Brian sat on the couch, flipping through Adweek and trying to stay focused on its content.  When he reached the end of the magazine, he realized he had absolutely no idea what he'd read.  He flipped back to the front of the magazine and started reading the article again. When he got to the end, he stopped and closed his eyes trying to remember what he'd read.  When he couldn't remember three key points in the article, he decided that reading was fruitless and turned on the tv. He flipped through the channels and couldn't find anything that remotely interested him.  Looking at the clock, he saw that it was only 9:00 pm.

Shit.  It is fucking 9:00.  I can't fucking read a magazine without my mind wandering and there isn't shit on tv.  I can't fucking drink or go to Babylon or Woody's. What the fuck kind of life is this?  This is bullshit!!

Despite the negative self-talk, he couldn't move off the couch to remedy his indecision.  He took several deep breaths. He remembered the speaker from the other night talking about calming the mind and meditating to help a person do that.  He allowed his mind to wander and follow one of his many half-formed ideas that had been rolling around it all day. He latched on to his son, Gus. Gus was important to him and when he didn't get to spend the whole day with him as planned, he realized he was angry.  He was angry that a birthday party trumped his visit and he was angry that Lindsay hadn't suggested a different weekend or additional time. He thought about the lack of alternatives, or rather, her decision to not offer them to him and he realized that she most likely didn't offer them since historically he would have never accepted.  He continued to let his mind ponder the subject of Gus. He thought about Lindsay's anger at his late arrival when he returned him from their visit and he thought about her waffling attitude when it came to his visits with Gus. On the one hand, she pushed him to be a part of Gus' life, but on the other hand, she balked when he wanted to spend more time with Gus. She also seemed to push most of the financial responsibilities for Gus as Brian's contribution, even though he wasn't allowed to spend time with Gus at will.  Is she really keeping Gus away from me or is it that she just assumes that I wouldn't be interested in seeing more of him, as I'm too busy with my life?  What would my ideal situation be, as far as Gus is concerned? Would I really want him more than one weekend a month?  If he was here, what would I do with him? He thought back to this weekend and the ease of spending time with his son.  They rarely had an agenda. Gus pretty much dictated what he wanted to do and Brian let him do it unless it was unreasonable.  He'd heard some of his employees talk in the break room about having "their kid" for the weekend. They talked about taking them to some special exhibit at the zoo or to a new movie opening.  It appeared that they were trying to give the kid some super memorable experience since they didn't spend a lot of time with them.

He planned his day at work and lately he had to plan when and where he would attend an AA meeting but he didn't want to live his life with a rigid schedule.  He liked the spontaneity of his time with Gus and never felt like he had to play the role of "super father". Gus never seemed bored and they always found stuff to do, even if it was just going down to Michael's shop to pick up the latest edition of "Avengers".

But now, he was beginning to question that model.  He now had vast amounts of time where he didn't have commitments.  He realized that in the past when he had free time he would usually just go to Woody's or Babylon to occupy himself.  Those two places were off his radar for the present time, and he was just now beginning to realize how much of his time was spent at those establishments. Should he increase his time with Gus, and if so, would it be so spontaneous or should he find another outlet for his time?  Of course, he realized that he could do both. What would his life look life once sobriety really kicked in? He would still go work out, go to the diner on Sunday morning and to Debbie's on Sunday night. He could talk to Lindsay about seeing Gus during the week or having him more than one weekend a month.  

He wanted to be more involved in Gus' life.  Maybe if he was more involved he'd have a better handle on where the money went that he gave Lindsay.  Money really wasn't a concern, but access to Gus was something he wanted. He'd been giving her money for a decade and yet his access to his son was very limited.  He'd never really thought about asking for more time with his son, but now that he had more free time, it made sense. He couldn't fit him in during the evenings, not with him attending his AA meetings every night.  But he could see him more often during the weekend. He'd start with that. He wasn't sure if she would say yes, but if he told her about a specific event- a movie opening or soccer game that he wanted to take Gus to, she'd probably say yes without hesitation.  Brian felt a sense of accomplishment; he'd finally let one of his jumbled thoughts result in a decision. He let out a deep breath as he felt his body relax. Opening his eyes, he saw that it was now almost 11:00, definitely late enough to go to sleep. Moving to the bedroom, he readied himself for sleep and slept through the night.

In the morning he arrived at work at 8:00, choosing to avoid the diner and hopefully Michael.  Ted's light was on and he walked over to his door, walking in without knocking. Hearing someone enter, Ted looked up to see Brian standing in the doorway.

"Bri...  Can I help you?"  He was surprised to see his boss standing at his doorway.  Usually, he went to Brian's office.

"Do you know a good lawyer?"

Ted blinked and looked at Brian.  A million scenarios crossed his mind, none of them positive.  "Are you in some kind of trouble? Do you need anything? Is the cancer back?"

Brian smiled, tongue in cheek, realizing that he had put his CFO in a tailspin just by asking a question.  "No, no and no. I want to talk to a family lawyer. I want to know my rights regarding Gus." Brian did not want to go into details about his desire to see Gus more but he knew that Ted would need at least this basic information so that he could track down a lawyer that would meet Brian's needs.

"Oh.  Well, glad to hear that you're okay.  Do you want me to set up an appointment or do you want just the name?"

Brian hadn't really thought that far into his quest.  He knew he wanted to be more involved in Gus' life, but the logistics of when he wanted to pursue his quest was still in the beginning stages.  He thought about his AA meetings and their motto of living in the moment. He'd obviously been listening to the leaders as he hadn't really taken the time to question his showing up at Ted's door.  "Set an appointment. Just look at my calendar and make sure I have plenty of time to talk to the lawyer. I'm not sure how long this type of thing takes."

"Ok.  I'll get right on it," Ted said.  His boss was changing before his eyes and he was excited for him.  He had told Brian that he would need to rethink his life and make changes.  He watched Brian interact with Gus every Sunday and he knew that Brian adored the little boy.  He thought it was great that Brian wanted to investigate his legal avenues regarding Gus. He was fairly certain that Brian had no intention of having Gus full time, but at this point nothing would surprise him.

Brian walked to his office, booted up his computer, and started his day.  He reviewed several emails that had landed in his inbox since Friday and quickly scrolled through his LinkedIn feed,  He looked at his calendar and saw he had a conference call at 10:00. Pulling up the file for the client, he reviewed the latest conversation they'd had and checked up on the status of their current campaign. His day was busy and he really hadn't had time to contemplate his conversation with Ted that morning.  

It was close to 5:00 when Ted knocked on Brian's door and without looking up from the file on his desk, Brian bade him to enter.  

"Got a few names for you.  Wasn't sure which way you wanted to take the situation with Gus, but here are your choices.  

1. You can talk with a lawyer who deals in custody issues.  Not sure that is what you were after, but it seems that custody is a specialty in and of itself.  

2. You can talk with a lawyer who will discuss legal issues regarding support and your rights.  Since you give Lindsay and Melanie a lot of money for Gus, you appear to have rights to see him and the fact that they appear to limit your interaction could result in legal issues.

3. The other choice is a lawyer who deals with things like education, health care and other areas that you might feel are not in alignment with how you want Gus raised.

If you give me a clearer picture of what you are seeking, then I can check your calendar and make an appointment for a consultation."

"Shit.  Who knew jerking off into a cup could become so fucking complicated.  I think option 2, my legal rights since I support him financially, and would want a lawyer who specializes in that area.  Make the call and let me know when the appointment is. Put it on my calendar, but also tell me." Brian looked at his watch and realized he needed to leave so he could change and get to his AA meeting on time.  "Gotta go. I need to change and get across town by 7:45."

Ted nodded his head in understanding, guessing that Brian wanted to get to a meeting and he had chosen to go across town where there was little chance of anyone seeing him.  He was proud of Brian, but he wouldn't tell him right now. Brian was working the program, going to meetings, and was managing to stay away from temptation in the form of Woody's and Babylon.  Ted knew that in some ways the early part of recovery was tricky. It was hard to stay away as the pull of the liquor or drug was still pretty strong but as time went on, often the person lost their resolve deluding themselves that one little drink or one snort wouldn't make that much difference.  Sobriety was never easy and it was especially hard for someone like Brian whose life appeared to revolve around drinking.