Brian went into the bedroom.  Gus was laying underneath the blanket and his eyes were starting to droop.  

"Dad, can I ask you one more question?"  Gus said as he raised himself on his elbows. 

"Sonny boy, you can always ask me anything.  I may not answer you, but I don't want you to ever feel that you cannot ask," Brian said as he sat on the edge of the bed.   Bringing Gus to the loft was fine when he was a baby, but now that he was almost 11, he found that he was getting too big to share his bed.  With his goal of spending more time with Gus, he thought about some alternatives for sleeping arrangements and put that on his to-do list.  Shopping for a sleeper sofa had never been on his radar; he would contact his decorator who knew his taste and could narrow his choices. 

Getting Gus his own bed would be another display of his desire to spend time with Gus.  He could envision Lindsay trying to make an argument that he didn't have room for Gus to spend more than an occasional night at his place since he was getting too old to share Brian's bed.  He was certain that if she thought about it, she would realize that the bed Gus shared with him was the same one he used when he bought tricks home, but she probably never let her mind go down that road.  

While Brian didn't like to share a bed. Even when he was tricking on a regular basis, it was rare that he allowed a trick to spend the night. Brian hadn't had a trick come to his home for a long time, almost since the beginning of his sobriety journey.  Based on what he was learning and mulling around in his mind about intimacy and sex, he thought that tricking might not be on his radar for a while.

"This test tomorrow, you know the one that's going to tell everyone I'm your son."  Gus grinned at the notion that anyone would question if he was Brian's son, but he continued on with his own question.  "Had you ever thought of going to a lawyer, you know to make sure my moms couldn't keep me from seeing you?"

Brian swallowed hard at Gus's question.  He wanted Gus in his life and he knew Gus wanted to be there.  He hadn't ever thought of pursuing the legal side, probably because he knew in his heart it wasn't a good idea. 

"Not really.  When I was drinking a lot, having you overnight every few weeks was just the right amount of time.  But now, I want to spend a lot more time with you. Like I said earlier, if your moms knew I had a problem with alcohol, then they might not want me to spend time with you."  Brian reached out to ruffle Gus's hair and patted the bed indicating he should lie back down.  "Gus, I like being your dad and spending time with you.  Things are changing for me and they hopefully will change for you too.  The test tomorrow is the first step in having the law behind my rights."

Gus reached out his hands to hug Brian and Brian returned the hug.  "Night, Sonny boy.  Time to sleep.  We can talk more tomorrow."

"Ok, dad.  Love you," Gus said as he closed his eyes and pulled up the blanket.

Brian came out to the living room, closing the door to the bedroom to keep the sound of his conversation with Emmett quieter.  He looked toward the living area and saw Emmett sprawled out on his white leather couch.  

"Emmett, contrary to popular belief, my furniture is made to sit on, not lounge. If you are tired, I'm sure you have your own furniture that you can sleep on," Brian said.

Emmett sat up and grinned at Brian.  "I guess there is something to be said for quality furniture.  I think this couch is more comfortable than my bed."  Emmett wanted something to drink and went to the kitchen to grab a water bottle from the fridge.  

When he was putting the remnants of his pizza making ingredients away, he'd seen that Brian had at least 8 water bottles in the fridge.  There was a half gallon of milk, some apples, a few condiments, and a few boxes of leftover takeout boxes in the fridge.  It was obvious that Brian did not eat at home very often.

He returned to the couch and placed his water bottle on the coaster.

"At least you practice good manners," Brian said as he waved his hand at the coaster.  "I'm constantly after Gus to put his bottle on a coaster. And don't get me started on Debbie and Michael."

Emmett held his hand up in a stopping motion.  "I know you didn't invite me over to talk about coasters. While you don't owe me an explanation, I'm here to listen, if you want to talk."

Brian nodded his head.  He had invited Emmett to come over which meant that he did want to talk to him.  While he had been changing a lot of his behaviors in the last few months, he still followed the philosophy of doing what he wanted to do. If he didn't want to do something, he just didn't do it.   Of course, in business, this philosophy was a little more difficult to follow.  His clients were always right.  But in his personal life, he followed the philosophy of no apologies, no regrets.  He didn't feel like he was apologizing to Emmett for canceling last night, but he wanted him to understand why he canceled.

"Every AA meeting has a topic.  Sometimes they talk about the 12 steps and other times we talk about themes in recovery."

"I know about AA.  Never attended, but I know how it works,"  Emmet said.  He hoped by telling Brian he knew a little about the program, it would put him at ease.  

"Good.  A few days ago, the topic was sex and intimacy.  I kept telling myself, I wasn't going to Babylon because I wasn't drinking, and I wasn't tricking because I wasn't going to Babylon."  Brian looked at Emmett, expecting to see his mouth open or his hand to his face in a gesture of incredulity.  However, Emmett showed neither, leaning forward and gently nodding his head. 

"I realized that I was lying to myself.  Sure, I go to Babylon to drink, but I probably go there more for the tricks.  When I admitted that I hadn't tricked in almost 2 months, I started questioning my true reason for wanting to go to Babylon."   The words seemed simple when he was retelling the story, but Brian knew they were anything but simple.  He'd mulled over the idea that sex and intimacy were two different things. While you could have one without the other, they were not interchangeable.  

"But every gay man tricks.  I'm not sure where you're going with this, Kinney," Emmett said, trying to follow the conversation but not being successful.

"I used to trick a lot," Brian said.

"Used to? I know you haven't been to Woody's or Babylon in a while, but I still thought..."

"You thought wrong and if you breathe a word of that little tidbit to anyone, I'll deny it,' Brian said in a steely voice.  

"I stopped going to Woody's and Babylon because I didn't want to be tempted by the booze.  Since I wasn't going to my favorite playgrounds, I justified my lack of tricking due to not frequenting them.  I talked with my sponsor and told him that I missed hanging out and tricking, but I told him that I thought I could go to Babylon and not drink, but trick and dance.  He agreed to go with me to help me if I got tempted to drink."

Emmett nodded his head in agreement.  "I know all this.  You asked me and Ted to help keep you away from the bar.  It still doesn't explain why you canceled.  Now, I don't need an explanation, but it appears that you feel I do, so I'll shut up now and let you continue your story."

"A few of the members called me on my statements.  There was a lesbian who said that she had a few gay friends and that being gay was not synonymous with tricking.  She suggested that I was using my being gay to excuse my lack of intimacy.  Anyway, I won't bore you with all the details of the conversation, but suffice it to say that after talking to my sponsor, I realized that my tricking was just another way to hide.  I hid in a bottle for years and extended that to my dick.  Bottom line, when and if I go back to Babylon, it won't be for the booze or the tricks."

Emmett listened to Brian, taking in all he was saying and waited to respond.  He was fairly certain that Brian hadn't shared any of this information and he felt honored to be the person he chose to discuss this issue.  

"No drinking and no tricking. Liberty Avenue will miss its Stud,'  Emmett said tongue in cheek.  "Are you going to start dating?  Lordy, Brian Kinney as an eligible bachelor.  I can just imagine the line of men who would volunteer for that role."  Emmett took a drink as he mulled over a picture of Brian dating.  Somehow, he couldn't wrap his head around that possibility.  He liked Brian, but the man didn't appear to be dating material.  He worked, went to the gym, and went to the clubs.  As far as he knew the only thing that Brian did outside those areas was spend time with Gus.

"Dating?  I hadn't really thought about it.  If I'm not tricking, I think my dick would get tired of my right hand," Brian said.  "The one thing I've learned in my two months of sobriety is that everything takes time.  If I wanted something, I bought it or got it.  Sure, I still have that ability, but I'm beginning to see that I can't buy a lot of the things I want.  I can't buy time with Gus and I can't buy interests or hobbies."

"What will you do with your time?"  Emmett tried to imagine Babylon without Brian.  While Brian hadn't been there for the last several months, it was always in the back of his mind that his absence was due to a big work project or travel.  It wasn't unusual for Brian to go out of town or have projects that kept him away from Babylon for weeks at a time, especially if he had a pressing deadline or new client.  But to think that Brian would never be seen at Babylon again was unfathomable.

"I'm sure you heard Gus talking about the test tomorrow?"

"Yes, but I can't for the life of me think what kind of test he was talking about," Emmett said as he took a drink from his water bottle.  

"It's a DNA test.  I want to spend more time with Gus and I don't want the girls to try to use my alcoholism as an argument to keep me from seeing him. I talked to a lawyer and she said the first step was to verify that he is my son, hence the DNA test."

"Everybody knows that he's your son.  Just put the two of you side by side and you can't deny it," Emmett said.  He drank some of his water, noticed that it was almost empty, and brought it to the kitchen.  Drinking the last bit in the bottle, he placed it on the island and grabbed a new bottle.  "Want some water, Brian?" he asked as he reached into the fridge.  

"Sure," Brian said.  He realized that he was thirsty and while his mind would rather have a drink, water was the better choice.   

Emmett placed his new bottle on the coaster and Brian opened his bottle to take a long drink.  

"How long does the test take?  What are you going to do once you get it back?"  Emmett was intrigued by this whole process.  He didn't really know too many people who had children and this was foreign territory.  

"It only takes a few days, so we'll have the results back by next week at the latest. After we have the results, my lawyer is going to go to court so that I can have guaranteed access to Gus."

"Court!"  Emmett raised his eyebrows and elongated his mouth without opening it wide.   "You are serious about this.  Gus is great and I can see he likes spending time with you."

"He is a great kid. He told me tonight that he just likes hanging out with me. He compared me to some of his friends' fathers who are divorced.  He said a lot of them see their fathers on weekends but the weekends are filled with activities.  He said it was like the dads were trying to win some type of popularity contest."  Brian drank some water from his bottle.  He felt his shoulders relax, not realizing that it was a little stiff from tension.  Even though he had invited Emmett here to talk and wanted to tell him what was happening, a part of him was still a little anxious about the visit.

"How do you think Linds and Mel will react?"

Brian frowned.  "Not good.  I'm doing this to protect my ability to see Gus.  Lindsay has always used Gus as leverage and a ploy for money. That's going to end.  It will most likely not be pretty."

"I don't understand.  Honestly, I don't know them very well, despite seeing them most Sundays at Deb's."  Emmett was happy for Brian.  He wanted to support him in any way that he could.

Brian got up and walked to the doorway of his bedroom, looking in at Gus.  He stood there for a bit, wanting to verify that Gus was indeed asleep.  He could hear Gus breathing evenly and decided he was asleep.  He returned to the living area, sat down and drank some water.

"I wanted to be sure that Gus was asleep.  While I'm doing this for him, I don't want him to hear me talk about Lindsay."  Brian waved his hand toward the bedroom.  "He appears to be out."

Emmett nodded in understanding.  "You're a good man, Brian Kinney."

Brian nodded.  "Originally, I was only going to be the sperm donor for Gus.  Provide my junk and walk away.  But after, he was born, Lindsay constantly brought him over to the loft or encouraged me to come over to get to know ‘my son'."  Brian put up air quotes on the last words.  While Michael knew most of the story, Brian realized that he'd never really discussed the history of the situation.  "At first, I fought it. Babies are very boring and messy.  They eat, shit and sleep. Nothing redeeming in any of those."

Emmett laughed at Brian's description.  He had a large family back in Mississippi and had been around enough babies growing up to realize Brian's description was very accurate.

"Somewhere along the line, Gus became a little person.  He smiled and flung his body at me every time I visited.  He said ‘dada' as one of his first words which, can I say, made Linds mad as hell."  Brian smiled as he remembered Linds trying to get Gus to say ‘Mama' and he just kept repeating ‘dada'.  Mel tried to calm Linds but she would have nothing to do with it.  In her eagerness to have Brian involved in Gus' life, he apparently was choosing him over her.  

"Something about Gus saying my name made me realize I wanted him around.  As he's gotten older, I find that I enjoy spending time with him."

"Gus has always wanted to be with you.  At Deb's Sunday dinners, he's always telling everyone that he is sitting next to you.  But I still don't get the whole DNA thing.  If Linds has always pushed you to be in his life, why would you need DNA testing and a lawyer?"

"While Lindsay is a Lesbian, she still holds this fantasy that the three of us are some weird permutation of a family.  She is constantly asking for money for Gus and while I'm happy to support him and give her money, it seems that she thinks of me as the bank of Brian."

"Bank of Brian?  I'm still not following you."

"Lindsay frequently uses Gus as an excuse to get money from me. I believe that one of the main reasons she encouraged me to be in Gus' life was for me to support her. When she realizes that I'm stopping the cash flow, she'll likely attempt to keep Gus away from me until I resume the money flow. She'll use my sobriety as leverage, threatening to keep him away since I'm ‘dangerous' and ‘unsafe'."

Emmett listened and thought about Brian's revelations.  He knew Lindsay's background, she'd drop names about her connections on a regular basis.  He always thought it was pretentious and none of their ‘family' really cared about who knew who.  He could see that Lindsay liked nice things as she often talked about buying a new blouse at Larrimore's or Pavement, but he always found her affectation with dropping names out of place at the family dinners.  This was especially true since Deb's entire wardrobe consisted of stretch pants and T-shirts with double entendres.  Besides Melanie, there were no other women in their family and Deb probably had no idea what Linds was so thrilled about. 

"So you're saying that once the ‘bank of Brian" dries up, she'll try to use your sobriety as a reason you can't see Gus?  That's horrible."

"I knew you were smart," Brian said as he finished the last of his water.  Placing the bottle on the coaster, he said, "Michael is pushing me to go to Babylon, but I keep dodging him.  I've told him I'm not drinking, but he doesn't appear to hear what I'm saying."  Brian thought back to the last few conversations Michael and he had.  Michael did not seem to be listening to Brian's message about not drinking and going to Babylon.  It appeared to Brian that his main goal in life was hanging out with Brian.  He knew that he would eventually have to make some decisions about Michael, but for now, his efforts were concentrated on Gus and Lindsay. 

"Eventually, he'll get the message and the gay grapevine will know in a matter of hours.  Fast forward to Sunday dinner where it is sure to be a topic of conversation.  When Linds hears that I'm in AA, she'll try to use that to her advantage.  Since I have officially stopped giving any money to Linds for Gus, preferring to buy whatever he needs myself, she'll try to use my new sobriety as a way to keep Gus away from me.  In her twisted mind, maintaining access to Gus could be directly tied to my willingness to provide financial support."

Emmett nodded in understanding.  "So the DNA test and legal piece is your way to stop Lindsay before she can keep Gus away.  Bravo!!  Bravo!!.  No wonder you are so successful in business.  You are always two steps ahead of your competition."

"Right.  I don't want to fight Lindsay for custody.  I love Gus but full-time fatherhood is not something I've ever really contemplated.  But I do want to maintain my relationship with Gus and I want to spend more time with him.  Now that I'm not drinking and tricking, I've found that I have a lot of time on my hands."

Emmett picked up the bottle of water, twirling it in his hand.  He thought back to a few weeks earlier when Brian had told him that he was going to AA.  He remembered he thought about it for a few minutes, 5 at the most, but since it really didn't impact his interactions with him, he just filed the information.  He liked Brian and while they were not as close as he and Michael, he did consider him a friend.  "So the Incline?  Is this the new and improved Brian Kinney trying to fill his days?"

Brian nodded and thought back to his visit to the Incline with Justin.  He enjoyed it and that had sparked his request from Justin to help him learn about his city.  While Brian was perfectly capable of researching things to do and places to go, he found he enjoyed Justin's company and liked how he pushed him to be a better person.  After opening up to Emmett, he realized that Emmett could be helpful in his quest to figure out who the real Brian Kinney is.  

"My sponsor, Justin, suggested that I broaden my horizons.  Well, he really didn't put it that way.  He said that I needed to figure out what I liked to do and what my life might look like since I'm not drinking."

"I guess that goes back to the earlier part of our discussion when I asked you about dating?  Are you dating him?"

Brian instantly shook his head in denial.  "No.  I'm not dating him.  I'm not dating anyone.  It's discouraged for people in recovery to start any new relationships for at least 6 months.  I'm far away from that milestone, but I can't really see myself dating."  Brian stretched his hands above his head and rolled his head in a few circles.  

While he was used to sitting at a desk all day, he wasn't used to talking. He'd been going for coffee with Justin after most meetings, but they only talked about the discussion from the meeting.  It was different tonight.  He'd asked Emmett over for a specific reason, but they were really exploring a lot of topics at once. When he glanced at the clock on the microwave, he realized that they'd been talking for over an hour.  He couldn't remember ever talking with anyone for that long.  Any conversation that lasted more than 5 minutes typically involved selling a campaign to a client, or playing the good host and pretending to listen to a client at a restaurant or promotional dinner.  He couldn't ever remember wanting to talk either.  He realized that Emmett was a good listener, asking relevant questions, and trying to understand Brian's situation without passing judgment.  Emmett wasn't trying to win points, get money, or convince anyone that he was Brian's friend. It was new and Brian appreciated him for his candor.

"Justin is encouraging you to explore your world.  How exciting.  It's like you're 18 again and get to start over,"  Emmett said as he got a faraway look in his eyes.  "I remember leaving home right after my 18th birthday and hopping on the bus to Pittsburgh.  I didn't really have a destination in mind.  Pittsburgh was the farthest destination I could travel on the money I had.  I left Mississippi and arrived in Pittsburgh.  I was finally free to be Emmett Honeycutt.  I didn't have to listen to the bullies at school or my family about what a failure I was since I was a fag.  It was glorious to come out of my shell and just enjoy life.  I bet you can't wait."

Emmett's eyes twinkled with excitement and mirth.  He seemed to remember his arrival in Pittsburgh fondly.  

"I wish I had your enthusiasm.  I've been doing the same thing; going to Babylon and the bars, for so long, I don't even know where to start. I knew about the Incline, sort of remembered a field trip in school, that I was not allowed to take.  But Justin had to suggest a few things before I could even choose.  I've lived in this city all my life and yet I know so little about it."  Brian stood up and walked to his balcony window.  He had a gorgeous view of the Philadelphia area.  The multitude of lights twinkling in the background spoke to the activity in the city, even at this hour of the night.  It was a beautiful panorama of the city, one that Brian realized he rarely took the time to enjoy.  He'd bought the loft due to its location and he remembered the realtor waxing on about the view and the great investment he was making since the area was up and coming.  He bought the loft with his first bonus, rewarding himself for the long hours he'd put in.  It was a sign for him that he was successful.  Unlike his father who frequently asked Brian for money, and expected him to buy a few rounds, Brian was not in debt to anyone.  

"I guess you're right.  I get to reinvent myself.  I bought this place to show how successful I was.  I filled it with high-end furniture and the latest electronics, but these are all things.  I have no idea who I am.  Justin has tasked me to figure that out.  He says that until I figure out who I am and what I want, I'm vulnerable."

"Justin sounds like a smart guy.  I look forward to meeting him one day.  But if you ever want some ideas about the city, I have a few must-see places.  I'd be happy to share my knowledge.  I know you and Gus will enjoy the Incline.  It is one of my favorite places.  I can always scrape together a few bucks to get to the top."  Emmett smiled his toothy grin. 

"Let me know how things are going with the legal side.  I imagine it could get nasty.  And if you ever decide to go back to Babylon or Woody's, I'm willing to keep you away from the bar,"  Emmett said.  He took his and Brian's empty water bottles and placed them on the kitchen island.  Turning to Brian, he said, "I loved making pizza with Gus. I can come over and do it again."  Emmett picked up the reusable bags that he used to bring the groceries to Brian's house.  "See you on Sunday at Deb's.  Have fun at the Incline."

He walked to the door, opening it and walking toward the elevator.  

Brian watched Emmett leave and took a deep breath.  He really was changing.  He'd just spent the last three hours with Gus and Emmett and he wasn't itching to get decked out to pick up 3 or 4 tricks or drown his uncertainty in booze.

It was still early and even though Gus usually woke up earlier than he would choose, he wasn't ready to go to bed.  He sat down on the couch, grabbed the remote, and flipped through the channels until he found an old James Dean movie to watch.  Laughing at his choice, he realized he did actually know something about himself.  He'd rather watch James Dean in a movie he'd seen 10 times, than watch some lame movie he'd never heard of.  Turning off the hamsters in his brain, he tried to concentrate on the movie.  When the credits rolled an hour later, he turned off the tv, checked the lock on the front door, and got ready for bed.  Tomorrow was sure to be something new.

TBC