Brian walked back to his car, looking down the street hoping he wouldn't see any familiar faces. On any given day he didn't care what people thought about him but, today he wanted to remain anonymous.  He didn't want to explain why he was in this part of town on a Saturday night instead of at Babylon or at some work function. The moment he wrapped his car around a fucking tree, realizing he could have hurt Gus had the accident happened when he was with Brian, changed him. Brian Kinney did not apologize, but maybe this time, he should evaluate his policy.

He got in his car and looked at the clock.  It was only 8:00 pm. and he had an entire Saturday night ahead of him.  Even he did not work on Saturday night, so going to the office was really out of the question.  He couldn't go to Mel and Linds' home; they would know something was up when he showed up there instead of at Babylon.  He could just hear Mel's rant about why he wasn't getting his dick sucked by the man of the hour. Linds would be worried that something was wrong and coddle him until he told her.  

Since he wasn't ready to hit Babylon or Woodys and he couldn't go to the munchers, that left Michael's, Ted's or Debbie's place.  He couldn't go to Michael or Debbie's as they'd be just as likely to question his absence at Babylon. He knew Michael would whine until he gave in and went dancing with him at Babylon. Michael would give him some stupid speech about how he was Brian fucking Kinney and the stud of Liberty Avenue and that he should be at Babylon showing off.  He already knew he would hear about his absence tomorrow. Saturday night at Babylon was about as cliche as they got and all of them went there.

His only choice was Ted's home and he wasn't sure that was a good idea.  In the end, he decided that maybe he should go there. Ted was the only one who really knew the truth about the car and his interest in AA.  He parked his car in Ted's driveway and knocked on the door. To say that Ted was surprised to see him was an understatement, but Ted waved him in and motioned for him to sit on the sofa.  Ted had a CD of Madame Butterfly playing, but turned it off when Brian sat down.

"Brian, everything okay?  You didn't wrap your car around another tree?" he said, slightly in jest, but also of concern.   

Ted got up and went to the kitchen, grabbing two bottles of water and handing Brian one.  Ted was the only one who knew he had wrecked his car while he was drunk. While he couldn't hide a new car from all his friends, Ted was his accountant and also a close friend.  Ted was the one who encouraged him to get sober, and he trusted him implicitly.

"No trees have been injured by me tonight.  I went to an AA meeting instead," Brian said as if he was announcing he bought a coffee at the Starbucks.  He twirled the bottle in his hand but didn't open it.

Ted nodded his head in acknowledgment. On the one hand he wanted to congratulate Brian for the first step, but on the other hand, he knew how tenuous Brian's situation was.  He remembered the first time he admitted to having a problem with drugs and those first steps were emblazoned in his mind. He'd woken up in a doctor's house feeling sore and bruised.  When he made his way to join the people in the house they were watching a video of some guy having sex with a lot of people. He seemed to be really high and out of it. As he watched, he realized it was him, he was the guy having sex with all those men. He raced out of the house, got sick on the lawn and made his way home.  He was terrified that he had ruined his life by contracting HIV, but he was lucky. All he had to show for his night of debauchery was some bruised muscles and a huge sense of remorse. He also realized that he was down the rabbit hole and needed to fix his life. He checked into rehab and the rest was history.

He'd been clean for 5 years and had eventually hooked up with his husband, Blake.  Blake had been a counselor at the center and they started a relationship a few months after he'd been released.  Blake realized that this was not a good idea and had broken it off. He stressed to Ted that people in recovery needed to wait at least a year to make major changes in their lives.  They needed to work the program and get a good handle on their sobriety before tackling relationship issues. Too many big changes in your life would ultimately sabotage your sobriety.  Blake had been right and when they did meet again, Ted had his first-year chip and Kinnetik was prospering.

"How was it?"  Ted took a drink from his bottle of water and then screwed the cap back on.  He was glad this gave him a slight diversion.

"Okay."  Brian didn't want to share that he got up and talked, even now that was a surprise to him.  While he was comfortable talking to strangers, making pitches for campaigns, and entertaining them was a part of the job, he did not often share personal information.  Brian was a very private person and the fact that he shared so much, especially with strangers was still surprising. After listening to two other participants tell their story, he decided that he needed to do it as well. Brian Kinney never did anything halfway and if he was going to do this sobriety thing, he needed to do it right.

"Nowhere to go, tonight?" Ted asked, realizing why Brian was here.

"You go to Babylon and to Woody's and I know you don't drink anymore.  How do you not want a drink?" Brian asked, the question burning in his brain since he left the AA meeting.

"It took a long time, Brian."  Ted put the water bottle on the table and reached out for Brian's hand, thinking to offer a squeeze in support, but thought better of the idea and placed his hands in his lap.

"What the hell did you do at night?  I've always gone to Babylon and Woody's to have a few drinks and have my cock sucked.  It's what I do at night. I've been going to the bars since I was 17 and I'm 31." Brian finally unscrewed the cap on the bottle of water, took a drink and then placed the cap back on.

"I go to work and then I go to the gym.  Sometimes Blake fixes dinner, sometimes I do, or we do it together.  We talk about our day and clean the house. Then we watch a little tv, maybe play a game and then go to bed."  

"That is boring as fuck."

"Going to the bar and getting drunk or high is exciting?" Ted asked.

"Sure," Brian said.

Ted heard the hesitancy in his voice and decided to push.  After all, Brian had shown up here and he obviously wanted something.

"How is it exciting, Brian?  You mostly go there to pick up guys. You can get your dick sucked anywhere.  You can go to the baths, go to the gym, hell I've even seen you heist a waiter or two in a classy restaurant.  Explain to me what exactly is exciting about getting high or drunk since the major activity there seems to be to get off."

Ted watched his friend.  He was obviously struggling to listen but he could see the restraint it was taking not to stand up and storm out of Ted's house.  Brian wanted someone to fix this problem. He was used to having everything that went wrong be remedied by throwing money at it. Unfortunately, this was not something that money could fix.  It would take time and hard work. While Brian Kinney was used to hard work, he had tangible results to show for it. Sobriety was anything but tangible. A sober person could not show winning ads, a huge bonus or an award for sobriety.  The closest thing to an award were the chips that people earned for each milestone of sobriety. Brian wasn't likely to go around waving those banners of success, especially when he didn't want his friends to know about this demon in his closet.

Brian stared at his friend, surprised at his bluntness and his willingness to question him. "I like the conquest.  You know, seeing all the men lined up in one place and I get to choose which one to fuck."

"So really it's about fucking, not about drinking or drugs?"

"The drinks and drugs are part of the whole process."

"So how is it different when you pick up a guy at the gym or at a restaurant.  I know you're not drinking at the gym. I've seen you work out."

"Well, yeah,"  Brian said, listening to Ted and realizing that maybe he had a point.  "But I'm there to keep fit. When guys see my body, they want it. So the gym is just another pickup opportunity."

Ted thought a bit before answering.  He knew Brian did other things besides pick up guys, but he had to think about what he knew about his friend.  "You like the conquest. That's why you love Kinnetik. It's about winning over the client."

"Sure. That sounds right."

"Brian, your whole life isn't about conquest. You do other things. When you're with Gus you don't pick up guys."

"Of course not.  He's a child and Linds would never let me see him if she thought I was tricking when he was with me,"  Brian said, answering the question as if it were ridiculous.

"What about Sunday dinner at Deb's?  Do you think about leaving to get your needs met?

"No.  Debbie already gives me enough grief when I don't show up due to work.  If she thought I was blowing her off to have sex, she'd have my head, and not in a life-affirming way.  

"So you do have times in your day where you're not thinking about conquest?

"Sure."

"Okay.  So you figure out what you like to do that doesn't involve conquest," Ted said as if he provided the magic bullet to Brian's sobriety.

"I'll lose my business and my sex life will be non-existent. I don't think your solution is going to work."

"Brian, I didn't mean it like that.  Let me try again. You need to find things that you like to do while you work on this. Maybe you need to find a hobby.    I'm not suggesting you give up sex, that would be like asking you to stop breathing. But right now you need to learn to separate sex from drinking and drugs.  Blake and I have sex on a regular basis and we do not need to be drunk or high to do it."

"Stop, I do not want to know about your sex life," Brian said and he scrunched his mouth.  "So you're suggesting I find a bunch of boring things to fill my time."

"No, Brian.  Obviously, you aren't going to come home and cook dinner and watch a movie on a regular basis.  But one of the first steps to sobriety is getting away from the people or activities that you connect with using."

"I'm not sure about any of this.  I think it was easier to just drink, do drugs and have sex every night,  This sounds like bullshit," Brian said, beginning to question why he thought coming here was a good idea.

"Brian, have you eaten dinner?  Blake will be home from work in about 30 minutes. Why don't you join us?" Ted asked, understanding that he couldn't push Brian too much at this stage.  Brian needed something to do tonight or the tenuous hold he had on sobriety would be gone before he really had a chance to figure it out.

Brian recognized what Ted was doing and he appreciated the offer. He had come here because he needed help and since Brian Kinney never asked for help, he was glad that his friend recognized his need. Before he could stop himself he said, "Okay.  I'll stay for dinner but...."

"Brian, this is just an offer between two friends.  I imagine you haven't told anyone else about your car or the meeting tonight?" Ted asked as he moved toward the kitchen.

"No.  Michael would most likely try to talk me out of it.  He thinks I am perfect and that my life is without problems.  Obviously, I won't tell Linds and Debbie would be all over me asking if I was hurt and feeding me trays of lasagna."

"I'm glad you came here.  Now, why don't you help me set the table and finish prepping dinner?"  Ted said as turned the light on inside the oven to check on the roast.

Ted directed Brian to where the plates, silverware, and glasses were kept while he cooked some vegetables and sliced the meat.  As they were completing the preparations, Blake came home.

After placing his keys in the basket by the door and hanging up his messenger bag, he inhaled the delicious aroma of the roast.  Glancing at the table, he saw it was set for three and was surprised to see Brian in the kitchen with his husband. He walked into the kitchen and gave Ted a kiss on the lips as a welcome home gesture.  Ted returned the kiss, but they did not linger, mindful of their guest.

"Brian, is everything okay with Kinnetik?"

"Kinnetik is fine.  I came to see Ted as a friend,"  Brian said, realizing that at this point in time, Ted was his preferred friend and that he really didn't want Michael involved.

"Oh," Blake said, taken by surprise.

Brian needed to make a quick decision and he knew at that moment that he wanted Ted's help on this journey.  He also knew that he didn't want to hurt Ted or his relationship with Blake. "I wrapped my car around a tree a week ago.  I shouldn't have been driving since I was very drunk. Ted is the only one who knows this information. Well, I guess you do now as well.  I went to an AA meeting tonight. I knew I couldn't go to Babylon or Woody's so I ended up here." Brian didn't really like sharing any of his personal life, but he knew Blake would keep his secrets.

Blake listened, surprised at Brian's confession.  Brian knew that Blake was a substance abuse counselor and that Ted had an affair with Crystal in the past.  He understood what it was like to start sobriety and he was pleased that Brian was taking those first steps.

"Can I help?  I am a licensed substance abuse counselor."

"No.  I don't think that is a good idea.  I need anonymity and I know you wouldn't tell anyone in the family, but I don't want to put you in that position.  Besides, isn't it against some doctor oath not to treat your family?" Brian said the last sentence with a hint of sarcasm.

"I'm glad you feel that way.  I really don't want to be a part of your sobriety team, for just that reason.  But, feel free to call or come by whenever you need. We'll keep your secret."

"I'll be fine.  I don't need any help," Brian said.

"Let's eat, I'm starving," Ted said, trying to move the conversation to more neutral areas.  

The three men ate dinner and did not mention Brian's sobriety the entire meal.  After dinner, they cleared the table and put away the leftovers.

"Brian, we were going to watch the performance of Pavarotti on PBS. Would you like to join us?" Ted said.

"No, I'd rather not watch my ears bleed.  I'll just head home. See you on Monday. Thanks for the meal."  Brian got up and went to the door. Ted followed him.

"Bri, be careful and stay safe.  Call if you need anything."

"Good night, Theodore," Brian said and left their home.

TBC