There’s No Place Like Home


Chapter 5





Brian whispered something into Bree’s ear, she nodded, hopped off her Dada’s chaise then scurried to find Patrick, Richie, JR and Candy. Soon, the younger members of Brian’s cwazy wittle family were in a huddle around Brian. The adults had no clue what Brian was planning, including his spouse. Justin was about to say something to Brian when Brian shook his head at him.

“It’s all under control, Sunshine,” was all that Brian would say. Justin sat back in his chair trusting that Brian would live up to his word. He always did.

“Let me know when the porch is ready,” Brian instructed the kids who then ran off to do his bidding. “John,” Brian called out to his brother after a few moments. John strolled over to his brother then leaned down for his instructions. Noting the Brothers Kinney deep in conversation, the family chatter became a little hushed. Anything could happen when Brian took charge of something.

“Emm, do you have any idea about what he’s doing?” Ted asked his tall friend.

“Not a clue. All I know is that Brian will explain what happened to them on their trip,” Emmett said.

“Humph,” Michael snarled. “What I want to know is what did Justin do to Brian?”

“Michael, what makes you think that Justin did anything to Brian? Other than the usual,” Ben stated. “They went on their second honeymoon.”

“Yeah, well, lots of bad shit happens to rich people caused by their so-called loving spouses. You’ve heard of couples going on cruises and only one comes back. They get declared dead and the surviving spouse is a millionaire!”

“Michael!” Emmett admonished. “You’re talking shit, and don’t let Brian hear you because crutches or no crutches, he’ll punch your lights out. Besides, Justin has his own money. He doesn’t need Brian’s.”

“Well, I’m just sayin’.”

“Well, don’t,” Ted added. “They just had some weird accidents, that’s all. And I know for a fact that the guys want to go back later this year. So shut up,” Ted ordered.

Michael grumbled to himself but said nothing. Ben gave his spouse a glare and Michael kept his opinions to himself, for the moment.

A while later, Patrick presented himself to his uncle and whispered something. Brian smiled, nodded and then gave Patrick one last set of instructions. Patrick went back into the conjoined cottages then emerged with a pan and a large metal serving spoon. Brian stood up, balanced himself on his crutches then had Patrick bang the gong.

“Attention, all you riff-raff!” Brian announced. “Except you, mom,” Brian turned to his mother. Joan just winked at her son’s antics. She knew Brian had to be feeling better when he was able to tease his family.

“If you make your way into the sun porch, we have set up a little entertainment for you. Some of you may recognize my methods. I borrowed the idea from my dear friend Mikey.”

Some of the family, who remembered the boring slide show that Michael and his Dr. Dave gave when they came back from Paris, chuckled.

“However, since we’re now in the 21st century, instead of slides, I hope you’ll enjoy my Power Point presentation,” Brian said as if he were giving a presentation to a new client. “Your ushers will assist you with your seating assignments. Please give them your kind attention. Go on, General Squirt,” Brian said to Bree with a wave of his wrist.

“What are you up to?” Justin murmured to him as their family slowly proceeded into the porch. The kids were there, each with their own guest list and carefully checking it. Each family member was escorted to a seat. It soon became obvious that more mature family were down in front and taller, younger family toward the back. The seats were arranged in a semi-circle and staggered so no one had a head obstructing their view.

“Just making sure everyone gets a good view,” Brian assured his spouse.

“Am I going to be embarrassed?” Justin asked.

“Never,” Brian said, giving Justin a loving kiss to his forehead. “But I might be. You’ll see toward the end of the show.”

“Okay, if you say so.”

“I do. Now go take your seat. You’re on the brass bed away from the hordes and with plenty of room for your arm.”

Justin smiled brilliantly at Brian knowing that he had thought of just about everything. Justin went inside to take his seat.

Slowly Brian made his way around the side of the house to the front door. John met him about halfway there. It was easier for Brian to enter the porch from the front of the house so he wouldn’t have to maneuver the crutches around the family.

“You okay?” John asked.

“I’m fine. Thanks for your help.”

“They’re all waiting for you. I don’t think Justin even knows what you’re planning,” John remarked as he deliberately walked slowly next to his brother. Brian was getting good on his crutches but there was no need to rush and risk further injury.

“Gotta keep some secrets or else life gets boring,” Brian snarked.

“Little bro, life is never boring around you two,” John teased good naturedly.

They made it into the house and Brian shimmied his way to the brass bed. John handed the remote control to Brian then took his own seat. The kids were scurrying around making like waiters and waitresses making sure the family had drinks and snacks.

“I feel like I’m at the movies,” Debbie remarked; Carl nodded in agreement. “Hey, Sunshine, did you two finally film the two of you fucking?” Debbie shouted loudly over her shoulder then cackled. Some of the guys chuckled while Michael protested, loudly.

“Ma! Will you stop it!”

“Come on honey, don’t try to kid me, I know you’ve always been curious about them fucking even after all these years,” Debbie stated much to Michael’s embarrassment.

“Ooooo!” was all that Emmett could say, eliciting laughter from the family around him. He sat up straight and tall to see better.

“Damn, I would have made a fortune when I had my online site,” Ted commented to himself more than to anyone specific. Allen gave him a nudge then shook his head at Ted. Teddy shrugged and gave his partner a small smile.

“That’s enough!” Brian shouted above the din. “No one’s gonna get to see me or little Mary Sunshine naked,” he announced.

“Awww...”

“Damn!”

“Well, shit!”

The family all grumbled. Justin blushed as Brian smirked, holding back his laughter. He knew the family couldn’t resist teasing them and he also knew the family was only teasing. The family held the boys in high regard and knew they would do nothing improper in front of the children.

“Thank you, Brian,” John said in a very gentlemanly like tone. “I think I’ve seen enough of your naked butt to last me a lifetime.” The family snickered.

“Speak for yourself,” Bobby and Emmett said at the same time. The family cracked up into laughter.

“Hey, lesbian, here!” Lindsay piped up as she waved a napkin like a flag. Leda and Jamie nodded although Leda did lean over to Lindsay and whisper conspiratorially making Brian scowl. Those two women knew a little too much about his body and he did not want them comparing notes.

“Bri,” Justin whispered, bringing Brian back to the here and now.

Brian cleared his throat then continued. “Ladies and gentlemen, and I use those terms loosely. Justin and I would like to present, Brian and Justin’s Excellent Adventures...Not!” he added as the family chuckled.

Patrick dimmed the lights while Richie and Candy each took a side of the porch, lowering the blinds. Brian clicked his remote and his projector hummed to life. He used the solid wall above Beau’s corner as his screen. What looked like a foam core board on an easel held the title written in bright orange on a deep blue background.

“You remembered,” Justin whispered with a smile.

“I can never forget,” Brian said with his own smile. Then he leaned down to give Justin a kiss.

“Didn’t you two get enough of that on your honeymoon?” Jennifer deadpanned.

“Never enough,” the boys answered her.

“We begin our tale at our favorite restaurant, Pappaganos,” Brian narrated as the show opened up to the anniversary dinner. The Connolly’s had taken pictures for the society pages and video to present to the happy couple as part of their present from the family. Brian expertly cut some of the scenes Morgan Connolly had filmed into his own video. The family ooohed and aahed in the appropriate places.

The next scene was of the Plaza Hotel. Since Kinnetik exclusively handled the Plaza’s advertising, Brian had a lot of stock footage including pictures of his suite. The family, duly impressed made noises indicating such.

“Hey, now do we see you guys naked?” Debbie shouted.

“Keep yer shirt on!” Brian shouted back.

“Ma, please!” Michael whined in fear that his mother would take off her t-shirt. The family laughed.

As the film panned outward, Brian continued to narrate. “This is where the first of our many mishaps started,” Brian stated and Justin sighed.

“What could happen in a hotel room?” Danny asked innocently. He blushed as many chuckles could be heard. Riley gave his hand a pat. “I mean, besides the obvious,” Danny amended his statement.

“Sunshine?” Brian offered the first round of explanations to Justin. Justin quickly got with the program.

“My wonderful and loving spouse who had arranged our trip never told me where we were going. In our rush to, um, start the festivities, we forgot to arrange for a wake up call,” Justin stated magnanimously.

“What he’s trying to say is that I forgot to arrange for a wake up call. In my own defence all I can say is that I was distracted.” Brian waggled his eyebrows. Mikey grumbled.

“I’ll bet,” several family members said.

“Anyway,” Brian continued with the story as the scene changed to the bedroom of their suite. “We woke up barely in time. I lost a few skin cells as I peeled myself off Justin then he got caught up in the bedding and wound up on his ass on the floor.”

“Wasn’t one of my finer moments,” Justin said, rubbing his ass in sympathy. The family cracked up then were treated to an aerial view of downtown Pittsburgh traffic.

“Don’t tell me,” Carl said.

“Yup,” both Brian and Justin confirmed.

“Even though it was early, we got caught in traffic. The driver just about got us to the airport on time,” Brian explained.

“But not without another ‘mishap’,” Justin said. “Some idiot ran a red light then hit a pole. Our driver stopped short while Brian was holding a cup a hot coffee.”

“Oh no!” many gasped.

“Yup,” Brian said. “What skins cells I didn’t lose earlier were burned. It could have been worse but quick thinking little Mary Sunshine, here, doused me in water. Although I did look like I peed myself.”

“Pee-pee in the potty, Dada!” Bree said like when she was a toddler. The family chuckled.

“You are so right, Squirt. We rolled down the window to dry myself out. When we got to the airport I was still a little damp but we thought we were late so we checked in then raced to our terminal.” Brian switched the scene to the Liberty Air Terminal. He had lots of stock footage of Liberty Air as well.

“Justin, is that where you found out where you were going?” Claire asked.

“Yes, as we checked in, but we had more trouble.”

“More?” Claire asked again.

“A whole lot more,” Brian said then explained about the mechanical trouble and then the snafu about their seats.

“Well, that’s not right,” Emmett stated with indignation. “You’re on your honeymoon; you have to sit together.”

“Brian handled it,” Justin said giving Brian a loving smile.

“That explains it,” Ted said.

“Explains what, Schmidt?” Brian asked.

“Why Kinnetik got a boatload of fruit baskets the following Monday from Liberty Air,” Teddy elaborated. Brian nodded in approval. He and Kinnetik had almost single-handedly put Liberty Air in the black. They could at least shell out for a few fruit baskets in appreciation.

Brian pressed the button and the scene shifted to a jet heading westward toward their destination. Brian clicked the remote and the scene changed to a typical Hawaiian island scene with beautiful men and women in grass skirts.

“Do they wear anything under their skirts?” Emmett enquired.

“Never got the chance to find out,” Brian responded as he clicked the remote again bringing up a collage of scenes, one popping up after another, all of the estate. He allowed the family to get all their excitement out of their system before continuing to the next slide.

“How did you do this?” Justin asked as he leaned into Brian.

“I have ways.” Brian winked at his curious spouse. The flashing scenes of the estate were actually the ad that caught Brian’s attention in the first place. He was mesmerized and when the ad was finished all it had was the contact information. The rest was up to the party who was interested in leasing the estate. Justin then recognized several of the pictures that he himself had taken throughout their time there.

The family continued to make noises indicating that they were impressed. No one was getting bored, Brian noted with satisfaction.

“Look at the beach!” Lindsay said out loud. “It’s so peaceful and serene,” she added.

“Looks can be deceiving,” both Brian and Justin said at the same time. As Brian showed them various shots of the beach, Justin explained the next of their mishaps.

“I got sunburned, bad. Brian tried to warn me.”

“But you know how stubborn our little Sunshine can be,” Brian snarked.

“Were my friends helpful?” Nick threw in.

“Very and we invited them back here for a visit, my treat,” Brian said gratefully.

“Care to explain?” Justin growled. He had no idea what Nick was referring to.

“I got worried, so sue me!” Brian said holding up his hands in surrender.

“What happened?” Jennifer demanded to know. The scenes were all of the beaches near the estate including the part that had the dangerous riptides.

“I didn’t listen so I wasn’t wearing any protective clothing or enough sunblock, but Brian got me out of the sun in time,” Justin explained to his mother who was about to work herself up into a snit. Seth patted her hand in support.

“Brian gave me a call asking if I knew any doctors out there. It just so happens that I have a friend from medical school who I knew moved to Hawaii. It was just a coincidence that he and his partner are living on the same island that Brian and Justin were visiting,” Nick told the family.

“And you made it sound like they were just dropping in by chance,” Justin said with loving and very moist eyes.

“Awwww!” the family reacted.

“Anyway,” Brian said stopping an all out love fest. “Even though I now had a French Fry for a partner, we managed to go to a club.” The next scene was of the front of Squeeze.

“Ooooo!” Emmett perked up again. “Oh my, I bet there was some delectable eye candy in there. Yum, yum.”

“Down boy,” Drew drawled. The family snickered.

“Justin wasn’t the only thing burned that day,” Nick began. “My friend, Paul, called me the next day to tell me that these two burned up the dance floor.”

The family roared with laughter as Brian and Justin sat back looking very smug. Michael mumbled something about being an over-the-hill club boy.

“Jealous much,” Hunter asked his dad. Michael glared at his son.

“When I told Paul how old these two are he thought I was trying to pull one over on him. Especially, the old man,” Nick said risking Brian’s wrath.

Justin laughed. Brian glared just for a moment then he too laughed. He had no doubt his family cared and respected him.

“Justin, sweetheart, are you really okay now?” Jennifer asked with a mother’s concern in her voice.

“I’m fine. I’m peeling like a snake and it itches....”

“But I get to rub lotion all over him,” Brian interjected as he winked at Jennifer. When the laughter died down, Brian got a little serious. “I have to admit my behavior wasn’t the best.”

“No, Brian, you were just frustrated and so was I. If I had listened to you in the first place, I wouldn’t have gotten burned like I did. We did all right,” Justin added with a lascivious smile.

The family all turned to look at the men.

“What he means,” Brian began then took Justin’s good hand into his own bringing it to his lips. “Our honeymooning activities were not exactly like I had imagined they would be. I got a little angry.”

“And then he made up for it. Boy, did he make up for it!” Justin quickly added before anyone could get angry at Brian. “He took away my pain.”

“Probably an adrenalin high,” Nick mumbled to himself.

Brian hit the remote again and the scenes changed to the pool and gardens of the estate. The family all murmured their appreciation of the tranquility.

“Please don’t tell me you almost drowned in the pool?” Ben asked.

“Nope,” the boys answered.

“Brian almost drowned in the ocean,” Justin said. Then he allowed Brian to explain what happened. Justin kept Brian’s hand tightly in his own.

“It was my fault. I swam too far down the shore in the wrong direction. When I made it to shallow water the waves knocked me around. The sand there isn’t really sand. It’s really small particles of lava.”

“Ouch,” John said out loud.

“Yeah, I was one big scrape,” Brian said holding up his palms that were still a little scarred.

“Damn, kiddo. I would have been on the next plane outta there,” Debbie said.

“He wanted to do that but I asked him to stay,” Justin admitted.

“Hmmph,” Mikey grumbled.

“We took it easy for a few days but we did get to go to a museum!” Justin said with a smile. Brian switched the scene over to the photos Justin took of the paintings and then the greenhouse. There was one picture that the boys had posed for standing in front of a large tropical hibiscus that had huge fuchsia colored flowers. A museum guard happily complied with their request. The boys hammed it up for the camera.

“Holy black and blue, Batman!” Debbie exclaimed when she took a good look at the boys. Justin’s sunburned neck was just visible under the loose collar of his shirt as were the bruises and scrapes on Brian’s arms and face. “You’re lucky you aren’t scarred for life,” Debbie mumbled.

“I’m just happy I didn’t lose him,” Justin said softly. “I don’t care about scars.” Justin stretched upward to meet Brian’s lips. The family remained silent for the moment until John cleared his throat.

“Bri, I think we need a short intermission,” John suggested.

“Good idea,” Jamie said sensing the tension. “Someone needs to be changed.” She held up the baby.

“I think my little man needs a potty break,” Molly added.

The family took that moment to stand and stretch their legs. The children ran around getting cold beverages and snacks for everyone. Emmett decided to help the young wait staff.

“You guys okay?” Bobby asked as he brought the guys a couple of cold beers. Brian and Justin had stopped taking any pain medication so the beer wasn’t going to interfere with any medication.

“We’re fine,” Justin said.

“I didn’t realize the bruises were that visible,” Brian said. “I was concentrating on the flowers around us. Some of them were bigger than my palm.” Brian had clicked the remote so all anyone could see were the various flowers in the greenhouse.

“It’s okay but I guess now you’ve got their attention,” Bobby said.

“I guess so,” Brian agreed noting the looks some of the family gave them. After a few minutes, the family began to retake their seats. Jamie came back with a very contented baby in her arms as did Molly.

“Unca Dust!” Taylor said as he ran through the crowded porch throwing himself on Justin’s legs.

“I can’t lift you, buddy,” Justin said sadly.

“Wait, take one hand,” Brian told Justin. Justin reached down to clasp one of Taylor’s hands, Brian took the other. “Jump buddy.” Taylor made a little jump while the guys pulled him up. Taylor happily plopped himself down in between his uncles.

“Unca Bi!” Taylor joyfully screeched.

“That’s me. Unca Bi and Unca Dust.”

“And me,” Bree said as she carefully climbed up making sure she didn’t hurt her daddies.

“Bee!” Taylor said loudly. Brian was a little worried that a green eyed monster would suddenly appear but was pleasantly surprised when Bree wiggled her way in between her dads then pulled the toddler onto her lap. Taylor giggled with delight as he wriggled in Bree’s lap making himself comfortable.

The boys exchanged startled smiles. Molly nudged her husband’s shoulder and he immediately snapped several pictures with his camera phone. When everyone was settled, Brian restarted the show.