earlier of the waves and the local pier with all its shops and restaurants. He then notices that the pictures Brian took at the cabin are still loaded in the camera so he downloads them as well; they look so happy, not a care in the world. There’s pictures of them water skiing and sunbathing and one of them canoeing and picnicking.

Soon Justin is just sitting there with tears rolling down his face as he misses Brian so much and he’s so worried about him. He hates it when he’s overcome with so much pain and in the back of his mind he worries that he might not ever see him again. He finds himself crying, rocking back and forth, letting himself feel his sorrow. After a while he’s all cried out and just has a headache. He can’t help himself; he pulls out his mirror and does a few lines of coke. Anything to numb the pain. 

He stayed up most of the night getting stoned and feeling sorry for himself. He finally crashes in the wee hours of the morning and sleeps most of the day away. Later that afternoon, much to his surprise he finds Jared standing at his door, smiling at him. He explains that Justin’s mom told him where he was staying so he decided to come and keep him company.  He asks if he might come in and Justin is just so happy to see a friendly face he invites Jared to stay with him over the next few weeks. They hang out together, Justin painting while Jared writes his novel and of course, they do a lot of cocaine. Justin has convinced himself that Jared is good for him; he just can’t see how destructive and co-dependent their relationship is.

Back in Pittsburgh everyone was becoming concerned that they hadn’t heard much from Justin and when they did he sounded high, talking at a million miles an hour. Emmett tried to talk with him but he just kept insisting that he was alright and that he wasn’t using that much. Emmett and Michael decided that they would pay him a surprise visit so they drove down to Florida.

 When they got there they were surprised that Jared was now staying with Justin. But they didn’t care, they just pushed themselves in and took over one of the guest bedrooms. Needless to say this totally pissed Jared off. He didn’t like anyone sharing their space and he complained that he couldn’t write when they had visitors staying with them.

Justin, on the other hand, had been feeling homesick and was thrilled to have them here. He was afraid that his cocaine use was getting out of control as Jared did a lot more coke than him. Michael and Emmett knew that they needed to somehow get Jared out of the condo and out of Justin’s life. Much to their surprise Justin and Jared weren’t lovers; Justin was still nursing a broken heart for Brian. That was one thing both Emmett and Michael were grateful for, even though they were pretty sure that Brian had drowned at sea.

 Michael and Emmett confronted Justin about his drug use and he broke down and admitted that it had gotten out of control but he just didn’t know how to stop. He made them promise not to tell anyone about it and agreed that after their vacation he would return to Pittsburgh with them and get help. He really did start cutting back with Emmett and Michael’s help. They just kept busy going to all the tourist-type things to keep his usage down.

This was one thing that Jared couldn’t stand and he could feel Emmett and Michael coming between them. Finally one night Jared gave Justin an ultimatum. Choose between him or his friends. Justin was shocked by this turn of events and asked Jared to leave. He didn’t think their relationship was healthy and he felt like Jared was becoming possessive. Jared became angry and actually threatened Justin and then finally punched a hole through a wall.

Michael and Emmett are relieved that Jared was gone and now they could just relax and enjoy the rest of their vacation. Justin’s muse kicked into overdrive as he asked Michael and Emmett to sit for him while he painted. After another week of hanging out in the sun and swimming in the ocean, he started to pack up his paints and prepared most of his paintings to have them shipped back to Britin. He was a little nervous about going into rehab; he just didn’t think his usage was that high but there were times when he couldn’t stop his hand from shaking and he was totally wired. He wondered how he got this way. It seemed to him that he just did a line every now and then he really didn’t believe that he was an addict.

They decided that they wouldn’t tell anyone that Justin had come home with them and that way no one needed to know that Justin had checked in to rehab. Of course they told Ted and Blake as Justin wanted Blake to be his counselor. It was really hard for Justin the first couple of days and he resented everyone treating him like he was some kind of junkie. He thought about leaving several times in the beginning and it wasn’t until he had gone through withdrawal that he really understood how serious his problem had become.

He experienced the shakes and cold clammy feelings. Some days he would just lie in bed and cry; cry for having let his life spin out of control, cry for missing Brian and cry because he just felt like he couldn’t go on. Now he knows why he started doing cocaine in the first place - because he could come to grips with the fact that Brian was probably gone. God, his heart ached and he so desperately wished he could at least smoke a joint or have a drink. That was the hard part. Having to accept that he had to give up all his vices while he was there and he just didn’t know if he could. 

The great thing was they let him paint while he was in therapy and he would stay up some nights until they insisted he turn out the lights. After a while he would take his sketch book with him everywhere and he was surprised at how many people wanted him to draw their picture. His mother called and he acted like he was still in Florida. She told him that she was thinking about coming for a visit over her birthday weekend which was in three weeks which would be a week after he got out of the hospital.

He wondered if he should just tell her the truth about his addiction or if he should just fly back down there and spend a week just enjoying her visit. It worked out that Daphne had agreed to go with him and they would all come back together. This way he could check up on how the investigation was going and hopefully they might have some word on the search for Brian.

He hated deceiving his mother but he just couldn’t stand the idea of her knowing what had become of his life. He couldn’t see any benefit to her knowing the truth and he felt that it would put a strain on their relationship. Daphne, on the other hand, thought he should come clean with her. That she was sure she would be disappointed in him but she would also be proud that he checked himself into rehab without anyone intervening. So in the end Daphne agreed to keep his secret and they flew down a couple of days before his mother was due.

Justin told Daphne that she was right - Jared was bad news that he just didn’t want to hear about. He told her how controlling he had become and that he had come on to him on several occasions. Although he always respected Justin’s wishes and nothing ever came of his passes, he also told Justin that he was willing to wait until Justin was ready to let things go further. At the time he thought he was flattered by all the attention but now that he’s clean it just made his skin crawl and he admitted that he was probably a stalker.

He even told her how out of control he had become when Michael and Emmett visited that he actually punched a hole in the wall. Then he showed her the wall but it was all patched up and the room had been repainted. He said he was sorry that she didn’t have a chance to come down with him a couple of months ago; that he now knows she was just trying to look out for his well-being.

Jennifer and Molly flew down on Thursday night and they just loved having a place right on the ocean. They spent their days sunbathing and the evenings they went out to expensive dinners. Justin really enjoyed himself now that he had an appetite back. They all loved fresh seafood and they even went to Disneyworld and had fun on all the rides. Justin gave Jennifer a pair of pearl earrings for her birthday and made her a chocolate torte for dessert. Daphne was glad that he seemed to be the old Justin and was even back to cooking and baking.

TBC…