Brian went to work as Justin slept in the strange bed.  They had made love several times the night before; Brian hoping to wear Justin out so he would actually sleep.  Brian held Justin in his arms, spooned behind his partner as they both fell asleep at the Signature Suites. 

Justin's hunger woke him.  A glance at the clock told him it was after 10:00 and they had eaten dinner about 7:00 the previous evening.  It took a few moments for him to remember he was in the hotel and not at home where he could just go to the kitchen and grab a bagel or pour himself a bowl of cereal.   <i> This is really inconvenient.  I either have to order take out service or take a shower and get dressed and find a place to eat.</i>

He picked up the phone and dialed Italian Village Pizza.

"I'm in the Signature Suites.  Do you deliver here?"

"Yes Sir.  What can I get you?"

"I'll have a pepperoni pizza with garlic cheese bread.  Please deliver that to 2 Kentucky Avenue. Thanks," Justin said as he hung up the phone.  "Damn, I could have just taken my shower and gone somewhere for as long as it's going to take," he said out loud to no one in the room.  He walked to the bathroom and turned on the water for his shower.  After dressing, he took out his phone, swiped to Daphne's familiar icon and tapped twice, dialing the number.

"Hi.  You're in luck.  My 11:00 cancelled so I have a few minutes to chat.  How are you?"  She walked to the edge of her office, closing the big wooden door.

"I'm in town.  Brian moved us to the Signature Suites yesterday," Justin said the statement without inflection in his voice.  He sat at the kitchen table, looking at the top of the line appliances, the stainless shining in the bright day light.   The sleek designs of the furniture with their neutral palette of browns and tans were still fashionable and made him feel like he was at someone's home rather than a hotel.  He didn't want to contemplate the cost of this. He'd finally accepted that Brian had enough money that the expense of the current crisis wouldn't impact their financial stability, but it still boggled his mind when he thought about the cost of such high end short term accommodations. 

"He did what?" Daphne asked, almost yelling into the phone.  "I mean I know you said you wanted to move, but I figured it wouldn't be the next day.  How'd he do that?" Daphne turned toward her desk and typed in Signature Suites.  She clicked on a few links on the page and was impressed, but not surprised.  "Leave it to Brian to move in a day."

"Daph, it's not like that.  He's not some mad man."  He quickly defended his partner, even though he knew that Daphne usually sided with Brian.  Unlike "the family" who still put Brian at fault in so many instances, Daphne's support of both of them was unwavering.   "He understood how uncomfortable I felt at Britin.  He suggested we relocate to the Suites for a little bit.  He knows that it will take some time to find a new place and to pack up the house, so he suggested we come here in the interim."  Justin's voice sped up and rose in level as he spoke. Explaining their situation; trying to make his friend understand that Brian was just watching out for him.  He hated when people put a stereotype on Brian or the things they did.  Michael was often a culprit in this area, questioning if Brian could afford to buy Gus the latest game for his X Box or high end furnishing for Britin.

"Calm down, Jus," Daphne spoke in her soft counselor voice, realizing she had sparked Justin's ire.  "I know Brian would do anything for you.  Remember I've known him for a long time and watched him care for you after your accident a few years ago." 

Daphne was nodding her head as she remembered all the little things Brian did to make Justin's recovery a success. He hadn't pushed Justin to live with him immediately after the accident when Justin didn't remember that they were still together.  This act of kindness hurt Brian deeply since he'd finally accepted they were a couple and was no longer denying their relationship.  Brian handled that difficult time with aplomb and he dealt with Justin's moods and amnesia, accepting that Justin had no control over his mind and was doing his best to improve.

"Okay. Okay, Sorry.  I just ...." Daphne waited while Justin gathered his thoughts.

"It all happened so fast.  I'm just not sure that it was the right thing to do.  I mean there are all kinds of problems."  Justin ran his hand through his hair, pushing his bangs off his forehead. 

"You're not sure you want to move," Daphne said, trying for clarification.  She sat very quietly in her therapist chair, switching to her therapist voice without conscious effort.

"I want to move...  Well I don't want to stay." Justin put one foot underneath him as he sat in the dark wooden kitchen chair. 

"So staying is uncomfortable."  She repeated the idea for clarification, not because she didn't hear him.

"Yes.  I was beginning to fear what might happen next.  The therapist, I think his name was Sam... maybe, coming to the door and talking to Brian just really threw me."  He frowned as he remembered the discussion in their living room, reliving those feelings.

"You didn't like him coming to your house."

"Right." Justin heard a knock on the door announcing the pizza arrival.

"Hold on, Daphne."  He walked into the room, got his wallet and pulled out money for the young man. Opening the pizza box, inhaling the aroma, he smiled as his stomach growled loudly.  He locked the door behind him, taking the pizza to the table.

"I'm back.  Food arrived and I'm starving."

Daphne looked at her clock and then clicked on her appointment calendar. 

"I don't have an appointment until 2:00.  You're just a few blocks from my office.  What room are you in?  I'll join you."

 "Great.  I'm sure Brian would not appreciate the left over pizza in the fridge. He'd eat it but then I'd have to listen to him bitch about all the carbs it has. I'm in 2 Kentucky Avenue.  I'll see you in a few.  I want to check in with Brian. The pizza is waiting."  He closed the pizza box to keep it warm and texted Brian.  "I'm awake.  Daph joining me for pizza. Love you."

Brian texted back. "Good.  Don't want to come home to leftover pizza in the fridge.  I'd have to spend several hours at the gym. Or.... I could add a few rounds of pounding your ass into the mattress tonight.  Maybe you should leave some pizza."

"You could just pound my ass without the pizza."  Justin texted.

"Later." Brian texted.

"Later." Justin texted.

Daphne shut down her computer and put on her scarf and coat, locking her door behind her.  The apartment suite was only a few blocks away and she would normally walk, but the wind was cold and she was anxious to see Justin so she hailed a cab.  There were definitely advantages to living and working in the city.

She walked to the building and was impressed.  It was a red brick house and fit naturally into the neighborhood.  If someone wasn't familiar with the area, they would never know this was a hotel.  She walked into the building and noticed several large doors with plaques designating them as part of the hotel properties.  She searched for # 2 and knocked on the door.

Justin opened the door and gave her a big hug.  He ushered her into the luxury room.  Her mouth opened wide as she viewed the space.  It was a large apartment and well appointed.  Stainless steel appliances filled the high end kitchen.   The living room had high ceilings and tall windows filling the room with light.  There were hard wood floors and even a fireplace. 

"It's a shame it isn't a studio.  There is so much light here.  I know you would love to paint here," she said as she saw the light fill the room from the partially opened drapes.  "I wouldn't mind living here.  Is there a second bedroom?" she teased.

Justin smiled at her playfulness and was thankful again how lucky he was to have her in his life.  She'd been a friend since childhood and as friends went she was the best.  She always supported him and she had become a friend to his partner.  That was worth a lot.  There were many in their "family" that hadn't always supported him and Brian as a couple, but Daphne had stood by them from the beginning. 

"This one only has one bedroom.  I don't think Brian would relish you sleeping on the couch. We've had enough disruption to our lives," Justin said half in jest and half truthfully.

Daphne chose to ignore the comment and inhaled deeply.  "I smell pizza and I'm starving.  I overslept this morning and didn't eat breakfast."

Justin got out plates, placing them on the table while Daphne cut the pie into half. She placed two pieces on her plate and three on Justin's.  They each ate about a half slice before acknowledging the other person. 

"Ok.  Your belly is no longer empty, talk to me."

Justin smiled his best sheepish grin at his best friend.  "You know me so well."

"Of course, I do.  That is why I know there is more to this moving to the city than you're telling me.  Why don't you start at the beginning?"

"Well... you were there a few nights ago when I said I wanted to move."

"I remember.  I'm not senile." Daphne remembered the silence in the room when Justin dropped that bomb shell. She remembered Brian's wide eyes and open mouth after Justin's announcement. She didn't think Brian could have been more surprised.

"You left and Brian and I started talking.  Basically he said if I want to move, we would."

"Brian supported your request." She turned toward Justin, listening as a therapist and not his friend. 

"Yes, but it happened so fast, I'm not sure I really thought it through. The next thing I knew we were here. We left a lot, only took the essentials, but my studio is at Britin.  I couldn't realistically take it with me but, it's a part of me and leaving my art is like severing a piece of my body." Justin looked out the windows of the kitchen, watching the traffic outside. It was lunch time and there were a lot of cars on the road, people presumably making their way to a quick lunch before returning to their jobs. "Finding a new place to paint is complicated.  The space has to have good light, but also certain Karma. I know that may sound really strange, but a studio is personal, it's more than a place to work."

"Britin is not just the physical space of home; it's where you create your art." 

"Right," he said as he smiled, happy that she recognized the problem. Justin turned back to Daphne admiring the suite of rooms, the neutral colors painted deeply to give some personality to the room.  The decorator understood the need of the occupants to feel at ease in this temporary place. He just wished he felt calm.

"He bought Britin for me, his prince.  I can't just let that gesture be forgotten.  I have so many fond memories of Britin and I really don't think I want to leave.  I just..." Justin stopped talking; trying to put into words his jumbled thoughts. "I love Britin; but the therapist showing up at our door freaked me out. But leaving Britin means leaving my studio."  He took a deep breath, trying to ease the tension in his shoulders and neck.  He hoped the conversation with Daphne would help him figure this whole situation out.

"Britin is your home and your studio is your work.  You weren't feeling safe at home, but leaving it means leaving your art." She took a drink of her soda, placing the can on the table. 

 Justin's eyes opened wide at that statement, finally understanding his conflict with leaving. "Yeah.  I'm abandoning who I am.  Brian just let me walk away from my identity." Justin listened as he ate the last bite of his pizza and washed it down with a big gulp of soda.

"So you're angry at Brian, but you're thankful to Brian for listening to your fears and taking you away."  She sat up straight in her chair and spoke softly. 

"You're amazing.  How did you get all that from just a few statements.  I've been trying to think about this all morning-   well in fact all day yesterday too, but just couldn't figure it out."  He smacked his finger tips on the table emphasizing his point.  "Boom.  You're here and in less than 5 minutes you figure it all out."

Daphne wasn't here to stroke her ego; she was here to help her friend so she ignored the accolades. 

"I guess I am angry at Brian.  Wow! I didn't see that coming.  How can I be angry at him for doing what I asked him to do?"

"Anger doesn't have to make sense.  It's an emotion, just like love, fear, happiness.  They key is figuring out what to do with the anger." She smiled at her friend, pleased that all her years of training and practice were helpful.  It didn't hurt any that she knew Justin so well and understood some of his struggles even if he wasn't able to articulate them.  She looked around the room, seeing the few pieces of art that were hung on the wall. They were nice, but nothing like the art that Justin produced.  Justin communicated so much feeling through his pieces.  If he stopped painting it would be a loss for him but also for the world.

"Help me understand"

"Leaving Britin takes you away from your fears, but it also means leaving a part of yourself behind- your art."

Justin placed another piece of pizza on his plate. He motioned to Daphne to see if she wanted another one.  She shook her head, no.  There were two pieces left.  

"That's an evil smile," Daphne said as she watched Justin place the pizza box in the fridge.

"Something Brian said to me about left over pizza and how I would have to pay for leaving any in the fridge." Justin blushed slightly. <i>Brian uses any excuse to get me into bed, not that he needs to justify our sex life.  I find it amusing that Brian still pretends its punishment.</i>

"TMI.  I really don't want you to explain that statement."

"Brian said I don't have to make any decisions.  I can go to the studio, even take people with me so I won't be alone.  Em loves to cook and is envious of the kitchen.  He's always willing to come out for the afternoon and whip up some new recipe. Michael could spend hours gaming in our media room.  Brian keeps it stocked with videos and X-box games for Gus.  My mom would love the peace and quiet.  With Molly and her brood almost next door, she rarely has a few hours of solitude."  He ticked off each person's name as he touched a finger, and then closed his hand into a soft fist. He was trying to defend Brian's actions, attempting to take back his earlier criticism.

"So Brian takes your art away by moving you to the city and then gives it back to you by telling you to take people with you to the studio.  You don't know if he wants you to paint or wants you to do something else."  She takes a last bite of her second piece of pizza and chews softly as she looks at Justin.

"Brian is always behind me.  He supports everything I do.  My career is important to him- just like Kinnetik is important to me."  Justin said, defending his partner.  He sat up straight and got a very determined look on his face. He put down his slice of pizza and looked around, seeing the inviting rooms, not some fancy hotel room with its glitz and glamour.  This place felt like someone's home and he knew that was Brian's hope- this place was his new home.  "He brought us here to make me feel safe.  He would never do anything to hurt me."

"Are you safe, Justin?" Daphne asks, trying to get Justin to explore his feelings. She took her plate to the sink, washing off the crumbs and placing it in the dishwasher. 

"Yes.  No.  I don't know.  I mean I'm surrounded by people here, not alone in a big house in the country.  But could I get a package from a deranged fan here?  Yes-  we would have to get our mail, even if we got a P.O. box.  Could someone come to our door?  Sure, but we are closer to police.   I'm not sure what safety is."  Justin said as he tried to put his thoughts in perspective.  He stood up and walked to the window, looking out at the street. There were people walking on the sidewalk and many cars on the road.  On either side of the hotel, there were businesses and he knew if he walked out his front door, there were other occupants of the hotel living in the same building.  "This place is busy, people are all around.  Would someone even notice a person acting unusual?  What would unusual be?  I mean we are in the heart of Pittsburgh."

 She washed her hands, getting rid of the remnants of pizza sauce and crust crumbs. "What does being safe mean to you?" She asked quietly, hoping he could sort out his feelings.  She understood that he couldn't move forward with his life until he figured out what he wanted to do.

"You do ask the tough questions."  Justin returned to the living area and sat on the couch.  He fluffed a pillow, placing it at his back.

"Can you tell me when you feel safe?"  Daphne joined him in the living room but sat at the other end of the couch, her body facing his.

"I feel safe when Brian is around."  Justin smiled at the mention of his partner.  His body appeared to relax as well.

"Brian isn't here now.  Do you feel fear?"  Daphne took a pillow from the couch and put it at her back as well.  The couch looked comfortable, but the back appeared deep and she needed the pillow to sit comfortably.

"No.  You're here."  Justin closed his eyes as he gathered his thoughts.  "I feel safe with people I know."

"So you don't feel safe at galleries?"  Daphne pushed with more questions.  She was hoping to help Justin pin point his feelings.

"I feel safe at galleries.  It's where I work.  I would be a really bad artist if I couldn't go where my work is shown."  Justin giggled at the absurdity of the question.

"So you feel safe with Brian and with people you know and at galleries since that is where your art is displayed."  Daphne repeated back Justin's statements, waiting for him to identify where he didn't feel safe.

"But Brian isn't at Britin all day; he's working and I have to be there alone."

"You're afraid at Britin."

"This is crazy."  Justin wrung his hands and then scrubbed his face with them.  "I love Britin.  I can't be afraid of my own home.  What the fuck!   This makes no sense."  Justin jumped up from the couch, pacing the living area.  He was pleased that it was much larger than a typical hotel room as he would have felt like a caged animal in there.  After walking the area for a few laps, he sat in the brown and white upholstered chair in the living room, looking around at the pristine furniture.  Even if this was supposed to be his home, he suddenly felt very out of place. 

Daphne's heart went out to her friend.  She recognized that she was pushing him to address his fears; probably way sooner than he was expecting.  She knew that staying here was not really what Justin wanted or needed.  Sometimes Brian's money was a hindrance.  Normal people would not have had the means to up and relocate in a day. They would have had time to pack, to locate a temporary home, to think over their decision.  But Brian being the man of action that he was, didn't have to wait, didn't have to plan; he just made a few phone calls and the move was a fait accompli.  Only problem was it wasn't a fait accompli in Justin's head.  It was still an idea and he was still grappling with its ramifications.

"You love Britin, its where your studio is, where you live and you don't want to be afraid when you are home."

"I have to live.  I need to paint. Brian moved us here to protect me, but I'm not me if I can't paint.  Doesn't he understand that I can't be me if I don't create?"  He asked, but didn't really expect Daphne to answer.  He was working through his feelings, exactly what Daphne was aiming for.

"You're angry at Brian for relocating you but you're pleased because he listened to your fears.  You don't know which emotion to follow."  Daphne wanted to get up and sit closer to him, pull him into a hug and tell him everything was going to be fine, but she knew that was unproductive.  Sometimes being a therapist was difficult, especially when you were dealing with friends.  It was hard to separate the therapy from the friendship; deciding which one needed to take precedence during conversations like the one today. 

"Yes.  It seemed like every day there was a new crisis in my life.  First it was the pictures, then the interview, then the stalker coming into Brian's office.  Now the court date is in a few days and you've encouraged me to stay away.  I seem to be going from one crisis to another."

"You define yourself as an artist, yet you cannot create."

"No one can create like that." Justin sat way back on the chair, crumpling his body in defeat. His shoulders rounded and his head faced down toward his lap.

"You could create if your life settled down." Daphne said, hating her role as therapist at the moment when all she wanted to do was to make a large bowl of popcorn and watch sappy movies. The spent many evenings when they were in high school dreaming about their future lives based on watching the media's version of an idyllic world. Little did they realize that stalkers, car accidents and society pressures would intrude on their teenage visions.  

"Probably."  Justin bit his lip a little as he thought about what he wanted to say.  "I guess there will always be challenges.  Life is messy.  Just too many events too close together and it's thrown me." He looked at Daphne as he answered, but still slumped in his seat.

"Do you want to paint Justin?"

"Of course.  It's who I am.  I can't Not paint. It's like telling me not to breathe." Justin pushed himself up and sat a little straighter.

"Do you want to paint right now?"

"No.  Maybe after the court date." He said without pondering his answer.  When he realized that he'd answered quickly, he smiled a gentle smile. 

"Is Brian pushing you to paint?"

"Not really.  He just thought if I had a change in venue, I might want to paint. But he's told me that if I never painted again, it would be fine.  He doesn't need me to paint; he wants me to be happy doing whatever I want to do."  Talking about his partner in a positive manner changed his body language.  He felt the tension leave his body and his shoulders relax.  His eyes were soft and filled with love as was his face and smile.  He seemed to light up the room. 

Daphne noticed the change in demeanor and was thrilled that Justin appeared to have made a break through.  He was no longer the angry, confused man she greeted just a short time ago.  She wanted to finish the conversation before she had to return to her office, so continued on in her questioning. "Is there a need to go to Britin right now?"

"No.  When I'm ready to paint, I will go.  That is where I want to paint.  I just don't want to paint right now." Justin got out of the chair and hugged Daphne.  "I'm not angry at Brian; he only wanted the best for me.  I don't have to lose my studio if I'm not ready to paint right now.  I can return when I'm ready.  I really don't want to leave Britin, I just needed to leave my painting.  It seems so clear when you ask the right questions."

She returned the hug, giving him a kiss on his cheek as well.  Releasing him, she said, "It's late.  I need to get back to the office.  I'll call you tomorrow.  It's my day off.  We can do something."

"Great.  Right now, I think I'm going to take a cab to Kinnetik, pay a certain someone a visit.  Show him my gratitude for his belief in me." Justin waggled his  eyebrows and licked his lips.

The evil grin and mischievousness that was so typical of Justin was back in full force and Daphne was happy to see this expression on his face.  It had been a long time since she saw the playfulness come out in Justin.  She realized that Brian was  smarter than she gave him credit for; leaving Britin was exactly what Justin needed.  He needed permission to put his painting on hold for the time being.  Living at Britin just reminded him of his inability to create and this was causing him even more distress.  Unconsciously Brian understood the pressures of their home and used Justin's unease to help him. 

"I'm sure he will appreciate the visit."  Daphne gathered her scarf and purse and left with a smile on her face.  She was happy she had helped Justin make sense of his actions.  She only hoped that his resolve to paint after the court date would be realistic.  Too long with no direction would be difficult for all parties.

TBC