The next few days were a repeat of the previous two. Brian went to work, to the gym, and then attended a meeting in the evening. He usually ate breakfast at the diner but did not stay for small talk, pleading work deadlines. This didn't garner him any flack as everyone knew that he often worked late trying to meet deadlines. There were certain givens when you owned your own business and had employees dependent on you for their livelihood.
But now it was Friday and Brian hadn't been seen in Babylon or Woody's for almost two weeks. As Michael sucked the last vestiges of soda from his glass, he said, "Brian, it's Friday and you've got to come out to Babylon tonight. You haven't hung out with me for a long time. I'll come by about 10:00."
Brian was not about to go to Babylon. He'd been sober for only two weeks and knew he couldn't maintain his sobriety if he was tempted like that. He'd been resorting to using the Internet for pickups, so he was getting his cock sucked on a regular basis. He wasn't ready to tell anyone why he wasn't going either. He knew he would never be able to stay away indefinitely, but maybe in another few weeks, he could handle the temptation.
"No can do, Michael. I've got plans."
"Plans. You've had plans every night for the last two weeks," Michael said in his typical whine. "I need to have plans with my best friend. When am I going to see you?"
"Why Mikey, you're seeing me now," Brian said, tongue in cheek. He was not going to be goaded into going to Babylon just because Michael wanted him to do it. Brian threw down some money to cover his portion of the bill and stood up. "Gotta go, boys," Brian said and looked at Ted. "Theodore, your boss doesn't like it when you're late to work," Brian walked to the door, not looking back at the men.
He walked the few blocks to Kinnetik and greeted Cynthia as he walked by her desk. "Cynthia, get me the folder on the CVS account."
"Morning boss."
"Morning," Brian said. He knew she hated it when he didn't greet her before asking for things. He hated to admit that Mikey got on his nerves this morning. He knew he hadn't spent a lot of time with him lately, but he'd been busy. Between work, the gym and meetings he really hadn't had a lot of extra time. He didn't want to admit to anyone but after he and Justin attended their meeting and went for coffee, he often went home and read some of the AA book. Frequently he hooked up with a trick but after relieving that need, he spent an hour or so reading and reflecting.
Cynthia came into his office with the requested file, handing it to him. "You've got a conference call at 9:00 with Leo Brown and the Samsill rep, John, wants a little of your time."
"What the hell does he want? Can't you take care of it?"
"Don't shoot the messenger, Brian."
"Yeah. Yeah. I assume he is here, waiting."
"Yes."
"Give me 15 minutes to review the CVS file and then send him in. If I'm not done with him in 10 minutes, come in here with some urgent need."
"Sure boss."
He read the CVS file, met with the Samsill rep and continued working on the information for Leo Brown's call. After the call with Leo, he finally had a break and thought about the weekend. It was now two weeks since he'd had a drink. He still craved alcohol, especially when he finally arrived home after a long day. Of course, just coming from an AA meeting kind of put a damper on the drinking thing.
While he was contemplating his life, he heard a commotion out in the reception area and knew Mikey was there. Mikey was still unconvinced that Brian could just drop whatever he was doing and pay attention to him. How he usually managed to come when Brian wasn't actually on the phone was always a mystery to Brian. As a result, Mikey never believed that Brian was so busy that he couldn't see him. Luckily Ted's office was on the other side of reception and he usually came out and distracted Michael, leaving Brian to complete whatever work he was doing at the time. Unfortunately, Ted was not in his office on this auspicious day and Mikey barged into Brian's office despite Cynthia's urging that Brian was busy. She stood at the door mouthing an apology as Mikey barged into Brian's office.
"Hello, Mikey. Don't you have a business to run?" Brian said, with an obvious disdain to his words. Brian hit save on his computer and cursed Mikey under his breath. Maybe I should invest in a punch code or key card to get in my office. I'll have to see what Ted can come up with. I just cannot continue to have Mikey or Lindsay barge into here whenever they deem it absolutely vital. So far, I've been lucky but one day their actions are going to get me in real trouble with a client.
"Brian. You have just got to come to Babylon this weekend. I just heard that Danny Devore is going to be there. He is one of the most famous drag queens around. I just have to see him,' Michael said, the enthusiasm in his voice almost jumping out of his body. He didn't appear to acknowledge Brian's hint that he had a business to run and that he might actually be interrupting Brian's work day.
"No can do. I've got Gus tonight and I have plans on Saturday." Brian had Gus overnight one Friday night a month. He usually spent time with him during the day on Saturday or Sunday, but hardly ever on both days. He had agreed a long time ago that one night a month he was willing to forego Babylon and his usual haunts to spend quality time with his son. When he had Gus overnight, they went to dinner, rented a movie and now that he was older, they played video games. It was always set in stone that he had him on the second Friday of the month. This way his mothers would be able to plan their activities and Brian would be assured that he would have Gus on a regular basis.
"Can't you just change the date? Danny is only going to be here one weekend," Michael said, the whining getting louder and more pathetic.
"No can do, Mikey. If I start changing the date, who knows what Lindsay will do. I only have him one Friday a month and this is that Friday. I've been doing this since he was one and it is not going to change now. You need to leave. Cynthia said I was busy and unlike some people, I have a business to run that doesn't allow me to stop in the middle of the day to interrupt my friends," Brian said, the chastising evident in his comments.
"Will we at least see you Sunday?"
"I'll be at Sunday breakfast and most likely at Ma's for dinner. But other than that, I 'm not sure what my plans are. But right now, we are not talking about my social life. Goodbye, Mikey. I have work to do." Brian moved toward Michael, placed his hand on his shoulder and pushed him toward the door. As Michael left his office, Brian said,
"I'm not to be disturbed."
"Sure thing, boss," Cynthia said as she looked at Michael with evil in her eyes.
Brian closed the door and returned to his desk where he put his head in his hands.
He was thankful that this weekend he had Gus as an excuse not to grace Babylon, but he knew that this would not last. Maybe he'd talk to Justin about it. Shit, Justin. He needed to go to a meeting and had told him that he'd go to the afternoon meeting today since he couldn't go tonight.
It was close to 11:00. He could leave now and catch the meeting. It was not like him to leave in the middle of the morning, but he really needed a meeting, especially now.
"Cynthia, I'm going out for a few hours. I'll be back about 2:00. Hold down the fort."
Cynthia looked at her boss with a confused expression but didn't comment. She knew better than to question Brian and understood if he wanted her to know what was going on, then he would tell her. "Sure, Boss."
Brian thought about stopping by Ted's to inform him he was going to a meeting but decided against it. Ted knew the real reason Brian had not been at Babylon or Woody's in the last few weeks. He had managed to deflect the conversation on several occasions when the "gang" was at the diner and they were pushing him regarding his continued absence from their respective playgrounds. Again, he acknowledged what a great friend Ted was, quiet and unobtrusive, but there when he needed him.
He arrived at the meeting and quickly spotted the familiar blond head belonging to Justin. Making his way toward him, he sat down just in time for the meeting to start. He'd been focusing more on the contents of the meeting, especially since he'd begun reading the AA literature. Today's topic was fear. The speaker started out discussing fear and how he often drank to handle his fear of failure and the unknown. He had grown up in an abusive home and often feared that he was destined to end up in an abusive relationship. He didn't want to do that to anyone, so he was a loner. This exacerbated his fear of being alone all his life. Another participant commented that he performed poorly in school due to a learning problem and started drinking to address his fear of failure at school. His parents were very educated, and he didn't want to disappoint them. Each person who talked shared a story about how fear had an impact on their drinking. Brian listened and related to so many of the stories. He'd always thought of his situation as unique but was beginning to see that he shared a lot with other people who used alcohol to escape or address supposed inadequacies. The meeting continued for about 45 minutes, people shared their fears and sometimes people shared how they overcame those fears.
The leader of the group stood up and thanked everyone for sharing and stated that he hoped that today's discussion was helpful to the attendees. He reminded everyone that there was coffee in the back.
Justin looked at Brian and could see he was deep in thought. "Want to try the coffee here?"
Brian was torn between having a cup of coffee with Justin, maybe even trying to process the meeting and getting back to the office. Ted told him he would have to change but never in his wildest dreams would he have thought that meant talking to a relative stranger about his feelings. But admittedly, he had enjoyed the talks he had with Justin, a welcome surprise to this whole sobriety thing.
He knew he had some urgent deadlines to meet and he had Gus tonight. While he normally would have had Gus tomorrow, that opportunity was gone since he had a birthday party to attend. He would have to settle with having his son tonight and tomorrow morning. Although, since he didn't have Gus during most of the day on Saturday, he could work then.
"I'm game, but if it is lousy, I don't have time to check out the local coffee bar. Gotta get to work."
"I'm surprised that you agreed to an afternoon meeting"
"My son is staying with me tonight so I can't exactly take a 10-year-old to an AA meeting. But tomorrow night is still good. You planning on attending the same one where we met?" Brian was floored at the words coming out of his mouth. He practically asked Justin out. Part of him wanted to backpedal, take back his words or at least pretend they weren't meant to solicit his interest in seeing Justin again, but the other part of him needed the reassurance that Justin would be there tomorrow.
"Gus, right?"
"Yes," Brian didn't offer up any more information.
"I can make the meeting this Saturday. I can't always make Friday night and Saturday night meetings if I have a show to attend. My agent is pretty happy with me right now so I need to keep on her good side and that means showing up when she says I need to be somewhere."
"Let's get that coffee. I really do have to get back to work," Brian said, regretting that he wasn't going to get to spend the next hour or so with Justin.
They made their way to the coffee table and both men prepared their respective drinks. Brian took a tentative sip and shrugged his shoulders. "Fair, but it is still better than the coffee from last Saturday. I think no one had cleaned that coffee pot for at least a month. It seemed like you could taste every residual pot."
Justin sipped his coffee and nodded in agreement. "Not bad, but I agree it is way better than last Saturday's stuff. After the meeting tomorrow, we can go back to the coffee shop for some real coffee."
Brian was pleased with the invitation. Maybe he had managed to wear Justin down and he'd finally get the fuck he'd been wanting since they met. The thought made him pleased. If a little sharing of feelings and processing of meetings could get him in Justin's pants, he decided that it would have been worth the effort. The man had an ass that just begged to be rode and Brian knew they would both enjoy the ride.
Way too soon for Brian, he finished his coffee and bid Justin goodbye. Justin watched the tall man walk toward the door and made some decisions. He really needed to start helping Brian work the program. He hadn't pushed this first week since he recognized Brian's skittishness and hesitancy in regards to AA and its program. Justin knew that being Brian's sponsor was more involved than sitting in a meeting and offering to go for coffee afterward. Leaving the meeting, he started thinking about how he could help him.
Brian returned to work and left on time. He stopped at Lindsay and Mel's home to pick up Gus.
Lindsay greeted him at the door, noticing the Toyota in the driveway. "Where's your jeep?"
"I was in an accident; this is a rental," Brian responded, stretching the truth. He was glad that she had taken that long to notice his car. While he was used to telling half-truths to Lindsay, he wasn't sure that he could have pulled off the tree incident when it happened. He obviously didn't bother saying that it was him that wrapped the car around a tree. That statement would have resulted in Lindsay most likely forbidding him in keeping Gus. "Happened a couple of weeks ago; just been so busy with work that I haven't gone to pick out a vehicle. Since I don't have Gus tomorrow, I'll probably do it then."
"Oh. Were you hurt? Why didn't you say anything? I could've come over," Lindsay said, all solicitous.
"I'm not sixteen. I don't need you to hold my hand every time something bad happens. And, yes, I'm fine," Brian said, getting perturbed at her questions. Lindsay to the rescue, regardless if he needed any rescuing, was a common theme in their relationship. She continually tried to insert herself into his business, claiming that she needed to know since he was Gus father. It angered him but he rarely called her on it for fear of her holding back his access to Gus.
There it was. Fear. Just like the speaker talked about at the meeting this afternoon. Fear was a powerful emotion and often times people drank to conquer their fears. He would have to think about fear and if it was a contributing factor in his drinking. Right now, he needed to get away from his son's mother before he lost his temper and said things he shouldn't.
Gus came around the corner at that moment and Brian was never so glad to see him. "Ready, Dad? I want to play that new game on your XBox. I thought we could go to Mario's for pizza. I know no carbs after 7:00 but it's only 6 now and if we hurry we can make it before 6:30. I know you like their chicken too."
Brian smiled at his son. Being a father was one of his greatest pleasures, something that surprised him immensely. He would do anything for his son and evidently that included stopping drinking.
They went to dinner and had a great meal and afterward returned to Brian's loft. They got out the controllers for the Xbox and started playing the new game. In the middle of the game, the buzzer rang. Brian cursed under his breath, knowing it had to be one of two people: Michael or Debbie. Neither one of which he really wanted to see. He'd told Mikey that he had Gus tonight and was not happy that he did not listen. He buzzed the interloper up, thinking that whoever it was would not stop until he let them up anyway.
As he opened the door, he saw he was correct in his assumption and Mikey was walking out of the elevator. "Brian, Ma said she'd come and stay with Gus so we could go to Babylon. I know you wouldn't want to miss seeing Danny Devore. He's such a classic," Michael said as he walked into the loft and headed toward Brian's bedroom. He opened the closet, rifling through the clothes, choosing several shirts for Brian to pick from. Walking out to the living area, he held out the shirts and said, "Here. One of these should work," he said as he laid them on the back of the couch. "Ma should be here in about 20 minutes. Why don't you go take a shower and I'll play with Gus?"
Brian was furious. Going to the door, he opened it again and turned toward Michael. "Get out! I told you I had Gus and I wasn't going. Now leave."
"But Brian. We haven't spent any time together in weeks. Ma volunteered to come and stay with Gus. I don't see what the big deal is. You'll spend time with him on Sunday."
"Michael, I'm not explaining anything to you. Now go and I suggest you call your mother and tell her that you made a mistake and not to come here." Brian waved Michael out of the loft.
Michael started to protest, but Brian gave him a stern look and he walked out, but not before saying, "I don't really see what the big deal is. We've got to find time to hang out. I thought you'd be happy that you could go to Babylon instead of hanging with Gus."
Brian watched his friend walk to the door and practically pushed him out the door before rolling it closed. Sometimes he hated that he couldn't slam the door.
Gus looked at Brian and said, "Dad, if you want to go to Babylon, it's okay with me. I like Grandma Debbie and she can watch me."
Brian turned toward his son and said, "Gus. I don't want to go to Babylon. I want to be here with you. We don't get to spend the day tomorrow together because you have a birthday party to attend. I can go to Babylon any time. I choose to spend my time with you."
"But Uncle Michael seemed pretty disappointed since he wanted to spend time with you too. I don't want to get him mad."
Brian ran his hands across his head, flattening his hair and motioned for Gus to join him on the couch. "Come here, Sonny Boy."
Gus joined him on the couch.
"Gus, I see Michael almost every day, but I only see you a few times a week. Michael is an adult and can just get over himself. I'm not always going to have the time or want to do the things he wants. Now, I told Michael that I'm spending my evening with you so let's spend some time together before you have to go to bed. I think there is an Xbox game that we were playing before we were so rudely interrupted."
Gus gave Brian a big hug and went to get the two controllers. After giving Brian his controller, he started the game again and they played for a few hours. Brian was always a little surprised at how much he enjoyed spending time with his son and sometimes wondered when the other shoe would drop and Gus would realize that he was a terrible father.
It was getting late, almost 10:00 p.m. and Brian knew Gus had a birthday party to attend. It wouldn't be a good idea to keep him up too late. Lindsay would bitch at him that Gus wasn't getting proper sleep and then Lindsay would give him another lecture about his ability to care for his son. He felt himself getting angry just thinking about the "conversation". He was beginning to recognize some of those feelings that the participants talked about in AA. The feelings that made him want to drink. Shit! Maybe it wasn't all mumbo jumbo.
"Gus, time for you to get ready for bed. Go brush your teeth and get ready."
Brian knew that he really needed to find another solution for Gus's sleeping arrangements. When he was small, he had slept on the couch but he was too big to do that and now shared Brian's bed. He always made sure there were fresh sheets on the bed, but he often thought that he needed a separate bed for him. Deciding that today was not the time to ponder sleeping arrangements, he went to the bedroom, turned down the bed and waited for Gus to leave the bathroom. Gus came out a few minutes later and got in the bed, yawning as he laid down.
"Night Dad. You're the best. I'm glad you stayed home with me. I like Grandma Debbie but she doesn't play Xbox very well."
Brian smiled rifled Gus' hair, and leaned down to give him a quick kiss. "I don't imagine Debbie would do well at XBox. See you in the morning." He walked out of the bedroom and turned off the lights as he left. Gus would be asleep in a few minutes.
Brian walked out to the living room, eyeing his liquor cabinet. No one told me that I should get rid of its contents. There aren't any AA police. I'm at home and there is no one around. Gus is safe in my bed and I'm not driving. Today has really been for Shit!! First Lindsay starts by telling me I can't have Gus in the morning and then Mikey interrupts my day twice to go to see some fucking Drag Queen. Can't the man take no for an answer? And to think he solicited Deb to come over and "watch" Gus. He walked toward the cabinet and saw the fidget toy laying on the table. Ted told him he kept one in various places; several on his desk and a few in his home. He had left one of the toys by the liquor cabinet. Innocuous enough to explain as one of Gus toys that he forgot to put away, but enough of a visual cue to make him think. He wanted a drink so badly. He could taste the slight burn of the Beam going down his throat. He could feel the burn as it traveled down his throat into his body, warming it up from the inside as it calmed his nerves and fed his coping mechanisms. He reached for the latch of the cabinet and drew his hand back. Instead, he reached in his pocket and pulled out his phone. Without thinking too much, he dialed the number, hoping Justin was willing and able to answer.
TBC