Chapter 10

When Justin woke up the next morning, he could smell freshly brewed coffee in the air. As usual Brian had woken up before him and had already started with coffee and most likely breakfast. The thought of Brian still doing something that normal even after their fight and his running away the night before brought a small smile to Justin's face. Maybe things weren't as bad as they had seemed the night before if Brian was still making breakfast for him.

Forcing himself to fully wake up, Justin left the bed a few minutes later and made his way over to his kitchen island where he saw Brian drinking his coffee and reading the newspaper.

“Morning,” he muttered as he poured himself a cup as well and was relieved when Brian returned the greeting and closed the newspaper and put it away, looking at Justin expectantly. “What?” The younger man asked, not knowing what to make of Brian's silence and his gaze.

“Nothing,” the older man replied with a sigh, then reached for the newspaper once more.

“Brian,” Justin started, knowing that he would have to get the conversation started. He wasn't sure if it was a slave thing and Brian just expected him to lead the conversation as he was the master or if it was just a Brian thing and Brian didn't like continuing their argument from the night before. Whatever it was, Justin knew that it would be his job to get the conversation started.

Brian eyed him from nervous eyes, once more letting go of the newspaper.

“Join me on the sofa?” Justin asked quietly and walked over, noting that Brian followed after him with his own cup of coffee. He sat down and watched as the rain came down pouring outside his loft and watched the grey clouds move by slowly. Fucking typical that the weather would match his mood.

When Brian sat down on the sofa with Justin, Justin turned to him and reached for his hand. He held on to it and gave it a squeeze every now and then.

“I don't want to argue. I... God, I hate arguing with you. It... it breaks my heart and it makes me fucking depressed, but... I guess we have to talk and... can we just try to talk without arguing?”

Justin smiled slightly when Brian nodded and entwined their fingers.

“Where did you go last night?”

“Why?” Brian asked, looking at Justin from curious eyes.

“I was fucking worried. You just ran off and... I didn't know where you were and if something had happened to you. You could have run into a police escort for all I knew and... I... I just worried,” Justin finished lamely.

Brian eyed him quietly for the longest time, before he replied in a serious voice. “I never left the building.”

“What?”

“I went down two floors and sat on the fucking stairs for hours.”

“I thought you had run off to God knows where. Hell, I even called Michael, Lindsay and Debbie and asked if you were with them.”

Brian met Justin's gaze head on and his voice was weirdly void of emotion when he spoke next. “I am not allowed to leave my master's premises if he's not with me or if I don't have his express permission to do so.”

“Brian,” Justin sighed, not liking how Brian had once again made it about slave-master rules.

“No, you need to listen to this, Justin. Those are the rules! And apparently you know they are the rules because you said you had been worried about me running into a police escort. So you fucking know the rules!”

“Of course I know them,” Justin replied, feeling the anger rise inside of him. God, he hated this fucking shit. He hated the laws that allowed slavery and he hated the rules he had to follow as a slave owner. “I got the whole damn introduction to how to own a slave when I bought you.”

“And yet you allowed me to run away anyway,” Brian said quietly, his eyes never leaving Justin's. “Even though you knew the dangers.”

“What was I supposed to do?” Justin asked in exasperation.

“Stop me,” Brian said calmly and his voice sounded so serious it scared Justin.

“What?”

“You should have stopped me. You should have ordered me to stay!”

“You can't be serious, Brian. I told you I would not treat you like a slave and I won't start when we're having an argument. You're a goddamn human being, not my pet that I can order around to sit down whenever it pleases me.”

“I am dead serious, Justin. You know the dangers that me running off entailed and yet you let me go. Why?”

“Why? Because you're a fucking adult who can make his own decisions. I am not your...,” Justin stopped talking and looked at Brian from sad eyes.

“My owner? That is exactly what you are,” Brian said seriously, never letting go of Justin's hand in his own, slowly running circles with his thumb on the younger man's hand. “Justin, I know you don't like this, but... it is what it is. We have to face our reality here.”

“No,” Justin exclaimed angrily, pulling his hand away from Brian's grasp and walking over to his computer. He started the computer and typed something. All the while Brian stayed where he was and eyed Justin in confusion, wondering what the younger man was up to now. “Come over,” Justin urged him when he printed something and held it in his hand.

Brian slowly made his way over and eyed the papers that Justin handed him. He quickly realised that they were blank allowances for Brian to go where he wanted to. They basically were blanks saying that Justin, as the owner of Brian allowed him to go to and then there was a blank that could be filled in with whatever location Brian wanted to go to.

“I can run away when I am annoyed and I want you to have the same chance. I want us to be the same. These are blank allowances for you to go where you want. If you feel the need to leave, take one and go. If you want to go and visit one of our friends or just want to go to the diner for a meal, take one and go. You should have the same right to leave the loft as I do,” Justin explained calmly. “You should have the same right to leave from an argument as I do.”

Brian eyed Justin from surprised eyes and then shook his head. “This is not real, Justin. This is the bubble you're creating.”

“It's as real as it can get under our circumstances,” Justin argued back. “Is it so damn wrong that I want you to have a choice? That I want you to be able to make your own damn decisions like any other adult can as well?”

“And then what?” Brian asked in frustration, throwing the blank allowances on the desk and starting to pace in the loft. “Then what? I get used to all these freedoms, I get used to all these opportunities you're creating for me and then? What if you grow tired of me? What if you don't want this anymore and decide that I am not worth the effort anymore? What then?”

Brian's voice had gotten more and more agitated and Justin had eyed him from confused eyes. He didn't really see what the big problem was, but when Brian spoke next, he slowly started to understand what the problem was and he could have cursed himself for not having seen it himself.

“Then I'll be totally fucked because while being with you, I will have ignored every rule I have ever learned. I will have forgotten every law I have ever needed to follow because you have given me choices I am not supposed to have. And then I'll be fucked because my next owner will expect me to know how to follow the rules, but I can't anymore, because I never had to with you and then I'll get punished for it. Not you, not your family. ME! It will be me who will get punished for giving in to your little fantasy and your idea of a dream of freedom for me. Do you have any idea how dangerous this is for me? Do you have any idea how many dangers giving in to your idea of a relationship presents for me? You grow tired of this and you go on living your life, but me? I am the one that's fucked...”

Brian had talked himself into a rage and was still pacing the loft and Justin just stared at him wide eyed. For the first time he realised where Brian's fear and anger was really coming from and he knew in that instant that no matter what, to Brian they would never be equals. They couldn't be. And really, Brian was right. They weren't equals and never would be. Society would always make sure of that. Brian had been so indoctrinated in his slave training, he would never see himself as an equal, no matter what Justin told him and really, Justin realised that Brian was right not to. Brian was right not to trust him because to Brian Justin was the one calling all the shots. Justin was the one that owned Brian and had the power to sell him whenever he grew tired of him. Whenever he felt like a relationship didn't work, he could just sell Brian to the highest bidder. Not that he ever would, he would die before he did that, but to Brian that was a real fear. To Brian that was his reality. He had never had a choice and even though Justin wanted to pretend that he would have a choice from now on, Brian knew that he didn't really. That realisation hit Justin like physical blows and he stumbled back into the beam behind his desk and leaned against it, gasping for air. Why had he never realised this before? Why had he never considered any of this before? Because he had been so caught up in his own bubble... Brian had been right. Justin had lived in a bubble and now Brian had violently pulled him back to reality.

“I...I would never do that to you,” he whispered, still leaning against the beam and looking at Brian from shocked eyes. “I... never.”

Brian hadn't heard him and was still pacing and Justin realised that his words hadn't reached the older man. He slowly forced himself to walk over to where Brian was pacing and stepped in his way, forcefully stopping his pacing. He eyed the older man from sad, blue eyes and caressed his cheek gently. “I would never do that, Brian. You have to believe me.”

“You can't make that promise,” Brian spat. “You might think so now, but you don't know what will happen a year from now, five years from now, hell ten years from now. You don't know!”

“No,” Justin agreed, pulling Brian closer and wrapping his arms around the taller man. “No, I don't know, but... I will promise you that I will never ever sell you, Brian. And that is a promise that I can make. No matter what happens between us, no matter how we will end. I will never ever sell you. I will never ever use that power over you. I... I couldn't, even if I wanted to...,” Justin whispered, making the older man look him in the eyes, hoping that he would see the truth there. “Whatever happens, we'll find another way, but... I will not sell you! You will never have to go back to that life, Brian. It's over! It is definitely over! You have to trust me... Hell... do you think Debbie, Michael or Lindsay would even let me? You have a family now, Brian. You have people that love you and... whatever happens between us, they will be your family no matter what. I know it's hard to understand for you, but... we love you. We would never have anything bad happen to you again and... even if we might not last and even if we might hate each other one day for whatever reason... They will be your family and your friends and together we would all find a way to keep you away from that life. Please... you have to trust me on that, Brian,” Justin pleaded.

“I could never hate you,” Brian whispered, eyeing the younger man from equally sad eyes.

“I can be damn annoying. So don't be too sure,” Justin joked, trying to lift the mood a bit.

“I might get annoyed by you, but hate you? Not possible,” Brian whispered, returning the hug and holding the younger man tight.

Justin kissed Brian gently and their kiss quickly turned into something more. After all they hadn't had sex in more than 20 hours and for them that was an incredibly long time.

Soon after they were ripping off each other's clothes and made their way over to the bed where Brian swiftly prepared Justin and then made love to him, showing him how he could never hate him. He loved him way too much to ever be able to feel hate for him and he hoped that Justin would feel that in their lovemaking.

It didn't take either of them long to reach completion and when they came down from their orgasms, Justin carefully rolled on top of Brian, running his hand through the older man's hair.

“I love you,” he whispered, smiling at the brunet beneath him. “I hope you know that.”

“I do,” Brian replied, his eyes shining. “I am sorry I am being so difficult.”

“You're not,” Justin replied honestly, his hand running through the older man's hair.

“Don't you wish you had a boyfriend with less baggage? An easier boyfriend?”

“I have exactly the boyfriend that I want. The man that I love more than anything in life,” Justin said seriously, smiling down at the man beneath him. “So what if things aren't always easy. That keeps this whole relationship thing interesting,” he winked and yelped when Brian pinched his butt cheek.

“Twat,” the older man chuckled.

“Ouch, that hurt!”

“You deserve it.”

“Do I? Hmmm, I think I need to be stricter with you. Teach you some manners and all,” Justin winked, but then turned serious. He leaned down and left a kiss on Brian's lips, a gentle promise of a future together.

“I love you, Brian and I want this. I don't care if it's not always easy. I don't care if it might be damn difficult at times, but... you're worth it. You're so damn worth it and... I realize that it's not always real and that we still have the real world out there, but... can we try to make it as real as we can with the means given to us? I... I just want you to be happy and...,” Justin looked at Brian from now slightly scared eyes. “That also includes letting me know if you're not. If... if you don't want this... you need to let me know, Brian. We'll figure it out. I don't want you to feel obligated to me or feel like you have to stay with me because you're scared of where you might end up next. If you don't want this... let me know and we'll figure something out with Debbie or Michael and... I just want you to know: You have a choice here, Brian. Okay? You have a choice and I want you to know that no matter what your choice is, you'll never have to be scared of going back to that sick fuck. Never!”

Brian eyed Justin for the longest time, then wrapped his arms around the naked, young man and pulled him even closer, leaving a gentle kiss on his nose. “You're a twat, you know that?”

When Justin just frowned at him, Brian gently rolled him down from his body and propped himself up on his elbow, looking down into the shining blue eyes that eyed him in confusion and also slight fear.

“I love you. I love how you're trying to give me a choice and how you're trying to make me more than I really am.” When Justin wanted to reply to that, Brian put his index finger on Justin's lips, effectively shutting him up. He then held out his right hand and eyed his slave tattoo. “This... it will always determine my place out there, but... in here... you and really... the whole family... you're all giving me something so incredible and... at times I get overwhelmed and I know I am being an asshole and I know you deserve so much better for your patience and all you're doing for me and... all I can say is: I am sorry. I am trying... And I will try harder. I promise, but... never ever doubt why I am here. I am not here because I think I don't have another choice. I am not here because I think I have to be or you will be angry. I am here because I want to be and...I would be a damn idiot for walking away from you. You're the best thing that has happened to me in all of my sorry life. You are a dream come true and I hope... I hope that you won't lose patience with me and won't give up on me. You have every right to, God knows you do, but I am hoping against hope that you won't and that you will continue loving me in your unique way. Because...,” Brian's eyes met Justin's and he smiled down at the man he loved more than life itself. “It's the best feeling in the whole world!”

Justin smiled his sunshine smile at Brian and wrapped his arms around Brian's neck, pulling the man down for another kiss. “I love you, Brian.”

“Not as much as I love you,” Brian replied into the kiss and they continued kissing for what felt like hours, but was probably only a couple of minutes.

After a quick shower, Justin decided that it was time to get some work done and he settled down at his computer while Brian started to prepare a quick lunch for them.

Brian's cooking was interrupted when Justin called his name. “Brian?”

“Yeah?”

“Why did you think it was weird that Ben and Debbie didn't mention your queen out to me?” Justin asked, just having remembered something Brian had mentioned the night before.

Brian just shrugged, never leaving his place at the stove. “Because usually when a slave misbehaves, people complain to the owner so the owner can punish the slave.”

“And you felt like I should have punished you for your queen out?” Justin frowned.

“You would have been within your rights... I was out of line.”

Justin got up from his chair and walked over to where Brian was cooking. “No, you were not. You have a right to your reactions. You have a right to your feelings and... believe it or not, Debbie, Ben, Michael, all of them really, they would never tell me something like that because they respect your right to your own reactions and choice as well. We're just Brian and Justin. To all of them,” Justin said sincerely and Brian could only nod.

Maybe living in a bubble wasn't as bad as he had made it out to be. Maybe living in a bubble could actually be something that could make him happy in the long run. Who cared if it wasn't true to the outside world? As long as it was true to him and Justin and their family that was really all that mattered, wasn't it?

“I love being just Brian and Justin,” Brian whispered, pulling the younger man close for yet another kiss. God, he would never get enough of kissing that delicious mouth.

“Hmmmm,” Justin sighed happily into the kiss. “Me too.”