Chapter 3

Justin didn't want to admit it, but he was feeling very frustrated. Brian had now been staying with him at his loft for two days and this had honestly not been what he had imagined when he had thought about their reunion in all the years they had been apart.

For the last two days they had danced around each other, trying to avoid too much contact and interaction, each not sure how to deal with the other. There would be awkward silences where neither of them knew what to say and the worst for Justin were the times when they accidentally touched or bumped into each other and pretended it hadn't happened.

Justin didn't know what he had expected, but not this. Maybe he had been naïve to think that Brian would love him just like he loved the older man. Because of that Justin was sure. He loved the man. He had loved him for years ever since he had come to terms with his own sexuality and had started exploring said sexuality with his former tutoring slave. Justin had heard it all, how he had only been a 17-year old boy who hadn't known anything about love to begin with, but he knew different. He knew how he felt about Brian and how he had felt all these years they had been apart. And he had always believed that Brian felt the same for him. Now Justin wasn't so sure anymore.

Yes, they had kissed, but not nearly often enough for Justin's taste and when they had kissed, the kisses had been chaste, as if they were both afraid that too much contact would be bad for either of them. There had been no passion so far and Justin was growing frustrated.

It wasn't as if he had expected them to just fall into a relationship and be able to pretend that the last four and a half years hadn't happened. He knew that Brian had been through an incredibly hard, traumatising time and he knew that their years apart had been way harder on the slave than on him, but... if Brian would at least talk to him. That would be something. But the older man hadn't even done that.

For the last two days he had mostly tried to stay out of Justin's way, hiding his face behind one of Justin's many books whenever possible. And Justin was growing tired of it. He was horny, he had waited for Brian for almost five damn years and he wanted them to at least have some of the passion they used to have years ago. Not that he would ever force Brian. That would be the last thing Justin wanted to do, but his patience was growing thin and he was getting more and more impatient. They needed to talk. And soon.

Sighing to himself, knowing that further delaying their talk wouldn't help either of them, Justin shut down his computer, saving his last piece of work, before he moved to the sofa where Brian was sitting, reading a book.

“Brian,” Justin started, resting his hand on the older man's knee to get his attention. Justin winced inwardly when Brian flinched at his touch.

“We need to talk,” Justin announced, looking at Brian from sad, serious eyes. When Brian's only response was to close the book in his hand and rest it in his lap, Justin continued.

“I... I will be honest here and I am not saying this to hurt you, but... this is not exactly how I had imagined our reunion to go,” Justin started and was startled when Brian nearly jumped off the sofa and walked past him towards the bedroom. “Brian?” He looked after the older man in confusion. When no reply came, Justin followed him and frowned when he found Brian undressing and then lying down on his stomach in the middle of the bed, completely naked.

“Brian? What are you doing?” Justin asked, feeling utterly confused by the older man's behaviour.

“This is what you want, isn't it? This is what you imagined, right? Isn't that why you bought me? So you could have your way with me?” The older man snapped at Justin, leaving him utterly confused as to how his simple wish for a conversation had gotten so out of control.

“What? No! I want us to talk!”

“About how you imagined something else. About how you imagined me to put out for you and how you imagined to have had sex by now. Yeah, I get it. Don't worry... I know what I am and what you bought me for.”

Justin felt the anger rise inside himself. He knew he shouldn't be angry at Brian, he knew that this was not the slave's fault, but to think that Brian would think him capable of doing what he implied... To Justin that was rape and he would never ever do that! And most definitely not to a man he loved.

“Stop this! Get dressed!”

“Why? This is what you want, isn't it?” Brian sneered, looking at Justin from where he had rested his head on the pillow.

“Not like this! I love you, Brian. I would never...”

“What? Never buy a slave to pleasure you? Well, I hate to break it to you, but that's just what you did! You bought a pleasure slave and now you're disappointed that he hasn't pleasured you yet. Well, here you go. Go and get it done with.” With that Brian turned his head back away from Justin and into the pillow.

“That is not why I bought you! I...,” Justin started, but felt anger overtake him. He thought Brian had loved him just like he loved the older man, but obviously he had been wrong. Obviously he had been a fool to think that Brian could have loved a 17-year old boy. He had been a fool to think that almost five years apart wouldn't have made a difference. Justin angrily wiped away the tears that he felt on his cheeks, cursing himself for having been nothing but a lovesick teenager.

“That is exactly why you bought me! You're just like them. You are just like every other of those sick assholes,” Brian sneered, getting up on all fours, presenting his asshole to Justin. “Go, get it over with. At least you'll get something for your money.”

“Fuck you, Brian! Fuck you!” Justin yelled and ran down the steps and towards the door of his loft. How could Brian say that about him? How could Brian think that Justin would be like Sapperstein and all those other sick bastards? How could Brian think so little of him? Of the man that loved him with all his heart and soul? Justin ran out the loft door without looking back. He didn't bother to wait for the elevator and just took the steps, rushing down the flights of stairs until he was outside the building. He needed to get away. Far away before he would do something that he would regret later on.

***

Three hours later, Justin returned to the loft, carefully opening the sliding door, trying to be as quiet as he could be. He didn't know if Brian was already asleep and didn't want to wake the older man if he was.

When he stepped inside his loft, he stopped dead in his tracks. “What are you doing?” He asked in total bewilderment when he saw Brian on his knees, his head hung low, his hands held out as if in offering of something. Justin knew that this was a common position to assume for slaves awaiting punishment, but he had no idea why Brian would be in that position.

“Waiting for my punishment, master,” Brian replied quietly, his voice hardly louder than a whisper.

“Get up!” was all that Justin said and when Brian didn't move, Justin yelled at the older man. “GET UP!”

Brian scrambled to his feet and kept his head low, his hands folded in front of his genitals.

“Stop this shit!”

“Master, I...,” Brian started, but was interrupted by Justin's angry voice.

“Stop this shit right fucking know! I am not your master and you're not my slave, for fuck's sake!”

“That is exactly what I am,” Brian answered quietly.

“Not here!” Justin yelled, walking over to where Brian stood and forcing the man to look at him. “Get it into your fucking head: Those days are over! I DID NOT BUY YOU TO BE MY SLAVE!” Justin let go of Brian's face and felt all anger deflate. He just couldn't do this. If this was supposed to be their life, he wasn't sure he could do it. This was so much harder than he had imagined and with each passing minute he had been away, walking the streets of Pittsburgh, he had realised more and more what an idiot he had been to think that they could pick up where they had left off four and a half years ago. What an idiot he had been to think that they could return to Brian's pre-pleasure slave days. The Brian that had been his lover five years ago had been a different person. A less traumatised person.

Justin shook his head sadly as he walked past Brian, not even looking if the slave was following him or not. His voice was quiet when he spoke and it wasn't clear if he was speaking to himself or to Brian.

“I was a fool... a goddamn fool. To think that things could just go back to what they have been five years ago. Go, Justin. Go you! You've completely fucked up yet another relationship in your life. When will you realise that you're a damn idiot? When will you realise that life isn't a dream, isn't the fairytale you want it to be...”

Brian turned around and watched after the blond in bewilderment. “Justin?”

Justin never reacted to Brian's question and only moved on to the sofa, tiredly flopping down on it. “I can't do this... I can't fucking do this...”

And to Brian's consternation the younger man then broke down completely. Within seconds he was a crying, sobbing mess and Brian could just watch him break down from where he stood. Not sure about what to do, Brian stayed where he was, until an inner urge took over and led him to where Justin was sitting. He couldn't just stand by and see the younger man break down like that. Something in himself broke when he watched Justin's heaving shoulders.

Not wanting to startle the younger man, Brian kneeled down in front of him, speaking to him quietly. “You're not a fool,” he started, wondering if Justin was even hearing anything he was saying. “Far from it. You're one of the bravest, smartest men I have ever seen.”

Justin just shook his head and continued sobbing. “I can't do this... I can't...”

Brian wasn't sure how to react to the younger man's breakdown, but in the end instinct took over and against all odds, he leaned close and wrapped Justin in his embrace. “Stop, Justin... calm down...,” Brian whispered to the crying man, trying to soothe him. “Shhhhh, calm down.”

“Don't touch me!” Justin angrily spat when he realised what was happening and jumped up from the sofa, glaring at Brian from angry eyes. “Don't you fucking touch me!”

“Justin,.. calm down... let's talk about this,” Brian urged the younger man quietly.

“What is there to talk about? How you think I am a monster? How you think I am just like them? Don't worry, I got the message, Brian!” Justin hissed as he wrapped his arms around himself, as if to protect himself from harm.

“I don't think that,” Brian said seriously, his voice full of sincerity.

“Well, you could have fucking fooled me, Isn't that exactly what you accused me of a few hours ago?”

“Justin...,” Brian started, wringing his hands in his lap, feeling beyond ashamed. Yes, he had said that and he knew he shouldn't have. He knew that he couldn't have been further from the truth with that statement. “I didn't mean it.”

“Yes, you did. You fucking did! Why else would you lie down on my bed waiting for me to rape you...,” Justin started pacing in front of the large windows. “You fucking meant it. At least have the guts to admit it.”

“Justin... can I explain?” Brian tried once more, this time looking at the younger man from pleading eyes. “Please.”

“What is there to explain? I got the message loud and clear. I was a fool. A damn fucking fool...,” Justin started to rant and only stopped when he realised that Brian had said something. But it had been so quiet, he wasn't sure he had understood it correctly. “What did you say?”

“Did you mean it?” Brian repeated his earlier question, this time louder, his eyes raising up to meet Justin's angry gaze.

“Did I mean what?”

“That you love me.” Brian's voice broke as he spoke the last words and his eyes conveyed all his insecurity and pain. Justin's breath got stuck when he saw the pain, the insecurity, the confusion.

“Yes,” he simply replied, hoping that Brian would believe him.

“Why?”

“Why what?” Justin asked, feeling confused.

“Why would you love me? Why... would you love someone like me?”

“It's not as if I had much choice in that matter. It's not like I can control my feelings. I've loved you since the day I've realised what those weird feelings meant. Since I've realised that I was gay, not a freak, not weird... Since you've started showing me that being gay didn't mean I was a lesser human being. Since you showed me how good it feels to share passion and love with another person. I've loved you for years, Brian.”

Brian only shook his head, looking at Justin from now sad eyes. “You shouldn't...”

“I told you, it's not as if I had much choice in the matter,” Justin repeated his earlier statement.

“This will never work, Justin,” Brian muttered sadly, now lowering his eyes, no longer able to meet Justin's gaze. “It can't.”

Justin eyed Brian for the longest time, watching the emotions on his face. He saw pain, heartbreak, sadness, but most of all an emotion that he knew so well from himself.

He slowly made his way over to where Brian was sitting and knelt down in front of the older man. “Do you love me?” He asked.

When Brian didn't reply, Justin only repeated his question. “Do you love me, Brian?” He repeated his question three more times, before the older man finally responded in a whisper. “Yes...”

A smile broke out on Justin's face and he took Brian's hands in his, squeezing gently. “Then that's all that matters.”

“I am a slave, Justin...”

“I know... and I don't care. I never have and I never will. I love you, Brian. With all my heart. I've loved you all these years and... ever since that day I have hoped and prayed that I would one day find you and be able to raise enough money to buy you from whomever you belonged to at the time, so that... that we could finally be together.”

“It will never work,” Brian whispered again, this time a single tear left his eye as he spoke.

“We will make it work. I believe in us and I need you to believe in us as well,” Justin said sincerely, now climbing up the sofa and sitting down next to Brian. He turned to the slave, running a hand through his auburn hair. “I know it will be hard, I know, Brian. I fucking know... but... it will be worth it. You will be worth it.”

“You don't know what you're saying.”

“Yes, I do. I know that I love you and that you love me. And that is enough to make it work. Never give up hope!”

The moment he said it, Justin realised something that Brian had said to him two days earlier. “Hope is a dangerous thing when you're a slave. I just couldn't allow myself to give in to that hope.” He cursed himself for his choice of words when he realised that hoping was the one thing Brian couldn't allow himself to do.

Justin pulled Brian closer, burying the older man's face in his neck. His voice was sad when he spoke next. “I have no idea what you've been through these last years and... I can only imagine the horror and nightmare your life has been, but... that is over, Brian. It's over now! I did NOT buy you to become my pleasure slave. I did NOT buy you so you would be indebted to me and would have to please me with sexual favours. I love you! I love you with all my heart and that's the only reason I have bought you: So that we could be together again. If... if that's not what you want, tell me. I will not force you, Brian. I will NEVER force you, you hear me? I am not one of them... If you don't want to give this a try, I... I'll understand...And we'll figure it out, but... you don't have to be afraid of ever having to go back or of ever being forced against your will. That will never happen again, Brian. I won't allow it. You have to believe me.”

Feeling the slave shaking in his arms, Justin knew that Brian was crying and he slowly started rubbing comforting circles on the older man's backside. “I would never do anything to hurt you. You mean too much to me. You hear me? I don't care if you're a slave or not. I don't care about the things you've been forced to do these last years. None of that matters to me. All that matters is us. You and me! If that is what you want.”

They stayed like that for what felt like hours, Brian with his face buried in Justin's shoulder, crying for all the pain he had endured in his life, crying for all the opportunities that had been taken from him. Once he started to calm down, he pulled back and looked at Justin from red, puffy eyes.

“I am sorry. I... I didn't mean it.”

Justin eyed him sadly and then shook his head. “You did, Brian and... I can't blame you. I really can't. Not after everything, but... please, you got to believe me. In here,” Justin pointed at the loft, indicating his home. “In here we're just Brian and Justin. Partners, lovers, friends. Whatever we decide to be in the end. In here... in here there is no slave and no master. I... you have to promise me that you'll never ever pull any of that slave bullshit again in here. It's... it's not who I want us to be. Just Brian and Justin, okay?”

Brian eyed Justin and could see the sincerity in his eyes, could see his pain, could see how hurt the younger man had been by his behaviour earlier, but he could also see understanding and compassion and above all he saw love. So much love.

“Just Brian and Justin,” Brian nodded slowly, before he leaned in and pressed his lips against Justin's soft, plump ones. Justin sighed happily into the kiss when he felt Brian demand entry into his own mouth and it didn't take them long to be making out like teenagers on the sofa.