CHAPTER 42 - FOOD FOR THOUGHT AND MESSING WITH THE REP
MEL
I look across at Carl. “I need something to put this in.” I hold the phone by its corner, I almost drop it when it rings. Nobody speaks whilst the caller rolls to voicemail, I put it on the table and nod at Claire, my heart breaks for her as she accesses the message. “On speaker, I’ll record it just in case whoever calls back and deletes it.” I don’t know why I’m whispering.
“Ready?” She asks, again I nod.
“John it’s JJ, I hope you are doing okay, no doubt enjoying the break from Claire and her tempestuousness, how you’ve put up with it all this time is, I suspect, only by God’s favour. I hate to be the bearer of even more bad news, but I think during her time here Claire has found a ‘friend’ as she’s been out more than in these days, his name is Wilson. Considering she said she was visiting me to help during my illness, I find this very disconcerting and selfish. However, that is between you and her. Let me know if you are still coming to collect her, so I can leave the key for you. Bye.”
“Well that’s just delightful!” Wilson growls then stands up. “Do you have much at that place?”
“What place, her place? Not much.” Claire replies. “Why?”
“Because you are not staying there a second longer. You’re going to get your things, go pick up the boys then book into a hotel…”
“No she’s not. She’s going to move in with me.” Jack declares as he stands up. “They all are.”
“Hang on a second.” Brian is looking at the phone. “Would she recognise his voice?”
“Depends on how soused she is, why?” Claire looks confused.
“Bruh, she would recognise yours, but deffo not Ben’s.” Brandon looks at him, who nods. “I need…”
“Let me.” Ems interjects then starts to tap on his phone. “Say this…”
JOAN’S HOUSE - AN HOUR LATER
LOUNGE
JOAN
I peek out of the window, ever since he called me back I’ve been waiting for her return. I just don’t understand why some people, like her, don’t accept their lot and position in life! Her place is by his side, doing what he says, mine is by Carl’s doing what I want, which is to be his forever and only love! I smile in anticipation as she comes down the path.
“Mother! Where are you?!” She calls out after shutting the front door.
Hurrying back to the sofa, I lie down and wonder what’s taking both of them so long to get in here! “In the lounge!” I call out as she seems to be going upstairs. “Claire, did you hear me?!”
“Yes! Just getting something!” She returns and goes into her, for mere minutes I hope, bedroom. I quickly get up and close the drapes, I want his arrival to be a complete surprise to her. I catch a glimpse of a head by the gate and quickly lie down again.
“You okay? Recovered from earlier?” Her tone is snide, I turn to her and her case is at her feet.
“Are you going somewhere?” I nod ‘tiredly’ at it. “If so, where?”
“To stay with a friend I’ve made. You told me to get out of your sight, remember?”
“I didn’t mean it like that. I was just so shocked by her rudeness that I took it out on you, although you didn’t help matters by embarrassing me like that when…” I pause when I hear the back gate creak open, and hide my smile. “...well you know.”
“Yes Mother, I do know. As for where I’m going, like I said to stay with a…” She pauses as the back door is unlocked. “...expecting someone?”
“A…”
“Claire! Where are you?!” A voice booms, whilst she looks stunned, I suppress my smile.
“Is that John?” I gasp. “I’ve not seen him in a while. “John, in the lounge!” I swiftly sit up and get behind her, there is no other way but past me...and him!
His hulking frame comes down the hallway, seems he’s built himself up over the years. “Hi JJ!” Thanks for calling and telling me about her new friend, Wilson was it? Get in the car Claire, it seems we have a lot to discuss!”
“John, I don’t know what she’s told you but…”
“Car. Now! Let’s not make it worse than it has to be!” She scurries out, huge tail between her fat legs. “Thank you JJ, I had hoped she'd shown you the kindness and respect, she clearly doesn’t feel for me.” He calls over his shoulder as he follows her, closing the door quietly behind him.
As I watch them leave, I feel no guilt, okay so I embellished, but she embarrassed me. If she manages to talk her way out of whatever he visits upon her, then so be it, that’s down to her.
FIVE MINUTES LATER
CLAIRE
Once more I’m wrapped in a comforting embrace, but this time it is Jack, my father, with Ben handing me tissues. “Claire, the address, we need that so we can pick up the boys.”
An hour later, John and the boys are arguing over rooms.
A miracle has happened, turns out we were only three blocks away from him, they’ve known him as the man that feeds the ducks in the park and would talk to them on and off for the last two years!
BABYLON - NEXT DAY
KITCHEN
JEWEL
I clasps my hands together before pressing them against my forehead. “Emmett, sweetie, we can’t have that, one it’s too cliched!” I wait for his gears to click. “And two involves knives, sharp ones!”
“But oysters in here would be…”
“A mistake. Okay. Let me prove this theory.” I grab a towel, an oyster then the knife. I look around the room, landing on Brandon. “Open it.”
“No!” Carl and Ben shout, with Ben taking the knife and Carl the oyster.
“Hun…” Debs puts an arm around his shoulders. “...if one of the Studs of Liberty Avenue can’t open a can of beans without having stitches...”
“Jesus Ben! It was one time!” Brandon gripes. “Did you have to tell everyone?!”
Ben looks unabashed and unrepentant. “Yep.”
“Alright.” Embs concedes defeat, before opening up the remaining five oysters in front of him, he grins at me, so I add the hot pepper sauce and shallot. “Oldies are the best.” He chuckles as he hands one to Drew. “Down the hatch.” He orders and the beatific look he gets afterward tells me that there is no way oysters are ever being served here!
“Can I show you my thoughts now?” I haul the catering trolley onto the counter when he nods. “So my idea here is that it has to be a sensual experience, so soft and spicy to start, down to firm and hard then back to soft and luscious. So to...Pearl!”
“I was looking, not sniffing!” She protests, which would be fine, if she wasn’t holding a duck egg, sheepishly she starts to put it back. She stops at the whine and we all look down. “Mom.” She pleads as Holmes drools, he could find a duck egg in the middle of a desert, but then he is joined by Watson and my defences crumble.
“Oh god they are so gorgeous, say yes!” Deb sighs as she finds another egg. “Now come and sit my darlings.” She orders and immediately they are in front of her. “When did they get socks?”
“I give up!” I sigh, earning a beaming smile from Carl.
“Super gentle.” Debs demands as she holds an egg in each hand, it doesn’t take long for them to be demolished or her hands to be thoroughly cleaned. “Appetiser?” She grins.
“Yeah with soldiers. So we need to sort out the rest of the food for our discerning guests, which are apart from the soft boiled duck eggs with sourdough soldiers, grilled asparagus with olive oil and balsamic vinegar, tuna sashimi with soy and ginger dipping sauce and sesame pork lettuce cups. Main - zinfandel beef ribs with citrus gremolata, spinach wild mushroom and gruyere pancakes, grilled lobster with white wine butter sauce, date and chilli Buffalo wings. Desserts - chocolate truffles, caramelised banana and rum pancakes, strawberry fool with pistachio praline, grilled peaches with yoghurt and blueberry and butter cookie gelato.” I tie an apron around my waist. “This will be the standard menu for say a month, that way there’s no faff and shit like that. Ems and Justin can do next month…” I bite my lip and try not to giggle, but looking at Mel makes me corpse. “Mel, it’s not funny!”
“It is!” She sniggers. “Only the other one of the Studs of Liberty Avenue could find out the hard way, that he’s allergic to a brand of latex who he does the advertising for!”
“The hard way…” Brandon gapes.
“Yeah, he went big but couldn’t get home.” I grin and for once Pearl doesn’t get it!
STD CLINIC - SAME TIME
JUSTIN
Whilst I can understand the thought process, protecting his image and all that, I think the scarf wrapped around his face and sunglasses is a bit much!
“It really hurt!” He whines as he spreads his legs wider. “I’m all for the girth, but...don’t you dare laugh!” He hisses.
“I’m not.” I look anywhere but at him or that, he looked like he had a small brassica in his pants when things started to go wrong!
“Horvath!” The nurse yells and we both look at each other, surely not?! We look around the room but our fears are allayed as heading toward the nurse are Michael and George! “Can you fill this out on the computer, we couldn’t read your writing?”
“Grab those seats!” He hisses and whilst I do that, he ‘John Wayne walks’ over to join me, which is not helping me not laugh! I can see the screen as Michael types. “What can you see?” He asks.
“Well if you take off your sunnies, you could see too.” I sigh, which makes him lower his glasses. “Want to swap seats?” He nods and we do so, then he gurgles. “What?”
`
“We need to go, we need to go right now!”
“Why?!” I demand.
“It’s going down!”
“Never been so happy to hear those words!” I chuckle and we run out.
BRITIN - AN HOUR LATER
BRIAN’S WING
BEDROOM
JUSTIN
“It’s definitely back to normal.” I hold his cock and balls in my hands, checking for unseemly swellage, which in his world is a word. “In fact, wait let me see here…”
I lift his cock then kiss it all over. “Anything painful?” I look up at him.
“Nope.” He sighs.
“Taste test next.” I lick his balls, he sighs again. Whilst he was on his elbows, he’s starting to slide, his head is thrown back and he’s licking his lips. “Mmm, tastes delicious. Now a pressure test. It would be such a shame, if you can’t take the heat.”
Just as I’m about to take him down, his phone rings, it’s Brandon’s tone. I smile when he rejects the call, it falls when he rings straight back, he almost breaks it putting him on speaker. “Bran, better be good!”
“Word on the street is that you have syphilis.”
DEBS AND CARL’S HOUSE - NEXT DAY, MID MORNING
LOUNGE
CARL
The room is silent as we take on board what Brian has just said. Michael and George have STDs, which they gave to each other! On Woody’s night Brian was barely at the table, being ‘hostess with the mostess’ but it seems that whilst Michael finally found a use for my surname, George registered himself as Brian Kinney.
Appetisers
Tuna: https://food52.com/recipes/18257-sashimi-sesame-tuna-with-asian-dipping-sauce
Mains
Ribs: https://www.waitrose.com/home/recipes/recipe_directory/z/zinfandel-beef-ribswithcitrusgremolata.html
Lobster: https://www.t-falusa.com/Recipes/Grilled-Lobster-Tails-with-White-Wine-Butter-Sauce/r/125019
Wings: https://www.krumpli.co.uk/date-and-chili-buffalo-chicken-wings/
Desserts:
Gelato: https://www.cookingforkeeps.com/blueberry-butter-cookie-gelato-homemade-waffle-cone-cups/
Strawberry fool:
https://www.eatwell.co.nz/recipe/18341/Strawberry-fool-with-pistachio-praline/
Truffles: https://www.thekitchn.com/how-to-make-simple-foolproof-chocolate-truffles-252063
Pancakes: https://www.waitrose.com/home/recipes/recipe_directory/c/caramelised-bananaandrumpancakes.html