Getting On With It  

First Year Residence: Dartmouth

Justin's arms ached for Brian, as soon as the man's footsteps faded down the hallway.  He had done the right thing, he told himself. He had to let Brian go. He was through with his old life, with taking advantage of Brian's generosity, with fooling himself that Brian could ever love him the way he wanted him to.

He sighed and lay down on the bed.  It still smelled of Brian and their fucking.  And it was fucking, not love making. He was sure of that.  Brian didn't love him, didn't love anybody, except maybe Gus.  Justin had given him a chance to say otherwise, but like always, he had refused to say the words that Justin wanted to hear, needed to hear.  He had refused because he didn't love him, never had, never would. It was time to face reality and move on. Dartmouth was his new start and he would make the most of it.

He got up from the bed and went into the bathroom.  He started the shower. He was almost sorry to get in under the water and wash off the last remnants of Brian Kinney.  He would never see the man again. He knew there were a few tears running down his face along with the rivulets of water from the shower.

He headed off to breakfast.  As he left the dorm, the security guard, Andy, said, "Did your 'brother' get away all right?"

"Yes … yes," Justin stumbled.  "He left awhile ago. Didn't you see him?"  Justin wondered why this guy was asking about Brian.  Brian would have had to sign out, so he knew he was gone.

"I saw him.  Tall fellow!"

"Yeah," Justin agreed.  He quickly left the dorm.

He grabbed some breakfast in the cafeteria and went to the library.  He had a business assignment due next week and he thought he better get working on it.  A couple of his classes were business related and he suffered through them. He was sure he could do the assignments and pass these courses.  He just wished he didn't find them so boring. He hoped he would gradually get interested in finance and entrepreneurial pursuits. He almost laughed out loud at that thought.

The English and Psychology courses were okay and the art course wasn't bad, not as challenging as PIFA, but he enjoyed the assignments so far, and could really let his imagination and creativity flow.

He sighed and picked up the assignment sheet.  He better get started, because he knew he would have trouble concentrating on any assignment today, especially a business one.  

On the road to Pittsburgh

Brian drove in a daze.  He wasn't really paying attention to the route, but he was on an Interstate, so how could he go wrong.  How could he go wrong? He snorted and twisted his neck in all directions, trying to relieve some of the tension he felt building there.

He had really fucked up this time.  He had been so sure Justin would leap at the chance to come back home.  The loft was Justin's home, despite what he had said. The place wasn't the same since Justin had lived there and left.  It didn't feel like home to Brian anymore, without the boy being there.

What had happened to Justin?  He seemed so resigned to his life at Dartmouth.  Where had the fight in him gone? Brian knew he had hurt Justin by forcing him to choose Ethan, but he had thought it was the right thing to do once he had found out about them fucking.  Had Justin lost his sense of himself? It seemed like he was willing to allow his father to dictate what he could or could not do, and even what he could or could not be. That was so fucked!

He had to think this through rationally.  He knew no argument would convince Justin to come back and pursue his art career.  He was going to have to use every ounce of creativity that he could draw upon to come up with a plan.  He knew in his gut that Justin would never be happy as a business major, denying the very essence of who he was.  He had to find a way to make Justin realize that.

He had about six more hours of thinking and driving before he got back to Pittsburgh.  He hoped by then he could come up with something.

Dartmouth

Justin returned to the residence around dinner time.  The night guard was on, so he didn't get the third degree that he had gotten in the morning.  He quickly went up to his room.

As he flopped onto the bed there was a knock on the door.  He opened it to see Ric, one of the people he had gone out with the previous night.  Ric was the one who he strongly suspected was gay.

"Hi," Justin said.

"Hi.  Are you going to dinner?"

"I guess," Justin said, not sure he wanted company right now.

"I was going to go over to Emilio's and get a pizza.  Want to share?"

"Sure," Justin decided, not liking the prospects of spending the evening alone with thoughts of Brian and what they had done last night.

The Road Approaching Pittsburgh

Brian was tired.  He was sick of sitting in the car.  He was sick of trying to think of a plan to get Justin back to Pittsburgh.  He was sick of everything. He had made such a mess of it all, and he still had no idea how to fix it.  His head felt like it was ready to explode.

He turned off the Interstate and headed into the suburbs of Pittsburgh.  He needed to talk to Lindsay. She knew Justin about as well as any of them, and she understood the artistic temperament.  Maybe she could give him some idea of what he should do. That was, if she didn't tell him to fuck off because he had created this mess in the first place.

As he pulled up to the home of the munchers, it was already dark, but he thought maybe Gus would still be up.  He needed to have Gus' unconditional love right now. He hoped he could stand the questions and recriminations from Lindsay.  If only she would talk to him without Melanie being present. Fat chance!

Dartmouth

Justin and Ric neared the first year residence.  Justin had enjoyed Ric's company. He had a good sense of humor, and they had laughed a lot over their pizza.  That had been exactly what Justin had needed to take his mind off Brian. They had had a couple of beers and Justin had a mini buzz going.  He felt like he just might survive all of this.

Ric had just finished telling him a joke.  It wasn't all that funny, but he laughed anyway.  Ric put his arm around Justin's shoulder and leaned into him.  Justin stiffened.

"Ric, I don't think this is a good idea right now," he said.

"You're gay, aren't you?  You have to be, after that kiss we witnessed last night."

"That … that was somebody I used to know.  We're through. He left this morning, and I'll probably never see him again."

"Then what's the problem.  If he's gone, what about us?"  He leaned even closer, his mouth ready to claim Justin's.

"Don't!" Justin said.  "I…I can't." He pushed Ric away.

"Okay, okay," Ric said.  "I'm sorry. I won't push.  It's just that I like you … a lot.  I thought maybe you liked me too."

"I do.  I'm just not ready to get involved in anything right now."

"Who said anything about being involved?  I thought we could have a bit of fun together."

"I…I don't know," Justin said wavering a bit.

"How about a kiss and we'll leave it at that for now?  You looked like you were a great kisser, with that other guy."

"I've been told that I'm pretty good," Justin joked.  He kind of liked the idea of kissing Ric. He had luscious looking lips.

Justin stepped closer to Ric, and suddenly he was in a hot embrace, his mouth welded to Ric's.  He felt Ric's mouth open and their tongue's dueled. Ric's hand slid under Justin's jacket and ran over his butt.  Justin pulled back when he felt that. "Just a kiss!" he reminded the young man.

Ric groaned, but loosened his hold on Justin.  "That was some kiss!" he said, still holding Justin around the waist.

"Justin!" a voice bellowed at him.  Justin froze. He jumped back out of Ric's embrace.  He turned his head, already knowing what he would see, the irate face of his father.