Chapter 5

BRIAN:

It's been a little over six months since that dreadful day in my loft when I kicked Justin out, and there's hardly been a day since then that I haven't regretted it. Closing my eyes at night, I still can't escape the look of desolation on Justin's face when I told him to pack his shit and get out. I was so angry at the time. I had never felt such blind rage. Was it only because my loft had been robbed, or - if I was totally honest with myself - was it also partly due to having to send Mr. Buff on his way without a fuck? And other than my files, everything was replaceable. I guess my files were, too, as I had copies on my computer at work. But put in the wrong hands, they could have been detrimental. Apparently, the thief wasn't interested in going after my clients, as there hasn't been anyone suddenly leaving our firm to join another or any other signs of sabotage, so by this time, I feel I can safely rule out that possibility.

I still remember how both Lindsay and Michael tried to help me fill out my lost inventory report, until scathing comments about Justin angered me and I kicked them out. Mikey's jabs didn't surprise me too much; I knew he'd disliked Justin pretty much from the start. I'm convinced he was jealous of him, because he had displayed those feelings many times before. Now Lindsay, that surprised me. I was always under the impression she really liked Justin. It wasn't until Emmett and Ted said something one night at the diner that I found out the truth. Mikey had a date that night with the insufferable Dr. Dave, and we were shooting the breeze before going to Woody's. Emmett had been a little pissy with me ever since learning about the conversation at the loft, which Mikey took great pleasure retelling, in great detail, to everyone in the diner the following morning. Emmett was very vocal about how I had spoken to a seventeen-year-old who had just defied his father and said he was never going home.

But that night at the diner, he commented how Michael and Lindsay appeared to be so much happier now that Justin was gone. When I questioned why he had included Lindsay, he glanced at Ted, who suddenly found the table very interesting.

"Theodore, you care to shine any light on that?"

Ted fidgeted with his cutlery before he replied, "Not really, Bri."

"Uh-huh. Bullshit. I want to know what you know that I don't."

Ted sighed out a deep breath as he finally peered over at me. "Just remember, I'm only the messenger. It was something Mel said to me one day when we were having lunch."

"And?" Silence reigned until my patience ran out. "Christ, you're worse than an abscessed tooth! Spit it out!"

"The girls are having a few problems..."

"Dykes! Relationships! I've always said, I don't believe in..."

"...love. I believe in fucking. It's honest, it's efficient, you get out with a maximum of pleasure and a minimum of bullshit," Emmett helpfully supplied as I glared over at him. "We know, Brian, you prove it all the time. Although lately, you don't seem to be..."

"Enough, Honeycutt! We don't need your innate wisdom. Are you going to finish, Ted?"

"It's just Melanie is feeling a little left out. Lindsay is always gushing about you, about the great genes you passed on to Gus, about how she can't wait for your next visit so you guys can go to the park again, and..."

I raise my hand to ward off his continued rambling. "I've heard enough. Why haven't you said something before now?" I'm starting to get pissed.

"I don't know, Bri. Melanie is starting to think she should just leave. You never signed over your parental rights as you promised, and Lindsay is acting like you are her family, not Mel. And Mel asked me not to say anything; it's as simple as that," Ted said with a small shrug.

"Christ! Well, you boys have a good night. I'm outta here."

"Brian, where are you going?" Emmett hollered out.

"Home. The party's canceled."

That was a month ago, and since then, I've made very few visits to see Gus. And if I do, I've made it a point to call Mel and see if she's home before stopping over. No more spending my lunch hour with Lindsay and Gus at the park anymore. Once I came down from my anger at Justin, I found that I was clinging to Gus to make up for the loss of Justin. I also found myself rethinking relinquishing my parental rights. I just couldn't willingly give him up, too.

So, as I stand smoking at the window in the dawn of a new day with these thoughts running through my mind, I know I have a decision to make. I let the smoke swirl in my mouth, feeling the bitterness settle on my tongue, then draw it deep into my throat before exhaling slowly. Silently, I watch the white clouds dissolve from the darkness of the loft. I still can't believe I said those things to Justin. My anger about the robbery had clouded my judgment. Now, Justin hasn't even been around for me to apologize. I guess I'm learning not all apologies are bullshit, because I definitely owe Justin one. I decide that I can't put it off any longer. I need to go to St. James and track Justin down, if for no other reason than to make sure he has had his follow-up appointments for HIV testing. I also have another decision to make; depending on what Justin says to me this afternoon when I stop at the school. Hopefully then, it'll make it easier to decide.

DAPHNE:

As I leave school today, I find myself letting out another sigh. I miss Justin so much. School is just not the same without him here. Despite our nightly phone calls, it's not the same as being together; to offer mutual hugs and encouragement, to commiserate with each other, to support each other. The conversation I had with him two months ago when he called to tell me he had left Pittsburgh is never far from my mind.

My phone ringing with 'Justin' lighting up on the screen had me scrambling to answer it. I hadn't heard from him today. He was gone when I got up this morning, so now that it was almost 10 p.m., I was on edge. I hadn't dared call his mother, either; I didn't want to worry anyone unnecessarily. But thoughts of Michael were lingering in the back of my mind. That little, weaselly scumbucket has been nothing but trouble since Justin met Brian.

"Justin? Where the hell are you? Are you okay? Talk to me!" I practically shouted into the phone.

"Well, if you would stop rambling on and on for a minute, I'd be able to tell you," was the curt reply.

"Hey! You can't blame ME. I've been worried all day! I kept thinking that Michael..."

"No. Don't worry about Michael. But I do have something to tell you, and I think you should be sitting down for this."

"God, Justin! Melodramatic, much? Now, what's so important? Tell me, already! Okay, I'm sitting," I said, even though I was anything but; I couldn't quit anxiously pacing.

"Daph, promise me you won't hate me..."

"Geez! Justin, I could NEVER hate you! Now you're really starting to freak me out! Just tell me!"

"Okay, make sure you remember that." He paused for a few seconds before stating, "I'm in California."

I scoffed. "Yeah, right. Now tell me where you really are."

"I'm TRYING!" I heard him sigh before saying, "Do you remember when I went over and talked to Mom a few days ago? Well, I talked her into calling Aunt June, whose house I'm at right now, and I'm going to finish the school year out here."

As I flopped on my bed, I heard myself whisper in despair, "No."

"Daph, come on! I need your support on this."

"But why there?"

"Daphne, my life would have been a living hell if I had stayed back there. Surely you can understand that! I've never encountered a bigger group of hypocritical homophobes in my life! They preach tolerance, but that's the last thing they practice at St. James. I probably would have been ostracized completely! You know what it's been like since I came out!"

"But Justin, this just isn't you! Where's the guy who always stuck up for himself and never took anything lying down? You've never given a damn what anybody thought! So, tell me what this is REALLY about. I don't buy what you're telling me for a second! There is more to this story than you are telling me. I know you as well as I know myself, and you can be sure if it were me, I wouldn't have cared what anyone thought!"

Justin huffed in exasperation. "Daphne, can't you just let it drop, and accept what I'm telling you?" He attempts a half-chuckle. "Besides, you should see how cool it is out here!" His attempt at humor and changing the subject, however, falls flat.

"JUSTIN!!! Stop! Tell me what's going on! NOW!!"

I heard him sigh heavily before he rocked my world. "Michael paid me a visit at St. James three days ago and threatened me. He said if I didn't leave town, he would send someone after you. Not me. YOU! Don't you see, Daph? I HAD to protect you!"

I stood there in horror as the real reason for my friend's hasty departure washes over me like a tidal wave. How could Michael have said such a thing? Was he actually serious? I found it hard to believe. But I knew, though, that either way Justin would do anything to keep me safe, just like I would for him. "Oh, my God, Justin! I'd like to shove that idiot into a dumpster somewhere - or lock him in the diner's walk-in freezer! Do you really think he would carry that out?"

"I don't know," he admitted. "HE would never have the guts to do it. But getting someone else to do it? I can see him doing that for his Brian." He spat out the word 'Brian' as if it were a sour taste on his tongue.

We then talked about everything else that was happening, only hanging up after I agreed to NOT contact anyone, especially Brian, under any circumstances. Even pregnant and an outcast, Justin was still worried about Brian's feelings when he should have been concerned for himself.

"Daphne! DAPHNE! Hey, you almost walked right into me. Where are you headed?"

I'm brought up short at the sound of someone yelling at me, and my heart lurches as the major subject of my and Justin's hateful phone conversation stares at me, making me squirm. "Brian? What are YOU doing here?"

"I really need to speak to Justin. I thought it would be easier to talk to him here, rather than at his parents' house."

"Where did you get the idea that he was at his parent's house?" I ask, trying to remain calm.

He shrugs. "I just figured that's where he would be after he left the loft."

I harrumph at him as I cross my arms over my chest. "And why did he leave the loft, Brian?"

"Come on! I know you're aware of the loft being left unlocked and me being robbed."

"Maybe... but I'd like to hear the rest of the story."

"There IS no rest of the story." He shifts nervously, then draws in a deep breath, before he divulges, "Uhh... I came to apologize to Justin for treating him the way I did and to make sure he's okay."

My eyes flash as anger builds inside me. "You're a little too late for that."

"Are you seriously telling me that it's too late to apologize?" he responds, one eyebrow arched up. "I can count the number of times I've apologized to anyone on one hand. Now just fucking tell me where he is!"

"Yeah, well, as I said, Brian, you're too damn late! He tried to explain to you that he didn't leave the door unlocked and you wouldn't listen. I can tell you what you said to him, though. You told him you didn't care if he didn't have any place to go. You told him to - and I quote - 'sleep in the park for all I care,' unquote. How could you do that?"

Brian brushes back some of his tousled hair; I'm surprised to see that he actually appears contrite, but it doesn't stop my resolve to stand up for my best friend. "Look, I was angry, okay? I just fucking told you I'm sorry!" He sighs. "I was wrong to say that. Can you just tell Justin that I need to see him? It's important."

"Why?"

"I have to make sure he's okay. I want to be sure he had his follow-up tests done."

"Tests?" I ask, unsure of what he's talking about. Surely, he can't know about the baby!

"Uh..." he pauses, "um, we had a little mishap. A broken condom. I want to make sure he had his follow-up HIV tests done. Mine came back clean, but I'm still concerned about his."

"Yeah, yeah, he's had them done," I fudge. My face heats up under Brian's scrutiny.

"Why haven't I seen him around? He hasn't been to Woody's or Babylon. I thought for sure by now I would have seen him."

I huff, "As a matter of fact, he and I went to Babylon one night to talk to you."

"How come I never saw you, then? Granted, I'm not there as much as I used to be..."

"I promised Justin I wouldn't divulge any of his secrets, so all I'm going to tell you is that you are going to have to look somewhere else for your answers."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

I shrug. "Just that. Besides, Justin isn't here; he left town. Did you forget he didn't have a home to go to anymore? Justin told me about your visit with his father. YOU were the one who told Craig Taylor that his brand of love was hate before you asked Justin if he was coming with you. So, when you kicked him out, where was he supposed to go?"

"What do you mean... gone?" Brian asks, ignoring the other things I pointed out. But his voice sounds a little funny and... vulnerable?

I wonder how much I should reveal to him. "He said he was going to make a new life for himself away from Pittsburgh. And before you ask, I don't know for sure where he is." Again, with the fudging but, seriously, if Justin is in California, how am I supposed to know where he is right at this moment?

"Daphne, you have to help me find him." He takes a deep breath before adding unexpectedly, "Please."

"I can't. But I will tell you that if you want any more information, you should probably go talk to that snake you call a best friend. Heaven only knows why you do."

Brian frowns at me. "Michael? What does Mikey have to do with this? And wait... what do you mean, why I do what?"

"You know, I always thought you were a smarter man than this; hanging around that idiot, listening to him whine, must have killed some of your brain cells. I was talking about you calling him your best friend. MY best friend wants me to be happy. He doesn't chase away people who want to talk to me by threatening to call the police and have them removed from an establishment. Now, excuse me. I think we're through here."

I turn to leave an open-mouthed Brian standing there, and then I realize I don't care if Justin gets mad at me. He's not here to do anything to me, anyway. So, I stop and turn around, surprised to see that Brian hasn't moved from the spot where he was standing.

"Oh, and by the way, Brian. You should have known Justin wouldn't lie to you about locking the loft door. Did you forget where he and I grew up? We grew up KNOWING to lock the doors when we left our homes. It's just something you did in our exclusive neighborhood. So why, when he had been doing that for approximately twelve years, would he suddenly ‘forget'? In case you forgot, I was there that day. And I do recall something about 6-9-6-9, stud." I smirk at the last word. "Do have a good life, Brian."

And with that, I turn and start running. I'll be damned if I'm going to let Brian Kinney see me cry for the loss of my best friend.

TBC