CHAPTER 62 - THE PERKS OF BEING THE BACKROOM BOY AND A PATIENT DAD 

MICHAEL

“The membership fee is non-refundable.” Todd taps the sign. “So...” The sound system cuts him off.. “...what the hell?!”

“Late night frisco-disco!” He yells, turning it off. “We’ve got a lock in, remember?!”

“Ah shit, that’s tonight?!” Todd sighs. “Can’t we postpone it till next weekend instead?!”

“Let me go check, babe.” The barman rushes off.

“Babe?” I scowl. “How did you end up with him?!”

“Hedrik and I ended up the same way Justin ended up with Brian, Ben ended up with Brandon, Ted ended up with Blake and Emmett ended up with Drew, we fell in love and...” 

“No good - they want it tonight, final fling!” Hedrik sighs as he returns. “But as there’s nobody here for now, we can start to prep….”

“Excuse me.” I snipe. “I’m here.”

“You’re not serious?” Hedrik gapes. 

“I’m a member. As you are still open, I have the right to be served. So a brandy now!” 

TODD

“Management have the right to refuse.” Hedrik looks hopeful.

“Sadly, he’s not given us a reason to. Let’s just get him what he wants.”

“Okay.” Hedrik grinds his teeth as he pours. “Anything else?”

“Food.” He sneers as he settles in a booth. “Chop-chop!”

“Kitchen’s closed.” Hedrik retorts. 

“Well…” He glares and sips. “...find some or I will drink this place dry; can’t guarantee that I won’t puke everywhere.”

“You are disgusting!” I hiss.

“I’m playing the cards that I’ve been dealt!” He puts his feet on the table. Seething, I pull out my phone. “Call Woody’s; they’ll still be open now, get something from there. I remember you and my lame duck brother were so buddy-buddy when it opened. DJ, turn the music up!”

“No to the music!” I snap. “You go home, we’ll keep his lordship company.”

“You sure?” He looks warily at the scourge of the avenue. “Want me to get one of the doormen just in case?”

“Devon please.” Hedrik orders.

“Was upstairs.” Devon drawls, sauntering towards us. “You need to sit here.” He points at a stool; he takes his time moving. “Just try those punty power flexes on me. I would love it.”

“Punty? Oh that’s perfect!” Hedrik giggles.

“What does it mean?” Michael demands.

“Which one of the fam came up with that?” I chuckle.

“Hunter and Jenny. Pearl was so pissed that they thought of it first.” Hedrik comes around the bar and pulls out another stool. “And yes, they were talking about you.” He snarks at Michael. “Your puny power plays and c-word behaviour, well you get the gist.”

“Oh, very droll!” He snipes. “You're going to need another bottle of brandy, unless of course you want to give me my membership fee back.” 

“Do you have an idea of what you want, remember the menu?” He gestures for my phone, I swiftly pocket it. “Hedrik put the menu on screen, please?” the low growl from Devon silences Michael’s snark. He stares at the screen for five minutes before pulling out his phone. “What are you looking for?”

“I think they have secret items. I remember the lock-ins of old…”

“They have exactly the same menu there and Diamond Stores - no secret items.” I keep my tone even. Another ten minutes pass, he keeps side eyeing us. “What do you recall about the lock-ins?”

“A bottle of their finest champagne, not a fan of that Pol pisswater that passes for it here.” He reaches for the brandy. “Order that, I will get to the starter. As for the private lock-ins, they don’t start until at least three. It’s just gone one, I’ll stay until then, unless you want to refund my membership?” 

“Get comfy.” I hold his gaze, he looks tiredly away first. “Size of bottle?”

“A magnum.” He fills the glass to the brim. Just as it looks like Devon’s patience has worn thin, someone comes out of the bedroom area. 

“I’m so sorry, sir, I thought all the clientele had gone. Is there anyone else with you?” I call out, ignoring the douche’s derisive look.

“Just me.” He sighs. “No need to apologise. I had a rough...”

“I know you!” Michael exclaims, the guy approaches frowning. “We had arranged to meet, but a flaming queen told lies about me and scared you off. I’m suing him for that. Will you join me?”

“I remember.” The guy returns. “Suing him? I like a guy that takes his reputation seriously. Yeah, I’ll join you, what shall I have?”

“A full medical workup afterwards.” I mutter, getting another glare. “Whatever you want, you are his guest now.” 

“Have you ever been to Woody’s?” Michael smarms.

“No, always wanted to but can’t get a table.” He sits down. “So what’s your actual name? I mean Big Dong is funny, but time and place, eh?”

“Funny and accurate.” He titters whilst batting his eyes. “It’s Michael, you’re Fisher, right?”

“That’s right. Okay, can I have…” He checks the list. “…an Aunt Roberta.” 

“A very good choice.” Hedrik takes down a shaker. “Shall I make you one as well, or will you stick to champagne?” 

“We’re having both.” He declares. “And the short rib beef wellington and fries.”

“They cook that from scratch, it could take a couple of hours.” I return, his eyes light up..

“Which will give Fisher and me time to get to know each other; away from nosey parkers Once you’ve finished doing the drinks you can set up a table for us.”

“Of course, sir.” Hedrik simpers. “Devon, could you go with Todd to Woddy’s to pick up the champagne? May I suggest you order a dessert at the same time? That way they….”

“No you may not.” Michael spits. “Let’s grab the booth in the meantime.”

WOODY’S - HALF AN HOUR LATER

DEVON

I glare at Todd until he has more of the wine that Ems has poured. “So we just need to put this in the oven?” I nod at the container. “Are you sure you want us to take this to him?”

“Yep.” Ems helps Drew into his coat and tucks in his scarf. Like Justin for Brian and Ben for Brandon, emotionally he is the top in their relationship. “We’ll be there to watch him eat it.”

I finish the glass. “Seriously, if I’d recognised him he would never have gotten in!”

“Darling, come on now, he’s fine.” Todd soothes.

“Wait, does Heddy know?” I frown. 

“No, and don’t you dare tell him!” Jewel declares, grabbing my arm. “Please.”

“But Duke was scared to go out for days!” I protest. “He really hurt him!”

“We know. It took everything not to sic Holmes and Watson on him, they adore cats.” Jewel hands Todd my phone. “Am sure you three can come to some accommodation for not telling Hedrik who he is.” 

“I’m sure we will.” Todd coos; we’ve happily been a throuple for the last four years. “Now whilst we're waiting for that to ‘cook’, surely I can turn that frown upside down...”

BABYLON - NINETY MINUTES LATER

MICHAEL

Well this is going swimmingly! He’s even better looking up close, I love that he is not much of a talker. Him living in Ohio means I’ve stopped the brandy as I don’t want to be off my game later, need to do enough for him to want more! And even better, he’s not heard of the Dud not Stud of Liberty Avenue!

“So…” He returns with another cocktail. “... how after all you did to help Brian, to set up his business, did he turn everyone against you? I mean I’d seen him around and thought he’s hot when I saw him a couple of weeks back…”

“He just did. Started telling lies about me. I used to have a loft that I let him stay in and…”

“...is that where he fucked his brother?” 

“Brandon? Yeah, it’s an open secret. But with  him owning this place, people said nothing…”

“Food’s here!” Todd interrupts, lucky for him it smells incredible. “Still want to move to the dining room?”

“I’m comfortable where we are, what about you, MIkey, I can call you Mikey right?” Fisher smiles.

“You can call me that now…and whatever you want later.” I raise my glass ignoring the gagging faces that Todd and his two bottom boys make. “Yes, we’ll remain here, but put the plates side by side.” 

“Oh how romantic, shall I bring cutlery too or will you feed each other?” Todd leans against the booth.

“Just plate up like you would normally!” I keep my cool; as he minces to the kitchen I resolve to deep fry that fish later.

TODD

I’ve just put the oven on when there’s a soft tap on the door. They file in quietly, the atmosphere is loaded with relief, delight and determination. “They’re eating in the booth. I did…”

“Punty Mucky Boy has gone to the bathroom!” Devon hisses from the door, we dash to  get in position. 

Jewel joins Hedrik behind the bar. “Oh that’s gonna sting!” She gloats as he shows her his bill. “What did he call our champagne again?”

“Pol pisswater.” Fisher gripes. “That lot gone through?”

“Hang a second.” Jewel’s fingers fly over the pad, it of course takes its time. “Finally.” All eyes turn to the bathroom door, after ten minutes he’s still in there. “So which one is going in?” She looks around at us. “Just to ensure he’s not passed out or something.” 

“I’ll go.” Ted surprises us. “He’ll want to vaunt when he sees me.” 

“Go to it Teddy!” Ems calls from behind the decks.

BATHROOM - A MINUTE LATER

TED

I adjust the polo shirt from Blake, although I feel a little self-conscious as it’s a second skin, I like what I see in the mirror. Gone is the soured and worried look I sported 90% of the time. I’ve got the man of my dreams, I can publicly acknowledge Jenny and I get to set this in motion. I’m thankful he’s ‘watering the snake’ in a stall. I get in the one next door and wait. He is whistling tunelessly as he does his business. 

“Time to rock Fisher’s world.” He admires his reflection in the mirror.

“Which poor fool are you trying to bait with your minnow?” I drawl, I enjoy his jaw drop and double take.

“Whatever doctor you went to…” He froths. “…needs to finish you up; you’re a mishmash of ugly before and half finished after!” 

I lean against the counter. “Why couldn't you just slough off like a snake shedding its skin and leave them alone?” He frowns. “Posting nasty reviews about the services of Mel and Leda was unnecessary. It made no difference of course, as her impeccable reputation precedes her, much like your decaying one does for you.” 

“She stole my work and gave it to the nut job.” He spits. “I will get it back and the folding made from that will be mine!” 

“You posted them while you were in Ohio. There's no folding, as you crudely put it, to be gotten in the cash sense. Since you plagiarised it from start to finish, as tweaking some names doesn’t make it an original, the only folding are the papers suing you for that. And considering there were at least four you stole from, well you’re going to be fighting like a punch drunk Mickey O’Rourke in The Wrestler. She and Hunter are a formidable pair when it comes to research.”

“Whatever. What are you doing here anyway? Blake came to his senses and dumped you?”

“This was the nearest bathroom, he’s outside. Back to your legal woes: Jenny and Hunter meticulously went through it and I did the rest.” His face briefly goes a guilty shade of green. “I had…” 

MICHAEL

The sound of music interrupts his stream of dullshit. I smirk at his confused expression. “Seems I’m getting a slow dance before I take home my boyfriend and slow fuck him into the mattress. You two bottoms must do a lot of wanking to get off.”

“You thinking of us getting off makes a change from you thinking about your brothers.” He snipes over his saggy shoulder. I quickly follow, I need to get Fisher to make sure they don’t interact.

Thankfully he goes straight out, but I could’ve sworn I saw Brian and Brandon come in. “Hi, Mikey, is everything okay? You were a while.” I stare at the entrance. “Mikey, hey, hey, hellooo!”

“Yeah, all great. Let’s go…”

“Go? What about the food and dancing?”

“Dancing?” I frown.

“Yeah. Phone in glass near the speaker.” My gaze drifts back to the entrance. “Look, if you want to call it a night then…” 

I realise how uncool I look. “It’s not that; the guy who was in the bathroom, he was creepy.”

“What did he say? Want me to go after him?” 

“No. Now…” I squeeze his arm. “…where’s the manager?” 

“Went upstairs with the barman, giggling. I think they’re…”

“Giggling? Upstairs?” No way are they getting laid before I do. “One second, I’ll be right back!”

“Where are you going?” He yells. “Pretty sure you’re not allowed up there.”

“They’re not off the clock.” I smile tightly, he shrugs. I go to the foot of the stairs and start yelling. Five minutes later they come out, looking dishevelled and disgruntled. Well, tough shit. “We want to eat now.” They side eye me as they head to the kitchen. “We need another drink, it doesn’t take two of you to serve.” 

“it’s okay, Todd, you go, I’ve got this!” I shrivel at her voice. “So, sir, what will…what are you doing here, Michael?!” Jewel demands. 

“Why are you speaking to him like that?!” Fisher growls.

“Jewel, don’t let that ruin our evening! Just serve him then come and join us!” I turn to Brandon, he is flanked by Ben and Mel. “We’ll be in there when you’re done.”

“True enough.” Her scathing look cements my decision to delay as long as I can. “You get one more drink, settle the bill and leave.”

“We ordered from Woody’s. Todd brought it so we're going to leisurely eat it, and…”

“Hey, where’s my man?! Oh what the hell?” Justin glowers my way.

“He’s a member.” Jewel sighs. “Sadly, new management dispensed with Brian’s vetting protocols and let anything become one. Your man is parking.” 

He gives me a shitty look and waddles out to find his lame dick-duck! 

“So as staff - for now…” I snark. “…you have to afford me certain things, one of which is courtesy!”

“Well said!” Fisher puts an arm around me. “I think you should apologise to…”

“Not gonna happen.” She barks. “And you don’t have food…”

“Yes we do!” Fisher seethes. “The manager just brought it in.”

“That’s ours.” Brian drawls as he joins her. “Does he know where and with whom you’ve been?” He sneers.

“You’re a fine one to talk aren’t you?!” Fisher steps towards him, Brian’s stance changes, this is not good!.

“Come on Fisher, let’s go.” I order.

“What about your card?  And besides, you’re due a few apologies from these people - let’s get them while you can!”

“Apologies for what?!” Emmett exclaims.

My heart pounds. “Fisher, please, let’s just go! I can sort the card out later!”

Fisher jabs a finger at Emmett. “You’re going to be destitute when he's finished with you! And as for you, screwing your own brother, sick just fucking sick!”

“Uh no…” George standing next to a smirking Ted and Blake! “...it was Michael and I who did that. It could easily have been avoided, if, and I hold my hands up to this, we told each other our real names. For the record, we're half brothers not full. I suppose Emmett lied about him having anal warts?” Fisher nods. “He did and I gave them to him - not my finest minute.”

I take heart that Fisher moves closer, so I turn to face him. “Don’t listen to them, Fisher, let’s just go, I don’t know why they are here…”

“Doing to you what you wanted for Justin...”  Fisher glares. “…ending your life as you know it.” I suddenly find myself on my knees, with one wrist high up my back. “Michael Charles Grassi or Novotny, I am placing you under arrest for aiding abetting the attempted murder of Justin Cole Taylor alongside the late Ethan Gold!”