"Hi.  my name is Brian and I'm an alcoholic.  Well, if you want to get technical, I abused quite a number of drugs but alcohol is my drug of choice.   I've been drinking since I was 14 and I remember getting drunk for the first time when I was 15.  My old man drank every night; in fact, he would come home to eat dinner and then go to the union hall to hang with his friends.  We saw very little of him which was just fine with me.  Oh, and did I forget to mention that my mother is also a drunk.  She, of course, won't admit to it, as she uses Sherry to calm her nerves.  She must have been the poster child for nervousness since she always had a glass in her hand.  That is unless she was at church, praying for our salvation.  According to her, I needed saving since homosexuals were going to hell.  But that is a story for another day.  I'm here tonight because I realize I need help.  I had just dropped off my son at his mother's home.  Yeah, I'm queer but I helped out a Lesbian friend who wanted a kid.  I still got the jizz, just didn't plan on having the white picket fence and 2.4 kids.  Again a story for another time.  Anyway, I had my son for the day and dropped him off.  His mothers were on my case, as usual, about the "bad influence I was on him since I tricked a lot and didn't want to settle down".  I was tired of their ranting and went to the bar to utilize my favorite form of pain management, a few drinks.  After drinking for several hours, I got in the car to drive home.  Of course, most of you know the drill and can figure out where this story is going.  But for those of you who need the details.... I was drunk and should not have been driving.  I wrapped my car around a tree, but lucky for me, I didn't hurt anybody, but realized I could have.  If I hurt someone or myself, what would happen to my kid?  So here I am.  I've been sober for 1 week."

"Thanks for sharing Brian. Anyone else wants to share?"  A middle age man with slight greying at the temples said.  "I'm Tom, by the way."  He shook Brian's hand and turned back to the podium to hear the next speaker.

A younger man with beautiful blue eyes and blond hair stood up, walking to the front of the room and stopped when he got to the podium.  "I'm Justin.  I've been sober for one year today.  Every day has been a struggle but with the help of my sponsor and this group, I'm happy to show off my 1-year chip."

Everyone in the audience clapped and Justin flashed a smile that lit up his face. Justin returned to his seat as another person went up to the podium.  Each person shared with the group.  There were a few, like Brian who had been sober for less than a month, but many more were celebrating their sobriety in terms of months or years. 

When Brian first walked into the meeting, he had to fight the urge to turn around and leave.  Taking a deep breath, he remembered why he was here.  He wanted to be around for Gus.  He wanted his son to be proud of his father, not cringe every time his name was spoken.   "Pity made his dick soft."  and he knew that if there was even a slight show of pity for his situation, he would leave.  Checking into a treatment center would let Gus' moms know he had a problem and that might jeopardize his ability to be with his son.  He couldn't let that happen.  He had to succeed at this; therefore he would do it.   However, he realized that these stories were not about pity, but about triumph. They were celebrating success; they were celebrating overcoming adversity and he decided that maybe this wasn't such a bad idea after all. 

His friend, Ted had urged him to attend a program.  He'd had a fling with Crystal and it had almost cost him his life.  Ted had been clean for 5 years.  Brian did not want to attend the group where Ted went, preferring to keep his life private.  Few knew about Brian's private life and he wanted to keep that part of him away from Ted.  Ted was one of his closest friends and he trusted him, but there were some parts of Brian that no one was privy to.

"Everyone thanks for coming.  We have coffee, tea, and cookies in the back.  Stay as long as you want, but remember the hall has bingo in an hour and they might wrangle you into work if you stick around," Tom said as he pointed to the back of the room.  Everyone laughed at his statement and the majority of the participants headed for the back of the room.

Brian's first urge was to head straight out to the street, but then reality set in.  He would normally go to Woody's or Babylon, have a few beers, maybe pick up a tab of Ecstasy or some Special K and then fuck his way through the night.  He wasn't ready to tackle that temptation yet.  He figured the "gang" would question his absence but not too much.  He occasionally had work commitments that kept him away on from Woody's and Babylon.  The real challenge would come when they hadn't seen him cross the threshold for several weeks.  He headed back to the refreshment table where he located the coffee.

The gorgeous blond was standing by the coffee urn and chatting with another participant but was blocking the pot.  Brian waited for a break in the conversation and eventually just said, "Excuse me.  I'd like some coffee."

Both men looked at him and apologized.

Justin said, "You're Brian right?"

"Yeah," Brian wasn't in the mood for small talk, but he answered.

"The coffee here is not that great. Want to grab a cup at the diner down the street."

Brian wasn't sure what to make of the invitation.  He wasn't one to grab "a coffee".  He saw something he liked and went after it, rarely having to do more than look at the trick to get his cock sucked.  But this wasn't Babylon and he wasn't likely to be going there tonight.  Besides, he had to find something to do with his evening as he had just admitted to himself that he couldn't exactly go to his normal haunts.

"Ok.  Lead the way."

Justin made his way toward the exit greeting several people by name on the way out.  He waited for Brian to get to the front of the building and pointed to the street up ahead.

"The Butterwood Bake Consortium is pretty good.  They're open till 11:00 and their coffee is local.  Plus you can sit there for a long time and no one will give you the evil eye.  It's mostly a dessert place, and I have a secret sweet tooth.  It's just a short walk.  Do you want to walk or would you rather take your car?  The parking is okay.  It's a nice night tonight so I thought we could walk, but whatever you want."

Brian cringed as he listened to the young man.  He was talking a mile a minute and giving him way too much information.  He just wanted a damn cup of coffee.  He could choose to walk away but the prospect of a Saturday night by himself in his loft was too much to contemplate. 

"We can walk."

"Great.  My name is Justin, by the way."

"Okay."

They walked in silence and soon came to the bakery.  Justin opened the door and a familiar jingle rattled the door as he walked in.  Brian looked around, wanting to ensure no one here knew him.  He had chosen to attend a group far away from Liberty avenue but the jangle of the bell brought him right back to the Liberty Diner.  He half expected Debbie to greet him with her familiar "Brian" as he walked into the establishment.  Thankfully, no one looked familiar and he followed Justin to a small table in the back. 

Justin said, "You want some coffee or dessert? Here's the menu. The waitress will be here in a few minutes.

Brian looked at Justin, taking the menu and carefully opening it.  He needed something to do and this was at least a task he was familiar with.  Talking to someone in a small dessert cafe was so foreign to Brian he questioned his sanity for the 3rd time this evening.  Whatever possessed him to follow this stranger to this place.  He wasn't going to eat dessert and he imagined this guy was expecting conversation, like a date.  Brian Kinney did not do dates.  He did not do casual conversation and he most certainly did not do dessert cafes.  But he was here and he did not want to go home.  He calculated in his head that he could manage 30 minutes and then reasonably excuse himself to return to his loft.   Once there, he'd just think about how crappy his life was at this moment in time. 

The waitress came and took their orders, bringing them some water to drink while their food and coffee was prepared. 

Justin watched Brian, the familiar eyes darting around the restaurant in search of someone he knew finding him there.  He saw the fidgeting with the sugar and sweetener packets and repeated fingers to the bridge of Brian's nose, trying to push a headache or some other thing away from his head. 

"So you wrapped your car around a tree.  That sucks.  You have a new car yet?"  Justin asked, trying to get Brian to talk.

"Huh. What?  How did you..."

"I was at the meeting.  Remember.  You said you wrapped your car.."

"Oh, right.  The insurance company is still deciding how much they're going to pay me for it.  It was a Jeep.  Right now, I'm driving around in a Toyota Camry." Brian made a face of disgust.

Justin laughed.

"The jeep suits you better," Justin said, drinking a sip of his water.

"How the hell would you know what suits me?  You just met me.  I don't think this is a good idea."  Brian stood up to leave, but Justin reached out his hand to pull him back down to the table.

"Look. I was where you were a year ago.  One of the tenets of AA is that you get a sponsor, someone you can call when you need help.  You looked pretty lost in the meeting and I'm guessing you don't want to go home and you can't go to your usual places on Saturday night.  I thought I'd offer my services as a sponsor."

"What the fuck is a sponsor and why would you help me?"  Brian stood turning toward Justin but not sitting down.

"AA is a self-help group.  Hopefully, you picked up some of the literature on the back table, but if not we can talk about it.  There are no rules per se.  People volunteer to lead the group but its all voluntary.  One of its most basic foundations is that we all benefit from support and that it's helpful to have one person who can support you as you work through your sobriety.  A sponsor is someone you can call any time when you need to talk or are fearful of slipping and using again.  Even if you do slip, the sponsor is there to help you."

"Sounds like a fucking Public Service Announcement."

Justin did not bristle at Brian's words, deciding they were a defense mechanism for his fear of the unknown.  Instead, he said, "I can be your sponsor.  I've been clean for a year and I think I can help you."

The waitress brought their coffee and Justin's mocha cheesecake.  He took a small bite of the cheesecake and made an obscene groan of pleasure which made Brian's dick twitch. 

He thought maybe he could get a fuck out of this guy.  He wasn't sure about the sponsor shit, but with a mouth like this guy had and that bubble butt, he was certain it was a better way to spend his evening than talking about sponsors and sobriety.  He smiled at Justin and Justin saw the predatory look on Brian's face.

"We're not supposed to start any relationships for a year after we are sober.  We need to concentrate our minds and lives on working the program," Justin said.

"I didn't say that I wanted a relationship.  I'm just interested in fucking. I don't believe in love; I believe in fucking. It's honest, it's efficient. You get in and out with the maximum of pleasure and minimum of bullshit."

Justin winced at Brian's words and a small frown showed around his mouth.  "We're not sleeping together.  If you followed me to the coffee shop for a quick foray to the men's room, I'm not interested.  Look, Brian, sobriety is hard.  I know.  I was where you were a year ago.  I'm offering to help you.  Do you want my help?"  Justin said.  He tried to be as forceful as possible but didn't want to turn Brian against the program.  He'd been reluctant to take a sponsor, thought he could do it on his own, but after a few weeks, he realized that his sponsor was a key to his success. "

"I know you are thinking that this guy is just blowing smoke, but why don't you think about it.  I go to meetings every day.  I'll be at the meeting tomorrow at the ARC Manner at 2:00.  I hope to see you there."  Justin stood up and offered his hand to Brian and Brian shook it.  Justin threw some money on the table for his part of the bill and walked out the door.

Brian looked around the small bakery to see if anyone was watching him.  He'd never had anyone walk out on him.  Of course, he'd never gone for dessert and coffee either, so maybe it really didn't count.  Who the fuck did this Justin guy think he was?  Offering his sponsorship, like he was a fucking charity case.  Reminded him of the advertisement in his mother's church crap about starving children in Ethiopia or wherever asking for sponsorship of the child.  For $20.00 a month, you could adopt this child and give him food, clothing, and education.  Well, Brian Kinney did not need any help to remain sober.  He would show them.

Brian stood up, took out his wallet and put money down on the table.  He walked out of the bakery and down to his car.  He really wanted a drink but decided to go home instead.  Brian Kinney was not going to fail at this; Brian Kinney never failed at anything he set out to do.  And this was definitely not going to be his first failure. 

TBC