ASHES TO AUTUMN
Part two: The After Dinner Payback
Over the next few days Justin was able to listen to the whole CD. He became so distracted by the whole incident at the diner and the music. Ethan was noticing the changes within him. When they made love something was missing. Ethan tried to dismiss it as overwork, studying a lot and the news about his concert.
One day when Justin found some alone time at school he took out the lyrics and with an orange highlighter he marked the first song. Now he had to get it to Brian.
Justin rewrapped the CD in the same brown paper and tied it with a moss green ribbon that reminded him of Brian's eyes as they changed with his passion. Justin bought a pure white rose and stuck it in the ribbon.
It was mid day and he knew Brian would be at work Justin went to the loft. Letting himself in with the key he never returned he made his way to the bedroom. Justin refused to look around afraid if he did he would see visions of the life they shared. Looking down he went up the steps into the bedroom and placed the CD on Brian's pillow. Before leaving be bent down and inhaled the scent, the mixture of Brian, his shampoo and cigarettes the scent that brought him life.
The tears started again as he raced for the door. Setting the alarm he locked up and went home.
Late that night Brian arrived home drunk and angry. He stunk like the trick he had in the alley near Woody's. Blinded by anger and pain he went to the bedroom and froze. He saw the rose blaring white against the dark stuck in the package on his pillow. He wanted to go for it immediately but stopped. Brian couldn't touch it not with the smell of the trick on him. He stripped out of his clothes put everything in the hamper and took a hot shower.
Brian scrubbed his skin till he felt raw. He stepped out and quickly toweled off. With his hair still dripping he gingerly fingered the rose that was starting to droop from lack of water. He found a bud vase quickly filling it and stuck in the rose. He hoped he managed to rescue it he would keep the flower.
Brian untied the ribbon and draped it over a framed picture of Justin and Gus. He opened the CD box and found the first song highlighted in orange. He had no need to listen he memorized each song.
The After Dinner Payback
I'm not wishing anymore.
I'm not writing songs for you.
I sleep better in the dark.
I'm not doing this for you.
This is because of you I don't believe.
Tongue tied an institute of my relief.
You're my, my reason to shame. (my reason to shame)
I'm not wishing anymore.
I'm not writing songs for you.
I sleep better in the dark.
I'm not doing this for you.
This is because of you I don't believe.
Tongue tied an institute of my relief.
One wish that is over.
You are all I waste today.
Discarded worthless throw it away
Will it tear you apart?
Will it?
Will it tear you apart?
When I turn and walk away.
Abandon, it's not worth the effort,
When stalling means too fucking scared to create,
Abandon, it's not worth the effort,
When stalling and too scared
One wish that this is over.
You are all I waste today.
Discarded worthless throw it away
Will it tear you apart?
Will it?
Will you tear it apart?
When I turn and walk away.
I'm not holding onto this.
I'm not wasting words on you.
I sleep alone in spite of it.
I'll do anything for you.
This is because of you I feel relief.
Tongue tied to instigate what I believe.
You're my reason to blame. (my reason to blame)
I'm not holding onto this.
I'm not wasting words on you.
I sleep alone in spite of it.
I'll do anything for you.
This is because of you I feel relief.
Tongue tied instigate what I believe.
You're me reason to blame. (my reason to blame)
Brian crawled into bed and slipped his hand under Justin's pillow to pull out an old worn t-shirt that Justin would wear around the loft when he sketched. Brian clutched the shirt to his face the scent of his boy was still there. He breathed in Brian's cock automatically twitched with a life all its own. He cried himself into a fitful sleep holding the shirt and the lyrics.
End of part two.