Saturday morning Gus and Brian went to the diner for breakfast. He hoped that Deb wouldn't be working to start the queer inquisition regarding his absence from Babylon, Woody's and her son's life. He was sure that Michael's laments regarding Brian's failure to spend time with him would be the topic of choice for Debbie. Debbie frequently felt the need to intervene and give her opinion where it was not wanted or needed. Brian didn't feel compelled to explain his whereabouts to anyone, except perhaps Justin. Justin expected him at meetings and he knew that he really needed to attend them. Even if Justin expected his attendance, he doubted Justin would make a big fuss if he failed to show up to a meeting. He might not be willing to continue their sponsorship if he felt that Brian was not working the program, but he didn't think that one missed meeting would result in the end of Justin's willingness to help him.
"Dad. Dad. What are you going to have for breakfast?" Gus asked for the second time. Brian was usually pretty attentive to Gus but Gus saw he was obviously thinking about something else as he had called his name and Brian had not responded.
"Oh," he looked at Gus and then Debbie. "I'll have the egg white omelet and wheat toast, dry."
Debbie smiled and nodded her head. "Gus, honey. I doubt your Dad even really needs to be asked what he will have for breakfast. It never changes." she said as she wrote down his order. "I'll get you your milk and your Dad some coffee." She hurried off to place their order and Gus turned toward Brian.
"You're a million miles away. What's up, Dad?"
"Just thinking about your Grandma Deb. I'm hoping she doesn't start in on me about why I haven't been hanging out with Michael. I wasn't really happy that he volunteered for her to come over last night and I really don't want to talk to her about it."
"Okay," Gus said, thinking there was more to the conversation but wasn't going to push his Dad. "Can we go to the store and buy me some new cleats? My old ones are just about shot and when I ask the moms they just complain that they just bought me new ones a few months ago."
While the statement was innocent enough, it made Brian angry. He gave Lindsay plenty of money so that she could buy Gus things like new cleats but Gus frequently asked him to buy those items. He often wondered what happened to the money he gave her for Gus. He wasn't going to put Gus in the middle. He had plenty of money and was more than happy to buy the items for him, but it angered him that Gus had to ask as a result of his moms balking at the higher priced ticket items. Maybe he would confront Lindsay, but first, he had to feel confident in his sobriety. He was pretty certain the conversation would make him angry and he was beginning to wonder if being angry made him want to drink.
"Sure. We can go to buy you some cleats. Anything else you need? We've got some time this morning. Your party isn't until 2:00, so we've got plenty of time," Brian said, already feeling the disappointment in not having his son all day.
He only kept him one night and one full day the second week of the month. The other weekends, he usually either had him on Saturday or Sunday. He knew that it was not Gus' fault that he got invited to a birthday party on their weekend. Maybe he could ask if Lindsay would be willing to let him have Gus again next weekend. She had offered, but he declined. Now, he was having second thoughts.
Ted had said he needed to develop new interests and spending time with his son was always something he enjoyed. He thought about increasing his overnights with Gus to more than once a month. The more he thought about the possibility, the more he found it intriguing. He knew he sometimes worked on Saturday, but he could just as easily move his work to Sunday. He would just have to ensure that he would not encroach on his staff if he chose to work a different day. They were very loyal to him, but seven day work weeks were beyond realistic expectations, even for him.
Since hanging out at Babylon and Woody's was currently off the table for the foreseeable future, he needed something to distract him. Well, Gus wasn't a distraction and he was currently going to AA on Friday night. That would mean that if he had Gus, he wouldn't be able to attend AA. There were too many what-ifs to contemplate at this moment, but he put it in the back of his mind to think about in the future.
After a few hours of shopping, they bought Gus' new cleats and Brian also purchased him some new clothing. He hated that Lindsay bought Gus' clothes at Target and even sometimes at the second-hand store. She could afford to buy him clothes from more upscale places. He understood why she didn't buy him clothing from Armani, but the second-hand store was just an insult. He was sure that the kids at school gave him grief about that. He really didn't need anyone giving his kid more difficulty than he already had. Having two moms and a gay dad was sufficient reason for kids to goad him; he didn't need to be dressed like some street urchin. He added that to the list of things he wanted to talk to Lindsay about. He briefly wondered if he had neglected to have these talks to avoid the discomfort they caused him.
This was another thing he put in the back of his mind to think about at a later time. Sobriety was causing him to really look at a lot in his life. He wasn't sure if he liked that or not, but for now, he accepted that his life was already changing. As the thought bounced around in his mind he began to notice a small pattern to his life. He was putting off a lot of things until he was comfortable with his sobriety. Maybe this was supposed to happen. He filed it in the ask Justin section of his mind as he refused to spend more time contemplating future conversations when he needed to concentrate on the one right in front of him.
"Let's try out those new cleats," Brian said. It was just before noon and he didn't have to have Gus home until 2:00. They could kick the ball around for an hour or so and then he'd take him home. This would give him plenty of time to eat lunch, clean up and get to the party.
"Sure, Dad. Maybe we can practice my dribbling skills."
They drove to the park and Brian got his soccer cleats and the soccer ball out of his car. Gus and he often went to the park and practiced when they were together so he had gotten used to keeping the gear in his car. He had an extra pair of sweats and workout shirt too but decided that he wasn't going to be playing hard today so left those in the trunk. He'd been wearing jeans so while they were not ideal to play soccer, they would suffice for the little bit of workout he and Gus would have.
"Sonny boy, the key to good dribbling is to use the inside of your foot, not your toes. The only time you use your toes is to actually kick the ball to shoot a goal." Brian dropped the ball on the ground demonstrating using the inside of his foot to move the ball down the field. He passed the ball to Gus and he tried to imitate the moves.
"Good. Now let's run down the field and pass the ball back and forth between us."
Gus and Brian made several runs up and down the field passing the ball between them. Brian was in great shape having never stopped working out and he was barely warm from their impromptu practice. He passed the ball to Gus and said, "Okay. You practice and I'll watch. It's a little hard to give you pointers as I'm dribbling the ball down the field."
They spent an hour at the park and then Brian took him home. Lindsay greeted them at the door, smiling but her tone was anything but happy.
"Brian, he has a birthday party to go to this afternoon. I told you that," she said. She eyed Gus up and down seeing that he really needed a shower before he went to the party. "Gus, go upstairs and shower. Be quick. We have to leave for the party in less than half an hour." She waved her hand, pointing toward the stairs. "Brian, he can't go to a party smelling like a locker room. Why didn't you bring him home earlier? He'll be late to the party."
"You told me to have him here by 2:00. It's before 2:00. If you wanted him earlier, you should have said so. I'm not a mind reader. I hate being late and you of all people should know that." He put his forefinger up to the bridge of his nose, unconsciously pushing away the anger and pain he was starting to feel. "I'll see you tomorrow at Debbie's." He didn't wait for her response, just turned and walked toward his car.
Looking at the ugly rental, he drove toward the closest car dealer. He might as well make good use of his unexpected free time. Since he had returned to work instead of spending the time having coffee with Justin, he had managed to get most of his work done before he left to pick up Gus. Getting a new vehicle would serve many purposes. It would stop him from driving that ugly ass rental. It would also lessen the likelihood that the rest of the gang would finally notice that he was still driving the rental. He was still surprised that the "family" hadn't questioned him more regarding the rental. Maybe his reticence to talk about things going on in his life actually paid off in this situation.
Avoiding talking to his family was a familiar habit. Since he didn't share the daily minutiae with his friends, he hadn't really shared anything about his accident. Of course, Ted knew since he was his accountant and had to deal with all the insurance crap, but yesterday no one in the family even knew about it. Thankfully they were all so involved in their petty lives that no one really paid attention to the fact that he was not driving his Jeep. It also saved him from mindless chatter about trivial things like which celebrity star he would rather sleep with. Since he could pretty well sleep with anyone he chose, he always found those discussions a waste of time. But now as he attended more AA meetings and had a few short conversations with Justin, he was beginning to realize that talking was going to be a necessary component of his efforts to maintain sobriety. He was certain he wanted to maintain sobriety, he just wasn't 100% sold on the whole talking and spilling his inner thoughts to a stranger. Hell, if truth be told, he wasn't thrilled about spilling his inner thoughts to anyone, stranger or not.
He arrived at the car dealership and picked out his new vehicle. Thankfully as a result of Kinnetik's prosperity, he never worried about the price tag of items; he just bought what he wanted. He ticked off the accessories that were essential and the salesperson located a vehicle that met his needs. Brian contacted the rental agency and was told he could return the car until 5:00 pm that day. He made arrangements with the dealership and rental agency for the logistics of delivering both vehicles and drove to the dealership to drop off the car. He called Ted to take care of the insurance for the new vehicle. By 6:00 he had his new vehicle and about an hour until the AA meeting started.
He realized he missed lunch and hopefully, Debbie would no longer be working. Gus and he had been at the diner around 8:30 this morning, therefore unless she was working a double shift, she would be long gone. Since she had started seeing that cop, she was less likely to work a double shift. Thoughts of Debbie dating made him shiver and shake his head. Even though she wasn't his mother, it was like she was his parent and no adult wanted to ever think of his parent dating. He walked into the diner and looked around. Thankfully he had hit the eatery at just the right time. Too late for those folks grabbing something as they shopped on the avenue but way too early for anyone to be eating before going to the clubs. The clubs didn't start hopping until 10:00 at the earliest so 6:00 was way too early to be hanging around Liberty Avenue in your club ware.
Briefly, he thought about what he would typically be doing on a Saturday night at 6:00 and realized he would usually be finishing up his visit with Gus. Since he only had Gus overnight one night a month, the other weekends he would pick him up before breakfast and return him after dinner. They would have almost 12 hours together. He realized that usually, he would drop Gus off, visit with Lindsay for maybe 30 minutes and then he often hit the treadmill for an hour or so before getting ready to go to Babylon. He often indulged Gus by eating carb-laden foods and felt the need to work off some of those calories. He'd go home, run 45 minutes to an hour, shower, and then head to Babylon. Depending on his mood, he might hit Woody's and then go to Babylon. But Babylon on Saturday night was sacrosanct and he realized he hadn't been there in almost 2 weeks nor was he likely to go for a while. He realized as the weeks progressed, he was going to have to tell the family something, but he really didn't know what he would tell them. The truth seemed a little bit unbelievable and he still wasn't convinced that the support of his "friends" would be what he needed to remain sober.
He picked up the menu and while he knew it by heart, he took a few minutes to peruse it, determining he would have meatloaf for dinner. It came with mashed potatoes which were far better than fries and a salad. The salad lacked any nutritional value, being mostly iceberg lettuce and a few measly croutons, but it was better than eating corn or wilted green beans that hadn't seen the garden in way too many days. As he waited for his food he started thinking of his day and the many times he recognized anger, fear, and happiness. He'd never really stopped to think about his feelings and wasn't really too keen on the idea that sobriety was pushing him toward that recognition. He wondered if Justin would ask him about their phone call? He wasn't sure he wanted to talk about that either. Deciding he was thinking too damn much, he pulled out his phone and clicked on the internet, going to Forbes to read the latest business news.
As he was finishing his dinner, Emmett came in and started to sit down in the booth. Brian looked up from his phone and glared at the interloper.
"No Gus?" Emmett asked.
Brian was somewhat taken aback by the question, not realizing that anyone ever noticed that Gus was usually with him on a Saturday night.
"Gus is at home with his mommies. Evidently, birthday party trumps dad time," Brian said, tongue in cheek.
"Oh. No Gus, that means you can come shoot some pool later on and then join us at Babylon. Michael is right, it has been ages since we've seen you. Where have you been keeping yourself?"
Brian felt a cold shiver go through his body. It was the same feeling he felt as a child when his father would find him in his room at night. He would curl himself into as small a ball as possible and then lay perfectly still under the covers, hoping that he would be fooled that Brian was not there. Unfortunately, his father wasn't fooled and often threw the covers off of him, yanked him out of bed and slapped him around a bit. Usually, his father had some bizarre reason in his head why Brian deserved a thrashing, but it didn't matter if there was a reason or not. Brian remembered that feeling, and now hated the simple question that brought back the undesired chill that ran over his body.
Emmett looked at his friend and saw the deer in the headlights look in his eyes. He was fairly certain that Brian did not realize he was doing this.
"No can do, Honeycutt."
Emmett did not bother correcting Brian's referring to him by his last name. Emmett felt there was something going on and he wanted to help.
"Brian, are you sick? Is Kinnetik in trouble? What is going on? You can tell me. I'll not tell a soul," Emmett urged as he made a zipping motion across his lips.
Brian looked around the diner. It was practically empty and they were sitting in the back of the establishment. He toyed with the idea of telling Emmett. Emmett could keep a secret, despite his tendency to gossip. There had been times in their lives where he had sworn Emmett to secrecy and Emmett had kept his word.
Emmett wasn't like Michael, swearing to keep someone's trust and blabbing the information within half an hour. If you wanted some news spread on Liberty Avenue, all you had to do was to tell Michael. While Michael professed to be his best friend, he knew that was no longer the case. Just a quick review of the last 24 hours and Michael's barging into his life not once, but twice as he insisted that Brian join him solidified his thoughts on the subject. On the other hand, Emmett had kept his confidence on several occasions. He knew that he would eventually have to tell his "family" about his journey and maybe Emmett could help him deflect their attention.
Brian looked around one last time ensuring that no one was in hearing distance. Still feeling unsafe telling Emmett here, he said, "Okay, but not here. Let's take a quick walk outside and then I have to go."
Emmett was intrigued and somewhat surprised by Brian's request. Thoughts of double agents and secret service quickly raced through his mind but then he inwardly grinned that Brian would never pass a security clearance. With as many men that crossed his threshold in a week, he was a huge security risk. Maybe he had witnessed a murder or a robbery and now he was in hiding. That made sense. Emmett rubbed his hands together in anticipation of the juicy story of how Brian Kinney was hiding from thugs.
Brian watched Emmett and wondered if he was making the right choice, but decided he needed someone else on his side. Ted and Blake were great but they were a little quiet for him, whereas Emmett's flame burned bright and it was actually something Brian admired. Emmett, like Brian, knew who he was and didn't attempt to hide in the crowd. While Ted knew he was gay, he did not push the agenda. Brian's motto, "If I'm not fucking you, then it's not your concern." was more in line with his personality. Brian paid his bill and the two men walked out of the diner. They walked a few blocks in silence; Brian making certain that no one he knew was in earshot.
Brian took a deep breath and said, "I'm an alcoholic and I've been attending AA meetings."
Emmett stopped in his tracks and looked at Brian. "Okay." They continued to walk.
TBC