Chapter 13

Over the course of the next few days things at the loft didn't really improve. Brian and Justin were talking, but each conversation they had was stilted and it seemed as if they were both trying to be extremely polite without setting the other person off.

Every time Justin would bring up the topic of Gus, Brian would just insist that he didn't want the boy to know about Brian being his father and then Brian would effectively end all conversation. No matter how much Justin tried, he just couldn't seem to get through to Brian and couldn't make him see how he was overreacting.

On top of that, Justin had also come to realise very quickly that Brian was beyond angry at Justin for having done the DNA test behind his back without Brian's agreement. Justin had been well in his rights to do so, but of course that was in his rights as Brian's owner. Something he had always claimed he wasn't. How often had he pointed out to Brian that they were equals and then he had gone behind Brian's back and had used his power as Brian's owner to get a DNA test involving Brian's DNA without his approval. Justin knew he had fucked up immensely and he knew that he could not just make it up to Brian by saying that he was sorry. Which he was and which he had told him, but he realised himself that would not be enough by any means.

So tensions were running high at the loft and had for days when Justin heard the doorbell pull him back from his sombre thoughts. As far as Justin knew, they didn't expect any visitors, but it wouldn't be the first time Michael or one of the family would come by unannounced.

He got up from his desk where he had been trying to work for a bit, but had basically just pretended because his mind had been elsewhere and walked to the door to see who was there outside his door.

“Sunshine, open up. It's freezing out here!” Debbie's voice called up through the intercom and Justin sighed to himself. Of course it would be Debbie.

He and Brian had missed Sunday dinner the night before, neither of them feeling in the mood to pretend that things were alright and especially Brian not feeling like seeing Melanie and Lindsay and blank out refusing to see Gus.

Of course Justin had made their excuses to Debbie, but he wasn't really surprised that she was now outside his door. He opened the door and let her up, leaving his loft door open for her to enter when she had made it to the top floor.

He grabbed a bottle of water and two glasses from the kitchen and put them down on the kitchen island for himself and his guest.

“Hi, Sunshine! How are you? I brought some leftovers for you and Brian,” Debbie happily announced when she made it to the top floor and entered his loft.

“Thanks, Deb. That wasn't necessary though.”

“Hey, of course it was. You two need to eat a good home-cooked meal every once in a while. You can't just survive on takeaway.”

“I'll have you know that both Brian and I know how to cook. Thank you very much!” He said to her as he sat down on one of the bar stools at his kitchen island. He watched as Debbie put away enough food to feed a whole army and joined him.

“Where is he?” She looked around the loft and apparently couldn't find any sign of the older man.

“Out,” was all Justin said, not caring to elaborate further. What was he supposed to tell her anyway? 'He ran away because he can't be in the same room with me for longer than necessary because I broke his trust in the worst possible way?' Yeah, that would go over well with her.

“Sunshine, cut the crap. What's going on with you two?”

“Nothing,” Justin replied, trying to sound as convincing as he could.

“Honey, I might not look like it, but this is not my first time at this rodeo. I know when people are arguing and I know when people are lying to me. You weren't too busy with work yesterday, that was a lie. So how about the truth, huh?”

“I was busy with work,” Justin weakly defended himself, but even he recognised the excuse for what it was.

“And that boyfriend of yours? Suddenly so busy with work as well that he didn't dare to make it to dinner on his own?”

Justin just shrugged, looking at the glass of water in his hands.

“Your argument with Brian wouldn't have anything to do with Lindsay and Melanie?” Debbie asked and Justin's eyes shot up to meet hers.

“I figured... it felt strange that they would cancel on the same day you and Brian would cancel...”

“Debbie, please...”

“Don't Debbie me. Something is going on and it's disrupting my family, so I want to know. I want to know why half the family suddenly didn't show up to sunday dinner.”

“I was busy with work. You'll have to ask Melanie and Lindsay for their reason,” Justin replied lamely, knowing that he wouldn't get away with that non-answer.

“Sunshine, just be honest with me. Did anything happen between the four of you? Anything I need to be worried about? Will I lose any family members over this?” The redhead asked in a quiet, slightly scared voice.

“I don't know,” Justin replied honestly. He really didn't know. At the moment he had no idea how this whole thing would end and turn out.

“So something did happen,” Debbie mused, eyeing the young man in front of her from sad eyes.

“Debbie, just... let us figure this out, okay?”

“Where is Brian, honey?”

“I don't know...,” Justin replied honestly, knowing that Debbie would see right through his lies anyways. She had always had a way of uncovering all his lies effortlessly. Maybe he was just a bad liar.

“What do you mean, you don't know?”

“What I said: I don't know. He left earlier and he didn't tell me where he was going. It's not as if we've been talking a lot recently. I guess he might be with Michael.”

“Or Lindsay. Maybe he's visiting Gus,” Debbie mused, knowing how much Brian liked to hang out with the small boy.

“No, he's not,” Justin just muttered and before Debbie could ask any more questions, they both heard the elevator stop on the top floor and a few seconds later heard the door to the loft slide open and Brian appeared. He looked unshaven and troubled, Debbie could immediately see that.

She watched as Brian and Justin just eyed each other warily and neither said anything to the other as Brian made his way over, hugging her in welcome. “Debbie, what a surprise!”

“Going for the Hobo look?” Debbie asked as she ran her hand over Brian's unshaven face. This was not like Brian. Brian usually cared a lot about his appearance.

Brian just shrugged and slipped out of his jacket. He still had to say something to Justin and Debbie eyed both men warily. Something was definitely very off.

“I have to go back to work,” Justin said after a minute of awkward silence between the three of them and got up from his bar stool. “Debbie brought some leftovers from yesterday's dinner for us,” he said in Brian's general direction, then walked back to his desk.

Debbie didn't miss the tense set of his shoulders or the sad look in his eyes as he left.

Brian turned towards her with an attempt at a smile. “Debbie, you shouldn't have,” he started, but was stopped by her finger in his face.

“You better tell me what's going on here. I know that something is awfully wrong between you and Sunshine.”

“Debbie, it's none of your business,” Brian just told her, before he took Justin's glass of water, emptied it and then carried it over to the sink.

“It is if it's affecting my family.”

“Some things might affect your family, but are still not your business.”

“Don't take that tone with me, Brian!” She wagged her index finger, but stopped when she saw the expression on Brian's face.

“Or what?” He looked at her from challenging eyes. “What are you gonna do? Punish me? Complain to Justin, so he can punish me? Fuck this!” With that he grabbed his jacket and headed for the door.

Debbie followed him, seeing from the corner of her eyes how Justin was eyeing them both in concern.

“Brian Kinney! Stop right now!” She called after him, but Brian didn't slow down. Not knowing what else to do, but knowing that something was very, very off between two of her lost boys, she decided to follow Brian and made her way down the stairs as fast as she could.

When she reached the ground floor, she thought she had lost Brian as he had been way faster than her, but then she saw him heading down the streets towards Liberty Avenue and decided to follow him. When he thought that she had to have stayed at the Loft with Justin, he noticeably slowed down and that gave her a chance to catch up with him.

“Don't ever make me run after you again,” she huffed, being totally out of breath. Even though Brian had slowed down, he had still been a lot faster than her normal walking pace.

“Just leave me alone, Debbie.”

“No, something is obviously wrong and I want you to tell me.”

“Nothing to tell,” he just shrugged and then started to walk again.

She made a grab for his arm and forced him to turn around and look at her. She could see how there were tears in his eyes that he was desperately trying to blink away.

Debbie pulled the brunet closer and took him in her arms. “Honey... what is it? What happened?”

“Nothing,” Brian muttered, trying to pull away, but Debbie wouldn't let him.

“That doesn't work with me. It never did,” she whispered, only holding him tighter. This reminded her so much of the young boy that had first come to her house as Michael's friend and he had been just as scared and skittish back then as he was now.

Not wanting to create more of a spectacle than they had already done, Debbie pulled Brian with her in the direction of her house. At first he struggled and obviously wanted to get away, but when she had made it clear that he wouldn't, he had given up and had joined her on the short walk to her place.

“Sit down,” she ordered when they had reached her home and she started to prepare some coffee for them.

“Debbie, just let it rest,” Brian said once more, interrupted by Debbie speaking at the same time as him. “Are you and Sunshine breaking up?”

“What?” Brian's eyes widened and he just looked at Debbie from what she easily recognised as fearful eyes.

“It's an easy enough question.”

“No, it's not...,” Brian muttered, looking down at the table instead of looking at Debbie.

“You didn't deny it, so whatever is going on, must be serious between you two,” the redhead mused, coming over to the table with two cups of coffee.

“I just wonder how Melanie and Lindsay fit into all of this,” she wondered out loud as she took her first sip.

“Debbie, stop! It's none of your business,” Brian said once more, wishing that she would stop digging for the truth. But of course she wouldn't.

“It is my business. Whether you like it or not... This is my family and you are all part of it, so if you're fighting? That's my business.”

Brian didn't say anything to that. He had already made it clear earlier that he disagreed with her opinion.

“Silent treatment? You think that's going to work with me?”

Brian just shrugged. It was worth a try, wasn't it?

“Tell me one thing, Brian: If you and Sunshine do break up, where does that leave you?” She hadn't meant to be cruel with her question, that hadn't been her intention at all, she had just wanted to get him to talk to her, knowing that he needed to get whatever it was off his chest. He was troubled, any fool could see that.

“Why don't you ask Justin? He's the one to make that decision... just like he makes all the decisions...,” Brian spat and Debbie just frowned.

“I thought you made decisions together. Isn't that what people in a relationship do?”

“Yeah, people... But I am not! I am just a fucking slave, so who cares about what I want, right? You know what? Just talk to Justin... He's my owner, he can answer for me.” With that Brian got up from his chair and made to head for the door, but Debbie was right in his way and effectively stopped him from running out again.

“You stop right there! What's that supposed to mean?”

“You heard me,” Brian replied angrily.

“Yeah, but it doesn't make any sense, so excuse me for not understanding. Sunshine has never ever treated you as anything but his boyfriend. Where is all this slave-owner bullshit coming from? I know he detests it...We all do!”

“Well, he doesn't detest it enough to not make decisions behind my back,” Brian spat, before he tried to push past Debbie once more. And once again the redhead was a braver woman than many others would have been and stayed in his way.

“I am sure he didn't mean it, Brian,” she tried to calm down the irate man, knowing that Justin more than anyone, probably only second to Brian hated the fact that he was officially considered Brian's owner and she knew how careful Justin had always been to make Brian feel involved in any decisions.

“Oh, he meant it. And right now his fingers are just itching to plan the rest of my life, Gus' life and everyone else's life who's involved in this mess. Not caring one bit about my feelings in any of this.”

“Gus? What does he have to do with any of this?” Debbie frowned, not understanding what that sweet little boy had to do with anything. And then something clicked. “Is this about Emmett's crazy idea that you and Gus are related? Don't tell me Justin fell for that,” Debbie laughed, but stopped when she saw Brian's serious expression.

“He fell for it alright,” Brian just muttered, finally giving in and returning to his seat at the table, knowing that Debbie wouldn't let him go.

“But that's just one of Emmett's crazy ideas. He's obviously watched too much TV and has gotten carried away,” Debbie muttered as she followed Brian back to the table.

She watched as Brian raised his arms as if in greeting and waved them around helplessly. “Say hello to Gus' father.”

“What?” She looked at Brian as if he was crazy.

“Justin had a DNA test done behind my back and it confirmed that I am Gus' father.”

“How? How is that possible? The girls had an anonymous donor,” Debbie had a hard time believing what Brian was telling her, but why would he lie? What reason would he have to lie? None!

“That's the million dollar question. Somehow my sperm ended up at the sperm bank and they chose it and here I am, now being a father. And only God knows how many more children are out there that I might have fathered...”

Debbie watched Brian from gentle eyes and moved over to the seat next to him, so she could hold him tight in one of her trademark hugs. “That must have been one hell of a shock.”

“You've got no idea!” Brian allowed himself to be engulfed in that hug and allowed Debbie to just hold him.

“So that's why you're so angry at Sunshine? Because he got that test behind your back?” Debbie asked, pulling back from her hug and throwing Brian a questioning gaze.

“Yes...,” Brian sighed. “No... not really...I mean, yes, obviously...he should have told me what he wanted to do and shouldn't just have done it behind my back because he can do it as my owner. If he had cared so much about us being equal, he would have asked for my consent, but... that's not really it... it's only part of this whole mess.”

“And what is the rest? This already seems bad enough.”

“He doesn't understand why I don't want Gus to ever find out the truth and I just know that... when it comes to it, he will not support my decision and will once again make a decision on his own. Because he can and there is nothing I can do to stop him,” Brian explained angrily.

“Okay, honey. Stop right there: What do you mean you don't want Gus to find out?”

“Just what I said: Gus is not to know that I am his father. He will not find out about that!”

“Of course he will! That boy loves you. And you love him. God, honey... that's so exciting. Why wouldn't he find out that you're his father?” Debbie questioned and eyed Brian from inquiring eyes. “Is it the girls? Are they giving you any trouble?”

“No,” Brian sighed, lowering his eyes, not daring to look Debbie in the eyes for what he said next. “I don't want him to ever find out. He deserves better.”

“Better? What do you mean?”

“This,” Brian held out his hand with his slave tattoo and left it at that.

“I don't understand, you're losing me, big guy,” Debbie admitted looking at the tattoo in question. God, how she hated seeing it on someone she loved so much. Such a hateful symbol and a shame that someone she knew had to bear it.

“He deserves better than having a slave for a father. I will not allow him to become an outsider or a joke because of me and my status. He will never know and will have a happy life with his mothers,” Brian explained with conviction and Debbie could see how important this was to the younger man.

“Don't you think you're overreacting?” Debbie asked carefully, knowing very well how sensitive Brian felt about his slave status.

“Why does everyone keep saying that?” Brian threw up his arms and angrily got up from his chair, pacing Debbie's kitchen. “I have been living with this for years. I know better than anyone what this means and how it changes peoples views of you.”

“I know,” Debbie agreed sadly and she knew that he was right. No one could really understand what he had been through and what being a slave meant, but still, she felt like he was being too hard on everyone here. And most of all himself. “And I am not saying you're wrong, but... you're talking family here. You're talking us. YOUR friends and family. You know that we don't care. None of us do and it doesn't matter to us, Brian.”

“And what about the world outside of our family? What about them? What about the people Gus will go to school with? What about the people he will play soccer with or whatever... What will they think?”

“What does it matter what they think? It's not their business,” Debbie replied calmly.

“But they will make it their business. And then it will become Gus' business and then he will suffer because of me.” Brian's voice sounded dejected even to Debbie's ears and she had a gut feeling why he sounded so dejected.

“You care about him a lot, don't you?” She asked gently, holding out her hand to grab for Brian's and squeeze it.

“Of course I do! I always have,” Brian replied evasively, allowing Debbie to pull him back to the table and make him sit down next to her once more.

“And now you care even more because he is your son,” she went on, her voice just as gentle as before.

“I just want him to be happy. He only deserves the best,” Brian whispered and in that one statement Debbie could hear so much love, she knew without a doubt that Brian loved his son. This had never been about him not caring for Gus.

“Brian, honey... I am sorry to break it to you, but... the world is a cruel place. It's full of assholes, bigots and bullies and unfortunately that's a sad fact of life that every parent will have to accept at one point. And another thing we have to accept is that we can't always protect our children from everything. We need to let them find their own way in life and sometimes we have to let them learn how to weather life's storms on their own.”

“Is that supposed to be comforting?” Brian asked, not sure where Debbie was aiming with her statements.

“No, it's supposed to be honest. I know you think that your slave status might have a bad impact on how Gus might be seen by his peers, but Brian... I hate to break it to you, but don't you think that he is already doomed anyway? Lesbian mothers, one of them a Jew... “

Brian interrupted Debbie before she could go on. “Even more reason not to give them any more ammunition to attack him.”

“You remember when you and Michael went to school?” She asked Brian, her voice showing a pain that only a mother could feel. “The bullies that went after Michael and that you always protected him from?”

Brian nodded wordlessly. Of course he remembered. Those guys had come after Michael for being a geek, for being small and for being what they considered gay even before he knew that he was gay.

“He didn't have lesbian mothers, he didn't have a Jewish mother, he didn't have a slave for a father and still they came after him.”

“So?” Brian raised an eyebrow.

“So, I am trying to say that there will always be assholes and if they want to go after Gus, they will. All we can do is teach him how to stand up to them and be there for him. Don't you think he would love to have a father that could tell and show him how to stand up to bullies? Don't you think he would love to have a father that will hold him when he's crying and that will comfort him? Don't you think all that is more important than what some asshole might or might not do?”

“Debbie...,” Brian started in an exasperated voice, but was stopped by the redhead.

“No, you listen to me: I get that this sucks! I get that this is also a huge shock and not something you would have ever wanted. But it has happened! He is here and he is YOUR son. It doesn't make sense, but it is what it is. So now you have to get over that, get out of this funk and accept the responsibility that comes with being that boy's father!” Debbie told him sternly.

“I can't be... I can't be responsible for him. Hell, I can't even be responsible for myself. I don't even have the damn fucking right. How could I be responsible for him? I have less rights than a fucking dog.”

“Honey, I know you have been dealt more shit in your life than anyone deserves, but... don't you see? You have a chance here to build something wonderful: You have a partner that loves you and worships the very ground you walk on. You have a son that adores you and will grow up in a community that will teach him how to be tolerant, open and accepting. You have a family that loves you because you are you. I know it doesn't change the truth about this,” she whispered as she turned his hand and looked at his slave tattoo, “but doesn't it count for anything? Doesn't what Justin has tried to build for you, what we have all tried to give you, doesn't our love and acceptance count for anything? And doesn't Gus deserve to get that same love and acceptance from his father? A father that sooo obviously loves him and wants him to do well,” she finished, looking at Brian and running her hand through his auburn hair. “You have always been such a caring person. The way you took care of Michael when you were both teenagers, the way you treat Justin, the way you treat all of us, really. You have so much love to give, Brian and... you deserve to get that same love from us. You just have to allow yourself to receive it.”

Brian eyed her from glassy eyes and when a single tear ran down his cheek, she wiped it away gently. “You are a good person, Brian. Despite everything that has happened to you, you are still so full of love. Doesn't Gus deserve to know what a good man his father is? Doesn't he deserve to be proud of the man who has made it against all odds and still turned out to be a decent human being?”

Burying his head in her shoulder, Brian felt more tears come and shed them as Debbie held him, the whole time telling him that he would make a great father for Gus.

***

When Brian returned to the loft two hours later, he was surprised when he heard excited babbling from his son greet him as he opened the door. He saw Gus sit on the floor in front of the sofa and tell his infant version of a story to Justin who seemed to listen eagerly. Only every tenth word or so made sense and could actually be understood, but that didn't seem to stop Gus or Justin who was laughing heartily at whatever the small boy was telling him.

It was obvious that Justin had heard him come home. Brian could see how his shoulders had tensed up when he had pulled the loft door closed, but Gus hadn't seen or heard him yet. The second he did, the small boy immediately held out his arms to Brian and carefully toddled over in his direction. Justin had been forgotten now that his favourite person besides his mothers was there.

Brian gently picked up the boy and held him close, tickling his pudgy stomach which made the small boy laugh in excitement. “What are you doing here?” He asked the boy, who only laughed more and ran his hands all over Brian's face.

“Melanie and Lindsay brought him over. I swear, I had nothing to do with it. They claimed to have a family emergency and just left right away,” Justin said quietly, never having gotten up from the sofa, obviously afraid of Brian's reaction to Gus being there.

Remembering how Brian had blank out refused to spend time with Gus or the girls in recent days, Justin got up from his place on the sofa and slowly walked over. “I can take him to the park and we can leave you alone, if you want.”

“Justin,” Brian started, but was stopped by Gus demanding to be let down, so he could toddle over to his toys.

“I will just get him dressed and then we'll be out of your hair. Don't worry,” the younger man announced, slowly walking over to where Gus was picking up one of his favourite toys.

“Justin, it's okay,” Brian tried once more, not that he could blame his boyfriend for thinking that it wasn't. He had been more than an ass in recent days and he had put Justin through a lot.

“I know that you don't want to see him and... I will respect that choice,” Justin muttered, as he was about to pick up Gus.

“Justin, STOP!” Brian said, louder this time, which startled both Gus and Justin. Justin tensed and slowly turned around and Gus just looked at Brian from big eyes.

“Stop, okay? Please... I know I have been an ass in recent days, but... it's okay... Really, it is.”

Justin eyed him doubtfully and it was obvious that he didn't really believe Brian. So Brian walked over and knelt down at Gus' side, running a hand through the boy's soft hair.

“You want to stay here and play with your Dada, don't you? You would like that, wouldn't you?” When Brian started making faces at him, the small boy responded by giggling madly.

Brian turned to Justin and urged him to sit down on Gus' other side. When Justin did, the doubtful expression still on his face, Brian reached over to grab his hand. Justin allowed Brian to squeeze it and eyed him in confusion.

“Lets just say that someone has kicked my ass and has made me see that this small boy here deserves to know his father and that his father also deserves to be cheered up by this small boy whenever he is in need of it.”

Justin couldn't help the smile that spread on his face. “Debbie?”

When Brian nodded with a smile of his own to match Justin's, the blonde smiled even wider.

“I am sorry,” Brian said sincerely, meeting Justin's gaze head on. “I was an ass and... I am sorry for that. I really am.”

“Don't worry about it. I was a way bigger ass, so I deserved it,” Justin replied, chuckling lightly. They were such drama queens and both of them prone to overreacting. One day they would definitely kill each other. He just knew it.

“No, you weren't and no you didn't,” Brian started, but was interrupted by Justin chuckling at him.

“Can we please not argue about who's the bigger ass and who deserved what? That seems really extreme.”

“It does,” Brian agreed, smirking his trademark smirk and picking up Gus and settling the small boy in his lap, urging Justin to move closer. When the blond did, Brian wrapped his arm around his favourite people in the world and felt good. Maybe he could do this whole father thing. Maybe he would manage with Justin by his side.

“Are you okay, Brian?” Justin asked when the older man seemed to zone out and not really pay attention to him or Gus.

Brian nodded and then smiled at his son and his boyfriend. “I am.”

Justin leaned in and rested his head on Brian's shoulder. “Good.”

“Are you okay with this?” Brian suddenly asked, then turned to look at Justin.

Justin frowned. “What do you mean?”

“Well... I've never really asked you how you felt about me suddenly being a father to a one year old toddler.”

“I'll manage,” Justin whispered happily, cuddling closer to Brian. “It's a good thing he looks just like you and has your charme,” he winked, making Brian chuckle. “No, really. I just want you to be happy and whatever you want to do, I'll be here, okay?” Justin whispered and was relieved when Brian nodded and leaned in so their lips could meet in a short, but sweet kiss.

“I love you,” Brian whispered and was relieved when Justin returned the sentiment. Apparently Gus felt a bit left out and demanded their attention.

Brian and Justin smiled and turned to the toddler, pulling him closer and giving him sloppy kisses on his cheeks which made him laugh hysterically. “And you as well,” Brian whispered, running a hand through Gus' hair. “I love you, sonny boy.”

Justin smiled happily. He knew they would still have to talk and he knew there was still a lot of stuff they would have to figure out, not just between themselves, but also with the girls, but he had a feeling that everything would be okay. And he would have to thank Debbie for whatever she had said to Brian the next time he saw her.