CHAPTER 46 - SHOPPING PART 2 PLUS FOOD AND SHOPPING CAPERY

CLOTHES MINDED - AN HOUR LATER

JENNY

She's as proud as a peacock fluffing out her feathers, but she is struggling to settle on someone to latch onto like a huckery harlot - seriously, the oral erudition of Jewel and Pearl is superb! Okay, I had to google huckery, but it describes Lindsay perfectly; she definitely is not handsome, beautiful nor appealing! 

Pearl is looking less sulphuric now that Reva is meeting us here. Grace was going to come too, but she and Aunt Jen are with Grandma, sorting out a dinner; Reva was miffed that she couldn’t help once she found out that it’s a ‘dish best served cold’ meal. 

On the way here, Lindsay was either trying to link arms with Pearl whilst wittering on about her fashion sense, or trying to speak to Mom, who is having no truck with her conversation, she realised that was futile and gave up, but I know that she will try something else.

This place looks really good, Dee recommended it. I spot a really nice velvet jacket that I think will look great on Gus; so start to make my way over to it without looking like I’m going over to it! Just as I reach for it, someone else grabs it at the same time. “Mine!” I growl and tug it towards me.

“You must be a lesbian then?” Somebody clearly inbred asks tugging back.

“Why the hell would I be a lesbian?!” I demand, whilst making my way around to see who this barbarous bonehead is.

“This is a man’s shop, you are a…”

“Person with more nuts than you!” I sneer, before taking advantage of his surprise and yanking it out of his grasp. “And more nous!” I crow before flouncing back to Mom. “Look!” I grin showing her the jacket. “Gus would love it, he’s got that green…”

“Oh yes, Jenny dear, that would be perfect for him!” Lindsay squeals like a stuck pig before turning to Uncle Zach. “Zach, what do you think? It’s…” She suddenly straightens up, then stands closer to Uncle Zach. “Sally-Ann! How lovely to see you!” 

“Lindsay, how…” Sally-Ann returns before her smile ‘reaches her eyes’. “Reva, honey, don’t you look gorgeous?!” 

“Hi, Reva!” Lindsay trills. “What a small world! How are you, Sally-Ann; how do you know Reva?”

“Oh, I don’t know who to greet first, Lindsay or the gorgeous people!” Reva grins; which widens when Pearl starts to sing 'Burn Baby Burn'. “I’ll go for quick 'Hi, Lindsay'.” Lindsay goes pink, and, for once, is struck dumb. “Now, Aunt Sal, what are you doing here, do you have that reprobate with you?” 

“Reprobate!” A newly familiar voice grouses. “I’m not, I’m a…”

“Person who got bested by a girl, who he thinks is a lesbian because she shops in a man’s shop. However, since that takes too long to say, what’s your name?” I demand, still smarting from earlier. “Or I could call you Lord Barbarous Bonehead if you prefer?” 

All eyes are now focused on the boy; although he’s a little pink, he has the audacity to start smiling. “Ah, thought you looked familiar. How is that handsome devil of a brother of yours?” 

“I don’t discuss my family with strangers.” I sneer.

“Jenny.” Lindsay gasps. “Don’t be so…”

“Hey, Stefan!” Pearl calls out, much to my and Lindsey's surprise, and approaches. “You won’t know him, Jenny, but you may have heard Gus grouse about him. After someone tried to set them up? This is Stefan. Stefan, this is Jenny. What’s this about being bested?” 

“Yes, do share, it sounds most amusing.” Lindsay declares, I’ve never seen her show so much teeth; she reminds me of Frankie from Shark Tale, if only an anchor could be dropped on her head just hard enough to knock some sense and kindness into her. “It’s a shame that Gus isn’t here, you two could’ve…”

“Oh, what about the picnic? You can come, can’t you, Stefan?” Jewel leans into the aisle; the grin on Stefan’s face gets wider. “The boys will be there.”

“Aww, please, Mom, can I go? When is it? And hi, Jenny, it’s a pleasure to meet you.”

“Um, nice to meet you too.” I look at Pearl; she taps her side, our signal for play along I’ll tell you later. 

“Jesus, Jewel, you’re here too?! What are you looking at?!” Sally-Ann calls, heading towards her. “And yes, Stefan, you can go. Okay, everyone, stop for a minute, let’s gather.” She orders, and we all circle around her. “Where are Gus and Hunter?”

LINDSAY

Hunter? How does Sally-Ann know Hunter? In fact, how does she know anybody apart from Mel?! 

“At Hunter’s having lunch.” Mel explains. “What are you thinking?”

“There you are!” Emmett calls as he enters. “What’s with the huddle? Oh, my darling Sally-Ann, what are you planning?” He kisses her cheek, then proceeds to kiss the cheek of everyone else but ‘air kisses’ me. “Anyone hungry?”

Whilst I’m hungry, I’m confused as to what is happening and feel sidelined as they’re moving in a circle that I’m not a part of. Time for this to change. “I could eat…”

“Yes, we’ve heard your appetite is somewhat voracious.” Emmett remarks. “Let’s go to LeMont, does that suit…” He’s interrupted by Mel’s phone. She starts to giggle. “...what’s happened?”

“It’s Gus, the food was a disaster. They’re all going to Cioppino’s and wondered if we’d like to come if we’ve finished shopping?”

“I’ve not been to Cioppino for ages.” Reva sighs. “Tell them to get a table for…” She does a headcount. “...them plus twelve.”

“There’s no way we’re going to get cabs for all of us that would get us there at roughly the same time.” Daphne points out before I can. This is getting very irritating. “Let me get Mark to call the service.” She hums as she waits for him to pick up. “Hey, babe, can you get the service to get us from Clothes Minded, take us to Cioppino, wait then back to Clothes Minded, wait again, and then take us home? There will be sixteen of us in total.” She rolls her eyes as he loudly grumbles that he has other duties to attend to. “You know how happy shopping makes me, combine that with eating at one of my favourite restaurants, this will make me positively ecstatic when I get home. Ecstasy, I will need an outlet for…” She smirks as she hangs up. “...give a man an incentive, he’s calling them now. Should be about twenty minutes. Brian doesn’t mind him using his name for the greater good of his libido!” She cackles and I fume. “This gives us time to do a quick hunt and put things by.”

“Before anybody asks, Zach and I are not going to be holding anything, we’ll be timekeepers from that sofa!” Emmett announces.

“Although I’m holding that tote for Lynnie.” Zach reaches for it; her coy smile makes me seethe, but I don’t show it.

“Maybe if we split into groups, that would make things quicker?” I suggest.

“Yeah, that’s a great idea, Aunt Lindz!” Pearl exclaims. “You’re just full of it today, I’m with you!” 

DEBS AND CARL’S HOUSE - SAME TIME

KITCHEN

PETER

Mom and I are astonished. John is unrepentant. And smug. He is a frosting covered smug toad of a brother! “John…” I put down the fork. “...that was for us to share, not for you to stuff into your mouth in one fell swoop!”

“There’s more...uh, just...seriously, how did that happen?!” Aunt Debs laughs. “I’ve never seen anybody inhale a cupcake like that!”

“Snoozers are losers.” John mumbles as he licks his lips and fingers.

“I know that you love s’mores, but really!” Mom would be more convincing if she wasn’t smiling like that! “Go and stand on the other side of the table with Carl and let us try them!”

“Fine, the first one’s the best anyway!” He crows as he stands next to Uncle Carl. We keep our eyes on him whilst the cupcakes are dished out and tasted. He snickers at our sighs of happiness. “They’re really good, aren’t they? Can you give Mom the recipe, please? 

“Okay, so explain your plan to us again, Peter. Why are we inviting the vicious varlot to dinner again?” My new Aunt Grace asks as she and my other new Aunt Jen pour wine and sort out floats.

“The hurt needs to be returned. The pain she caused Grandpa and Mom, plus Uncle Brian, and Uncle Brendon, just everyone, and the hurt she will continue to cause. We lost our Millie because of her.” I take mom’s hand and squeeze it. “She has to pay, she just has to.”

“But being treated to this scrumptious food doesn’t quite seem the way to do it though.” Aunt Jen frowns. “Look at it: avocado toast with burrata and egg, the beet salad with white truffle oil, and the cherry and amaretto granita; this is far too good for her!” 

“Oh, I know that.” I grin. “Which is why I picked it all.”

“Peter! That’s just utterly brilliant!” John declares before coming around and fist bumping my shoulder. “She will sit there foaming with feculence and hostility, whilst we all enjoy ourselves, then will go home hungry! She’ll get so soused that she will be out of commission for at least two days, so that buys Mel a bit more time! Perfect!”

“The grown ups are totally at a loss as to what you two are...Peter!” Mom cries then throws her arms around me. “Oh, Peter!”

“Still confused!” Uncle Carl grumbles with a smile.

“Mom was, and I should imagine, still is, very lazy. She is also a lousy…”

“Cook!” Grandpa interrupts gleefully. “Well then, that would mean you were her chef, correct Peter?” I nod. “That was Brian’s job when he was living with us. She hates, absolutely, hates Italian food, but her need to see Carl will keep her at the table. So, Carl, you need to…” He trails off as Uncle Carl pulls out his phone whilst nodding. “It’s 412 777, and ironically, 0666. She got that number especially.”

We go quiet as he calls, and even quieter when he gives us a thumbs up. “Hi,  Joan, it’s Carl. You remember me, don’t you? Yeah, yeah, from school. I’m fine, fine. Look, there seems to be a reunion happening. You didn't see it? In the next couple of months I recall, so we were wondering if you’d like to meet up before that. Who’s we? Well me and Debs - we’d love to see you, catch up on old times. When are you free? She’s treating me to a trip to  Barbados in a couple of days. Yeah, hell of a surprise, my lady knows how to treat me. Great, I’ll get Debs to call you when we’re back, in a couple of weeks. Look forward to it.” He scowls after he hands up. “Well, you were right. She’s keen as mustard to be here, said something about bringing a friend.”

“She has friends?!” I scoff. “Who and how?!”

“Don’t know and don’t care. I just want her to pay.” Aunt Debs fumes.

JOAN’S HOUSE - TEN MINUTES LATER

HALLWAY

JOAN

I’m a bit tired, having had to rush after him, but he’s making his way back now. I hated shouting like that. I shudder as I can imagine her shrieking at Carl, unlike me she’s so unbecoming. 

“What’s wrong?” He asks as he comes up the path.

“Nothing, nothing, I’ve just had some excellent news.” I beckon him inside.

“Which is.” He seems to be grumbling; I don’t think he has any grounds to be upset, after all he would behave in the same fashion if it was ‘her’ calling him, wishing for privacy. “What did Carl have to say?”

“There’s a school reunion, apparently, and he wants to invite me to dinner…”

“Just the two of you? Won’t his wife, Debs, have something to say about that?” He sneers.

“Yes, she will, Matthew, as will you. I said I was bringing a friend. We can have our own small reunion first, can’t we?” His beaming smile tells me that he’s no longer grumpy, and is totally onboard with this idea! “Want to celebrate our good news?”

“Yes, I think champagne is called for. I won’t be long, we’ve got to toast the beginning of the restoration of the natural order: me with Debs, and you with Carl.”

BRITIN - HALF AN HOUR LATER

KITCHEN

BRIAN

I sigh happily as he kisses my shoulder. I’m currently making a fruit salad of cherries, nectarine, peach, blackberries, strawberries and watermelon, served in hollowed out watermelon halves. 

When we got back, instead of racing upstairs to finish what we started, we were faced with two very cute, appealing and apparently hungry bunnies. Carnal desires have temporarily been replaced by furball responsibility, so he’s sorting out veggie bowls for them. 

“Will you stop stomping.” Justin orders Beam, as once more he impatiently biffs the cupboard. “I’m going as fast as I can! If you weren’t so fussy, both of you, then I would get it done quicker! Now just a minute, no biffing the chef!” He declares as Tonka bounces back from his ankle. When he shakes his head, Justin drops to his knees to carefully check him over. “You are a derpy doofus.” He murmurs, before putting him on the counter.

“You know that’s not going to go down well.” I warn, and sure enough, Beam starts to growl and snort in annoyance, bouncing on his hindlegs to try to get up. “Put Tonka back, stop playing favourites.” 

“Favourites, huh? Favourites, he says.” He replies, whilst moving Tonka. “How many stores did you go to for okra leaves?”

“You should be thanking Beam. If he didn’t like them so much, we would not be having lobster omelette, now would we?” I raise an eyebrow, he goes back to prepping the salad, which does look good. “What else is in there?”

“Alfafa, radish, clover, escarole, some herbs, but the various lettuces - I got Boston bibb, butter, arugula are…” I silence him and it’s only when Beam snorts again that we stop kissing. “...for us. Want me to add anything else to ours?”

“Hmm, a nice chilli dressing please. Oh, by the way, what else was that smell earlier? It couldn’t just have been the hot chocolate, the flavour profile was different.”

“Flavour profile - well aren’t your olfactory pistons firing?! Black forest French toast.” He puts their bowls on the floor. As he starts to stand, I stop him; he looks over his shoulder. “What are you doing?”

“Surely a man of your intelligence recognises someone undoing his belt buckle.” I whisper. 

“And why would you be doing that?” He whispers back; his swallow echoes around the now silent room. 

“Need to add some peach to my salad.” I reply as I slide down to my knees, taking his jeans with me. “What lovely piloerection.” I nuzzle his spine

JUSTIN

I’m trembling with anticipation. His warm breath against my cheek, the stroking of the join between my butt and thigh is maddening in a good way; I’m beginning to babble.

“Why would I give you a bollocking?” He laughs as he maneuvers us around so that I’m leaning against the counter; the respite is very brief.

“Rollicking; what’s what…” I bite my lip as he sucks my cheek, fire sparks along my sciatic nerve, but I need to know. “...you said earlier?”

“Rollicking, as in ride? If you insist.” He snickers before making me gasp when he slides something between my cheeks. “But first, you need to tell me what this is…” I keen as he brushes it against my now quivering hole. “...as for piloerection, a fancy way of saying goosebumps. Your peachy butt had goosebumps, now it's blushing.”

“Brian.” I whimper as he pushes it in deeper. “It’s...it’s dripping.”

“Yes, you are.” Floats up followed by a sexy chuckle. “Oh, you mean what’s entering your heat? Yeah, it’s juciness affords that opportunity, can’t wait to lick both sets of juices off and out of you. The combination should taste like the sweetest nectar.”

“Need you to, need you…” I garble as I grip the counter to stop me cumming. “...am gonna.”

“Justin...need you to come…”

“Thank you!” I yelp, then unload against the counter. Just as the sensation starts to subside, it rebuilds as he parts my cheeks and eats me out. “Ooh...ah...ye-ah!” I chant before my knees buckle and it goes blissfully dark.

Two things wake me up: an alluring scent and the low sounds of the fire crackling. “I’m coming, don’t move.” I mumble as I slowly roll onto him. “That was utterly divine.” 

“I picked up on that.” He laughs. “You caused them to bink and not in a good way.”

“I will apologise to them later.” I mumble from the crook of his neck. “Did you bring the fruit salad in, can smell something good.” 

“Yeah, what do you want?”

“What you had.earlier.” I smack my tongue.

“But first some fizzy. Let’s sit up.” Moments later, my back is to his chest with a watermelon bowl in my lap, I stare at the fire for a few seconds. “You’re not too hot?”

“No.” I reply after draining my glass; we sit in silence eating the fruits and watching the flames.

“I do too.” He whispers, and I look up; he seems nervous and embarrassed.

“Brian?” I turn around. “What?”

“You said something before you passed out. I’m not going to repeat it, as you most likely don’t remember...”

I hold his chin and look him in the eyes. “I love you.” 

“Want to know a secret?.” He whispers against my lips, I nod. “I fell in love the second I saw you.”

Clothes Minded: http://www.clothesmindedpgh.com/index.html

Black forest French toast:

https://www.sainsburysmagazine.co.uk/recipes/breakfasts/cherry-chocolate-french-toast

Lobster-topped omelette:

https://www.sainsburysmagazine.co.uk/recipes/breakfasts/lobster-omelette

Avocado toast with burrata and egg:

https://www.christinascucina.com/avocado-toast-with-burrata-and-egg/

Italian roast chicken: https://www.telegraph.co.uk/recipes/0/italian-roast-chicken-rosemary-anchovy-garlic-lemon-butter-recipe/

Beetroot salad with white truffle oil: http://elegantlyvegan.com/beetroot-salad-with-white-truffle-oil/

Cherry and Amaretto Granita: https://www.waitrose.com/home/recipes/recipe_directory/c/cherry-and-amarettogranita.html

S'mores Cupcakes: https://www.sainsburysmagazine.co.uk/recipes/cakes/s-mores-cupcakes