A Slip of the Tongue

Justin's POV:

Something's up with Brian lately. Maybe all this time away from an office is effecting his brain. I'm not sure what it is but lately he's been mumbling and muttering to himself and sometimes right out loud too. I'm not even sure if he realizes he's doing it.

Like the other night at dinner. I was babbling on about my day, I know, I guess I do that a lot sometimes but he was listening. I mean really listening, not pretending to listen and hoping I'd stop but really paying attention. Well at some point over the pasta I hear him mumble that he liked hearing my voice. Shit! I know he didn't realize what he said, I tried not to dwell on it. I think I stopped eating for a second but only a second and I didn't comment. He taught me how to hide my feelings, well maybe not as good as he does but I try. I've tried not to wear my heart on my sleeve anymore.

Brian can be difficult at times; well there's a stupid understatement, but he's changing, we all are. He even went along with Michael when he wanted to go Babylon. I could tell Brian wasn't in the mood but he knows how down Michael is about the Hunter thing and how tired Ben gets so Brian went along to Babylon. He danced with Michael all night long. They both looked so happy, so relaxed. It was nice for them both like that.

I think Brian's happier now. I mean even without a job or what he considers a job, he's calmer, friendlier, peaceful. Oh he still growls a lot but he wouldn't be Brian without the growling.

Like at Woody's when the trick wouldn't take no for an answer. Brian growled and told the trick to fuck off and even said the 'B' word. I tried to ignore it. I even warned Emmett, Deb and Vic not to say anything cause that would push Brian backwards. He's trying to express some of his feelings and I know how hard that is for him to do. If we push he won't show them but if we lay back and be patient his feelings for others will eventually show. I know it I can feel it. But there are many challenges when attempting to climb Mt. Kinney.

When climbing Mt. Kinney one must have the proper equipment and I don't mean a cock, well that helps. One must have plenty of rope cause you'll fall a lot so you need to tie yourself off, repeatedly. You need lots of patience and I don't do patience well but you need a lot and a lot of time. This may take years, at least three of mine so far. Ya also need lots of stamina and not just for sex. Brian can sure wear me out sometimes, maybe that's why I eat a lot and never gain weight. He just wears me out emotionally and physically.

At times he'll ignore me for days. That's when I stay at Daph's. It's like he knows when we need space, I need space and then BOOM, he's at the door step telling me to get my ass in gear and come home. He'll take me to dinner or ask me to cook for him; that's his way of telling me that he misses me. Sometimes I think Daphne calls him. She wouldn't do that, would she? No.

Anyway, there are other little changes. Like when he hovers around me like a big old guard dog (he'd kill me for the old part), or like a lion protecting his mate. Ya think I'd be insulted, I'm not a kid I can handle myself. I'm not a damsel in distress but he likes being the knight in not so shining armor. And what does it hurt to let him be that way, to puff up his chest and claim me, it's so romantic (hehehe).

Like at Babylon. We were having some serious tongue action when some trick taps Brian on the shoulder. I mean come on, couldn't the guy see we were busy? Well Brian tells the guy to fuck off and let's it slip that he was mine. WOW, that nearly blew me away but I think I covered it up okay. But I did try to show my appreciation in my own little way when we got back to the loft.

We were true partners that night, equals, both top and bottom, two pieces of our crazy puzzle that fit so well together. It felt so right, so good and he liked it. He loved it all.

And it was soooo amazing!

I like this new improved Brian but he also scares me. I've fallen off of Mt. Kinney too many times in the past and it's scary and it hurts. If I fall this time I'm not sure if I can get back up again. It hurts that much.

Then I remember later that night or early in the morning, depending on your point of view, I felt him caress me. Rubbing my skin, my back, inhaling my scent and he slipped again. I heard it, I heard him. He said it but I didn't let on cause I knew it would go away, he'd go away. But for all my falling off the mountain that is Brian fuckin' Kinney, to hear him say he loves me is worth all the pain.

I love you too Brian Kinney, I love you too.