ASHES TO AUTUMN

Part six:  All I Taste Today is, What's Her Name

Justin started his stalking showing up all over Liberty Ave. where he knew Brian would be.  One night Justin needed release his own nameless trick. Easily he picked up his own twink at Babylon and took him to the backroom.  As he was in the middle of fucking what's his name senseless Brian brushed passed him and took up a bit of wall across from him. Another nameless twink presented himself to Brian and got down on his knees.

As Justin and Brian watched each other neither spoke they tried to concentrate on what was happening.  Brian watched Justin's thick cock slip in and out of ass before him. Justin gazed at Brian's disappearing cock as it devoured by the man on his knees envious that the trick was doing what Justin craved.

When they were done and Brian moved to leave Justin quickly shoved the lyric book into Brian's hand.  Brian took it without looking into Justin's eyes and kept on walking. Brian left Babylon without saying  goodbye to the guys and raced home.

Dropping the lyrics on to the bed he quickly showered again Brian couldn't read the passages while smelling the unsatisfying sex on himself.  The smell of the trick's breath and spit on him made him feel sick Brian couldn't let it contaminate his connection to Justin.

After his shower he took out the other booklet to compare.  Practically the whole album was highlighted. In the copy Justin gave him that night he saw the green highlighted passage.  Brian broke out into a cold sweat the words weren't meant for him. He knew Justin used orange; who had dared to intrude. He read over the words then he got it.  Ethan. Brian's heart calmed. Ethan was really gone it was over; fiddle fuck had left the building.

As he turned the pages he came to the newly highlighted song.

All I Taste Today Is, What's Her Name

The tears suspend.
Smiles are not more than (empty love) locked doors can keep you alone
Forever paint words (from your lips) in a house that's no longer
your
home
Take the dreams I know (as my own) and it worsens weekends
Thanks again for my misery.
And you run with fake friends
I'm sick of your sad songs and sing alongs.
I kind of like it when things are wrong.
Straight from left end,
They'll shout correction,
And I'll decline, and I'll decline
A source of comfort or some protection
And I'll decline
Smiles are not more than (empty love) locked doors can keep you alone
Forever paint words (from your lips) in a house that's no longer
your
home
Take the dreams I know (as my own) and it worsens weekends
Thanks again for my misery.
And you run with fake friends
Straight from left end,
They'll shout corrections,
And I'll decline, and I'll decline
A source of comfort or some protection
And I'll decline
In your throat
You will see
Surface relocated therapy
All I taste of today
Is the shame (of) my whore prey
All I know are apologies
Do you feel the shame.

The words had a ring of truth.  If Brian kept himself locked up he knew he would loose everything his life, Justin and maybe even Gus.    He had to unlock his heart but he didn't know how. Brian was also growing weary of all the advice his so called friends were fond of doling out. As he reread the lyrics a word stuck out at him and he felt like he was slapped in the face.  "Whore" Brian wasn't sure how or to whom it applied. Brian was well aware of his reputation he was
called a stud but there was a fine line between stud and whore and he may have come close to crossing it.  Then he felt his chest tighten could Justin believe that he was the whore. Mikey referred to Justin often enough as a whore if not to Justin's face definitely when he wasn't around.  

Brian could not let his Sunshine go on thinking he was a whore.  Not even close. Brian could probably count on one hand the number of tricks Justin had, between the two of them he knew who was the whore.  Brian had no clue how to fix this and he was too tired to go on thinking.

As exhaustion took him Brian slept clutching the worn t-shirt that was gradually loosing Justin's scent.  He had to get Justin back in his arms before the scent on the shirt was completely gone.



End of part six.