Realization

Pittsburgh – Brian's Loft

 "He's going to be furious!" Justin repeated, shaking his head.

"Who gives a fuck what that homophobic bastard thinks!" Brian replied.  He had less than no use for the man.

"He's my father, Brian.  He did try to help me … in his own way."

"By making you move away from here, be something you aren't, deny who you are?"

"All of the above, but I understand a bit more about why he did it."

"What the fuck is there to understand?"

"He has his beliefs even if they are … harsh."

"Harsh?  He fucking kicked in my ribs or have you forgotten?"

"I haven't forgotten any of it.  But I also know that his taking me to Dartmouth was his way of making up for some of the cruel things he had done to me.  We had a long talk when he drove me there. We reconnected on some level."

"But you were miserable there!"

"That's what I have to tell him.  I can't go back to Dartmouth, but I don't want to lose him from my life again."

Brian shook his head.  He couldn't believe that Justin thought he could make nice with his father.  He knew what Craig's response would be as soon as Justin said he was staying here with Brian.  He could see the older man going ballistic and kicking his son out of his life once again. He didn't want that to happen to Justin.  He wished there was something he could do to prevent it.

Justin waited for Brian to react.  When the older man didn't respond, he finally said, "I think maybe I should move back into Mom's for awhile.  Dad won't be quite so pissed if I'm living there and not here."

"But…I thought you said you were staying here?"

"I am staying here, in Pittsburgh, but I hadn't decided if I would stay at the loft."

"I thought that you meant you were staying with me…here.  I asked you not to leave me." The frown on Brian's forehead was growing deeper by the moment.

Justin felt torn.  He had implied to Brian that he would stay at the loft, and truth be told, he had meant that at the time.  Since his mother's phone call, he had reassessed his position. He wanted the best of both worlds, his father and Brian.

Justin tried to explain and soften this new stance.  "I want to stay here at the loft, and I will down the road, but I think I should take it slow, especially if I want to salvage any kind of relationship with my father."

"Do what you have to do!" Brian said bluntly and turned his back on the young man.  He didn't want Justin to see the tears that were filling his eyes. He thought he had made things right with Justin, but obviously his father was more important to him than he was.

"Brian," Justin said softly, "it won't be for long, just until I can settle some things."

"You think pretending you're not coming back to me will make things right with your father?"  Brian snorted. "I may detest that man, but he's not stupid, Justin."

Justin was hurt by Brian's words.  He wasn't pretending not to be coming back to Brian; he just needed some time to ease his father into that idea.  He didn't know how to make Brian see his point of view. "Let's go back to bed," Justin said softly, hoping that sex would ease the tension between them.

Brian was well aware of why Justin was inviting him back into bed, but sex had always been a major part of his pain management, so he wasn't about to refuse it.  He thought maybe he better take advantage of his time with Justin while he still had the boy there.

Pittsburgh – Jennifer's Condo

Justin used the key he had to his mother's condo to let himself in.  He knew his mother and Molly would both be out. That was good because he didn't want to talk to either of them.  They would have questions and he still hadn't sorted out in his own head exactly what he wanted to do.

He had gone to PIFA this Monday morning to make sure he could re-enroll.  They told him they had a check for his tuition from Brian and all he had to do was set up his schedule of classes.  He had spoken to the dean who remembered him well from his earlier problems. The dean had told him that he really needed to sort out his life and decide what he wanted to do.  He couldn't keep quitting and returning no matter how talented he might be. He had even suggested that Justin get some counseling from a service they had at the institute.

It took all morning to get things straightened out there.  Justin would start his classes the next day. He had called his mother Sunday night and told her that he was moving back into the condo for a while.  Brian was pretty pissed at him for doing that, but he had decided, and he was going to follow through with his plan.

So here he was taking his meager backpack of items up to the little bedroom where he had stayed after his release from the hospital.  That room sure didn't have any good memories for him.

Brian had told him he would drive them up to Hanover on the weekend to get the rest of Justin's clothes and paraphernalia.  That room at Dartmouth didn't have any good memories either, except maybe the night Brian had spent there with him, and then he had sent him away.

Justin unpacked his meager supply of clothes.  He needed to wash some stuff because he had brought so little with him, never dreaming that he would be staying in Pittsburgh.  He wasn't sure how everything had turned out this way, but his heart told him that this was right.

His next task, while the laundry was washing, was to call his father.  He really couldn't put it off any longer. He wondered if his father had already called Andy McPherson, the security guy at the residence at Dartmouth, to find out if Justin was there.  Oh well, he'd never have to see that man again. If he and Brian collected his belongings on the weekend, Andy wouldn't be working. Why was he worrying about Andy McPherson? He knew it was to prevent himself from thinking about talking to his father.  He was just delaying the inevitable.

Justin sighed.  He lay down on the couch.  His mother was at the real estate office.  Molly was at school. He had the house to himself.  This was the ideal time to talk to his father, before he started classes tomorrow.

He reached over and grabbed the phone.  With a heavy heart he dialed his father's number at the office.