There’s No Place Like Home


Chapter 7





“What’s up, Mikey?” Brian drawled as he blocked Michael’s way with his crutch. Brian was sporting a smirk that he knew would grate on Michael’s last nerve.

“I’m going home,” Michael stated as he stomped a foot and crossed his arms over his chest.

“Why, what crawled up your butt?”

“You, Ben, everything!”

“Aww, Mikey, let me buy you a beer before you go racing off into the sunset. Besides, didn’t you come with Debbie? I think she’d notice if you drive off in the RV without her. And she’s planning to stay the night.”

Michael huffed, grumbled then followed Brian back into the sun porch. There was a cooler under the table still stocked with cold beer. Brian leaned down to open the cooler.

“I’ll get it,” Michael said. “Wouldn’t want you to fall flat on your face,” he mumbled. Michael opened the cooler to retrieve two beers. He twisted them open then handed a bottle to Brian once he got himself situated on a chaise. The concert was still going on in the living room. The remaining family were planning to spend the night somewhere on the lane or as guests of Riley and Danny at their nearby cottage if need be.

“Thank you, Mikey, how considerate of you,” Brian snarked. “Now you wanna tell me what’s got you snarling like a rabid dog?”

“You and Ben.”

“What about us?”

“Why is it that you always know what kind of present to get him? You and him talk about stuff that I just don’t get.”

“Yeah, so. I’m not fucking him, you are.”

“But you did.”

“Mikey that was...so long ago that I don’t even want to think of how long ago it was. I have no interest in getting into his pants if that’s what you’re worried about. Besides, I didn’t think you were into the Dali Lama. If I had known you liked those pearls of wisdom, I woulda bought you a book too.”

“I’m not into that stuff.”

“So what’s the problem?”

“You only got me a frame,” Michael mumbled softly.

“Oh for fuck’s sake.” Brian sighed then rolled his eyes. His childhood friend was being ridiculous. “Michael, see that small table in the corner near Justin’s slop sink?”

“Yeah.”

“Go over there.” Michael put his beer down under his seat then stood doing as Brian directed. “Lift the top. Is there a comic in there?”

“Yeah.”

“Good. Bring it and go get your gift.” Michael didn’t have far to go, his gift bag with his present was sitting on the long table.

“What are you doing?” Michael asked as Brian took the frame out of its bag. He carefully opened the back then inserted the comic into it. “Yeah, so, it’s a frame for a comic. So what!”

“Michael, I love you but sometimes you’re an ass. This is a sterling silver frame. I got it so you can put your first edition of Rage in it and hang it up in your store. I know the very first one off the printer is in the bank vault but you have the reprint. Take it out of that ratty box you’ve got stashed under the counter and put the fucking thing in the frame.”

“You got me a special frame for Rage?” Michael asked, his face all lit up with smiles.

“Yes, Mikey, a very special frame for your wittle comic book. Am I now forgiven for fucking your husband years before you ever knew him?”

“No, but I’m workin’ on it,” Michael tried to say with a straight face. One corner of his mouth curled up then he and Brian cracked up into giggles unbecoming men of their age.

“I love you, Mikey. You know that, don’t you?”

“Yeah, I do but Bri, answer me seriously, are you really okay? And Justin, his arm’s gonna be okay too?” Michael leaned in and placed his hand on Brian’s leg in a show of concern.

“We’ll be fine, Mikey. Just had a series of bad luck, that’s all. We’ll be bad as new in no time,” Brian reassured his friend. “So are you staying? Or do I have to hear your mother bitch at me all night long because I fucked up again.”

“I’m staying and I’ll even stay in that roving hotel of hers,” Michael said making a distasteful expression on his face.

“Very good, Mikey!” Brian patted his hand then the longtime friends cracked up again.



*****



The family who were planning to drive back to Pittsburgh began to pack up. The ones that were staying were cleaning up. It had been a pot luck barbecue with everyone bringing a dish or container of something. The kitchen was an assembly line of family washing dishes and rinsing out containers. Brian perched himself on a stool supervising the organized chaos.

“May I have everyone’s attention!” Brian said as he banged a pot against the counter. The family stopped whatever they were doing to give Brian their undivided attention. “Thank you. Boy, if I had known how easy it was to get you to pay attention to me, I would’ve fallen over a root a long time ago,” Brian joked.

“Bite your tongue!” came the retort from many, including Justin.

“Just kidding. But I’m not kidding when I say we have a new doctor in the family!” Brian announced, beaming with pride. The family buzzed with excitement, looking around at each other for a further explanation. “Ladies and gentlemen, it gives me great pleasure to introduce, my brother, Dr. John Anderson, PhD!”

The family let out a roar of cheers as they all clambered closer to John in order to express their congratulations. It took another two hours before the conjoined cottages of Edna’s Treasures were quiet again.



*****



“You didn’t have to do that, you know,” John stated softly as the brothers sat in the porch sipping coffee.

“I know but you deserve it. And I was getting tired of all the ‘woe is you’ looks I was getting from the family the whole day. Besides, you’re my big bro, a PhD; I’m fucking proud of you!”

John smiled back at Brian, a smile that mirrored Brian’s own.

John blushed as he said, “Well, you saved me from saying anything. I didn’t have a clue about how to bring up the subject. My mother knew I had defended my thesis but didn’t know the results. You, Justin and Bobby were the only ones I told.”

“You’re too modest, big bro, this is an accomplishment that’s worthy of celebration. I wish I could do more.”

“Just coming home in one piece, more or less, is all that I want. I hate to bring this up but are you going to be able to cook breakfast in the morning? I had the distinct impression that my breakfast didn’t live up to your princess’ expectations.” John gave Brian a poignant look. Brian responded with his lopsided smile.

“I am the king of bacon and eggs,” Brian quipped. “In spite of entertaining a lane full of people today, I spent most of the day on my ass in this damn chaise with my leg elevated. I think I can handle breakfast if your partner does his magic to my foot before I crack the eggs.”

“I think my partner can handle that. On that note, I think I’m going to give my partner some well deserved attention. You need help getting up?” Brian shook his head. “G’night, little bro, see you in the morning,” John said as he sauntered back into his side of the cottage.

“Night,” Brian said as he watched his brother go.

“Bri?” Justin called softly from the hall doorway. “You ready for bed?”

“Yeah,” Brian replied, stretching his long legs before maneuvering himself up with the aid of the crutches. “Where did everyone bed down?”

“Deb, Carl, Michael and Ben are out front in the RV. Ted and Allen are rooming at Emmett’s. Your mother is in Gus’ room. Claire, Steve, and Bobby’s parents are at Rachel and George’s. Lindsay and Candy are up in our office. Jenn and Seth are up in John’s office. Nick and Hunter are staying at Riley's. Jamie and Leda decided to go back to the Pitts.”

“Did someone call to make sure they made it okay? That’s a long ride for a newborn.”

“Yup, Lindsay spoke to them; they’re home safe and sound.”

“Did your sister stay?” Brian asked as he helped Justin to get out of his sling. Between the two of them, they found a way of showering. Years of sharing their showers made it easy for them.

“Yup. They actually took the whole week off so we’ll be neighbors this week.”

“And Danny and Riley went to their cottage?”

“At the toll house, boinking like rabbits,” Justin said with a giggle as Brian slowly washed the day off Justin’s skin.

“TMI, Sunshine. They’re too old to be boinking like rabbits.”

“Bri, one day we’re going to be their age I want to know that I can still boink like a rabbit.”

“I refuse to be that age but I agree to the boinking bit. Speaking about boinking...” Brian rubbed his burgeoning dick against Justin’s ass.

“Is that a hint?”

“Not a hint. I’m coming right out and saying that I really want to fuck you through the mattress. It’s been days, Justin.”

“Then let’s get out of this shower and into bed.”

“Then make like rabbits?” Brian asked as he waggled his eyebrows at Justin.

“Boink! Boink!” Justin answered as he wiggled his ass. Brian hobbled, following said ass to their bed where they boinked the night away.



*****



With a groan, Brian opened his eyes. He realized he had tried to turn over and his bad ankle was caught in the sheets.

“Fuck,” he muttered as he tried to extricate himself.

“What’s wrong?” Justin asked as Brian’s mumbled oath had awakened him.

“I’m stuck,” Brian said trying to unwrap his foot. “Ow!”

“Stay still,” Justin ordered as he sat up. He quickly but gently started peeling the offending sheet away from Brian’s ankle. “There,” he said triumphantly when he was done.

“Thanks,” Brian replied leaning over to kiss Justin’s cheek.

“I should be thanking you for last night,” Justin grinned.

“Thanking me?”

“You were spectacular at boinking.”

Brian laughed out loud. “You were pretty spectacular yourself. Maybe there is hope for us when we’re old and decrepit like Danny and Riley.”

Justin frowned. “Brian, you don’t really see Danny and Riley as decrepit, do you?” he asked.

Brian was about to say that of course he did, when the look on Justin’s face caused him to pause and rethink his words. “I was … mostly teasing,” Brian said cautiously.

“Mostly?”

“Well, they are older, but they’re still strong and … vital.”

Justin smiled just a little bit. “We’ll be strong and vital when we get to their age too.”

“You know that for a fact?”

Justin nodded his head vigorously. “We eat right, take good care of ourselves…”

“Nobody would know that to look at us now,” Brian said scornfully, as he pulled his crutches over so he could get up and go pee.

“Those little mishaps in Hawaii will soon be forgotten,” Justin averred. “We’ll be better than ever.”

“That may be true, Sunshine, but right now I need to get moving. There are hordes to cook for.”

“I’ll help you,” Justin volunteered.

“Between the two of us we might be able to make one halfway capable cook,” Brian threw over his shoulder before he disappeared into the bathroom.



*****



Justin fumbled with the package of bacon. With his arm in its sling it was hard to get the strips of bacon separated. It had taken the two of them to open the package and peel back the plastic. Justin couldn’t do it by himself. Now it was just as hard getting the bacon slices separated with one hand. He wondered if he was more of a bother than he was a help to Brian who was seated at the counter cracking dozens of eggs to scramble.

“Need some help?” Brian asked.

“I can do it,” Justin snapped angrily. He was really getting frustrated.

“Whoa, just asking,” Brian said.

“Sorry, this fucking bacon won’t come apart.”

“I’ll help you, Uncle Justin,” Patrick’s voice said as he came into the kitchen. He walked over to the counter near the stove and pulled a slice of bacon off the slab. “I’ll pull them apart and hand them to you,” he suggested.

“That would be … a big help,” Justin agreed as he laid the first strip in the frying pan.

“What are you doing up so early, Little Red?” Brian asked.

“I don’t know. I just woke up. My dads are still sawing logs.”

Brian chuckled. “I seem to remember that they’re masters of that.”

Patrick giggled. “Are you guys really okay? How much longer do you have to use these things?” he asked indicating the sling and the crutches.

“A few weeks,” Justin replied as he turned on the bacon having finally filled the pan. “Want me to beat the eggs while you cook the bacon?” he asked Brian.

“You could cook it.”

“I could, but Bree would not be happy,” Justin stated. “It’s your mouth watering, succulent bacon that she’s been longing for.”

“Bree loves your breakfasts, Uncle Bri,” Patrick informed them.

“Okay, I’m coming,” Brian said with a big sigh as he stood up and adjusted his crutches under his arms. “Maybe you could hold the bowl for Justin while he beats the eggs, Little Red.”

“Sure,” Patrick agreed cheerfully. He climbed onto the stool at the counter and wrapped his hands around the side of the big bowl. He held it tightly as Justin got the whisk and started whipping the eggs.

“How do I know when I’m done?”

“I’ll let you know,” Brian replied as he turned the bacon. “The more air in them the better.”

“Okay,” Justin said finding it awkward to beat the eggs even with Patrick holding the bowl steady.

“Halloo!” Emmett’s voice called from the front door.

“In here,” Justin responded.

“My God! You’re cooking already. I came to assist.”

“Then get your ass over here and put this bacon in the oven while I get another batch going.”

“Yes, master,” Emmett replied responding immediately. “I expected you to wait for help, but it looks like you’re doing quite all right on your own.”

“We’re nothing if not resourceful,” Brian stated proudly as he poured off the grease and refilled one frying pan with bacon. “And we already have expert assistance,” he added, looking purposefully at Patrick who beamed back at him.

“You should have lots more help coming,” Emmett explained. “The moving motel was stirring as I came by.”

“Good, they can take care of all the extras,” Brian noted.

“Dada, you’re cooking!” Bree screeched as she barreled in from her bedroom.

“That I am,” Brian said as he smiled down at his daughter who had wrapped herself around his waist, one crutch trapped in there too.

“I love you, Dada.”

“I love you right back.” That elicited some smiles from Emmett and Justin.

“I’m helping,” Patrick said proudly.

Bree frowned. “I can help too, right, Dada?”

“Certainly, Squirt. You can start setting the table. Did you wash your hands?”

“Not yet,” Bree replied. “I just got up.”

“Then run to the bathroom and do that. Then you can start setting the table.”

“We’ll get the table set up,” John said as he and Bobby appeared. “I see you’ve put our son to good use. Morning, Patrick.” John and Bobby smiled at their son.

“He has been invaluable, unlike his sleepyhead, log sawing daddies,” Brian said with a smirk.

“You’ll eat those words, when I refuse to re-bandage your ankle,” Bobby averred.

“Oops,” Brian amended, “perhaps that was a hasty statement.”

“If you’re finished with the bacon, come with me and we’ll get it wrapped properly before you start cooking eggs,” Bobby ordered, obviously rescinding his threat not to bandage Brian’s ankle.

“Yes, O great healer,” Brian said as he fished the last of the bacon out of the pan and indicated to Emmett that it should go in the oven with the other that he had already cooked. He followed Bobby to his bedroom swinging along on his crutches.

“Why is everybody standing around?” Debbie demanded as she entered the kitchen. “We have masses to feed.”

“Brian’s getting his foot wrapped. We’re almost ready to cook the eggs. The bacon’s in the oven. We need coffee,” Emmett said in his best party planner mode.

“Me,” John volunteered.

“Juice?”

“Me,” Michael replied.

“Toast?”

Carl held up his hand.

“I’ll help with that,” Lindsay volunteered as she and Candy appeared.

“Table?”

“Looks like that leaves me,” Ben said.

“I help you,” Bree said as she reappeared from washing her hands.

“So will we,” Jennifer indicated as she and Seth walked into the kitchen.

“I’m sure I’ll need your expert advice, Bree,” Ben agreed as Bree took his hand and they headed to the sun porch. “All assistance gratefully accepted.”

“You sound just like Dada,” Bree remarked before she disappeared through the doorway.

Justin smirked at Michael who stuck out his tongue at him.



*****



In a very short time everyone was seated around the big table in the sun porch enjoying another one of Brian’s masterful breakfasts.

“You’re the bestest, Dada!” Bree proclaimed as she happily chomped on a strip of expertly cooked bacon. She licked her fingers and whispered a quiet, “Yum,” as she ate some of her scrambled eggs which were cooked just the way she liked them

“Thank you, General Squirt, I accept your commendation with the utmost gratitude.”

“And plenty of bullshit thrown in,” Debbie added.

Everyone had a good laugh at Brian’s expense, but they were also very grateful that their two friends were returning to normal, even though they were still battered and bruised.