Fear gripped Justin.  His life was going so well and now his bad decisions were coming back to haunt him, again.  He'd stopped painting shortly after the accident, fearing that his agent would drop him when they found out about his exotic dancing, but Carol had assured him it was not an issue. After Brian had taken him to New York to meet with Carol, he'd thrown himself into his painting and had become a well- known and respected artist. 

He wondered what this meant for his career, his relationship and his family.  Shit! Carol had assured me that many artists support themselves with similar activities, but I wonder how many of those artists actually make it in the art world.  I can see it now, those pictures or similar ones would be all over the internet in a matter of hours.  I won't be able to walk down the street without feeling like everyone is looking at me.  I wonder if she would still be willing to represent an artist whose picture is all over the internet and the tabloids. 

Brian.  How do I handle this with Brian? He knows about the exotic dancing, but we really haven't talked about it and the ramifications of it.  He convinced me it wouldn't make a difference to my career and got me painting again, but when he sees these pictures..... What if they go public?  He'll be the laughing stock of the community.  His business will be forfeit.  What have I done?

And then there is the issue of a child.  Even if everything else can be swept under a rug, someday said child will grow up.  I can't protect him/her from finding out about the stripping. Things have been going so well and Daphne's comment at lunch wasn't that far off.  I'd actually been thinking of bringing the subject of a child up with Brian.  How could I be so stupid?  How could I ever explain to a child that I used to be a paid stripper?  I can see it now.  Well, I was too proud to ask your dad for money so I thought this was an easy way to make money and support myself.  How stupid of me to think that I could have a semi-normal life.  Tears started falling down his cheeks as Justin mourned a life he was destined not to enjoy. 

In the background, he heard the shower go off and realized he'd been downstairs for a very long time. Brian would wonder what happened to him and he wasn't ready to tell him about the envelope.  He quickly put the note and picture back in the large envelope and took it to his studio where he placed it under some books.  Brian never came in his studio and he decided they were safe there.  Returning to the library, he quickly sent off the email to Carol and shut down the computer.  Washing his face in the hall bathroom, he took a few deep breaths and went upstairs.

"Looks like you took a quick shower.  It took me longer than I thought.  I'm going to grab a quick shower and I'll join you," Justin yelled out as he walked into the room, shedding his clothes as he made his way to the bathroom. 

Turning the water on and adjusting the temperature, he took a quick shower and tried to calm his mind and body before joining Brian. Brian had a full plate at Kinnetik and he didn't want to let on anything about the note.  He wanted to deal with the situation himself.  He was, after all, almost 30, as Daphne had pointed out so poignantly this afternoon.  This afternoon seemed so far away and he wished for the carefree days of his youth when all he had to worry about was getting the car for the evening.

He finished his shower and dried off, hanging the towel to dry on the rack.  He got ready for bed and went to join Brian.  Brian was already softly snoring and had given Justin just the reprieve he needed.  For once Justin was thankful for Brian's hectic schedule and the late nights he'd been putting in lately.  Justin shut off the light by the bedside and closed his eyes, willing his mind to shut down and his body to sleep, but it was well after 3:00 am before exhaustion took over and he fell asleep.

Brian was up with the alarm at 6:30 and he rolled over to kiss Justin.  The exhaustion Justin felt from his restless night took over and he pushed Brian away and buried his head under the pillow.  Brian laughed but left him alone.  He had an early meeting this morning and wanted to talk to Ted before he met with the client.

He dressed quietly and gave Justin a kiss before leaving the room. Grabbing a cup of coffee from the automatic coffee maker in the kitchen, he took a few moments to look at the paper and then left for Pittsburgh. 

Justin woke at 10:00 in the morning and his memories from the night before came flooding back. He washed up, dressed and then made his way to his studio where he pulled out the envelope and took out the contents again.  He stared at the pictures, looking closely to see if by chance they were photoshopped, but they were genuine.  It was him in all his glory.  He took out the note again and reread it several times.  I'll be in touch.  What did that mean?  Did Justin have an admirer, a stalker or worse a blackmailer?  I've got money to pay someone off, but will it make it go away?  Oh, Shit!! I'm so screwed.  Maybe they just want to meet me.

The phone rang pulling Justin out of his reverie and he placed the pictures on top of a pile of papers on his desk. 

"Justin.  I'm glad I caught you.  I know it's inconvenient, but can you bring me the papers on top of my desk.  I left them there this morning and I need them for my afternoon conference call.  Normally, I'd come home at lunch and get them but I've got a meeting with Julie from Targus at lunch," Brian said as he sighed in relief that he caught his partner.

"Sure.  I can bring them down.  I've got to go into the city to pick up some supplies.  I'll see you in a little while." 

Justin went into Brian's office and found the papers he wanted.  He placed them by the door and gathered his wallet, keys, and phone before leaving the house.  Glad for the distraction he couldn't stop thinking about the photos and note.  He took several deep breaths and willed his voice to stay calm when he exited his car and made his way into Kinnetik.

"Hi Cynthia," he said as he greeted his longtime friend and his partner's right-hand man.  "I brought the papers he wanted. He busy?"

"Thank goodness you found them.  He's been a bear all morning.  Didn't get his morning ‘coffee'?" she said in jest.

Justin blushed at Cynthia's innuendo but didn't say anything. 

"He's in a conference so you can't go in.  He should be done in about 15 minutes if you want to wait." She pointed to the chairs opposite her desk.

Shaking his head, Justin said, "No thanks.  I've got a bunch of errands to run in town and then I have to go over to the gallery.  I'll catch him later."  Justin turned around quickly and left the building.

Cynthia looked at his fleeing figure and wondered what was wrong.  No matter how many things Justin had on his plate, he always stayed to at least get a toe curling kiss from her boss.  She hoped he was just truly busy and that nothing was wrong.  When Brian came out twenty minutes later, she handed him the paperwork.

Looking around, he asked, "Where's Justin?"

"Gone.  Said he had some errands to run and then had to get to the gallery," she said and shrugged her shoulders.

Brian noted his partner's absence but didn't have time to worry about him as he had to review the papers that Justin had brought him.  He met with Julie at lunchtime and then had another meeting in the afternoon with a potential new client.  He finished up around 6:30 and drove home. 

Justin often cooked their evening meal and Brian was hoping to have the smell of food greet him when he entered their home.  Instead, he was met with an eerie quiet which meant Justin was in his studio creating.  He didn't go to the studio as they had an understanding that when he was there he wasn't to be disturbed. The only exception was if it was after 2:00 in the morning and then Brian was allowed to drag him to bed. 

Brian went to the kitchen to make himself a sandwich from the leftovers in the fridge.  He was thankful that Justin was one of those people who actually believed in keeping leftovers rather than throwing them out or giving them to the dogs.  He would eat leftovers the next day or two but with Justin around, there was little worry that leftover food would last longer than that amount of time. 

Justin sat in his studio staring at the canvas, unable to paint, unable to think beyond a jumble of half-thoughts. He remembered several years ago, right after his accident when he experienced the same feelings. He knew if he painted it would never amount to anything since the critics would uncover his secret and cancel his show before he could even begin to make an impression.  The saying "better have loved and lost than never loved at all" didn't bode well with him.  He would rather not have ever experienced the love of creation, the power of his painting than to have it all taken away from him.  There was no reason to paint since his fear of discovery had come true.  He should have never let Brian and Carol talk him into painting again. He was right to fear his decisions would come back to haunt him.  But now, they were more dangerous than before.  He wanted more out of life and now he was stuck with a shadow of a career, all because he wanted to be independent.  He wished he could wave a magic wand and turn back time, but alas he knew that even now that was not possible and he again had to face his demons. It was time to pay the price and he shed silent tears for the life he would not live.

Time didn't register in Justin's mind and darkness came enveloping the room.  He sat in the darkness and quiet with his swirling thoughts trying to figure out what he would do next.  He half hoped that if he paid the stalker a large sum of money, all the pictures would be his and he would be finished with the whole affair. 

Brian walked by Justin's studio and didn't see a light or hear any movement.  Walking upstairs, he hoped to find his partner in their bed. He remembered that Justin told Cynthia he had some errands to run and didn't stay this morning.  He also recalled that Justin brushed him off this morning. Brian's internal alarms began to sound and he quickly climbed the last steps and hurriedly went to their room hoping to find Justin there. Their room was dark and the bathroom was empty.  It was dark outside and Brian didn't think Justin would be walking the grounds.  Brian felt his heart beating in his chest as fear gripped it.  Practically running down the steps he opened the door to the garage to verify that Justin's car was there.  He thought he remembered it being there when he pulled in, but he wanted to be sure his mind wasn't mistaken.  Justin's car was there and his keys were on the ring outside the mudroom where they always left them.

Where the hell was Justin?  

"Justin!  Justin!" he yelled as he frantically checked the media room and the library as well as the study downstairs.  He continued to yell his name as he checked the three bedrooms and two guestrooms in the upstairs.  Breaking the rules, he opened the door to his studio, frantic with worry and hoping that he would find him there.

Justin sat on the floor, back against the wall, staring into space and looked up at Brian when he burst through the door.

"What are you doing in the dark?" Brian asked as he looked at Justin sitting on the floor.  He took in the drawn shades, the lack of art supplies and the look of surprise on Justin's face when he opened the door.  While his heart slowed a bit after finding Justin, the alarms in his head continued to ring loud.  

Justin didn't answer him, just continued to stare into space.  Brian touched him, hoping his touch would garner some response but it did not.  He felt his forehead and it was cool to the touch, Justin wasn't sick or least not physically.

Brian walked back into the hallway and called Daphne.

"I need you right now," he said, foregoing the pleasantries of a conversation.

"Is Justin okay?  Did something happen?"

"Just come."

"Okay," Daphne said as she looked at the phone.  The last time Brian had called her and sounded like this Justin had been in a car accident and lost his memory.  As a trained professional, she knew that repeated blows to the head resulted in cumulative problems.  She hoped nothing that severe had occurred but it wasn't like Brian to demand her presence.  She called Greg to cancel their date and drove to Britin in record time.

Brian attempted to get Justin to answer or respond to him but he remained quiet, apparently in his own world.  He went up and down the stairs willing Daphne to arrive soon, hoping her training would help unravel this mystery.

As soon as he saw the headlights of her car, he opened the front door and waited impatiently for her to get out of the car.

"What's going on, Brian?" she said as he opened the car door for her.

"It's Justin.  He's just sitting in his studio in the dark and won't respond to me.  He's been odd since he came home yesterday.  Did something happen while you two were playing Bobbsey Twins?"

She looked at Brian and wondered if their conversation yesterday at lunch would cause Justin to shut down.  She decided it wouldn't and didn't say anything about the topic of fatherhood. Something else was causing this.

"No.  I don't think so.  We talked about a lot of things but nothing that would cause him to shut down.  Did you guys have a fight or something?"

"No."

They didn't want to startle Justin even though he wasn't really acknowledging their presence so they turned on the light in the hallway and walked toward him.  In his hand, he held an envelope.  It was addressed to Justin, but there was an envelope on the table addressed to Brian and it was open.  It wasn't like Justin to open Brian's mail and he felt his heart pounding even more.  He picked up the envelope and peered inside.  Pulling out the pictures and the note, he gasped.

In the envelope addressed to him, the note read He's mine.  See how good we are together."  Brian slammed down the pictures and the notes.  "Fuck.  Fuck. Fuck."

Daphne picked up the envelopes and notes and quickly read them.  "Shit!  What are we going to do?"

TBC