Chapter 12

“Hey,” Brian greeted as he entered the dark loft, frowning when he saw Justin sit at the kitchen island, staring at a piece of paper in front of him.

He got a distracted “Hey” back in reply, but Justin didn't even look up at him when he muttered it. Something was off, Brian immediately felt it. Normally Justin would be working or watching TV or there would be some music. But for him to sit in the dark like this, that was not normal.

“Are you okay?” he asked as he walked over to his boyfriend and wrapped his arms around his waist, resting his head on his shoulder.

“Hmm... yeah... kind of,” Justin mumbled, not looking at Brian, but absently caressing his cheek with his fingers. “How was the movie?”

Brian and Ben had been out to an arthouse cinema watching some kind of obscure indie movie. They had invited Justin along, but it had just sounded absolutely boring to Justin and he had politely declined. In the end it had been good he hadn't gone, because that gave him a chance to go over to Melanie and Lindsay's house.

“Weird, but good. The acting was really great and the story was weird as fuck, but totally made you think about life and death and everything...”

“Sounds deep,” Justin mumbled, slowly turning around in his seat, so he could face Brian. He wrapped his arms around his boyfriend's shoulders and pulled him closer for a quick kiss. “We have to talk, Brian.”

Brian eyed him and frowned. “Is this the point where I freak out?” Brian tried to play it off as a joke, but Justin could feel how tense his boyfriend had become and he couldn't even blame him.

“I...I don't know,” Justin replied honestly, looking at Brian from big, blue eyes.

“Okay, you're not doing anything to calm me down,” Brian said seriously, before he took a step back and eyed Justin carefully. “What is this about?”

Justin sighed, knowing that it was now or never. “Remember when I told you about what Emmett had said about you and Gus?”

Brian looked confused, but nodded. “Yeah, what about it? You two are crazy!”

“I wish,” Justin muttered, then picked up the piece of paper that was lying on the kitchen island. “Promise me that you'll stay calm and will let me explain,” Justin begged, but he knew that it was already too late for that.

Brian eyed him sternly, getting slightly agitated. “What is going on, Justin?”

“I know you told me to let it rest and that it was crazy, but... I didn't.”

“You what?”

“I didn't let it rest, okay?” Justin waved his arms around helplessly. “I... went to the girls and talked to them and they could see it as well. Call them as crazy as me.”

Brian eyed Justin from scared eyes, slowly getting a feeling where this conversation was going. He pointed to the piece of paper in Justin's hand. “What is that?”

“A DNA test,” Justin muttered, not looking at Brian, but at the paper in his hand.

“You what? You did a DNA test?” Brian exploded, yelling at the man in front of him. “Without telling me?”

“Brian, please...”

“When were you going to tell me?”

“I am telling you now!” Justin gave back, holding out the paper to Brian and looking at him from concerned eyes. “Gus is your son, Brian. There is no doubt!”

“That is not fucking possible!” Brian just yelled, then grabbed the paper from Justin and angrily flew over what it said. “That is not possible,” he said over and over, but with each time he said it, it held less conviction and his voice sounded less secure.

Justin led his hand to Brian's arm and gently squeezed. “Brian... I know this is a lot to take in, but... Gus is your son. The test is conclusive. There is no doubt!”

“He can't be... it's not possible,” Brian just said over and over again, his eyes never leaving the test.

“We... we don't know how or how they even got your sperm, but... the test is conclusive. You're Gus' father and... Melanie and Lindsay want us to meet with them so we can discuss together how to deal with this. They don't want to take away your access to your son.”

Brian's eyes rose up to meet Justin's and he angrily threw away the paper with the results of the DNA test that declared him Gus' father. “NO!” He just yelled, before he rushed past Justin and left the loft.

Justin went after him, but Brian had already been down the stairs and out of the building by the time Justin made it to the ground floor.

“Fuck!” He yelled angrily when he saw that Brian was already gone and he slowly made his way back up to his loft, knowing that Brian probably needed some time to deal with what he had just found out. Not that Justin could blame him. It was a lot to take in. He just wished that Brian would have stayed and they could have dealt with it together. At least Brian now had the blank allowances with him, so Justin didn't have to worry about him being taken away by a police escort. At least Brian would be safe when he went wherever he went to work through what he had just found out.

***

Several hours later, Justin didn't feel that calm anymore and was getting more and more worried. Brian still hadn't returned back to the loft and was still out there. By now it was late night, dark and cold and Justin wondered if Brian was okay.

He went through the places that Brian could have gone to in his head and then eliminated them one by one. When he was running out of options where Brian could be, he remembered a late night conversation they had had a couple of weeks ago. Brian had told him of a little place at the Fern Hollow Creek that ran through Frick Park where he would often run to to hide from his parents when his father had been drunk again. Not knowing of any other place and not knowing what else to do, Justin grabbed his keys and drove to the park.

He easily found the creek and followed it by the light of his flashlight, hoping that he was going in the right direction. He slowly started to recognise some of the things Brian had described to him and he knew that he was going in the right direction and getting closer. After a 20 minute walk, he finally saw the huddled form of his boyfriend sitting at the edge of the creek, staring straight ahead at the water, seemingly not paying any attention to his surroundings.

“Brian?” He called out quietly, not wanting to startle his boyfriend who apparently hadn't realised yet that he had been found.

Justin could see a small movement of Brian's head and saw him turn to the flashlight. “Justin?”

“Thank God, it's you and not some serial killer,” Justin breathed out as he walked closer.

“What are you doing here?” Brian asked, turning his gaze back to the water.

“Looking for my boyfriend.”

“How did you find me?” Brian still didn't look at Justin and just stared out at the creek.

“I told you, I am a good listener. I know you don't believe me, but I am and I do listen to you when you tell me things,” Justin said seriously, before he turned to Brian. “I was worried about you...”

“Why?”

“Because you ran off and I didn't know where you were and... that's what people that love you usually do when you just disappear.”

“You shouldn't,” Brian whispered, before he buried his head in his hands that were resting on his legs.

“Brian...,” Justin started, but was interrupted by the older man who apparently wasn't done talking yet.

“I am not worth it.”

“Oh, you so are,” Justin contradicted him and led his hand to Brian's back, running smooth circles there to calm down his boyfriend. “Wanna talk about it?”

“What is there to talk about?” Brian muttered, slowly lifting his head and looking at Justin from the saddest eyes Justin had ever seen.

“I know this is a shock for you. Hell, it's a shock for all of us, but... we need to talk about this and figure out what to do next.”

“There is nothing to do next,” Brian spat.

“Of course. We'll have to meet with Lindsay and Melanie and we'll have to talk about what this means for all of us,” Justin started, but was once again stopped by Brian.

“There is nothing to talk about. Gus will never know,” with that Brian got up and walked down the path, away from Justin.

“WHAT?” Justin hadn't expected that and got up to follow Brian. “Of course he will! What do you mean he will never know?”

“Exactly what I said!” Brian went on walking, not caring if Justin was keeping up or not. “He will not know about this.”

“Brian,” Justin pleaded, but was stopped when Brian turned around and stopped, Justin nearly running into him in his haste to follow him. “Don't make any rash decisions.”

“This is not a rash decision. I have thought about it for hours and he will never know. Never!”

“Why?” Was all Justin could ask, looking at Brian from incredulous eyes.

“Are you really asking me that question?” Brian asked in disbelief, looking at Justin from wide eyes. “Really?”

“Yes!” Justin exclaimed. “Obviously or I wouldn't have asked!”

“This is why!” Brian just said calmly and held up his right hand which showed his slave tattoo that would forever immediately identify him as a slave. “He deserves better!”

“Brian,” Justin's heart broke for the man in front of him and tears ran down his cheeks. It always came back to Brian's status as a slave and Justin really wished that for once it wouldn't be about that. Brian deserved so much more from life and most of all so much better. “Don't say that...”

“Don't say what? The truth? Well, it is what it is, Justin. I am a slave! A goddamn fucking slave. I have less rights than a fucking dog in this country... What do you think I could possibly offer a child? My child? What? Nothing! That's what: NOTHING! Fucking NOTHING, because I AM NOTHING!”

By now Justin could see that Brian was crying as well and his heart broke even more for his boyfriend. He cursed the world, he cursed the laws, but most of all he cursed Brian's parents for what they had done to their own child. Their own flesh and blood.

“Don't say that!” Justin whispered through his own tears, pleading with Brian to see how untrue his statement was.

“It's the truth! Better accept it for what it is,” Brian spat, before he sank down to his knees and all fight seemed to have left him.

Justin rushed over to the brunet's side and immediately wrapped his arms around him, holding him tight, rocking the older man in his arms. “You are sooooo wrong, Brian. So wrong! You are my light. My reason to get up in the morning and my reason to make something out of this goddamn life. You are my reason for breathing and living and you are what keeps me going. Don't say you're nothing. You couldn't be more wrong... you're my everything.”

Brian just continued crying in Justin's arms and they both rocked back and forth on the cold ground, Justin not letting go.

“You have so much to offer. You are smart, sexy, funny as hell and most of all... you're loving and caring and that's all that matters, Brian. That's all that Gus will care about. That he has a father who loves him and cares for him. Just look at the family he's growing into. Do you really think he will care about your status? Do you really think he will grow up thinking any less of you because of something that wasn't even your choice?”

They stayed like that for the longest time, before Brian slowly started calming down, Justin the whole time continuing to tell him how much he meant to everyone that knew him and what a great person he was. He hoped that he was getting through to Brian, but he really didn't know.

After what felt like an eternity, Brian pulled back and looked at Justin from his tear-stained face. “I don't want him to know. I don't.”

“Brian, please, don't say that.”

“You don't understand, Justin. And you can't, but... please promise me, he can't know. This world is cruel and... I don't want him to become a punching bag for bullies or assholes because of me. He can't ever know the truth,” Brian pleaded with his boyfriend.

“I can't promise that, Brian. I just can't...”

When Brian hung his head, Justin felt his resolve weaken. He wanted to promise whatever he could to Brian at that moment, just so he would stop being so devastated, but this was something Justin couldn't promise. Hell, it wasn't even as if it was his decision. Melanie and Lindsay would have a say as well.

“Please,” the older man begged again, but Justin just shook his head.

“Brian, I can't and... I don't think you really want me to... I get it, you're scared. Hell, I am scared and I can only imagine what this must be like for you, but... don't make any rash decisions now. Let us go home and let us sleep on it and... then let's talk about this calmly tomorrow. Please!”

Knowing that further discussion wouldn't lead anywhere and wouldn't do any good, Brian just nodded wordlessly and allowed Justin to help him up. They made their way back to Justin's car in complete silence, neither of them knowing what more there was to say.

When they arrived at the loft, they just as wordlessly went to get ready for bed and lay down. The silence was driving Justin crazy, but he knew there was no way he could push Brian for any more that night. It was obvious to anyone with eyes in their head how broken the man at his side was and Justin knew that further pushing the topic of Gus would do more harm than good. In the end he settled on lying down on his side of the bed and he turned to Brian, who had his back turned to him.

“I love you,” he whispered quietly, hoping that at least that would get through to Brian. Because really, that was the most important thing and all that mattered. Justin loved him and no matter how Brian might see himself and this situation, Justin loved him and this “I love you” was a silent promise that Justin would be by his side, no matter what.

Justin wasn't surprised when he didn't get a reply back, thinking that Brian was still too far gone inside his own head and thoughts to return the sentiment, but then Justin felt a hand make its way back to his side of the bed and reach for his own. When their fingers entwined, Justin knew that Brian had heard him and that this was his way of saying that he loved Justin, too.

Everything else could wait for the next day.