American Apparel was bringing me back to LA for another meeting. I was going to extend the trip from a few days to a week. Justin and I had decided this would be a good time to look at some properties - both residential and business - and for him to meet with the folks at Cal Arts. We had never officially decided to move to LA but I guess we hadn’t decided not to either. Kind of like when a straight couple stops using birth control. We were not not trying to have this LA baby.

Cynthia had set up appointments with commercial and residential realtors and Ted had done research on locations for Kinnetik West. We needed someplace that would house a small office at first but could also scale as we grew. Ted noted that there were significant tax breaks to establishing a small business in downtown LA as an area that was attempting to undergo a revitalization. However, DTLA was about 30 miles from Cal Arts, or about 6 hours in LA traffic. So the location of a place to live was an especially challenging decision.

Sometimes you put something off and put it off and just kind of hope it goes away or resolves itself on its own. Unfortunately, from my experience, problems don’t usually go away on their own.

I had planned to just move out of Pittsburgh and leave everyone to figure it out for themselves. I mean they each had brains, despite the evidence to the contrary. But Ted was adamant I actually share the news with the others. At a certain point, I think it was when I asked him to research whether keeping the loft would be a tax benefit or liability, he put his Payless clad foot down - I swear I pay him enough to afford some proper footwear. He insisted Justin and I tell everyone else that we were at least thinking of moving to LA before he researched anything any further.

“Bri...I’m not going to do this anymore.”

I raised an eyebrow, “Do what? Take home an incredibly generous salary?”

He sighed, “No, I would like to continue to do that. But I don’t want to continue to keep secrets from our friends. Your friends. My friends. It’s not fair.”

“Theodore, when were you ever told life was fair? I mean look at the differences between the two of us...life is clearly not fair.”

“Brian, you need to tell them. You need to tell Michael, he’s your best friend. You need to tell Lindsay, she’s the mother of your son.”

“Yes, I am well aware of nature of my relationship to everyone.”

“You are considering...or maybe you’ve decided. You’re moving across the country; you need to tell people.”

“You know, Cynthia knows, Justin knows. All the key players who have a role in making this a success.”

“Brian.”

“Theodore.”

“You need to tell everyone else.”

“I would prefer not to.”

“Okay Bartleby. So what? You’re going to pack up the loft and leave in the dark of night? You and Justin are the Von Trapps now?”

“If I had my way, yes. Minus the whole persecution by the Nazis and the having to climb every mountain part, of course.”

“Of course.”

“Are we finished?”

He actually fucking cleared his throat and stood up a little taller. “No.”

“No?”

“No. We’re not. Or rather, yes, I am.”

“I’m thoroughly confused.”

“I refuse to do any further research into the financial viability of this move until you speak to Michael and Lindsay, at the very least.” He actually looked fucking proud of himself.

“Ted, tell me something.”

“Yes?”

“Did you and Blake role play this little assertiveness thing you just pulled?”

He blushed. I swear I thought only Justin could turn that red. “Uh…”

“You really need to spice up your sex life if this is the kind of role playing you’re doing. Who played me? ….Wait, you know what, I don’t want that visual. Don’t tell me.”

He shifted from foot to foot.

“Well? What were you going to do if I said no? Surely you planned for that eventuality. Or what? You thought you would put your foot down,” I glanced again at his cheap shoes and winced, “and I would capitulate, so full of respect for your newfound assertiveness skills?”

“Well, actually…”

“Fucklng fine. I’ll talk to them.”

“Thanks, Bri. It means a lot to not feel like I’m lying to my friends.”

“Mmhmm. And if that’s all, Theodore…” I began to review boards that the art department had sent up as preliminaries for the American Apparel meeting.

“It is, it is.” He walked toward my office door and paused, turned, and looked at me.

I looked up from the board I had been studying and smiled sweetly at him. “Yes?”

“Justin is making you talk with them, huh?”

“Theodore, I can hire another CFO. But I cannot find anyone who gives blowjobs like that boy. Believe me, I’ve interviewed a lot of candidates.”

“Understood Brian.” And he left.

If I hadn’t been afraid of scuffing my Prada loafers, I would have dragged my feet as I brought lunch over to Red Cape Comics. Michael looked up when the bell chimed as I walked in and appeared surprised to see me. I mean it’s not like I regularly showed up unannounced with his favorite dishes from his favorite Chinese place. Michael, being half-drag queen and half-Italian and all-drama, immediately looked worried. I set the bag of food on on the counter by the register and started unpacking the boxes.

“Dumpling?” I tilted the box toward him, trying break the tension with some laughter. He hated when I reminded him of his fucking fairy gathering name.

“Brian...what’s going on?”

“I can’t surprise my best friend with lunch?”

“You can...you just never have.”

“First time for everything, Mikey. And you know me, I’ll try anything once. Seriously, you should have one of these dumplings.”

“Brian…”

“Mmm?”

“The cancer...it’s not...you’re not...you’re okay, right?”

“Jesus christ, why does everyone assume I’m sick again anytime I do anything remotely unexpected?”

“Because you had cancer and had planned on going through treatment without telling anyone? I don’t know, makes people worried about what could be going on with you.”

“Nothing’s going on, Mikey.”

“Nothing’s going on? You just showed up with lunch to surprise me on a Wednesday out of the goodness of your heart?”

“Yeah, I guess it doesn’t sound believable when you put it that way.”

“So what the fuck Brian?”

I sighed heavily. I so did not want to do this. Fleeing in the middle of the night was seeming more and more attractive. I could easily replace Ted with another CFO. All much much easier than this.

“Justin and I…”

“Oh god, you’re breaking up. You’ve broken up. He’s left you again. That little…”

“Mikey!”

“What?”

“We’re not broken up, we’re not breaking up. I don’t know if this is the drag queen or the Italian in you, but pull it the fuck together.”

He took a deep breath and looked me directly in the eye, something good had come out of his time with Professor Zen. “Okay, Brian. Tell me what’s going on.”

“Justin and I…” I paused just to see what he would do. He didn’t break eye contact. I guess if he could demonstrate some personal growth, so could I. “Justin and I are thinking of moving.”

There. Said it. Okay. Done. I could leave now, right?

“Moving? Like selling the loft? You know Ben and I were actually just looking at houses in that neighborhood by…”

“No.”

“No? Not selling the loft?”

“Well, maybe, actually not sure about that yet. But not moving someplace else in Pittsburgh.”

“Okay…”

“You how I went to LA for that meeting?”

“Yeah….” he sounded suspicious and anxious. This is why I wanted to fucking avoid this conversation.

“Well it looks like it would be a good idea to open a branch, a small branch, of Kinnetik, in Los Angeles.”

“Los Angeles?” He sounded like he was choking on his lo mein.

“You okay? Need the heimlich?”

“You don’t fucking know the heimlich.”

“No, I don’t. But I would go out on the street and find someone who did. But look, you’re talking, you must not be choking.”

“Wait...you said Los Angeles? You’re moving to Los Angeles?”

“Well nothing is definite quite yet.”

“Bullshit, Brian. You wouldn’t fucking be talking to me unless things were pretty definite. Knowing you, you would move without telling anyone and we would figure it out when the boys in the back room suddenly had to take up hobbies.”

Well damn, I guess there was a reason he’s my best friend.

“Yeah, I mean if I had it my way…”

“I guess I should thank Justin for you talking to me at all.”

“Why is everyone so eager to give him credit for my good behavior?”

“Everyone?”

“Ted said the same thing.”

“TED KNOWS?”

“Michael, he’s my CFO. I’m not going to make a business decision without consulting him. If it means anything, I threatened that he would be able to fulfill his dreams of joining the opera...as a soprano if he told anyone.”

“God, who else knows?”

“Cynthia?”

“Yeah. Who else?”

“Justin?”

“Uh huh. Who else?”

“That’s it.” I wasn’t really thinking of Tori and Ana at that time. I wasn’t purposefully lying, they just didn’t seem to count in the calculus of whom I had told before Mikey.

“Really?”

“Michael did you or did you not just reflect back on my perfectly reasonable plan to go through cancer without telling anyone. Are you doubting my capacity to keep information to myself?”

“And Justin’s willing to move with you?”

“Yeah.”

He paused, ate some food, and chewed thoughtfully.  “What’s Justin going to do in LA?”

“What do you mean? Same thing he does here. He can paint anywhere. You two can continue to work on Rage remotely. I can set you up with video conferencing.”

“Uh huh. So just painting and Rage?”

“Well there’s an animation program at Cal Arts, he might look into that. You know, that could really help with Rage, maybe turn it into an animated movie.”

“Yeah? A program at Cal Arts? And you just had a business meeting in LA, signed a new company, and suddenly opening an LA branch is a great idea?”

“Excellent work summarizing. Now, I really should be…” I made to leave.

“Hold it right there.”

I sighed, “What now Mikey?”

“You expect me to believe this is purely a business decision?”

Michael is a lot smarter than most people give him credit for. They see the comic books and assume he’s no smarter than a kid. But he’s Deb’s son. He’s pretty fucking perceptive.

“Well yes I was expecting you to believe that, but I guess hope springs eternal.”

“Twenty years Brian. I think I’ve learned a thing or two about you in 20 years. This is not some business decision.” He held up his hands defensively. “I have no doubt it makes business sense, especially if Ted is supporting it. But that’s not why you’re doing this. Kinnetik is doing amazingly just here in Pittsburgh, you absolutely do not need to expand right now. You’re doing this for him.”

See, there was one of two ways this could go. Ever since I had taken Justin home that first night. Rather, ever since I had taken Justin to the hospital and then back to the loft that first night, the relationship between him and Michael has always been...complicated. In the best of times, they were business partners, friends, and Michael saw Justin as a kind of little brother. In the worst of times...well..I don’t think I need to rehash what went down at Mel and Lindsay’s anniversary party. Michael knew, everyone knew, Justin had been struggling with depression - not all the details, not how severely, not even that he had been hospitalized - but he knew and had been concerned, of course. So either this was going to go down with Michael gushing about what a sweet selfless sacrifice I was making for Justin - and seriously gag me - or he was going to pull some shit about Justin manipulating me into moving. Any gamblers out there? Place your bets now.

So which was it? Turns out it was secret option three.

Michael took another one of those deep cleansing Zen breaths and tilted his head and looked at me. “Wow Brian. I’m really happy for you.”

“What the fuck is this?”

“No, seriously, I’m really happy you have found someone you love enough that you are willing to try to make him happy. I know you, I know where you come from. You really deserve this, Brian. You really deserve this kind of love in your life.”

“I - “

“And save your bullshit speeches about not believing in love. Sell it to someone who’s buying. Just say, ‘I love you Mikey.’”

I sighed, “I love you, Mikey.”

“Always have.”

“Always will.”

“Okay, now get back to your thriving business and make some more money.”

“Thanks, Mikey.”

“Anytime, Brian.”

“Oh, and Mikey?”

“Yeah?”

“You’ll tell your mom for me, right?”

“Fuck no. I love you but I don’t love anyone that much.”

“That’s what I was afraid of. Alright. Later.”

“Later.”

I put off telling Debbie because technically she hadn’t been on my list of people Ted told me I had to tell. And as long as Justin kept showing up to his shifts at the diner, she had no reason to track me down. If I didn’t see her, I wasn’t not telling her, right? If you wanted to get really technical about it, Justin was the one not telling her.

But that meant Lindsay was next on my list. Fuck, it felt like I was on Step Nine, except I hadn’t wronged any of these people. Or at least I hadn’t yet wronged them and whether or not I was wronging them at all was purely a matter of opinion. I sure as fuck didn’t think I was doing anything wrong, but I’ve thought that before and been told my sense of right and wrong is maybe a bit untraditional. If this how Theodore felt when he was going around and giving everyone those sappy letters, then I really owed him some more credit than I had given him at the time. Not that I would tell him that, but you know, I realized it so there’s some growth right there.

I went to pick Gus up on Saturday morning, as usual. Justin had a shift at the diner, conveniently abandoning me in my time of need. I hadn’t yet told him that the responsibility for sharing our migration plans with Deb fell squarely on his shoulders.

I let myself into the house. The girls were sitting around the table finishing up pancake breakfast. JR was in her high chair covered head to toe in syrup and Gus was not much better. I poured myself some coffee and pulled up a chair and started picking at the pieces of pancake left on Gus’s plate.

“Oh good morning, Brian. Come on in, make yourself at home. Care for some coffee?” Melanie was so fucking predictable.

“Look, I’m happy to avoid socializing with you ladies and just grab sonny boy and head out but I need to let you know, that I’ll be out of town in two weeks so you’re going to need to entertain both your offspring that Saturday.”

“Oh yeah? You and Justin going on vacation?” Lindsay began wiping JR’s hands with a damp cloth. Like she didn’t just need an entire bath.

“A working vacation of sorts.”

“Where to?” Lindsay had moved to wiping just around JR’s mouth. Melanie was collecting the breakfast plates and had started to wash them.

“Los Angeles.”

“Another meeting with that...that clothing company?”

“American Apparel. Yes, and we’ll be spending some extra days.”

“Well won’t that be nice, maybe spend some time at the beach?”

“Actually, it’s looking like it would be a wise business decision to set up a Kinnetik office out there. So we’ll be looking at office spaces.”

“A Los Angeles office? Who would run it? Cynthia?”

Melanie had turned around and was now facing us, a suspicious expression on her face.

“Well no...Cynthia would run the Pittsburgh branch. I would head up the LA office. Hey sonny boy, you ready for a day at the park with your old man?”

“Brian!”

“Yes?”

“You can’t just announce you’re moving 3000 miles away and walk out the door.”

“No, I believe I can. I was just about to, watch and learn.”

“What about...what about Justin?”

“I hear they take owner surrenders at the pound. Unless you want him? He is housebroken.”

“Brian! Be serious.”

“But you make it so difficult. What about Justin?”

“Does he know you’re moving?”

“Did you not just hear that he was going to be coming with me to LA? If I recall you were getting all gooey at the thought of us strolling barefoot on the beach at sunset. What did you think? I would secretly be looking at office spaces while I...did what with him exactly?”

“Well how does he feel about the idea of you moving?”

“I don’t know. The processing of feelings to death seems to be much more your department than mine.”

“I can only imagine he’s devastated. You’re going to break that poor boy’s heart and after he’s been through so much.”

“You don’t think I know what he’s… for fuck’s sake Lindsay… I’m not leaving him in Pittsburgh, he would be moving with me.”

“Moving with you? Seems like a big step for Brian ‘I don’t do relationships’ Kinney,” Melanie interjected.

I shrugged.

“But what about...what about PIFA?”

“I believe the Institute will remain standing, even in my absence.”

“No I mean for Justin. If you move him to LA, he won’t be able to finish his BFA.”

I sighed, “I am not moving Justin anywhere. He has a choice about moving. I don’t just order him around, you know. Unless, of course, he asks me to.”

“Brian!” They exclaimed in unison. All that couples counseling was really paying off.

“Whether Justin finishes his BFA is entirely his decision. If he chooses to complete it at PIFA, he can stay here in Pittsburgh but, believe it or not, there are other art programs out there. Cal Arts has an excellent animation program he’s looking into.”

“Animation is just so...limiting. He needs a foundation of classical techniques…”

“Lindsay!” I interrupted her. “I refuse to believe you are this concerned about Justin’s arts education. I haven’t heard you talk about him possibly returning to PIFA once since he’s been back in Pittsburgh. What is this really about?”

“Of course I’m concerned about Justin. I know he’s been depressed and I’m worried about him.”

“Lindsay, cut the horse shit. If you want to read me the riot act about abandoning my son, please, you have the floor.”

“Well, now that you mention it,” she huffed. “You can’t possibly think that living across the country from your son will be good for him.”

“What I think is that your son has a good home with two loving parents, which was our agreement when I signed over my parental rights.” I raised my eyes to meet Melanie’s and she nodded slightly. “What I think is that when he was born, I promised he would never want for anything. And I believe I have more than provided for him and will continue to do so.”

“Children want for more than what money can provide. He wants a relationship with his father.”

“And luckily there’s this newfangled invention called a flying machine which magically transports people from place to place in hardly anytime at all! It’s not like I’ll never be back in Pittsburgh, Linds. The Pittsburgh office will remain the main branch of Kinnetik so I’ll have to fly back from time to time to fire the entire art department. And Justin has a mother and sister whom he actually likes and wants to see on occasion. That’s not to mention Debbie ordering us back for every Arbor Day and Flag Day celebration.”

“Occasional visits are not the same. Gus sees you at least weekly now.”

“It’s called a telephone, Lindsay. I’m setting Michael up with video conferencing so he and Justin can work on Rage remotely. I can do the same for you and Gus can see and talk to me whenever he wants. Waddaya say to that sonny boy?”

“You told Michael?” If her voice went any higher only dogs would be able to hear her.

“Linds!” Melanie exclaimed. “This is not a competition of who knew what first.”

“Thank you Mel.”

“Justin’s always said he wants to be an animator, huh?” Melanie asked.

“I hope so, otherwise I’ve watched Yellow Submarine one hundred times for no reason.”

“He’s mentioned how much he enjoyed his time in LA.” Justin and Melanie have always had a better relationship than Melanie and I. Admittedly, that’s not saying very much. They’ve always had a good relationship, let’s put it that way.

“He did not have a terrible time in LA, no.”

Melanie smirked. “I think it’s a great decision to open an LA branch. Well done, Brian. Mazel tov.”

“Melanie!”

“Linds, leave it. Brian, can you help Gus wash up before you head to the park?”

I was a little unsure of what had just happened but I wasn’t about to question it while I had a clear opportunity to get the fuck out of there.

As I was getting Gus’s jacket on and shepherding him out the door, Melanie came up to us and said, “And Brian?”

“Yeah?”

“Don’t worry about Linds. She’ll come around. Also, thank Justin for us. I’m guessing your decision to tell us before you were already moved and settled in LA had something to do with him.”

Fucking Justin!

I was laying in wait for him at the loft after his shift that day. The door slid open.

“You!”

“Me? What did I do?”

“It’s what you’re going to do.”

Justin sighed as he walked in. “Clam chowder was the soup du jour, can I please shower before I blow you?”

“What? No! I mean, yes, but that’s not what I was talking about.”

“You were talking about something other than my amazing fellatio skills? Now this I’ve got to hear.”

“You’re telling Debbie we’re moving.”

“Me? Why me?”

“I’ve told everyone else - Michael, Lindsay...everyone! I’ve had to go through all the hassle of talking and saying things and you know how I hate that. And then in the end, do I get any payoff? Any thanks for my sacrifice? No! They all thank you.”

“Me? Why is this the first I’m hearing of these thanks that you’re supposed to be passing on?”

“I think you’re focusing on the wrong thing here, Sunshine.”

“Okayyyy, why are they thanking me? Is that the right focus?”

“Bingo. They’re thanking you because they somehow think you’re responsible for hearing about the move at all.”

“Ahhh. Because if you had your way, we would abscond like thieves in the night.”

“Well I was thinking more along the lines of escaping persecution, a bit more noble, but yes.”

“So this thing, this telling them in advance of the move. Or, to be more specific, telling them at all and not just letting them figure it out on their own...this thing they’re thanking me for, is in fact something that you’re doing because I told you to.”

“Well...Ted told me to do it too.”

“Uh huh. Sounds like our friends are smart and insightful and know to give credit where credit is due.”

“But I’m doing all the hard work. It’s your turn!”

“My...ok, you want me to tell Deb? Fine. I’ll tell her you decided to move to LA because you love me sooooo much and just want me to be happy and isn’t that the sweetest thing she’s ever heard?”

“What...no…”

“Oh and if I tell Deb, then fair exchange, you tell my mom. You tell Jennifer Taylor you’re taking her baby boy, her only son, across the country to live far away from her. Good luck with that!”

“Wait, huh?”

“Where’s the phone? I’m going to call Deb now. I bet we’ll be able to hear her shrieking from here. Poor Carl. Although he’s probably used to it by now. It’s probably one of the many things about Debbie that he loves. Much like you love me.”

“Wait, somehow this isn’t going as I planned.”

“Oh no?”

“Fuck.”

“Okay, how about this? I shower. Then a blow job. You tell Debbie. I tell my mom.”

“If you tell Jennifer...I mean, I’m already missing one ball. She wouldn’t take the other one, would she?”

“Not if she believes you’re making this move for my benefit. Although that might imply that on some level you care about me...one might even draw the conclusion that you love me. If my mom believed that…”

“Well for the purposes of keeping my remaining testicle...I’m willing to allow that spin on this move. But only to her. Understood?”

“Sir, yes sir.” God I could never let him know what it does to me when he says that.

I sighed, “And I guess I better be the one to tell Emmett. That’s the only way to limit the going away party he’s going to want to throw to something smaller than a royal wedding.”

“Wise decision, I couldn’t agree more.”

“Okay, you, shower, now. You still owe me a blow job.”

“Sure, I’ll go shower and then you can blow me.” He reached up and kissed me and then sashayed to the bathroom.

It wasn’t until the showered was turned on and I heard the shower door open and close that I realized, I hadn’t gotten anything out of this negotiation. Besides the promise of getting to give Justin Taylor a blow job and well, let’s be honest, that’s not nothing.