Justin worked on his mural at the dress store.  He was finding it hard to concentrate. He kept mulling over his options about the Quoin.  He was torn in so many different directions, but at the heart of it all was Brian. He knew the man still had feelings for him, but he didn't know what feelings.  Lust was a given, but the other L word was still an unknown. Justin knew that deep inside he still loved Brian, probably always would. He also knew that he could never go back to the kind of relationship they had had in Pittsburgh.  It was too painful and too … incomplete. Maybe that's what he was looking for – completion – to finally end it … or maybe start over. Was that the real reason he was staying tied to Brian by not selling him his shares? Could that be the answer?

The mural was just about sketched onto the wall.  Justin was excited about how it looked. He could visualize the final product and he believed it would look spectacular.  This part of his life was going very well. He already had been to an interview for a commission to do a mural at an upscale spa nearby.  He seemed to be becoming a mural specialist. If only he could get this business with Brian settled one way or another.

Justin climbed down off the scaffolding and looked at his handiwork.  In a day or two he'd be ready to start painting. He walked outside and lit a cigarette.  He had told Rick that he needed to find the answer to why he had refused to sell his shares to Brian.  If his relationship with Brian was really the answer to that question, then he needed to do something more than merely work at the Quoin and bug Brian every time he appeared there.

A plan began to formulate in Justin's head.  He started as full partner at the Quoin on Monday.  He had decided that he would work on his mural at the store from seven to three and then head to the Quoin for a few hours after that.  That way he could juggle both jobs. But it wasn't just about the job. It was about Brian. He needed to do something to reconnect with the man on more than a business level, but not on a sexual level.  He wanted to do that before they started working together.

He pulled out his cell phone and dialed the Quoin.  Jake answered. They exchanged pleasantries and then he asked to be put through to Brian.  When Brian answered he almost hung up. He wasn't sure what the consequences of this action would be.

"Hey, Brian," Justin began once he made the commitment to speak.

"Hey," Brian responded just like he used to but with a little brusqueness to it.  He was still ticked.

"I was wondering if you'd like to have dinner with me tomorrow night.  I thought maybe we could talk and get on a better footing before I started at the Quoin."

There was a long hesitation.  "I thought this was going to be a business … relationship."  The slight hesitation before the word 'relationship' reminded Justin of the problem Brian had always had with that word.  It seemed like he still did.

"That doesn't mean we can't be friends, does it?"

"I … guess not."

"Then you'll come?"

"Sure."

"Seven at my place tomorrow."

"See ya."

Justin had hoped he might say 'later' as they used to finish their phone conversations, but he didn't.  He wasn't sure what that meant. He hoped this dinner might tell him a lot more about where they stood.

                                                              -----

Justin finished checking on the chicken and vegetables in the oven.  He had wine and beer in the fridge and a couple of scented candles burning.  He wanted his apartment to feel comfortable and homey but not too sensual. He didn't want to give Brian the wrong impression, but he did want Brian to enjoy the evening.

Trouble was, he knew what Brian would probably enjoy more than anything, and so would he.  But that wasn't going to happen. He'd make sure of that. They were going to talk and reconnect and that was all.

There was a knock on the door and Justin felt his heart leap.  Brian still had that effect on him, even after everything that had happened.  He opened the door to a box of chocolates covering the face of the holder.

"Candy?" Justin asked surprised.

"For the hostess with the mostest," Brian said revealing the grin on his face.  "I know flowers bother your allergies."

"Thanks," Justin said with a chuckle and took the chocolates.  "Come on in and have a seat." Justin indicated the daybed which looked much more like a sofa tonight than a bed.  He had made sure of that. "Want a beer?"

"Sure."

Justin took his candies to the kitchen and set them on the counter.  He smiled. He could feel Brian watching him and it gave him a warm feeling deep inside.  He grabbed a couple of beers and went to join Brian on the daybed.

"So," Brian said after he had taken a drink of his beer. "To what do I owe the pleasure of this invitation?"

"I told you on the phone that I'd like us to get along at the Quoin.  I thought this might help."

Brian looked into Justin's eyes.  He loved those eyes and felt himself melt into them.  He cleared his throat. "What's for dinner?" he asked to regain his equilibrium.  He wasn't sure how he was going to get through the rest of the evening without a repeat of what had happened in his office.  He wanted Justin. He couldn't deny that. But he had to control himself.

"I think dinner's ready," Justin said standing up.  He went to the kitchen and took the chicken out of the oven.

"Can I do anything?" Brian asked.

"I don't think so, unless you want to open the wine."

Brian found the bottle in the fridge and did the honors while Justin dished up their dinners.  They sat down at the small table.

"I feel like we should have a toast," Justin said.  He raised his glass. "To partnership," he said. Brian looked strangely at him, then clinked his glass with Justin's and they each took a sip.  "Why did you look at me like that when I made the toast?"

"I was remembering something."

"What?"

"I …"

"Please, tell me," Justin asked.  He thought it could be something important.

"It was something from a long time ago.  I don't think I want to talk about it."

"Fine," Justin said brusquely.  "I thought we could start this partnership off with the truth, but I guess that's asking too much."

"I always tell the truth," Brian said insulted that Justin would think otherwise.

"You tell the truth when it suits you.  Most of the time you just keep silent which sometimes is the same as a lie."

Brian stared at Justin.  Justin refused to blink because he knew he was right.  Brian knew it too. He took a deep breath. "When I came back from Chicago and I had forced Vance to make me a partner, I brought a bottle of champagne to the loft to celebrate with you."

"But I wasn't there.  I was in Vermont."

"Right," Brian said still remembering how hurt he had been that Justin had gone without him and wasn't there on one of the best days of his life.  "I … I opened the loft door and yelled, 'Hey Sunshine, come congratulate your partner who just made partner.' But there was no reply."

Brian felt Justin's hand cover his as it rested on the table.  He sucked in his lips and forced himself to look at Justin. What he saw there took his breath away.  It was love and pain and caring and guilt and mostly love.

"I'm sorry I wasn't there for you, Brian.  I wish I could have heard those words. They would have made such a difference."

"That's all in the past.  No point in regrets."

Justin could feel the walls going back up.  The tender moment was gone.

"What happened to us?" Justin said softly stressing the word us.

"Can we do this some other time?  Otherwise we'll both have indigestion."

They grinned slightly at each other realizing the truth of Brian's words.  They ate mostly in silence making a few attempts at small talk. Each of them knew that they were going to have to discuss that question later.  It hung over them coloring everything else. Each wondered how the other would answer that and what it might mean to their futures.

When the chicken was finished Justin cleared the table and asked Brian to bring their wine to the daybed.  They sat down beside each other.

"Are you ready to answer that question now?" Justin asked.

Brian stuck his tongue in his cheek and said, "I was a total son of a bitch who wouldn't know a relationship if he tripped over it.  We were doomed before we started."

"That's not true, Brian.  We were happy for awhile. I was happy."

Brian studied that beautiful face and finally said, "I was happy too."  Justin beamed at him. It took so little to make the boy smile. "But it all went south when I lost my job.  Nothing was the same after that."

"I know.  I was lost too when they kicked me out of the IFA."

"We were a couple of losers and that became more and more apparent as time went on."

"We weren't losers.  We were fighters for a good cause, and we got kicked in the nuts for our good deed."

Brian chuckled ruefully.  "It still amounted to the same thing – unemployment."

"But we've made new lives for ourselves here in Chicago."

"I guess so," Brian admitted slowly.

Justin was surprised.  Brian was making buckets of money and running the show at the Quoin.  He didn't seem very happy about it though. "Do you miss advertising?"

Surprisingly Brian answered immediately.  "Yes."

That told Justin a lot.  Brian wasn't really happy at the Quoin.  Maybe that was why he didn't want him around.  He didn't want Justin to see that his life wasn't so great.

"Couldn't you get back into advertising?" Justin asked.

Brian shook his head.  "It's too late. That's behind me."

"Do you know what I think happened to us?" Justin asked changing the subject.

"I'm sure you're going to tell me."

"You know me so well."

"And you know me … knew me."

"I'd like to think I still know you."

"Would you?  There's not much to know."

"Brian," Justin said.  Brian turned towards him and the sadness in those hazel eyes almost broke his heart.  Justin's hand reached out to caress that beautiful face. "I'm so sorry things worked out the way they did."  Brian shrugged and looked away. Justin couldn't stand it any longer and he pulled Brian towards him. The man resisted a bit at first, but then allowed himself to be drawn into Justin's warm embrace.  They clung together for a few minutes.

Justin could feel the stirrings in his cargo pants as the hug between friends began to become something else.  He released his hold on Brian and leaned back putting some space between them.

Brian looked slightly bewildered and then he mumbled, "I'd forgotten what it was like to be in your arms."

"Not so bad, is it?" Justin teased gently.

"Not bad at all."  Brian reached for his wine glass and took a sip.  That allowed him to put some distance between himself and Justin.  He wasn't going to repeat the scene in his office, but that kind of contact might make him unable to stick to that promise.  He cleared his throat. "Are you going to tell me what you think happened to 'us'?" There was the slightest tinge of sarcasm in his voice.

"I've given this a lot of thought," Justin said seriously.  Brian remained quiet so he continued. "After everything went south with Stockwell as you so aptly put it, you had no job and I had no school.  We began to drift." Justin looked at Brian to see if he agreed. The man nodded. "You're not going to like this next part, but here goes. You are a control freak.  Don't deny it, just listen. Gradually you began to realize that everything was out of your control. You had no job and couldn't get one. I had no school and you couldn't fix that.  All your possessions that you had worked so hard for were gone and you no longer had the ability to get them back. Your whole lifestyle was threatened and you couldn't fix it the way you used to.  That included your relationship with me. You would have drank and drugged and fucked yourself into oblivion, but I was there holding you back from your pain management and representing another anchor that was dragging you down."

Justin stopped and looked at Brian.  Brian was staring straight ahead and refusing to look at him.

"My explanation was simpler.  I'm still a total asshole," Brian whispered.

"Is that a cut above or below son of a bitch?" Justin asked trying to lighten the mood.  Brian turned and looked at him then. "I'm right, aren't I?" Justin asked knowing that Brian was denying nothing he had said.

"Probably," Brian admitted.  "But what difference does it make now?"

"I think it makes a lot of difference.  Brian, look at me please." Brian turned to look into those pools of blue.  "I never felt that we finished anything. I kind of drifted away because I knew you wanted me to.  That night at the loft when you wanted me to join the threesome, that was another example of you pushing me off the cliff.  It was a last attempt for you to control what was going on. You knew I wouldn't join you and effectively you shoved me out the door and out of your life.  Then you refused to talk to me or answer my calls."

Brian remained silent and Justin waited for him to say something.  He felt like a huge weight had been lifted off his shoulders. He had wanted to talk to Brian about this, ever since he had figured out what Brian had done.

"I was no good for you then.  Hell, I was no good to anybody, not even myself.  You've made a life for yourself here. What do you think would have happened to you if you had stayed in Pittsburgh with me?"

"I don't know," Justin said softly, "but don't you think it should have been my choice to find out?"

"You were better off without me.  I was no use to anybody. If it hadn't been for the Quoin, I'm not sure I'd be here at all."

"You mean in Chicago?" Justin asked trying to get a chuckle out of Brian, but knowing what the man really meant.

"I think I better go.  This walk down memory lane really drains the strength out of you."  Brian stood up and put his wine glass on the counter. He walked to the door.

Justin sat on the daybed and watched him.  There was more to say, much more, but maybe that was enough for one night.  "Brian, I'm glad you came tonight," he said softly.

"Yeah," Brian said as he turned the knob.

"I'll see you at the Quoin on Monday afternoon."

"Sure."  The door closed behind Brian.

Justin heard the click of the latch.  He wondered if they had made any progress at all.  He hoped so. Monday would tell the tale.

                                                              -----

Justin reached for the door handle of the Quoin.  It was Monday afternoon, his first day in this new role.  He was nervous, but he could do this. At least that's what he kept telling himself.

He walked into the foyer and was happy to see Jake sitting at the reception desk.  He could use a friendly face right about then. He needed all the support he could get.

He had not spoken to Brian since their dinner and he really didn't know what Brian's reaction to their brief discussion of the past might be.  He hoped for the best, but feared the worst.

"Hi, Boss," Jake said with a grin.

"That sounds nice," Justin said grinning back.

"Welcome to the Quoin.  I hope you enjoy your time here."

"Is that the spiel you give the customers?"  Jake grinned and nodded his head. "Is Brian around?"

"He's here but he asked me to show you to your new office."

"Oh," Justin said disappointed that Brian didn't want to do that himself.  "Okay, let's go."

Jake walked down the hall and turned the corner that led to Brian's office.  Justin thought for a moment that he was taking him there. Part way down the hall he stopped and opened a door that Justin had barely registered as being there.  Justin half expected to be shown into a broom closet. To his surprise he found quite a pleasant room with a desk and chair and a wall unit.

"Brian said to tell you he just got the basics.  You can add whatever you want, and if you don't like the furniture, you can change it."

Justin smiled.  Brian seemed to be making an effort to get him settled in.  He wished that Brian was there and then they could talk about decorating the room to make it reflect his own tastes.

"He asked me to give you this," Jake said handing Justin a sheet of paper.  "He said to pick whatever things you think you might want to do and he'll talk to you about them later.  I think he wants to show you around the rest of the Quoin himself."

"Where is he?"

"I think he's in his office, but he said he'd be busy for awhile, so he asked me to get you settled in."

"Thanks, Jake.  I'll read over this list and maybe he'll be free by then."

"I'll let him know you're here if I see him first," Jake said as he walked out and closed the door behind him.

Justin skimmed over the list of possible areas of responsibility at the Quoin.  It began with bookkeeping and mural painting which he had mentioned to Brian himself.  Then it went on to interior design of the suites. That could be interesting. Selecting costumes for the theme rooms was next.  He could probably do that. Selection and testing of sex toys was listed next. Justin did a double take but there it was. Brian knew he would never want to be part of that.  Selection and breaking in of new applicants to work at the Quoin. He was sure that was probably one that Brian would want to keep for himself. Well he was welcome to it. Selection and testing of whips and other paraphernalia for the S and M room was listed.  What the fuck was Brian doing? The last thing on the list really took the cake. Supervisor of kink and experimentation of new methods and practices. He had told Brian not to fuck with him, but this had to be some kind of sick joke. And he wasn't laughing.

The more Justin thought about the list, the more he was sure that Brian was trying to get his goat and drive him out of the Quoin.  If he could make things seem sick enough Justin might back out. He was sure that was what Brian had been thinking when he made up this list.

Justin was fuming as he stood up and walked out of his office.  The door to Brian's office was still closed, but he was not going to let that stop him.  He was going to assert himself right here, right now. He knocked on Brian's door but no one answered.  He tapped again and waited. Nothing happened. He was sure that Jake had said Brian was in his office. He turned the knob and opened the door.

Brian had the dirty blond bent over his desk.  Brian's dick was firmly planted up the man's ass and both of them seemed to be enjoying the experience.  Justin stared at Brian in disbelief. The man knew he was going to be at the Quoin this afternoon and this was his welcome aboard.

Brian looked up and gasped between thrusts, "Want…to…join…us?"

"No thanks.  I see that you decided to do the selection and breaking in of applicants yourself," Justin said with all the sarcasm he could muster.

"It's…the…best…perk…of…the…job," Brian grunted punctuating each word with a thrust into the all too willing ass.

"Fuck off, Brian.  Just fuck off!" Justin said and turned and slammed the door on the oft witnessed scene that had once more been laid out before him.

Tears stung his eyes as he made his way out of the Quoin and grabbed a cab to take him home.