Justin tried to stay light hearted with the kids.  Gus gave Brinn and Justin a concert on his guitar in his room. The school had already called and let them know a new teacher was appointed.  After a long conversation Gus agreed he liked playing the guitar and he wasn’t going to let Brody take that from him. When Brinn began to yawn Justin put her down for a nap.  Justin wandered downstairs in a bit of a haze. His phone had been going off regularly but he wouldn’t answer. By the time Brinn went down, he pulled the phone out of his pocket and looked at the texts.  Brian was apologizing. He said he was trying to get a flight. As the texts progressed Brian said he had to stay until Sunday and would be back very late Sunday night or early Monday morning. As he sat in front of the fireplace another text came in.  All it said was answer this call. I need to talk to you.

The phone rang and Justin answered it but didn’t say anything. “Sunshine, darling, please talk to me.  I love you. I am so sorry I had to go. I miss you so much. I will make it up to you, I promise. Oh, please, talk to me. You know how much you mean to me.”

“I obviously mean less than $15M. Enjoy your day.  I need to take care our kids.” And the phone went dead.”

Gus walked into the room.  “Did I hear you talking to someone?”

“Yes, Brian called.”

“Is he coming home? Will he be here for you tonight?”

“No, you won’t see him until Monday. But, hey, I have you to spend the day with.  You don’t have a date do you?”

A dark look crossed Gus’ face.

“Oh, Gus, I am so sorry,” Justin pulled him down so he was sitting next to him. “I am sure you have mixed emotions about love and sex right now. What do you say I pop a big bowl of popcorn and we start with the first Harry Potter movie and see how far we get?”

“Sure, Dad.  I’m Ok, really. I was stupid for thinking I was ready for something like that with someone I barely knew. You and Pop warned me and I thought I knew better.”

“Gus, I am just so thankful that you are here and uninjured physically or…” Justin tapped above Gus’ chest.

“Can I ask you something really personal and I would understand if you blow me off?”

“Sure, Gus.”

“I know you really wanted to be with Pops your first time and you were older than me. What I really want  to ask is….it really hurt when he just had a finger there but it felt really good, too. Did Pops, well,” Gus felt really uncomfortable and embarrassed, “how bad did it hurt you and did Pop try to make it feel good for you?”

Tears sprang to Justin’s eyes.

“Oh, Daddy, I am sorry.  I shouldn’t have brought Pops up when he isn’t here.”

“Gus, Brian was amazing.  He was careful to let me know exactly what he was doing all the time and I wanted him very badly.  He warned me about the pain but he promised me it would feel good soon and he was so right. Your Pops really knew…. Well, you don’t need details. There is still pain after 13 years but now the pain reminds me of the pleasure soon to come.  I hope that wasn’t too much detail.”

“No, Dad.  It just shows me how much you two have loved each other since the first time.”

Justin gave Gus a quick hug.  “You go start the movie and I will make the popcorn and your sister will probably be up soon.  Maybe you could grab a few of her favorite toys so she can play while we watch the show.”

“Dad?”

“Yes, Gus?”

“Please forgive Pops soon.  Both of you don’t do well when you are mad at each other.”

“Gus, just remember that no matter what goes on between Brian and me, we love you and your sister more than life itself and we will both be here for you no matter what.”

Justin spent the whole weekend with the kids by himself.  Peter and Becca had gone away for the weekend so no one else was around.  After the kids were down for the night on Sunday, Justin moved a majority of his stuff to the bedroom across the hall.  He really wanted to move to the playroom because it was farther away but he needed to be close to Brinn. He locked the door and went to bed.

Brian arrived home around 1:00 a.m.  He wasn’t sure he had the energy for what he had to face now but he knew he deserved whatever Sunshine gave him.  Just the thought of Justin made him get hard. He had missed him so much and it had been over a week. What happened to the days when they made love four times a day?

He walked into the bedroom softly said, “Sunshine, I’m home.”  He didn’t hear anything and flipped on the light. Justin wasn’t there. After a quick look he saw most of Justin’s clothes were gone.  Brian went out to the hall and noticed the door across the hall, which usually was open a bit, was pulled completely closed. Brian turned the knob.  Damn, he had locked it. Brian knocked softly, “Justin, please, let me in. I need to talk to you. Please, Sunshine. I love you.” After a few minutes Brian gave up and went back to his room.  He would talk to him in the morning.

In the morning, Justin brought Brinn downstairs and got Gus off to school.  He had asked Claire if she could take Brinn over to the Inn today. They didn’t need an audience when he and Brian had it out.  By the time Brian came downstairs Justin was on his fourth cup of coffee. He was looking out at the pool, and beyond to the yard where John and Tony were married. As his head pounded he also thought about the fight with Claire and his collapse.

Justin was lost in his thoughts when Brian slipped his arms around Justin’s waist. His mouth went down  to Justin’s neck but Justin stepped away. What he really wanted to do was turn into those protective arms but right now those arms just led to more uncertainty.

“There’s coffee in the pot,” Justin said.  “Did you get the account?”

“Yes, a three year contract but, Sunshine, I don’t give a damn about that right now.  I just want…”

“You chose that over your family this weekend.  You obviously gave a damn.” Justin said in a low, calm voice. “You can’t have it both ways.”

“Justin, it was a $15 M deal.  I couldn’t just blow that off. I had employees that had worked hard on the account.”

“And you had a husband and kids that you had made promises to,” Justin walked to the sink and put the mug in it. “Gus is at school and Brinn is with Claire. I’m going to spend the day at the studio.  Don’t come by. Help Gus with his homework. Listen to him play his guitar. He has talent. I’m sleeping there tonight. Tell Gus and Brinny I will see them tomorrow after school.” Justin slipped on a coat, grabbed his backpack, and walked toward the door.

“Justin, please…” Brian caught his arm. “Sunshine, I need you.”

“You want sex, fine!” He threw the backpack on a chair and dropped his pants.and leaned over a chair. “Just fuck me.  It always feels good.”

Brian was horrified.  “Justin, stand up and pull up your pants. I wasn’t talking about…..god, you are so gorgeous, yes, I want you but not like this.”

Justin pulled up his pants, grabbed the bag,  and walked out the door.

Brian stood alone in the large house.  What had he done? What was going on with Justin? DAMN IT! He slammed a few things around and ended up in the office forwarding things he needed to the office and then fell asleep with his head on the desk.  Brian woke up hearing noise in the kitchen. He was a bit disoriented with the time change. He wasn’t sure what time it was. Maybe Justin came back. He rushed out to the kitchen, “Sunshine?”

“Dad! Where you been?” Brinn ran up to him grabbing both of his legs. Claire was standing at the counter emptying some grocery bags.

Brian held Brinn close. “Dad had to go somewhere for work but I am home now and I won’t go away for a long time.” He kissed her and she put her arms around his neck.

“I love my dad.  I miss you.”

“You know what, Little One? It is time for you to take your afternoon nap.  You can play with your dad when you wake up.

“See you later, Dad.”  Brian kissed her cheek and she waived as Claire brought her upstairs.

Brian made a fresh pot of coffee. When Claire came back down he handed her a mug.

“Sit down, little brother and tell me what is going on.”

Brian rested his head on his fist and stared off into space. “I screwed up, Claire.  Normally, if I do something like this Justin will be upset but I know he is stretched. He has this book deal he has been working on and with Gus giving us a run for our money.”

“Not to mention dealing with a two year old that is now into everything.”

“But I am the CEO of a major company and I have hundreds of people that rely on me.”

“And you have three extremely important people here that rely on you. Can’t you hire someone to do a lot of the work over there. Can’t you give someone most of your power or someone that everyone goes to and they are the only one that comes to you?”

“I just hate to be out of the loop.”

“You wouldn’t have to be out of the loop.  You just wouldn’t have to go through the crap and only choose from the best and, Brian, I think if you want to keep your family together you are going to have to do something.  Justin’s job is just as taxing as yours. It’s just very different. So, if you love him as much as I know you do, wake up little brother. I would take an extended vacation and get someone hire as soon as you can.  Fight for him and your family. Show him you can take up the slack starting now.”

“He’s not coming home tonight.”

“So what can you do for him to let him know you are thinking of him but giving him space.”

“I’m not good at this stuff.  This is what Justin is good at.  If he was in my bed I would know what to do.”

“Brian, you are not that shallow.  You know how to love. I have seen you with your kids.  I have seen you with my kids. Your love is far more than the sex you can have.”

Claire left him to his thoughts.  Twenty minutes later Brian moved. He ordered flowers to be delivered to the studio and then he called their favorite Italian restaurant and ordered Justin’s favorite meal and them hired a town car to deliver it at 6:30 p.m.  Gus arrived home and was surprised to see Brian and not Justin.

“Hey Pops, glad you’re home.  Where’s Dad?” Gus looked at Brian’s face.  “He isn’t home is he?”

“No, he is at the studio tonight.”

“Pops, you really hurt him. It was Valentine’s Day.  He made you a special meal the night before. When I went to tell him you loved him he had Brinn with him and he was crying.  I know you didn’t mean to but you hurt him really bad.”

Gus stepped forward and hugged him. “I’m sorry, Gus. I shouldn’t have put that on you.”

“I just got in bed with them and held his hand.”

“You are an amazing son.” He tilted Gus’ face up, “How are you, Gus?”

“I’m fine I talked to John and Dad and I know I was stupid thinking I could deal with anything but I  know it wasn’t my fault.”

“Damn right it wasn’t your fault.” Brian kissed his forehead.  “Your dad made me promise to help with your homework so let’s take a seat.  

Justin was packing up the paintings that were going to be picked up tomorrow.  The paintings were heading to New York City so they could be photographed for the book.  He would be traveling with one of the paintings for the three stops he was going to make.  Hell, the way

His life was going he may extend the tour.  If it wasn’t for his kids he would make it a lengthy tour. After packing up the paintings he pulled out another canvas and began to put down background paint.  He didn’t really know what he was thinking of at the moment. Certain colors just were jumping out at him and he was putting it down. He was trying not to drink because he was too upset to drink and think straight.  

Justin heard a knock on the locked door.  “I’m not open.” He hollered over his shoulder.

“Justin, it’s me.” John  called from the door.

“John, I really don’t….”

“Come on, Justin. Let me come in.”  He heard the door unlock and he walked in.  Justin was already walking back to a canvas.

John walked up behind him and  before he could do anything Justin said, “Don’t touch me, please.  Not right now. I can’t deal with it.”

“Uncle Brian called and asked me to check on you. He is really worried about you.”

“He wasn’t worried about me when he decided to run off to California.” Justin took a deep breath. “He just doesn’t seem to understand. I need to know I can count on him or I am going to quit counting on him all together.  I’m just tired, John. I am tired of being a grown up.” He laughed a little. “You know I love my kids and God knows how much I love him,” he couldn’t bring himself to say Brian, “but I just need a little time. Face it. I just need help and he can’t understand that.”  Justin stopped talking then and John could see from his posture he was done talked, he was just done.

John took the chance and touched Justin’s shoulder.  Justin turned and stepped into John’s arms. John didn’t say anything, he just held him close. Eventually, Justin’s body relaxed a bit and he took a step back.  

“I’ll be fine, John.  Go back to your family.  Tell him whatever you need to tell him. I’m fine and will go back to the house tomorrow. If only my body didn’t crave him. It’s been a week and it feels like a year.”

“I know we need to make time for each other or we start feeling the tension and not just the physical tension. Emotionally we need to connect.”

“Go, John, go love Tony.  Claire should be back by now.  Make time for each other.”

John gently kissed Justin. “Uncle Brian loves you.”

Justin nodded as he led John to the door.

Sometime later there  was a knock on the door.  “John, I thought I told you,” Justin turned around to see a delivery man stand there.  

“Mr. Taylor-Kinney?”

“Yes. I am Justin.”

“I have some flowers for you, sir.  I am sorry I am so late but we had a hell of a time finding them.”  He stepped out and came in with a bouquet of golden gardenias “They had to be flown in from New York City and the flight was delayed because of the storm coming in. They are beautiful. I had never seen a whole bouquet before.

Justin couldn’t speak for a minute. He eventually took a breath and said, “Oh, I ….let me get you something.”

“No, sir, everything has been taken care of. I was given a large tip already.”  

Of course, Justin thought, Brian is always generous with his money. One of the things I love about him.  “Well, thank you. They are beautiful.” He touched the petals. They were soft as silk.

“I really like your paintings they are wild.”

“Thanks. I’m trying something new here.”

“It is really good.  I have seen more of your stuff.  It is all really good.”

Justin wasn’t sure why he did it but he walked up to the delivery man, hoping he wasn’t wrong.  He put his arms around him and kissed him. The man’s arms instantly went around Justin and Justin ground his hips into him. The man groaned as he rubbed the man’s crotch, feeling him grow under his clothes.

“Shit,” Justin turned and walked away quickly.  “I am so sorry. Please forgive me. I have been in here all day working on my paintings and I sometimes have some built up...um, tension after a day like this.  Please, I ask for your discretion.” He slipped $200 into his hand. “This really isn’t me. I am a happily married man. I really feel stupid.”

“Really, it isn’t a problem.  I never complain when a beautiful man kisses me. And I don’t have a husband so if you are ever having ‘tension’ again feel free to call me at the shop.”

As the man drove away Justin was wondering what the hell he was thinking but something about it felt really good. It was so wrong but it felt so good.

Justin poured a full glass of whiskey and took a swallow just as there was another knock on the door.  What the hell? He just wanted to be left alone. “Who is it?” He said gruffly.

“Your dinner delivery, sir.”

“I didn’t order any dinner.” Justin opened the door expecting to see pizza and found a town car and the driver was holding a bag from ‘their’ place. “Thanks.” Justin took the bag and shut the door. Damn, Brian. It was so hard to stay mad at him when his body craved his touch. Justin set the bag on the small table next to the flowers.  He noticed the card for the first time. It was a typed note.

‘Sunshine, please forgive my stupidity.  You are worth more than any amount of money.  Please, come home.’

Justin downed the glass and poured another one.  He pulled out the dinner Brian had sent him. It included his favorite appetizer, entree, and dessert along with a bottle of their favorite wine.  Justin drank the second glass and then opened the bottle of wine. He felt the second glass settle and then poured a glass of wine. As he ate, he drank, and then he began to cry.  By the time the tears had stopped the food was mostly gone and he poured the last of the wine into the glass. He pulled out his medication and took the pills with the last of the wine.  He staggered to the couch and dropped onto it and immediately passed out.

Brian spent the night with the kids.  Claire had made dinner for them. Brian asked Gus if he could put the dirty dishes in the dishwasher and just put the leftover hotdish in the refrigerator. He took Brinn upstairs and bathed her. When she was in her pajamas, Brian brought Brinn to Gus’ room and they listened to him play a few songs.  Gus ended with a sweet lullaby, Brian sang the words softly. Brinn got on her knees and put her hands on Brian’s cheeks and kissed him while he sang. She wrapped her arms around Brian’s neck and in his ear she said, “When is Daddy coming home.”

“I hope he will be here tomorrow, Baby Girl.  I really hope he will be back tomorrow.” Brian complimented Gus on his skill and carried a tired Brinn to her room. He laid her in her bed.

“I miss my daddy.”

“I miss him, too, Sweetheart. Do you want to send him a movie?”

Brian started the video on his phone.  Brinn was sitting up in her bed. Brian nodded to her. “I love you, Daddy. Please come home.  I miss you.” Brian stopped the phone

“Good night, Brinny.” She gave him one more hug and laid down.

Brian shut the door and went back downstairs. He straightened up the kitchen a little more but Gus had done a good job. He stood where Justin had earlier today looking at the pool. He sent the video to Justin and then walked to the cupboard where the Jim Beam was.  Justin had never locked it up. He trusted him. Brian slammed the cupboard door shut. He grabbed the monitor and stepped out on the patio. He wanted to feel the cold. He sat down in a chair. He could feel a little heat coming off the spa with the steam coming off the water.  He didn’t feel the cold. He didn’t feel anything without Justin here.

Brian had no idea how long he had been sitting there when Becca walked up.  “Brian, what are you doing out here? You don’t have a coat on. You are going to freeze. Come in with me.” Brian followed her in.

Becca had him sit on the kitchen stool and made a pot of coffee. “Where’s Justin?”

“Sleeping at the studio.”

“Do you want me to sleep here?”

“I can take care of the kids.  I can…..How the hell do I know if I can do it?  Justin always does it or has someone lined up to help.”

“Brian, you can take care of your children.  I have complete faith in you since you are drinking this,” She poured him a cup of coffee, “And not that other stuff. What can I do for you, Brian.”

“Thanks, Becca, but the only thing that will fix this is getting Sunshine back here. He said he would be back tomorrow.  Maybe Brinn would like to go with you to the guest house for part of the day?”

“Sure, Brian, as soon as Justin has gotten to spend a little time with her.  You know she won’t go anywhere if she sees him.”

“Thanks, Becca.  Thanks for this, too.” He held up the mug.

She kissed him on the cheek. “I’ll be here around 9:00 if that works for you. I take it you aren’t going into work.”

“No, I am not going to work.9:00 will be good.”  Brian walked upstairs and checked on Gus, who was in bed with the lights out.  Brian got in bed and pressed Justin’s pillow to is nose. He needed him.

Justin’s head hurt so bad when he woke up he could barely move and then the nausea kicked in.  He grabbed a trash can next to the sofa and threw up over and over. He laid back down and shut his eyes, taking  deep breaths trying to focus. He slowly sat up. He pulled out his phone to see the time and noticed he had a message.  He watched the video from Brian. “Oh, Brinny, I love you, too, Baby Girl.” Justin heard a key in the door and John walked in.

“I didn’t want to wake you up if you were still sleeping.” John walked in with a bag and cup of coffee in one hand and a carseat in the other. I thought you could use some coffee and some  toast and I though Matty might make you feel better.”

Before John had finished, Justin was lifting Matteo out of his car seat and brought him to his chest. “I’ll take that toast and coffee.”  Justin slowly at the toast and sipped the coffee with one hand while holding Matty with the other. “He’s not playing fair. Look at the last message on my phone.”

Justin heard Brinn’s sweet little voice as John watched the clip. “She loves her daddy and misses you.”

“As soon as my shipment goes out I am out of here.  I can’t live away from them.”

John looked at the flowers.  “These are gorgeous.”

“He sent dinner last night, too.  It would be so much easier if I thought he didn’t care but I know he does.”

“Justin, not using his name isn’t  going to change who he is and do you really want him to?”

“John, I want him but I need him to step up.  I can’t do it all, especially with my head feeling like this half the day. I can barely function without a shot of something to help dull the pain. And no I didn’t have anything this morning. I knew I wanted to drive soon.”

Matty started fussing and Justin got up and walked with him.”He’s got a bit of a cold so he has been a bit fussy the last couple days.”

“You know how much I love your little guy, don’t you?”

“You love him as much as I love Miss Thing. Call your doctor’s office.  They should just be opening. Tell them how bad it really is. Don’t let them tell you  to give it time. You are in too much pain.” Justin nodded and made the call. After a call back they said they were going to check with the pharmacy but told me I need to take it until I hear back.

“Well, maybe they will figure out something.” He heard a truck pull up. “I better go give direction.  You take this gorgeous little boy into that warm house and let one of those women spoil him all day.” He kissed Matti and passed him onto his daddy.  Justin kissed John and said, “I will be going home in a few minutes. Thanks, John, for everything.”

John went to the house and Justin’s paintings were loaded and on their way to NYC.  Justin washed his face and brushed his teeth. He combed his hair and found a fresh shirt in a drawer.  He kept it there in case he spilled paint on himself. He looked in the mirror and shrugged. It was the best he could do without a shower.

Justin arrived at the house and  found himself nervous for some reason. His phone  rang and he answered it. “This is Justin.” He listened to the book agent.  “Yes, Ok, that should work…...I’ll see you Friday.” Well, maybe that was for the best.  He knew he needed to be with his kids and Brian but he needed a break desperately.

Justin walked in and dropped to the floor to receive Brinn’s hugs and kisses. Brian stood by the kitchen island watching them.“Oh my daddy. Did you see my movie.  I love Daddy.”

“I did see it, Sweetheart, and I love and miss you, too.” After lots of hugs and kisses they, Brian joined them on the floor and they played.Brinn agreed to go to the guest house with Becca eventually..

After Brinn and Becca had left Brian and Justin stood up.   “I need you, Sunshine. I have missed you so much. I am so, so sorry about the trip.  I made a mistake.”

“Brian, shut up and come upstairs with me so you can cum deep inside.  I swear if you don’t take me soon….” Justin rushed for the stairs and Brian was right behind him.

Somehow as they came through the bedroom door Justin had his pants undone and around his knees. He yanked at Brian’s fly.  Brian tried to take him in his arms but Justin said, “NO, later, I need you NOW!” Brian looked at him as Justin leaned over a chair. As he entered he remembered the days when he would have prefered sex this way.  Now he felt like he was missing something. Once he felt Justin’s ass against his pelvis he began slowly to move in and out. “God, Brian, HARDER!”

Brian pulled Justin up so his back was pressed tightly against Brian’s chest and Brian held him there with his arms wrapped tightly around Justin’s shoulders.  “Sorry, Sunshine, I need to feel you. Slow down. Breath deep. Feel me.”

Justin was in some sort of frenzy he did his best to add force and speed but Brian slipped one hand down and grasped Justin’s penis.  He held it tight making Justin stay against him. He brought his mouth to Justin’s ear. “I am so sorry, I wasn’t here for you. I wasn’t thinking. I….”

“Just shut up and screw me!” He didn’t want to feel  emotions. He just needed to feel right now.

“I can’t do that.  I need to make love to you.  Slow down, Sunshine. We have the rest of our lives.”  Brian began sliding his hand along Justin’s throbbing cock and as he synced the rhythm of his hand and his body both men began to tremble and then each shuttered long and hard as together they found relief.

Within seconds Justin disengaged.  And pulled up his pants, buttoned and zipped it up. Brian stood there watching him. “Sunshine, we have all day. I …..

“Later.  We need to talk.”

“But, Sunshine, I….”

“Brian, I am not your employee.  I don’t have to jump every time you tell me to.”

Brian stepped closer and reached out to touch his cheek. “Justin…” Justin stepped out of his reach.

“Brian, I leave Friday.  I’ll be gone at least two weeks.  The first week I’ll be in New York City.  After that I have other stops. It will actually probably be at least three weeks.  I will Facetime with the kids every day or night. You will have to spend more time at home, especially with Brinn.  I think Becca and Claire will help out. Maybe Becca and Peter can move into the house so they are closer.”

Brian felt like he had just been hit.  “Justin, I knew you were going to be going but we hadn’t talked about when.”

“We haven’t talked about it?  Did you talk to me about going to California?”

“Justin...Sunshine,” This time he drew his knuckle softly down from Justin’s temple to jawline. “I didn’t mean to insinuate that you had to ask me. It is just quicker than I expected and I thought we would have time to…”

“Have time for you to sucker me into believing everything will always be alright and that I will always be able to rely on you unless money is involved.  Then I am on my own.”

Each word was like a blow to Brian.

Justin then changed his tone.  “But I know we have several hours alone and right now I could use…”

“What game are you playing, Justin?  

“I’m not playing a game, Baby.  I am being completely honest with  you. Right now I need to take a step back emotionally.  I just can’t deal with that but a man needs what a man needs. If you don’t need more of a release I guess I can take care of it myself  but it is much more fun …” Justin stepped close to him and began to grind his hips against Brian. “Much more fun if we do this together,  Just act like we are back in the loft 10 years ago. No strings, just sex. Of course it is the best sex in the world.”

“Damn,” Brian whispered under his breath as he devoured Justin’s mouth. It was fast, hot, sweaty sex.  Hands and mouths were everywhere. There was no gentleness. Justin was sitting on Brian’s naked body and met him thrust for thrust. They moved from one position to another to another.

Justin and Brian laid on their backs staring at the ceiling.  Brian reached over and found Justin’s hand. He entwined their fingers. As they cooled off and started to get cool Brian pulled up the blankets and wrapped his arms around Justin along with the covers. “Sunshine, I understand why you are angry.  I screwed up really bad and I admit it. For so many years money told others who I am. I was nothing without it. I know we don’t need it anymore but I just couldn’t imagine throwing that much money away.” As he said this his fingers stroked Justin’s chest slowly. “Please, Sunshine, forgive me.”

“Baby, I forgive you.  I just can’t forget it.  It is obvious we need each other physically so I don’t know why we should deprive ourselves of the most amazing sex on the planet.” Justin had begun to stroke Brian and he was already nearly hard again.  Justin pushed Brian over to his stomach. Justin began stroking Brian’s as and between the cheeks he began to tease Brian’s opening. Soon Justin was stroking and teasing his prostate. He was pressing had and then lighten up.  Brian actual whimpered a little. Justin straddled him as he let his tongue wander along his shoulder blades. He then started biting down to the point of being painful but just as Brian was afraid he was going to break skin, Justin invaded him.  He instantly came with the combination of pain and pleasure. Justin continued to drive in over and over and finally Brian felt Justin’s life flooding him inside and then Justin rolled off and walked to the bathroom.

“Gus will be home soon.  I’m taking a shower. I missed that kid last night.”

Brian watched Justin walk into the bathroom. Justin was right about one thing, ten years ago he would have loved this Justin.  Now he just missed his husband. As Brian got up he felt an ache deep inside. He wasn’t sure if it was from the sex or was it because Justin removed his soul.

The week flew past.  Brian and Justin had more sex than they had in years but Brian had never felt emptier in some ways. Brian saw the pain Justin was in when he woke up. On Thursday, Justin had trouble sitting up to get Brinn.

“I’ll get her and bring her here.” Brian offered. He quickly changed her and brought her in to play in bed with them for a while.  In a half hour Justin felt better and took Brinn downstairs to get breakfast. After they had left the room Brian called Justin’s doctor.  He knew a call was made but he was sure this wasn’t right. He spoke to a nurse and demanded to get a call back. He donated too much money to the hospital to be ignored.  Within the hour he was in his office and the doctor called him back. They discussed what was going on with Justin. After hearing all the symptoms, including Justin’s change in mood and his headaches, the doctor said he had an idea and would call him back in the next day or two.   Brian said he expected a call by the end of the day tomorrow.

Shortly after he hung up, Justin walked in and  came around the desk, dropping on Brian’s lap. Brian   wrapped his arms around Justin and pulled him close. Justin started kissing him and working his hands under Brian’s shirt. Taking Justin’s hand in his own, Brian kissed him quickly and said, “Stop, please, stop.”  Brian wrapped his arms around Justin. “I love you, Sunshine. This sounds completely crazy but I miss you. I miss talking to you. Do you know how long you are going to be gone, yet?”

“I  know it will be  a minimum of two weeks but it is very likely it will be close to three.  They are trying to get a few small bookstores set up so it looks like I will start and end in New York.  I wish I could take Brinn but it is a different city each day and Becca can’t come along because of school.”

“I will take care of her.”

For a moment the old Justin was back, “Baby, I know you will take the best care of her.” He put his hands on either side of Brian’s face. “I have full confidence that our kids are in the best hands.” He leaned over and kissed Brian with the depth that had been missing this week. Brian tried to soak it in.  Did Justin realize that he needed this far more than he needed sex?

When Justin pulled back Brian didn’t want to let him go. “Justin, don’t pull away from me, please. Let me really make love to you tonight, please.”

“I don’t know if I can, Brian.  I’m sorry, I just don’t know. I love you.  I do. I just don’t know what’s wrong. I think this time apart will be good for us and then when I come back.” He let Brian pull him close and kissed him gently.  Sunshine, you are my life. Come back to me. I can’t do life without you. Our kids can’t either.”

The four of them ate the special dinner Becca had made for them.  Brinn kept looking at Justin. “Daddy, no go bye bye. Stay by Brinn. I love Daddy.” She strained to get out of her highchair. Brian stood up and loosened  her straps, picking her up and handing her to Justin. Brinn clung to him.

“Oh, Brinny, we can talk every day on movies, I promise.” She sat down on his lap. “Gus, we can set up a time each night to talk, too, ok? You are going to be be much better on the guitar by the time I get back. Maybe you can play for me sometimes.”

“Dad can you come to my room after Brinn is down?”

“Definitely, Gus.”

After spending extra time with Brinn, Justin turned the light off in the nursery and pulled the door shut. Brian was coming up the steps after turning lights off downstairs. “I will be back in a bit.  I need to spend time with Gus.” Justin’s hand trailed from Brian’s cheek to his chest and dipped below the waist band. “Get something fun ready.”

Justin knocked on the door and opened it. “Can I come in?”

“Sure.”

“I got the feeling you might have something to talk to me about.”

“Dad, I know you had this planned for a long time and I know Pops screwed up but Pops knows it too.  How long are you going to make him pay?”

“Gus, you know I love your dad. And I hope you  know how much I love you and your sister.”

“Dad, I would never doubt that. Brinn and I couldn’t have a better dad. Pops needs you as much as I do.”

“I know he does, Gus. I really don’t know what is going on.  I don’t know how to explain it because I don’t know exactly what is going on myself but I think some of it has to do with this med I am on.  The doctor is supposed to call me so we can get this straightened out. I think maybe this separation will be good for us. When I get back we will have everything worked out.”

“Dad, there is one other thing.  Pops is going to invite Michael and JR and Hayden over while you are gone. I don’t know…..”

“You are torn.  You so want to know what it feels like to be with someone and then you remember Brody?”  Gus nodded. “Gussy, remember you don’t have to do anything you aren’t ready for. There is a lot you could do without actually having sex. I am not going to tell you what you should or shouldn’t do except, protect yourself, physically,” Justin handed Gus several condoms, “And mentally.  If you have any doubt, don’t do it. If she likes you she will come back for more another time.”

“Dad, I’m going to miss you so much.” Gus hugged Justin long enough to bring a tear to his eye. “I love you, Daddy.”

“Gussy, I will be back and you can call me anytime.  I will get back to you as soon as I can. I love you and your sister so much.”

Justin left Gus’ room and headed to his own.  His heart ached. He was going to miss his kids so much.  He walked into the bedroom and followed the music. Brian sat in the bathtub. Justin almost walked back out.  He knew he would drop his defenses the minute he stepped in that tub but maybe he needed to for one night. Without realizing it he had already taken off his shirt and then dropped his pants and briefs. He stepped into the soaker tub and collapsed into Brian’s arms.  Brian held onto him tightly. Justin relaxed completely for the first time in weeks. He tilted his head to the side so he could see Brian’s face. Brian lowered his mouth and kissed Justin so gently Justin wondered if their lips had actually touched.

Justin looked into Brian’s eyes and softly said, “Love me, Baby.” Brian’s hands roamed and caressed Justin until he was ready for more.

“Let’s go to bed, Sunshine.” They stood up and dried off.  Brian gently laid Justin down on their bed and started at the soles of his feet. He began to kiss and lick his way up. He spent an extended time on his inner thighs and then spent time licking and suckling his penis and when Justin was about to lose control and then Brian continued upward.  When their lips met, they Justin held on so tightly Brian nearly cried feeling they were really connecting. Brian positioned himself and ever so slowly, entered Justin. Together they climbed higher and higher. After they peaked, they stayed together and Brian laid on top of Justin for a minute.

“Sunshine, come back to me. I have missed you.”

“I’m sorry, Baby.  I don’t know what’s wrong with me.  I will come back to you. I will.”

Justin slipped out of bed early in the morning.  He took a couple big swigs of whiskey to dull the pain.  He went into the shower and lathered his hair. He didn’t hear him but knew he was there.  “You didn’t need to get up.” Brian’s arms slid around his water slicked waist. “Brian, I’m sorry but my head hurts too bad to do anything.”

“Lean against me, Sunshine.  I will help you.” Brian helping get the soap out of his hair and then lathered his body slowly and deliberately.  After he completed his front he turned Justin so they were chest to chest and Brian soaped Justin’s back and ass trying not to make it sexual but as Brian finished, Justin looked up at him and softly said, “Kiss me.”

It started as a gentle kiss but Justin soon had brought it much deeper and soon Justin was desperate for more.

“Are you sure, Sunshine? We don’t have to.  I know you are in pain.”

“Gently.  It will distract me.”

“I hope it is more than a distraction.”  Brian turned him and so he could support himself on the glass.  Brian entered him and barely moved. He tightly held Justin against his chest with one arm while his other hand softly coaxed Justin’s dick awake.  He made no sudden moves or demanded anything. Very softly for a moment they reconnected heart, body, and soul.

“I love you, Sunshine. Come back to me soon”

“I love you, too, Baby.”

As Justin’s car to the airport left an hour later, Brian felt his heart break just a little.

Justin landed in New York City and was met by a representative from the publisher.  “Mr. Taylor-Kinney, I’m Tom, so nice to meet you. I will be with you throughout this adventure.  Please, let me know if there is anything you need or want. And I do mean anything. I am trying to line up some entertainment for our evenings.  I understand we have different tastes in the bedroom, but after seeing you I might….sorry. You are a very attractive man. As I was saying I am lining up entertainment for you in the evenings.”

“Tom, I am married and we are committed.  We have kids.”

“I would think a little variety might spice up your home life.”

“Brian and I usually don’t need much help there.  Have you seen my husband?” Justin pulled out his phone and showed him a picture he had taken of Brian lying in bed shortly after having made love several weeks ago.  His hair was tousled and his skin still flushed. He felt his cock twitch just thinking about him.

“Well, having that waiting I can understand but what happens on a tour, stays on tour.”

And the book tour began. After Justin spent the day in meetings, Tom and Justin went out for dinner and then to a club. Justin hadn’t felt this free and relaxed in years. Justin spent hours out on the floor with both men and women.  Eventually he had been with the same young man for several numbers and as the evening turned to late night and the music slowed, Justin had a craving he had not had for a long time. It was pure lust. He had been drinking for hours and when it was offered, he sniffed something. He wanted this man and he wondered how fast he could get him back to his hotel room. Justin placed his hand on the young man’s ass and pulled him in.  He brought his mouth up to his ear. “Come back with me.” Justin put his arm around his waist and led him off.

Tom followed them out.  “See you in the morning.”

Justin pulled his partner close. “Sure you don’t want to join us?”

“Maybe another night.  I have to be at work early.  I will call you in the morning.” Tom waved down a taxi and was gone.

Justin pushed the his date against the wall and started kissing him. When Justin could tell he had the desired effect he pulled back a bit. “What’s your name?” his words were slurred as he put his hands on his ass.

“Todd, my name is Todd.”

“Well, that makes us old friends.  I used to know a Todd. Now, I want to get to know this one. My hotel is close.” Justin looked him up and down. “How old are you?”

“Old enough.”

“That doesn’t tell me anything. I want to screw your brains out but those brains have to be 18. I.D.”  He held out his hand.

Todd handed him a card and Justin looked it over.  “Good, 21 is even better. This is my hotel. Last chance to back out.”

“No, I want you. What’s your name?” Todd ask him.

“Not important.”  Justin directed him into the posh hotel and then onto the elevator.

Justin grabbed Todd’s crotch roughly but then got more gentle. He slowly licked Todd’s neck and then up to his ear. The doors open and Justin stepped out into his penthouse.

“Wow, are you someone famous or just really rich?”

“Both, neither. Take your clothes off. This isn’t your first time is it?”

“No,” he quickly answered.

“I need to know how experienced. Want a drink?”  He poured two glasses and handed one over.
“I don’t want to hurt you or do anything you aren’t ready for.

“I’ve been with a few people but not that many.  That doesn’t change anything, does it?”

“Just how I approach you. Let’s get rid of this clothes.” Justin stripped his shirt off and then pulled Todd’s off.  Todd reminded him of Blake when he was young. “Tell me if I do anything you don’t like. Lie down on your stomach.” Justin kissed him along his spine and when he  reached his lower back he massaged the young man’s asshole and then positioned Todd so he could slide in. He put on a condom and began pressing inward. “Relax, Todd.  It will go much easier.” Justin took his time but once he was in he began long, firm strokes helping him feel every move. The young man shouted as he spasmed. Then Justin shouted as he climaxed. Justin dropped on the bed and climbed under the covers.  “Find your own way out.” Justin took his pill and fell asleep.

Brian spent his early mornings with the kids, making sure Gus was ready for school on time and out the door when the bus arrived.  He played with Brinn until help got there and then he worked out of his home office for the day. The first day Justin talked to Brinn but after that he would send her a little video clip rather than talk to her.  

By the end of the first week Gus had gotten through to him three times and Brinn was losing the spark in her eye,  asking to talk to Daddy but when Brian called him, he didn’t pick up. Justin had nearly fallen off the face of the earth.

After the first night, Justin started a pattern.  He spent the afternoon and early evening a bookstore.  Then Tom would take him to dinner and they would hit a bar or club.  Justin would take someone home with him and after screwing he sent them home.    In the morning he would wake up taking a shot of something strong enough to take the edge off the pain in his head.  He would then doze until he could deal with the pain. He would send Brinn a video and text Gus. Then he would start the  pattern over. Four men in four nights. Tonight he was going to get Tom to join him.

Brian had talked to the doctor several times throughout the week.  Finally, on Friday after Justin had been gone a week Brian got a call. “Mr. Kinney, I finally have it verified.  The pharmacy gave Justin the wrong med. Two medications have almost identical names and they gave the wrong one. I have tried to get ahold of him but he isn’t  answering. He needs to stop taking that med immediately. It is actually amazing he is functioning with his history. All the symptoms you and he gave me an idea what could be going on but it was just verified minutes ago. I am sure you are talking to him.  Tell him to stop taking it and have him let me know where I can send the new script.”

“I will get ahold of him, even if I have to fly there. Oh and tell the pharmacy to be ready for a lawsuit.”

Brian hoped Justin would respond to a text.  If his schedule hadn’t changed he should be free right now.  Justin hadn’t talked to him since he left. That was a week. He had barely talked to Gus.  

‘Sunshine, I need to talk to you about your medication.  The doctor finally called. Please, please call me’.

Justin was in the back of a taxi when the message came in.  He looked at the text. He didn’t want to talk to Brian. He didn’t want to hear his voice but he had to find out what the doctor said.  Justin took a deep breath and called Brian.

“Hello, Sunshine! You got my text.”

“Ya, what did you find out?”

“You need to stop taking that medicine right away.  It is the wrong stuff. Someone at the pharmacy screwed up.  Don’t take it anymore. If you call the doctor he can sent a script to a pharmacy near you.”

“Thanks, Brian.”

“Sunshine, I miss you.  How are things going? Do you leave tomorrow?  The kids miss you. Brinny wants to talk to you so bad.  I know you are still upset with me but don’t make the kids suffer.”

“Sorry, Brian.  I have been really busy.  Is Brinn around. I have a couple minutes.”

“No, she is out with Claire.  They went to play with Matti for a while since she was so sad.”

“I’m sorry.  I’m just really busy here. By the time my head starts functioning it’s noon.”

“The doctor sent me information I will forward.  It could take a week or so for it work all the way out of your system.  The headaches should get better and your mood….”

“Yes, I am well aware that my mood has been off.”

“Sunshine, I love you.  I miss you so much. I….”

“I really have to go.  I am pulling up to the bookstore right now.  Thanks for calling.”

“Justin…” The phone went dead. Brian threw the phone across the room. Hitting the couch wasn’t as satisfying as it would have been if it shattered but at least he didn’t have to get another one.”

Justin got out of the cab.  Tom was waiting for him and another day began.  “Wow, where is your mind at. You look miles away.”

“My husband just called, that’s all.”

“Can I say you have surprised me.  I really didn’t think you would be a partier, not like you are. Tonight is the last night to party in NYC.  Tomorrow will be DC and then Raleigh and then Atlanta. By next weekend we will be in Miami.”

“I keep asking you to join us at night.”

“Justin, I told you I’m into girls.”

“You might be surprised what we have to offer.” Justin winked at him.  

Brian held Brinn as she cried herself to sleep.  She missed her Daddy so much. He couldn’t figure out why Justin would do this to her.  He had said he needed a break but he never thought he would let Brinn feel this loss. He hummed to her and eventually her  sniffles and shutters stopped and Brian laid her down.

Brian had said goodnight to Gus and headed back downstairs, knowing Claire was still here. He dropped onto a stool.  Claire poured Brian a very small glass of whiskey. “Drink it, little brother. This amount won’t hurt you but it might take the edge off. Did he say anything?”

Brian swallowed the amber liquid and set the glass down. “I told him about his medication but he had no time for me.  He has no time for his kids.”

“Brian, he needed a break.  That was obvious before he left.  I didn’t know he would take it to this extent but he was worn out and that medication really messed him up between the headaches and even his personality had changed. I knew you had called the doctor or I would have made you.”

Claire put his arm around  Brian and his head rested on her shoulder.  “Our kids need him. I need him back”

“Then go get him.  Surprise him for the weekend.  Becca and I can handle the kids.”

Brian looked at the schedule.  Miami. He went online and purchased a ticket to Miami for Friday evening.

The next morning, Justin woke up to find last night’s companion still in his bed. He had to admit his head didn’t feel as bad as it had most morning.  He looked at the young man in the bed with him. “Hey, you need to leave. I will be checking out soon.” The only response he got was the string of kisses down his chest and belly and then a warm mouth went around his semi erect cock. Justin thrust over and over into the man’s mouth until he emptied himself.  “Now that is a great way to wake up. Now get out of here.” Justin began pulling on his clothes. “You still here?

His visitor quickly dressed and left while Justin started packing to move on.  He was leaving Atlanta after his second week on the road. His phone beeped letting him know he had a message.  He opened it and saw his sweet little Brinn. ‘Daddy, my daddy. I miss you. Come home.’ A tear rolled down her little pink cheek, ‘I love my daddy, DADDY.’ Justin saw Brian’s arms pick her up and pull her close as the video stopped. Tears rolled down Justin’s cheeks. What was he doing?  What had he done?

“Justin?”  Tom stood in the door.  “Sorry, I didn’t mean to ….”

“I’m fine, Tom, I’ll be ready in five.” Justin pulled himself together and threw his stuff in his bag.  Tom, we are spending the weekend in Miami. Are you going to party with me tonight? Not just come to the same club, I mean party with me.”

“I promise sometime this weekend I will plan on going with you the whole night.  That doesn’t mean I am spending the night, just enjoy the whole evening with you.”

“I couldn’t ask for more. Let’s go.”  As the men settled into the car for the ride to the airport, Justin laid his head back and closed his eyes.  His lids snapped open when all he could see was Brinn’s tear stained cheeks. “Is there anything to drink in here?”

After checking into the hotel and a nice dinner the men asked for recommendations and they headed out,  Every night seemed the same now. A different city, a different restaurant, and a new club to play in. A new ass to bury his dick in and enough alcohol to make it all a blur.  

The music pulsed in his head the minute he walked into the club. God, there were beautiful men in Miami.  He looked around to find the center of attention. He looked around to find the Brian Kinney of Miami. He ripped his shirt off and threw it on a table as he walked to the center of the floor. There he was.  He was tall, dark, and gorgeous. Justin put his hands on the man’s shoulders and drug them downward. His nails lightly grazed the man’s skin and when his hands reached the man’s hips he held onto them tight, ,pulling him against his already growing cock. One of Justin’s hands dipped into the man’s waistband and grazed the sensitive skin just above his dick. Justin leaned into him and bit him lightly on his shoulder blade and he heard the man grown.

“Senior, I don’t know who you are but I love you already.”

Justin replied, “I don’t want your love.  I want your lust and I hope to score it several times tonight.”

“Would you like to score anything else as we leave?”

“Oh, I like the way you think.” Before removing his hand his fingers fluttered over the man’s cock.  He sucked in a deep breath and turned to look at Justin for the first time.

“You are spectacular,” the man said as he pulled Justin into his arms. His lips brushed Justin’s neck before working their way up to his mouth.  He pulled him close and put his mouth on his ear. I want you and I want you now!”

“My plan was to play here for a few hours.” Justin replied.

“Oh, I plan to play all night but when one a beautiful as you comes along, I prefer to play one on one.”  He pulled a little bag of something white. “I don’t think we need this, do you?” He pulled Justin in for another long kiss. He had taken control and Justin relaxed in his arms.

“We don’t need anything. Let’s go.” Hand in hand they headed to the door.   As they walked to the door Justin pressed into the stranger’s arms. He realized this is what he was longing for.  He needed someone to take charge. Tonight someone else was going to lead.

Justin unlocked his spacious room and immediately stepped into this man’s arms.  “What’s your name?”

“Jorge, and yours?” He ran his fingers through Justin’s beautiful hair.

“Justin.”

“Well, Justin, how did such a beautiful man end up alone?”  He took Justin’s hand and saw the wedding band on his ring finger.  “Ah, so you aren’t alone.”

“I am this trip.”  Justin began taking off Jorge’s shirt and then ran his hands into his waistband and removed his pants.  

Jorge removed Justin’s clothes and then had guided him onto the bed. Justin’s mind kept comparing him to Brian’s athletic body.  Jorge was more muscular and definitely had plenty of experience. He soon had Justin begging for more. Jorge began positioning Justin’s legs on  his shoulders but Justin just couldn’t do that. That was far more intimate then he wanted to get with this stranger.

“No, I can’t do that.” Justin slipped a condom on Jorge and then got on his knees pressing his chest into the mattress.

Jorge nodded and slowly entered Justin.  Justin presses his cheek into the pillow under his head. A tear ran down and hit the pillow.  What was he doing?

Brian grabbed a cab at the airport and had it take him to the hotel.  He hoped Justin would be in his room. They needed time together. He just needed to hold him.  Brian convinced the desk clerk he was Justin’s husband and was given a key. Brian entered as quietly as he could.  He saw light on in what had to be the bedroom. As he walked to the door he heard noise. At first he thought he had timed it perfectly.  Justin was definitely getting ready to come as he looked in the door he couldn’t quite take in what was happening. His husband, the man he loved more than life itself was taking it up the ass from a stranger. With each thrust  Brian felt as if a knife was being thrust into his heart. He turned around and left as quietly as he entered.

Brian took a taxi back to the airport and three hours after landing he was on a plane back to Pittsburgh. He  couldn’t cry. It had only been a matter of time until Justin found someone worthy of his love. He was numb. His heart was still back in the hotel room where  Justin was probably sleeping, at least he hoped he was sleeping by now. His life as he knew it was over. What would happen to the kids? He wasn’t giving either of them up. Damn it, they were his kids and now Brinn was all he had of him. All he had of the love of his life.  All he had of his sunshine.