Kidnapped!

" 7 "

The weeks gradually passed by and no word came about Gus. Lindsay was sure they would hear something eventually, but even her faith began to flag as time wore on.

Brian hired a private detective to try to locate Gus. The man was extremely well paid and produced extremely little in terms of concrete information or leads. Brian employed him for a month until the man presented him with an astronomical bill and no results. The man had never before felt the fury of a Brian Kinney meltdown. He never wanted to experience one again. He was happy to escape from the Kinnetik offices in one piece and with a check for half of what he had submitted. After that Brian's blood pressure gradually went down, but the ache in his heart for his son did not.

Justin did his best to support Brian and get him to lead as normal a life as was possible under the circumstances. Justin missed Gus too, although his feelings seemed to be of little relevance or concern to anyone in their strange little family. Brian still fucked him into the mattress when Justin could get him to do it, although it wasn't as automatic as it used to be. They both found a few minutes of forgetfulness in those times. But the distance between them seemed to be widening and no matter what Justin did he could feel Brian slipping away. Sometimes Justin didn't seem to care either, and that frightened him. Their lives were on hold, in some sort of limbo. They went through the days with no real joy or happiness, no real communication, no fun. They existed rather than living. A pervasive sadness cast its pall over everything they did. Justin didn't know how long he would be able to stand it.

The rest of the family went on with their lives. Occasionally they asked about news of Gus but more and more Gus became a taboo subject. It was easier not to ask, less painful, less hurtful for all concerned.

Melanie disappeared from view as best she could. She still had her job and Jenny Rebecca. Michael, of course, wanted to see his daughter and she allowed that. Mostly she sent Jenny home with Michael so that Deb and Ben could have time with her. Melanie herself never wanted to participate in family get togethers or outings. She went from her house to her office and back again. Little was seen of her other than that.

Brian found it difficult to be around Michael. Michael was always talking about his daughter, often not thinking about how his words about his own child might affect Brian who had lost his. The trips to Babylon or Woody's with Michael became fewer and fewer. Brian would often go alone and use his tried and true pain management techniques in the backrooms. Once he got his rocks off he would quickly leave never really wanting to socialize with anyone.

His drug use escalated. It seemed to take more and more for Brian to find the numbness, the blankness, where he wasn't assailed with thoughts of Gus and how he had been taken from them. He often pictured Gus somewhere laughing and playing like any other little child. He prayed that was the case in reality. He couldn't bear to think of him dead.

Justin's frustrations grew. He knew Brian was back to serious tricking. He understood on some level why Brian was doing it, but that didn't make it hurt any less. There didn't seem to be anything he could do that didn't make Brian angry and defensive. Sympathy got Justin a sharp rebuke. Criticism got him into a fight. Mention of Gus got him stony silence. He was just about at his wit's end.

Four months after Gus had disappeared no news about the little boy had been received. Most people had given up hope. Brian and Lindsay still clung to a faint hope that Gus was alive and someday they might get him back. Most others had given up even thinking about Gus.

One Saturday afternoon the buzzer sounded indicating someone was below asking for entrance. Justin looked at Brian. They had not had a visitor in a long time. Brian continued working on his computer ignoring the sound. Justin got up and went to the door.

"Yes," he said into the intercom.

"Justin?" a female voice said. "What the fuck took you so long?"

"What do you want, Debbie?" Justin asked.

"Is the asshole home?"

Justin sighed. He looked over at Brian who shook his head. "No, he isn't," Justin lied.

"Let me come up. I need to talk to you."

Justin groaned. Now he was caught in the lie. He looked over at Brian who shook his head. Justin signaled that he didn't know what to do.

Brian got up slowly. He walked to the intercom. "I'm here, Debbie. But I'm not seeing anyone," Brian said.

"You need to see me. Open up."

"Deb…"

"I'm not taking no for an answer."

"You might as well let her in," Justin said.

Brian released the door and went back to his computer. It was never a good thing when Debbie arrived unannounced at the loft. He didn't want to deal with this.

Justin pulled back the door and Debbie stepped inside. She looked around like she half expected to see an orgy.

"What do you want, Deb?" Justin asked hoping to get this over quickly before Brian blew a gasket.

"I'm having a little dinner tomorrow night, and I want you both to be there."

"No."

Debbie turned and looked at Brian who studied his computer screen not looking up. "What did you say?" she asked.

"No."

"Just like that? No!"

"We don't go out much," Justin said lamely. "Maybe another time."

"I told you I'm not taking no for an answer."

"Give it a rest, Deb," Brian said calmly. "We won't be there."

"Brian … kiddo … I know it's hard, but cutting yourself off from everyone won't make it better," Debbie pleaded.

"I'm not coming," Brian repeated keeping his voice level as his temper rose. Why couldn't she just take his answer and fuck off.

"We all miss Gus too," Debbie said. Justin cringed knowing that was the wrong approach. He prepared to open the loft door and steer Debbie out before Brian killed her. "But you have a life of your own to live. You can't lock yourself up in here and never see anyone." Justin felt his stomach roll over. Debbie was making this worse by the second. "When I lost Vic I thought I couldn't go on, but I did." Justin knew the explosion was upon them.

Brian stood up by his computer. The seething rage just beneath the surface was so clear to Justin. Why couldn't Debbie see it, and get the fuck out before it was too late?

"What do you want, Deb?" Brian asked his voice rising slightly. "You want me to come to your house so the 'family' can smother me with pity? You want me to come be civil with fucking Melanie who cost me my son with her irresponsible actions? You want me to pretend that I'm fine and Gus' disappearance doesn't matter anymore? You want me to bill and coo over Jenny Rebecca and use her as a substitute for my own son? You want to slap my face again and tell me to shape up or get out?" Brian's voice had risen with each question. He glared at Debbie waiting for an answer.

"I want to let you see that we love you and we want to help you," Debbie said softly. "I love you, kiddo. Please come."

Brian shook his head.

"I'll make sure it's just a few of us. No Melanie or Jenny Rebecca. Nobody to upset you."

"How the fuck can you guarantee that?"

"I can't, but I'll try. Please come," she repeated.

"Maybe we should, Brian," Justin said. "It would be good to see some of the gang. We've kind of lost touch. I'd like to go." Justin knew that something had to get Brian out of his depression soon or they would both go crazy. Maybe this would be a first step.

"Then go," Brian said belligerently.

"Brian, for me?" Justin asked.

"Fuck! All right, I'll go." Brian ran his hands threw his hair and turned away. Justin mouthed to Debbie to leave and he showed her out.

When the loft door was closed Justin went over to Brian. "Thanks for agreeing to that for me," Justin said softly. "I think it will be good for both of us."

Brian turned and looked into the blue eyes. "I hope to fuck you're right."

*******************

The day leading up to the dinner was spent in awkward silence. Justin knew Brian didn't want to go and he kept wondering if the man might bolt at any second. He half expected to find Brian in his tricking clothes ready to go out and practise his pain management.

When it was time to leave Brian came down the steps casually dressed and Justin breathed a sigh of relief. "Are you ready to go?" Justin asked.

"Go where?"

Justin groaned inwardly. "To Deb's."

"I'm not going."

"But you said you would."

"I changed my mind."

"No, no, not this time," Justin said. "I've tried to handle you with kid gloves, I've asked for nothing from you for weeks, I've walked on eggshells and put my own needs aside, but enough is enough. Either you come with me or … that's it."

"That's it?" Brian asked raising an eyebrow."

"That's it."

"Then I guess I better come," Brian said with a smirk.

"You intended to go all the time, didn't you?"

Brian merely stared, and then they left the loft. Justin breathed a sigh of relief.

The dinner went smoothly. Only Emmett and Lindsay and Carl were present along with Deb and Michael. Everyone else was either not invited or had decided that absence was the better part of valor. Brian said little but others made up for his lack of conversation. He was civil and added a comment here or there. As dessert was about to be served, Brian stepped out the back door for a smoke. He fully expected Justin to follow him so he wasn't surprised when he heard the back door open and close.

"Can't stay away from me, huh?" he asked without turning around.

"I think I can. You're not exactly my type," Carl replied with a little laugh.

"Sorry, Carl, I thought you were Justin."

"That's okay."

"Deb send you to straighten me out?"

"Something like that."

"Can't be done."

"Brian, I know you miss him. I don't know how you've gotten through it till now. I don't have any magical answers."

"Thanks for being honest, Carl. I'm so sick of everyone trying to be bright and positive when there is little or no hope of ever getting him back."

"I've kept my eye on the case," Carl said. "They've tried everything to find him."

"I know."

"Did that detective you hired find out anything at all?"

"Not a fucking thing and he charged a fortune. I fired him."

"Oh, I thought he might still be on the case."

"Nope, I'm doing nothing just like everyone else … and Gus is … God knows where Gus is."

"I have a friend…"

"What a psychic? Please!"

"No, no, nothing like that. He's a private investigator, used to be a cop. He's good at what he does, very persistent and he won't charge you an arm and a leg."

"I'd give my right kidney and half my liver to get Gus back," Brian said sincerely. "Do you think there's any point after so much time has gone by?"

"There's always a chance … if you want to take it."

"Give me his name and number. I'll think about it," Brian said wearily.

He wondered if there truly was any point to pursuing this. He didn't know how much fight he had left in him.