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Pittsburgh – Brian's Loft

Justin wasn't sure how he got there, but he found himself sitting on the couch at the loft.  Brian handed him a bottle of water and he drank most of it without thinking. He had cried all the way there.  He knew that, and he still felt tears on his face.

He had to tell Brian that this couldn't happen, that they weren't going to be together, that he was going back to Dartmouth.  He opened his mouth but nothing would come out.

Brian sat beside him on the couch and waited.  He knew Justin was very upset by what they had done.  He didn't want to frighten him any more, so he bided his time.  He would let Justin make the first move, whatever that might be.

After a few minutes Brian heard Justin sigh.  He had stopped crying. He had opened his mouth a couple of times, like he was ready to say something, but no words came out.

Suddenly he stood up.  "I have to go!" Justin stated, as if they had just had a nice visit and it was time for him to take off.

"I don't think so," Brian said.  "We need to talk."

"There's nothing more to say."

"That's where you're wrong."

"I'm not wrong.  I'm leaving."

"Justin," Brian said, as the boy moved towards the door.  "Please, I need to tell you some things."

The 'please' made Justin stop in his tracks.  "What? What can you possibly say that will make a difference?"

"Sit down and listen," Brian said.  "Then maybe you'll find out."

Justin sighed.  He really wanted Brian to convince him to stay, but the things he would have to do to make that happen were impossible.  Justin knew that. There really was no point.

"Did you set this all up?"  He turned angrily back to Brian.  This was all for nothing, and he was sick of it.  "What did you have to promise them to get them to say all those lies?"

"Lies?" Brian couldn't believe Justin thought everyone was lying to him.  "And which fucking lies are you talking about? The one about being sorry you left, the one about wanting you to come back, the one about standing up for yourself!"

"All of the above."

"You think everyone was lying to you?"

"Weren't they?  Nobody had even a word for me after the Rage party.  Now they all care about me? I don't think so."

"They thought you were with Ethan.  They didn't know you had left him. They didn't know where you were."

"Oh?"  Justin let that sink in.  It was true. He hadn't told anyone what he was going to do.  He had been so alone. "My father gave me a second chance. I have to make good on it."

"We're trying to give you a third chance, Justin.  Or as many chances as you need. You get to decide.  We want you to have real choices, not choices based on desperation."

Justin's shoulders sagged.  "Even if all that's true, what about us?" he asked.

"You tell me," Brian said.  "Is there an 'us'? You get to decide that too."

"I do?"

"Nobody here is going to make you do anything you don't want to.  Please, believe that."

"Then why did they all gang up on me back there?" Justin said with a catch in his voice.

"They weren't ganging up.  They had one chance to tell you what they felt.  You refused to see anybody, so it was ambush you or it wouldn't happen."

"And they really meant what they said?"

"One hundred percent!"

"Oh, Brian," Justin sagged, looking like he was ready to collapse.

Brian was up off the couch in a flash.  He grabbed Justin and pulled him against his chest.  The boy went limp and Brian carried him up the steps to the bedroom.  He laid him gently down on the bed and went into the bathroom. He returned with a facecloth soaked in cool water.  He laid it across Justin's forehead.

"It's all right," Brian whispered.  "Everything's going to be all right."

After a minute or two the room stopped spinning and Justin opened his eyes.  "I…I'm okay," Justin mumbled and tried to get up.

Brian pushed him gently back down.  "Good. Then you can listen to the rest of what I have to say."

"There's more?" Justin groaned, working on major overload.

Brian nodded.  "The most important thing of all!"

"What's that?"

"That I want you here.  I need you here. I thought about telling you that I love you, but that wouldn't be the truth, and I'm not going to lie to you at this point."  Brian saw Justin's face fall at those words. "Let me explain. I can't say I love you because I'm not sure that I know what that is. But I want to find out … with you!  I want us to be together. Maybe you can teach me what love is."

"You mean that?" Justin asked.

"I mean it.  When I pushed you into Ethan's arms at Babylon, I didn't really want you to leave.  I thought you needed to experience the romance that Ethan could give you, but I thought you'd come back to me once you saw romance for what it is."

"A fucking disaster!" Justin said.

"I was wrong to push you like that.  I'll try not to do it again. I meant it about you staying with your mom or Deb.  You don't have to stay here with me if you don't want to. Your life is the most important thing.  I want you to be happy."

"I want to be with you," Justin breathed, and Brian was kissing him.  He melted into Brian's mouth, into his arms, into his body. There was no other place to be.  

All of a sudden Brian felt Justin stiffen and stop kissing him.  "What's wrong?" Brian asked.

"I can't do this, unless we settle one other thing."

"What?" Brian asked, dreading what Justin might ask.

"I can't do the baths and threesomes and foursomes.  I just can't!"

"You don't have to.  I really thought you liked all that as much as I did."

"It was exciting at first, but it's not for me.  I got so I hated it."

"You told me that at Dartmouth.  I won't ask you to do that again," Brian promised.

"You mean it?"  Brian nodded. "But what about tricks?"

"For me or you?" Brian asked tongue in cheek.

Justin swatted him.  "For you, you twat!"

"I can't promise that I'll never trick again, because that is highly unlikely."  Justin made a face at him. "But what if I promise that I'll never bring anyone back here to our bed, and I'll never do it in front of you."

"You'd promise me that?" Justin asked.

"I just did."

"Are you sure you mean it?"

"I always keep my promises."

"That's true.  You do. I'm the one who never keeps their promises."  Justin shook his head.

"I haven't asked you to promise me anything.  We can work out what we want as we go along."

"I love you, Brian Kinney."

"I…I'm glad you do."  Even though he hadn't been able to say it, that was the first time that Brian had actually wanted to say 'I love you'.  Maybe things were looking up after all.

"Are we through talking now?" Justin asked.

"I am if you are."

"Then kiss me."

Brian was only too happy to oblige.  He pressed against Justin, rubbing his crotch over the boy's.  His mouth chewed and sucked on Justin's lips and tongue and face.  He had missed him so much. Justin arched up into Brian's body. He was so starved for intimacy, for touching, for this man that he loved.  He ached to have Brian inside him.

"Fuck me, please, Brian," he gasped.

They both tore off their clothes, kissing in between each garment.  When they were both naked, cocks red and engorged, and bodies gasping for release, Brian kissed Justin once more and whispered, "Are you sure?"

"No, you idiot!  I just took off my clothes to get a tan!"

Brian swatted him playfully.  Justin reached over to the nightstand and grabbed a condom from the bowl.  He ripped it open and extended it to Brian. Brian looked at him and said, "Put it on me.  Put it on my dick."

Justin smiled at those words and did as Brian asked.  Brian grabbed the tube of lube and popped the top. He squirted some on Justin's waiting hole.

"It's cold," Justin said.

"It'll heat up!"

They both chuckled, and Justin felt Brian's finger press into him.  He gasped and then relaxed into the touch. In seconds he was ready.  Brian positioned his cock and gently pressed into him. Justin smiled up at the tenderness Brian was showing.  "It's all right, Brian. You won't break me."

"I know," Brian said.  "You're the strongest person I know."

He gave a thrust with more force and was all the way in.  He felt Justin squeeze him internally and he gasped. "Justin, I need you so much!"

Justin reached up and kissed him, sucking in the essence of Brian, devouring the man he wanted so badly.  He knew he was doing the right thing. This was what he wanted, all he had ever wanted, to be close to Brian, to be one with Brian.

"I love you," Justin repeated.  He thrust his hips up into Brian's groin.  The man moaned in satisfaction and began a forceful in and out rhythm.  He knew neither of them would last too long. His stroke gathered speed and he headed them both for that exquisite moment that had been denied to them for too long.  He reached for Justin's cock and pumped it in rhythm with his thrusts. They both came in intense orgasm, leaving them breathless and spent.

Justin snuggled up against Brian, rubbing his hand over Brian's chest.  Brian kissed Justin's forehead and his nose and his mouth. He was steadily working his way down, when the phone rang.

"Shit!" Brian said, knowing who it was.  "I need to answer that," Brian said to Justin.  He picked up the receiver. "Yeah?" he said. "He's still here.  I'll ask him. Are you staying?" Justin nodded. "Looks like I'm stuck with him."  Justin could hear cheering from the other end of the line. "We'll call you later." Brian hung up.

"Who was that?" Justin asked, pretending he didn't know.

"Some group of locals who seem to want you to hang around.  They were thrilled to hear that you were staying." Brian kissed the top of Justin's head.

Justin grinned.  "I don't know how it all got so screwed up, but I'm glad to be home."

"This is your home.  Don't ever doubt that."

"Do you think I should go back to PIFA?"

"That's your decision, Justin.  You do what's right for you."

"I will from now on.  In fact, this is what's right for me!"  He grabbed Brian's cock, feeling it stiffen under his sudden grasp.  "We have to make up for lost time."

"I'm ready if you are, Sunshine!" Brian declared.