CHAPTER 50 - FRIGHT, SIGHT AND A RETURN TO SPITE

BEN AND ROBIN’S CABIN - NEXT DAY

BEN

Why me Lord? I grouse as I hang up. I get that he was trying to be helpful, but he could’ve waited for a day or so. But it is what it is, and as Slick would say, let’s roll with the punches. I scrub my face then look at my husband. He’s still asleep, this makes me proud. 

I pause to check the enclave that we as a family have now made our own. In between our cabins and over the other side of the river was an expanse of ground, just dirt and stone, we used it for parking. Debs happened to mention that she’d like to grow some herbs in her back garden, but because of the hot tub, she doesn’t really have room, which is when wwe decided to put in the herb and flower garden. We all chipped in money, time and effort to level it. We put in fast growing grass, planters the lot, it looks great. It took about eight months for it to be perfect. 

We hired some yurts for one side of the riverbank, and held the reception on the other. When we were sent to consummate our marriage the reception was still swinging; but there are no signs of life yet.

I head down to the kitchen and open the blinds; snickering at the sight of Hunter trying to stop Baggie and Baloo from helping with the clean up. Although I should be miffed with Slick for her bit of petulance, leading to her gathering some bones from Ted and Blake’s smoker box; then hiding them around our garden, I can’t really be. She showed me how to edge once she got over the shock that I’d never done it, and going by the smile that’s still on his face, I did pretty good.

“Hey, why are you up?” Daph demands as she searches under the sink. “Shouldn’t you be in recovery mode?”

“Got an unwelcome phone call; need coffee.”

“Why unwelcome?” Robin’s sleepy voice has us both turning around. He looks so delicious that I’m almost tempted to say I’ll tell them later, but then Hunter comes in. “Brandon called, the reason he had an early start today has landed in his prison…”

“His prison? He’s in Frackville for a month or so, isn’t he?” Hunter grabs the double espresso pods whilst smirking at a jerking-his-head-back-up Robin. “A large mug for you, Pops?”

“Uh huh!” He mutters before giving up the battle to keep upright. “Four sugars.” He adds. Like a sloth coming out of brumation, he lifts his head once the mug, followed by a couple of cushions are placed on the table. After he’s situated at the correct height, Hunter puts a straw in his mouth. We wait for an eye to reopen, which takes almost two minutes, before almost closing again. My sigh stops that. “Right, go.”

“Brandon has to induct the newbies in Frackville, and one of them is…”

“Your ex?” Robin grumbles before sitting upright and draining his mug, without the straw. “I will be quick!” He declares before taking the stairs two at a time. 

“What are you doing?” I call after him.

“Going for the phone!” He calls back. He’s not long, gesturing for ‘more coffee’ as he comes back tapping away. “Um, just looked out the window. I think Baggie is heading to Ted and Blake’s, and judging by the speed, he’s on the scent of some…”

“Oh shit!” Hunter exclaims. “Tell us after! Come on, Babe, if they get in there, Blake will be pissed!”

“Blake? Don’t you mean Ted?” I call out, having never seen Blake lose his temper.

“Nope! Who’d you think helped Slick in the first place?!” Hunter replies as he grabs the heavy duty harness, which we each have. Sometimes Baggie needs to be tethered, and once he is, Baloo is by his side instantly, knowing that he’s badly messed up and needs big brother handling.

We jolt when they bang the door shut. “Coffee needs to kick in.” I sigh as he rubs my shoulder whilst flicking through his phone. “That feels good.” I catch his hand between my shoulder and cheek. “Who are you trying to contact?”

“Oliver. You know what the ex is like. If he hooks up with David in there, then he’s…”

“Yeah, he doesn’t care who he hurts as long as he hurts someone.” I gripe. “Let me call Mel, she can give Josiah a heads up as well.”

“Not how I envisaged spending my morning after the night before.” He laments before smiling. “But it was utter bliss.” I blush slightly. “And I can’t wait to not have a reason to do that to you.”

“Can I give you one anyway?” I whisper.

“You do, you’re sexy, and...” He murmurs. “...you’re also quick.”

“Hey!” I protest.

“At dialling and talking!” He giggles. “So you do that, then we’ve got at least half an hour. Baggie is now almost 400 pounds now! They’ve got two pairs of kindling for arms!”

“Kindling! Robin that’s a terrible way to describe their physicality!” 

“It’s accurate.” He chortles as he texts. “Remember when Baggie swished his tail and almost knocked Daph over?”

“In fairness, she was drunk at the time and wearing heels!” I point out whilst texting Mel.

“Fair point.” He replies, then pulls me to him. Seconds later his phone beeps. “Oh good, he’s taking Lynette to New York, they’ve got an apartment there.”

“Why? It's not as if whatever mithering he’s going to get up to is going to get to her.”

“True. But he’s not taking the chance, ever since he’s found out that Nancy is going to be visiting him.”

“How the hell…”

“Calm down, Ben, it's all in hand. Seems that Edna found out and gave Brandon a heads up to keep an eye on any visitors.”

“How did Edna find out?” I ask, then smile. “You know, Carl and Slick are a formidable pair when they get together!” 

“That’s true, but then again, Carl’s terrified that Slick is going to ‘cage of death’ him, so he’s doing everything to stay on her good side.”

I chuckle. “So in other words, she’s going to have him running errands then do him over anyway?”

“Exactly.” He pours us some more coffee; then his eyes widen. “Oh crap, I’ve just remembered something! Oh, poor Ems!”

“Ems? Why poor Ems?” I frown.

”You know he said about the cayenne pepper in their lube?” I nod. “Well someone may have told him that Slick was on a payback mission, so he’s said she can’t pack anymore.”

“Robin!” I exclaim. “You’re supposed to…”

RIVERBANK - A MINUTE LATER

GEORGE

“The Devil is fucking me with a pitchfork!” Is shrieked from behind me before a buck naked Emmett flies out and plunges into the river. I dash after him trying not to panic. I don’t understand what’s happened!

“Emmett! Emmett, where are you?!” I bellow. Relief floods through me as he resurfaces. I make my way down to the edge to help him out. “What on earth are you doing?!”

“Holy hellfire, the pain! Towel!” He chatters, before splashing furiously around his waist. “And some aloe vera! Wait till I get my hands on Slick!”

“What does Slick have to do with this?!” I demand. “Come on, get out of there, you’ll freeze to death!”

“Thanks to her, I’ve got one part of me that’s hot right now! How could she, how did she?!” He shivers as he wades towards me, one hand covering his modesty, the other reaching for the towel. Once it’s secure, he stalks over to the only yurt that is not open but is moving furiously. “Get out here immediately!”

“We’re trying! It's stuck!” Lindon bellows back.

“It’s not stuck, it's locked! How the fuck did she get out and back?!” He demands, almost starting to hammer, before realising how futile that would be. “Slick! You little…”

“What on earth is all the shouting about?!” Ted demands as he and Blake rush up. “Why are you wet and in a towel? What has Slick done?!”

“What has she done?! What has she done you say?! She put cayenne pepper in my lube!” 

“I did not!” Slick bellows back. “Let us the hell out!” 

“Yes you did!” He seethes. “George, get the keys to the padlock, it’s in my vanity! I’ve got a good mind to leave you in there, both of you! You should learn to control that woman! Oh yes, she’s dropped to a mere woman, she’s no longer a lady in my book, hah, she’s barely a friend! I would never, ever, never mess with her sex life! Especially as she's only just got it, having spent an eternity as a frigid virgin grease monkey!”

My eyebrows shoot up and all goes quiet, there’s not even a breeze. “Emmett!” Blake thunders. “That was a horrible thing to say!” 

“She. Messed. With. My. Sex. Life!” He growls; I’ve never seen this side of Emmett before, I don’t like it one bit. “Get your ass out here, you fucking…”

“Emmett!” I bellow.

“GEORGIE!” Emmett screams back.

“I’m not getting the padlock, you horrible, horrible man! It’s best for your own safety that she stays in there. The marriage is off! In fact we’re off, get out, get out of my sight and back to your place, now!”

“GEORGE! GEORGE!” 

“No! I won’t have you speak to her like…”

“WAKE...WHOA! FOR FUCK SAKE, GEORGIE STOP!” 

Fuck? Did Emmett just swear at me?! We never ever swear at each other, that’s the one rule! We’re gentlemen, how dare he?! I try to storm over to him, but I can’t, I’m stuck, I don’t understand! Why can’t I move? I did a minute ago!  

“GEORGE, KEEP STILL! PLEASE KEEP STILL!” 

Yes, keep still, let him come to me! Oh, that vile tongued scoundrel! And to think he’d rim with that, well he’s…ah yes, I can feel myself coming unstuck from whatever...wait a minute, someone is stroking my face. Why?

“George? Georgie, open your eyes for me, please open them.” Why is Blake speaking to me and not my former fiance?! “Slick, let’s get him out of there. How the hell has he got himself into such a tangle?!”

“Slick? Slick, you’re out of the yurt? How? He padlocked you in.” I mutter, whilst trying to open my eyes, but they feel sticky. Someone is wiping my face; at least now I can move my arms. When I open my eyes, I'm in our yurt, on the floor with a tearful Emmett clutching his cheek. Slick and Blake are pulling at the blankets around my legs, whilst everyone else stares in alarm. “What happened?” I croak.

“You were having a frightmare.” Emmett explains, edging closer. “You’re not going to hit me again, are you?”

“Hit you?! I hit you? When? Come here, let me see.” I sit up, patting the space next to me. He sits down, whilst his cheek is red, it doesn’t look like it will bruise. “Frightmare, it was a dream?”

“Yeah.” Slick hands me a glass of water. “But why would he lock me in the yurt?”

“Because you put pepper in his lube after he told you that you couldn’t do the packing for our wedding anymore.” I scrutinise her face and my heart breaks. I turn back to Emmett. “Let her pack. Please. As long as we're still getting married...” I add quickly.

“Of course we’re getting married!” Emmett cries, flinging his arms around me, then waving Slick towards us. “Please don’t put that in my lube for my honeymoon. You see, we’re..”

“I wouldn’t, not now.” Slick replies, giving us a sweet smile, then her eyes widen. “I need to make a call!” She looks around before grabbing his phone, swiftly unlocking it. “What’s his speed dial?!”

“You told Justin!” He gasps. 

“He would’ve gotten it out of Brian anyway!” She points out sheepishly. “I might drop that little nugget of info, switch his focus up some.” 

“Slick!” I groan, then start to laugh. “The devil is fucking me with a pitchfork.”

“Excuse me?” Ted frowns.

“I should imagine that’s what I would be screaming if my dream became reality on our wedding night.” 

“You both would be, don’t you mean?” Slick grins impudently. “Hey! Um, just a heads up re cayenne pepper, hubby knew first.” She grins salaciously, then holds up a finger before dialling another number. “Hey, bruh, heads up, hubby knows about the cayenne pepper, said something about massage oil. Dude, you know you’re my number one guy. Okay, later.”

“Why did you tell them both?” Blake frowns. “And embellish to Brian?”

“They won’t be having sex for a while.” She stands up and gives Ems his phone back. “Now that‘s the score settled with them.” She notices the confusion and smiles. “Just because I said nothing about them getting married without us, doesn’t mean I wasn’t pissed off.”

FRACKVILLE PRISON - LATE MORNING

DAVID’S CELL

DAVID

“This is preposterous! This is hardly big enough for me, another person would suck up what little oxygen there is!” 

“Then stop running your mouth and you can share nicely!” The guard returns. “It's best that I think you a fool rather than you answer me back, and I go from bitchy to pissy!” I swallow down my response, then am dismayed as a large box is brought in, it deepens when I hear a squeak of trainers, followed by a dick-deadening voice. “Please, no.” I whimper.

“I should think the pair of you should get along just fine…” The guard checks over the last of the things. “...you’ve both got the same snarky-assed soul sucking joy of a personality. Let’s hope you two don't grate on each other's nerves like you do on ours, for you two there’s safety in numbers.”

“Excuse me, but I’ve barely interacted with anybody to have created such an impression that I would be put in the same class, let alone cell, as him!” 

“Be this side of any interaction with the pair of you!” The guard sneers before stepping out into the landing. “Novotny, what are you doing?!” 

“He doesn’t want to bend down to pick up after himself in case the inmates get the wrong idea!” The other guard grumbles. “Just do a Playboy bunny dip or I’ll put it in your ‘pocket’ for you!” There’s a gasp followed by a snicker. “As a gay man, Novotny, you should not know what a bunny dip is, you know that right?”  

“I shall be having words with the Warden about what you said!” He whines as he squeaks closer. 

“Well, at least you’ve sorted out your prison name!” Someone bellows. “Everyone! Meet Novotny the Nark, we all know how we treat them, don’t we?!”

I can hear him thinking of the implications of this as he hurries towards us. “Great, he's going to stick to me like a fucking limpet now!” I mumble crossly; my fears are confirmed when a beaming smile of relief crosses his face upon seeing me; what else could go wrong today?!

VISITOR’S ROOM - TWO HOURS LATER

EDNA

Hah! That old bat looks most affronted! But if she thinks that I’m letting her out of my sight, she can think again. As for him, he’s been bemoaning his Novotny fate. Apparently, anywhere he goes, he’s virtually stuck to him. Hiram told me that he mouthed his way to so much trouble that he spent most of his time near the guards room, so they could see him clearly. I take another look at my watch before turning my attention back to their conversation.

“Exactly what do you want me to do about this, Nancy? I’m divorcing you, am in prison...”

“I don’t want a divorce.” She interrupts, my eyes widen. “No matter what happens with you, surely you want to teach those selfish spalpeens a lesson?”

“Spalpeens? Come now, that’s a bit harsh, they aren’t that bad.” 

“They are both unpleasant and despicable in their behaviour; their lack of gratitude for what we’ve done for them needs to be addressed.” Nancy rails. “We could’ve made their lives much more difficult, and now we shall!”

“Again, I’m in prison, facing a litany of charges. She won’t accept a no-contest, now I’ve got a child to contend with…”

“What child?!” She gasps. “How old is this bastard?”

“It was before you and I met.” He snaps. “She’s claiming I assaulted her, but I didn’t. It was consensual, and…”

“Where is it?” Nancy smirks, which makes my hackles rise. “What’s the name of the mother?”

“I don’t know. I’d have to speak to my attorney, he’d…”

“Come David, you must have an idea who you slept with! You’re gay, remember?” She hisses.

“Laura, her name was Laura.” He admits, then grimaces. “Laura Marley. Big as a whale and ugly as sin. Those ungrateful baggages started to insist on a guard being outside or inside the room at all times, she didn’t.”

“So you fornicated with her in…”

“Did you not hear me? She was ugly and fat! I do have my standards. I made a mistake during her pap-smear, bingo she got pregnant.” He scowls. “According to my attorney, the child is still with her. What are you going to do, and how are you going to do it?”

“I’ve been a model of proprietary; having stored up my privileges for computer use, I will find her before  casually dropping that information to Lynette…”

“Her world famous attorney would’ve seen she knows this.” Again with the scowling.

“That’s as maybe, but that world famous attorney doesn’t know what an acarpous vessel she is. Perhaps we can persuade this Laura to turn her attention to her and Oliver.” His attempt to lean forward is swiftly corrected when the guard jabs him in the shoulder. “This Marley person is probably after money, so what better way to get rid of her than to send her in their direction? We may as well get some use out of having someone as rich and naive as my daughter! Besides, doesn't it seem a bit suspicious that someone new has suddenly come out of nowhere, accusing you of sexual assault? Surely you're being set up, we can use that to have the charges against you dismissed!” He nods and slowly smiles. “They must be working together to set you up!"

“I agree with you. You go ahead and put those plans in motion.” The bell chiming stops their plotting. “At least you don’t have to deal with Novotny in a confined space for 23 hours a day, so you have some respite.”

“I have to contend with Edna, the only saving grace is she can cook. Her son and the other tenant have some form of education, so conversations are tolerable.”

EOHOPS VAN - FIFTEEN MINUTES LATER

NANCY

“Did you have a nice visit?” Edna asks as she holds the door open for me.

“Yes, most satisfactory. David and I have agreed to try again once he’s been cleared of these spurious charges.”

“Well that’s nice.” She replies as she gets in the driver’s seat, this is not the reaction I was expecting. “What plans do you have tomorrow?”

“I’m going to the courthouse education centre, as I want to hone my computer skills.”

“That’s good. I’ll set that up for you. You might want to get a nap, the traffic is very heavy so it might be a longer journey.”

“Thank you Edna, that’s very helpful.”

EDNA

It takes about 10 minutes for her to doze off, I scowl at her snoring before adjusting my sunglasses. As we speed towards the house, I’m happy in the knowledge that only Carlton knows that I can lip read and will be giving Mel a heads up about their plans the moment I get inside!