Intense!

Pittsburgh – Brian's Loft

Justin looked at the clock.  It was just after ten on Sunday morning.  He had spent most of Saturday and all last night with Brian.  They had fucked again and again, making up for the weeks they had been apart.  His ass was sore and his heart was heavy. He still didn't know what to do. He loved Brian, always would, but the man was still unwilling, or unable, to say the same.  Nothing had really changed. All the factors that had driven him away before were still in place.

Now that he had had time to digest it, he was pleased how everyone had declared at Melanie's that they wanted him to come back.  He had thought he was all alone, but he could have got help if he had thought it through more carefully. He wanted to stay in Pittsburgh.  He loved these people and they seemed to love him. What a difference from his lonely existence at Dartmouth!

So what was the problem?  He couldn't stand the idea of repeating all of the mistakes that had led him to leave Brian in the first place.  He didn't think he was strong enough to survive that again.

He looked over at Brian sleeping beside him.  He was so beautiful and so tender yesterday. Then later he had been an absolute animal in their lovemaking.  It was so primal, like his need for Justin consumed him and he fucked with such abandon and … yes … joy. Justin had been blown away in more ways than one.

But, and there always was a but, Brian was still Brian.  He loved this man in all his complexity, but would that be enough.  Would he come to long for more from Brian, and just like before the man would be unable to give it to him?  It could end up the same way, and he couldn't stand that.

But it could end up differently too.  He and Brian had actually talked early this morning about what love meant.  Brian had been receptive to what Justin had told him. Surely that was a good sign.

Justin sighed.  The clock told him that he had less than two hours to catch his bus back to Dartmouth.  He had to decide soon. Or had he already decided by lying here in bed with this man?

He looked over at Brian and saw two hazel eyes staring back at him.

"I heard that sigh," Brian said.

"How long have you been awake?"

"A while."

"Why didn't you say something?"

"I thought you needed some time to think without my dick up your ass."

"Such restraint!" Justin chuckled.

"I am trying to respect your wishes, Justin.  I'm trying not to push you."

"I know, but what do you want me to do?"

"You know what I want."

"Do I?  Maybe I need to hear you say it."

Brian sighed.  Justin was going to make him lay himself bare again.  He thought he had got that out of the way last night. "I need you to be here.  I want you here. What we talked about last night, that's how I feel."

"You mean the part about us being pathetic?"

"That too, but also the part about being willing to take a chance and try to fix things so that we can be together, because we're no good apart."

Justin realized that Brian was skirting all around the use of the word love.  He was describing the things that Justin had tried to tell him about love, but carefully avoiding using that word.  Did that mean that Brian was somehow telling him that he loved him? He had to know. "Are you trying to tell me that you love me?"

Brian stared into those blue eyes that meant everything to him.  He nodded his head almost imperceptibly. Justin's eyes got big and tears began to form.  That was the first declaration of love he had ever had from Brian Kinney. Of course it was non-verbal.

"Don't cry," Brian begged.  He pulled Justin against his body and smothered his face with kisses, tasting the salt of the tears that had escaped Justin's eyes.

"I can't help it," Justin gasped.  "I love you so much. I want to stay here, but I can't survive another break-up like we had.  I don't know what to do."

"Don't leave me," Brian choked out, and Justin knew what his decision had to be.

-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~

The shower cascaded down over them and Justin leaned back into Brian's thrusts.  He felt so much better because he had made his decision. Once he knew what he was going to do, everything had seemed simpler.

He was going to stay in Pittsburgh.  He would go back to PIFA. He would have friends and family and Brian.  He would be his true self.

"Ahh, ahhh, ahhhh!" Justin gasped shooting his load across the shower.  He slumped against Brian who was still pumping into him. Suddenly he felt Brian's body tense and his cock throbbed inside of him.  Brian groaned from deep in his chest and his orgasm ripped through him. He had had such intense orgasms ever since he brought Justin back to the loft.  How had he ever let the young man walk out on him? He never felt anything like this with anybody else.

Justin felt Brian slip out of him and he turned to lean against his lover, steadying each other.  "Nobody makes me feel the things you do," Justin whispered against Brian's throat.

"Me either."

"You mean that."

"I always say what I mean."

"Except about one thing," Justin felt compelled to add.

"I…I told you why I can't … not yet."

"I know.  I can wait."

"You think I'll get there some day?"

"You fucking better!" Justin told him in no uncertain terms.

Brian took his hand and led him out of the shower. He handed him a towel and they each dried off with a little kissing filling in the gaps.  When they were dry they went back into the bedroom and donned some sweats. Brian said he would make them scrambled eggs.

"You're going to cook?" Justin asked eyes wide.

"I'll do anything for my baby," Brian said in a husky voice.

Justin beamed his sunshine smile.  "I'm hard again," he confessed somewhat sheepishly.  Brian's words had gone straight to his cock.

Brian grinned at him.  "If you want to wait a few minutes I could have a little protein before I start on the eggs."

Justin nodded.  Brian pushed him against the wall and dropped to his knees.  He slid Justin's sweatpants down his legs and looked at his purple engorged cock.  He smiled up at this man who had come to mean so much to him. He grasped the pulsing organ and fed it into his waiting mouth.

Justin sucked in a breath.  Brian's mouth was so warm and soft.  Nobody gave blowjobs like he did. He felt Brian's tongue probe the slit of his cock and his knees went weak.  He pressed his hands against the wall to keep himself upright. He closed his eyes to stop the room from spinning.  Brian's lips circled under the cap and sucked hard. He gasped and panted for air.

Brian looked up and saw that Justin was barely able to stand.  He smiled to himself as he released the cock from his mouth and licked up and down the sides.  He blew over the saliva covered rod and felt Justin shudder.

Justin felt his insides turn a somersault.  He wasn't sure he could keep standing. His legs felt like jelly.  His heart pounded in his chest. His head spun in erratic circles. And Brian had barely started.  He opened his mouth to ask Brian to hurry, but nothing came out. He was sure he wanted to say something but he couldn't put a coherent thought together.

Brian watched Justin's mouth work to no avail.  He slid his mouth over the tip of Justin's cock and sucked it down his throat.  He knew the boy couldn't take too much more. He seemed to be on sensory overload, maybe the result of his weeks of deprivation at Dartmouth.  He buried his face in the golden hair below Justin's stomach and smelled the lemon soap they had used in the shower. He drew his lips up and down the rock hard shaft and felt Justin buck.  He increased his speed, his fingers finding Justin's balls and rolling them gently around.

Justin felt Brian's pace quicken and knew it would be over soon.  He felt his balls draw up and the jolts of electricity swept through his system.  He gave a strangled cry and exploded into Brian's mouth. He felt Brian suck him off as his cum spurted again and again.  Suddenly the wall was no longer supporting him and he felt himself pitch forward.

Strong arms caught him and he was clasped safely to Brian's chest.  Gradually he felt the world return to a reality with which he was vaguely familiar.  He was on his knees in Brian's arms, his head on Brian's shoulder. He could hear some gibberish near his ear.  He opened one eye and saw Brian's hair. He realized that Brian was whispering words to him. He made himself focus on them.

"My sweet boy, my baby, my good little man!" Brian crooned.

He smiled.  Brian was telling him he loved him, in his own weird way.  He felt sure of that. He shifted his weight and looked at Brian's face.  He saw such tenderness and yes, love, written in his eyes and in the gentle smile on his face.

"Was that good?" Brian asked with just the hint of a smirk.

"Intense!"

"Pretty good from my end too."

"I love you!" Justin told him.

Brian's smile was so serene. He wished he could put that look on his lover's face all the time.  He vowed that he would try.

Justin felt Brian slide his sweatpants back up his legs and over his hips.  He felt the man kiss his dick and slip it inside his pants. Nobody would ever believe this gentle side of Brian.  It was one of the main reasons he loved him so much.

"Ready for eggs?" Brian asked.

"Starving!"  

Pittsburgh – Jennifer's Condo  

"Hello?" Jennifer answered her phone.

"Jennifer, it's Craig."

"Oh?"

"Have you heard from Justin lately?  His cell phone seems to be shut off. I can't reach him."

"Why are you trying to get in touch with him?" she asked.

"Just wanted to check in with him.  See how his week went."

"No, I haven't talked to him for awhile," she replied, not exactly lying.  She hadn't talked to Justin since Saturday morning. "Maybe he shut off his phone and has forgotten to turn it back on."

"That's probably it. I'll try him again later.  If he should call you, tell him I want to speak with him."

"Sure."

 Pittsburgh – Brian's Loft

Brian dished up the scrambled eggs while Justin buttered toast for himself and set dry toast on Brian's plate.  They sat at the counter to eat.

"These are actually good," Justin said with his mouth full.

"You sound surprised."

"I don't think you have ever cooked anything before."

"Of course I have, just not for you."

"What have you cooked?" Justin challenged.

"Lots of things when I was at university."

"Really? How come you never cook anymore?"

"I can afford not to.  Someone else can do a better job and all I have to do is give them a few bucks to enjoy their hard work."

"That makes some kind of weird sense, I guess."

"It makes lots of sense."

The phone rang.  Brian reached for the cordless sitting on the counter.  "Yeah?" he answered.

"Brian?"

"Jennifer. Do you want Justin?"

"Please."

Brian handed the phone to Justin who had just shoveled in his last bite of eggs.  He quickly swallowed it and said, "Hi, Mom."

"Hi, honey.  Have you made any decisions yet?"

"Yes, I have.  Why? I was going to call you later."

"I just had a call from your father.  He tried your cell and couldn't reach you.  He wondered if I had been talking to you."

"What did you tell him?"

"That I hadn't talked to you for a while which is kind of the truth."

"Thanks, Mom.  I'm not quite ready to talk to him yet."

"You're going to have to do it soon."

"I know.  I just have to figure out what I'm going to say."

"The truth is always good.  Remember that. Are you going to tell me what you have decided?"

"I think you already know."

"You're staying?"

"Yes."

"At Brian's?"

"I'm not sure.  We still have to work that out.  But I am staying in Pittsburgh."

"I'm glad, honey.  I think you'll be happier here, and I'll be able to see more of you."

"Thanks, Mom.  I'll let you know when everything is worked out."  He clicked off and turned to look at Brian. "We need to talk.  My father's trying to get in touch with me and I need to know what I'm doing, where I'm going to be, so that I can deal with him.  He's going to be furious."