Aftermath

Chapter 1

“Brian, it’s time,” Ted said gently for the second time in as many days. The solemn accountant laid a hand on Brian’s shoulder, somehow breaking through the wall that Brian had resurrected. The first time Ted said the words was at the concert hall when the rescue squad arrived. Brian’s head was still resting in his mother’s lap. It was now time to leave the funeral home to take his mother to the church where Father Tom would say the mass for the dead. Then Joan would be laid to rest next to her husband.

Brian was reluctant to leave. “I’m staying,” he growled.

“Bri, do you really want to watch them close the coffin?” Ted asked as carefully as he could. He knew all too well that tone in Brian’s voice. It was the one that said ‘Fuck with me and I’ll break you in two.’

“Yes.”

“All right, we’ll be just outside the door,” Ted assured him then turned to go.

“Ted,” Brian began, taking a breath before Ted left. “Thank you. I’ll be right out,” Brian said, a little calmer and back in control. The funeral director and assistant had come into the room to perform their last duties and prepare Joan’s coffin for the trip to the church. Brian’s suspicious nature would not let the procedure go unobserved, but most of all he wanted one last private moment with his mother.

“What’s he doing in there?!” Brian could hear his sister wail through the thick doors. He rolled his eyes; some things would never change, including Claire’s dramatics. Even Emmett, the queen of all things dramatic, was remaining sedate as he and his boys paid their last respects.

Brian could hear Justin trying to explain and calm Claire, but she was having no part of it. It was taking both Debbie and Jennifer and their no nonsense ways to keep Claire under control.

When the director was done and the pallbearers were in place, Brian slipped out of the room to rejoin his family.

“Are you all right?” Justin whispered as Brian took his hand to lead him to the parking lot.

“Yeah,” Brian murmured, his eyes searching the lot.

“She’s with my mother and Seth. Gus is with her too,” Justin assured his spouse.

“Thank you,” Brian said with relief. Claire was too distraught to make any of the arrangements so it was up to Brian to handle everything including shouldering the expense. But that also meant everything else including explaining things to Bree was left to Justin. Brian was feeling a bit guilty about that.

“No need to thank me, that’s what husbands are for,” Justin said half teasing, trying to lighten Brian’s mood.

Brian looked down at Justin, then pressed his lips to the side of Justin’s head. “I love you,” Brian whispered, his heart a little bit lighter.

“I know,” Justin replied with a touch of smugness.

They got into Brian’s Jeep Wrangler then maneuvered behind the limo that was taking Claire and her family to the church. Brian could have arranged for another limo for himself, Justin, Gus and Bree but he decided he was more comfortable in his Jeep. He realized that at one point in his life the Jeep represented the ‘faggot’ in him, and it would have been the last ‘fuck you’ if he and his mother had not reconciled. But now the Jeep, along with his Corvette, just represented Brian.

“Brian, I can drive, if you want,” Justin offered. Brian just shook his head. This was something he needed to do. When all the cars were in line, they made the slow procession to the church.

*****

“Who knew old Joanie had this many friends,” Debbie whispered to Carl as they entered the church which was rapidly filling up with members of the family and the community.

Huddled together in one section were patrons of Danny’s bookstore and other members of The Village restoration. They had all gotten to know Joanie as a friendly, outgoing and helpful member of their little tight knit part of Pittsburgh. Many of Hunter’s kids were there; several of whom Joan had helped further their education.

“Why are we here?” grumbled Craig.

“Because Joan was your granddaughter’s grandmother,” Susan growled back at him. She gave her stubborn husband a glare worthy of Brian Kinney. Craig sat back in his pew, deciding he better behave himself for the rest of the ceremony.

Riley, a few pews up from Craig and Susan gently picked up his partner’s hand. “Danny,” he said gently. Danny continued to stare at the front of the church like he was seeking some invisible answer. “Danny,” Riley repeated.

“Um, yes, what?” Danny asked finally turning to his partner.

Riley noticed the shadow over Danny’s usually mischievous eyes. “She’s in a better place,” he told Danny.

“Better place? Fuck it! I want her here with us. I loved that old woman,” Danny declared. “The store won’t be the same without her.”

“We’ll all miss her.”

“Not as much as me.”

Riley knew that was probably true. Danny and Joan had become fast friends. Instead of protesting that things would be all right, Riley decided the best thing he could do for his partner was to hold on tightly to the hand he held. That’s exactly what he did, giving the hand a gentle squeeze of support.

Claire and Steve McNally walked into the church. As they made their way to a seat near the front, Claire noted the good turnout. She thought Joan would have been pleased. They sat down in a pew, Claire letting out a soft sigh. Steve took her hand.

“I know,” he said.

“She wasn’t much older than me,” Claire replied.

“Yeah, it kind of brings it home that we’re all heading to the same place.”

“I … hated her for quite a long time.”

“I can’t imagine you hating anyone,” Steve told her truthfully.

“I was young, and I loved Jack, and he chose her over me. He left me alone and pregnant. It was a lot to deal with.” Claire wiped a tear from her eye, more for herself than for Joan.

“But that was a long time ago.”

“Yes, a long time. I guess I came to terms with it somewhere along the line, but it was hard.”

“No one would ever know that when they met you.”

“I’m good at covering things up?” Claire asked, almost surprised by the statement.

“When you want to,” Steve said with a gentle smile. “But thank God you don’t want to … not anymore.”

“No, not anymore,” Claire said with a little smile of her own. “I grew to like Joan.”

“I know, and that’s a good thing.”

“Yes it is. I’ll miss her.”

“We all will,” Steve said patting Claire’s hand.

John, Bobby and Patrick slid into the pew next to Claire and Steve. Claire smiled at her son. He was the best thing that had ever happened to her. Her one regret was that Jack had never known his son. Joan had got to know John, and they had become quite close over the years. Claire was pleased that the relationship had been friendly and warm. John would have good memories of Joan.

“How is Brian doing?” Claire asked her son.

John shook his head. “He’s not ready to talk to anybody,” he said softly. “He only wants to be with Justin.”

“He’s not shutting you out,” Claire replied, sorry to see her son sad, and Brian must be hurting so much.

“He is shutting me out,” John said. “But I understand. I would probably do the same if this was your…” He couldn’t finish the statement.

Claire decided to finish it for him. “My funeral,” she stated. “I hope when that time comes, and it will, that you won’t shut Brian out. You two have always been there for each other … once you found your way to your brother.”

“You mean once Brian found me.”

“Yes, that’s what I meant. How is Bree taking this?”

“She’s with Seth and Jennifer while Brian dealt with all the details for the funeral. I’m not sure how much she really understands. Justin tried to explain it to her, but he said she just wanted her Gamma Joan.”

Claire looked over at Patrick. “How are you doing, Patrick?” Claire asked.

Patrick shrugged. “I don’t know why people have to die,” he said sadly.

“It’s the circle of life,” Claire replied, hoping that might clarify things for her grandson.

“Like from The Lion King?” Patrick asked with a furrowed brow. It was one of his favorite movies. He remembered that the baby lion had taken his place as the king.

“It is like that,” Bobby told his son. “Life goes on no matter how much we miss those who have passed.”

Patrick looked at the floor. He knew his dad and his grandmother were right, but he also knew how sad Bree was. He wanted to fix it for her, but there was nothing he could do. He was sad too. He liked Gramma Joan. He didn’t like funerals at all.

Michael and Ben entered the church and walked down the aisle to sit with Debbie and Carl.

“Hi, Maw,” Michael said.

“It’s a sad day,” Debbie responded.

“She was old,” Michael noted. Debbie gave him a not so gentle smack to the cheek. “Ow!” Michael reacted rubbing his face. “What was that for?”

“I’m old too, in case you haven’t noticed. Joan was only a little older than me. Is that what you’re going to say at my funeral? She was old!”

“No, Ma, I didn’t mean it like that.” Michael tried to correct his seemingly harsh statement.

“I think Michael meant that Joan had lived a good long life,” Ben supplied. He hoped that would help his husband get out of the hole he had dug for himself.

“Yeah, that’s what I meant.”

Debbie looked at her son. “I hope so,” she muttered.

Carl decided to step in. “It’s going to be difficult for Brian,” he observed. “Have you talked to him?” he asked Michael.

“I tried, but Justin was taking all the calls. He said Brian didn’t want to talk to anyone, but I know he would have talked to me if Justin would have given him the phone,” Michael complained.

“I’m sure Justin was following Brian’s wishes,” Ben stated.

“Maybe,” Michael conceded. “Is my honeybun here?” he asked looking around the church. He spotted JR sitting with Lindsay and Candy. He waved much to the dismay of his husband. “What?” he demanded when Ben gave him a gentle elbow to the ribs.

“This is a funeral, not a sporting event,” Ben admonished.

Michael giggled. “Brian used to think things like this were stupider than sporting events,” he commented.

Debbie shook her head. “But Brian grew up,” she stated.

Michael looked somewhat bewildered at Debbie’s comment, while Ben merely shook his head.

“I guess a lot of people will miss Joan,” Michael noted as he took in the church quickly filling with people.

“Joan made a lot of friends since she and Brian reconciled,” Debbie said.

“Yeah, I guess she did,” Michael agreed, although he still remembered all the bad things Brian used to say about his mother … and even more about old Jack.

Suddenly there was a hush as some new people entered the church through a side door. Loud sobs preceded the appearance of Claire who was supported on each side by one of her sons. Peter and John looked rather embarrassed by the actions of their mother as they tried to hustle her over to the front pew where they would sit. Claire’s husband followed behind looking baffled by the church full of people. His wifew was carrying on like she and her mother had been so close. He knew that wasn’t really the case.

After more wailing, the boys finally got Claire seated and sat down beside her. Everyone waited for Brian Kinney to appear.

A couple of moments later Brian and Justin came through the same door that Claire had used. Brian looked pale and tired, but there certainly wasn’t any wailing on his part. He was as handsome and well dressed as ever, but those that knew him well knew how he was suffering. Justin held Brian’s arm and only had eyes for his husband. He looked very concerned. He and Brian sat down on the same pew as Claire and her family but as far away from them as they could.

Bree and Gus were in the pew behind, and Bree reached for her father. Brian lifted her and her grey bunny over the pew and she cuddled against Brian’s chest. He held her and the bunny tightly while leaning against Justin.

Gus squeezed his father’s shoulder and Brian gave his son a sad smile in return.

“I’m here, Pop,” Gus whispered.

“Thanks,” Brian replied. “I’m going to need you.” Gus nodded in understanding.

“Dada, can we go home?” a teary eyed Bree asked.

“No, Squirt, we have to do this for Grandma Joan.”

“I want her to be here with us,” Bree stated.

“She’s in heaven now,” Justin whispered to their daughter. “But she’ll always be in our hearts and memories.”

“I don’t want memories,” Bree replied. “I want her.”

“We all do,” Brian whispered into Bree’s hair.

Bree looked up into her father’s face as a tear ran down each of their cheeks. Brian squeezed his daughter tighter.

Father Tom stepped up to the pulpit from where he would conduct the funeral. All eyes turned from Brian to the priest. All eyes except Justin’s whose eyes were full of worry. He prayed Brian would be able to get through the rest of the day.

“Let us pray...”

Brian tuned out the ceremony of his youth and focused solely on the little girl in his arms, the silent strength from the man sitting next to him and the quiet concern and determination from the young man sitting just behind him. Brian felt surrounded by the love of his family, something he never thought he’d ever have in his wildest dream, but it was a reality. He was painfully aware that many of his family were expecting Brian to go off on a bender or revert back to the behavior of his checkered past.

At some point Father Tom called for members of the congregation to come up and share a few of their Joan memories. Danny came up and shared many stories of how he and Joan formed their special partnership at his store. The former drag queen entertainer and the very Catholic matron made a very unique combination. A slightly more masculine version of Divina Devore made his appearance as he spoke of Joan’s level-headedness and how she brought out the best in the kids that would come into the store looking for books to help further their education. And how the lending library with the local colleges came about. Danny choked, unsuccessfully holding back his tears as he described a determined woman who attacked new technology so that she could keep up with her grandchildren and with those she ‘adopted.’

“I will miss that old woman, I really will,” Danny said finally just before he left the podium.

One by one, members of the family came up to share their Joan stories. John stood to share his own, slowly walking up the aisle then turning to face the crowd.

“My name is John Anderson and I’m Brian’s older brother. The good looking brother just in case you hadn’t noticed,” John added, successfully lightening up the morose mood of those gathered in the church. Brian looked up and smiled at John. A few people nervously giggled. John and Brian’s resemblance was still striking. John had a certain ruggedness to his looks while Brian had that polished way about him. Both remained stunning. The congregation gave John their full attention.

“I first met Joan right here in this church. I had been asked to give an estimate on the roof. It seems that God’s house had sprung a leak and Father Tom wanted my opinion. The good news was he didn’t need a new roof, just a few repairs. The better news was that Joan agreed to come to Bree’s christening. A lot happened on that day, not only was Bree christened but the rift between Joan, her son and our family began to close. It didn’t happen overnight nor was it an easy fix. But as a builder I know when you have the right materials, the blueprints, the right tools, and lots of determination, you’ll get the job done.

“Joan became an important part of our family, bridging a gap across more than just generations. Her presence will be missed but she leaves grandchildren that have wonderful memories of a grandmother that loved them without reservation, and a son who finally had the mother he always wanted and deserved.” John and Brian exchanged knowing looks.

While John slowly walked back to his pew, Brian stood, passing Bree and her grey bunny to her daddy. Brian met John in the aisle and the brothers hugged long and hard.

“Go on,” John whispered into Brian’s ear. “Say what you need to say. And in your own way; you are the word man,” John reassured his brother.

“Yeah, this coming from the rock man,” Brian quipped. John patted Brian’s back, relieved to see some of the old Brian Kinney back. John released Brian so that he could go up and say a few words.

Brian stood in front of the church near his mother’s casket which was draped in a blanket of white roses. He placed his hand on the casket, gently fingering a flower petal. Claire began to wail again; Brian waited until she had calmed.

“This is the last place I’d ever imagined being. Being here in a church, at old Joanie’s funeral. It’s amazing the damn place hasn’t crumbled down around my ears,” Brian said as he looked up at the richly decorated ceiling. Those who knew of the tumultuous relationship Joan and Brian had shared and Brian’s notorious past nodded their heads knowingly. Debbie couldn’t help letting out a short cackle. Jennifer laughed but then quickly got herself under control. Justin giggled; Brian Kinney, ex-stud of Liberty Avenue, who in Joan’s former eyes was as bad as the devil himself, was now eulogizing her in her own church.

“My brother, rock man, calls me the word man. I guess I am, it’s how I make a living, using words to make ordinary people spend their hard earned money to buy what I’m selling. But I never bought into this,” Brian said with a sweep of his arm. “Like many of us, we were taught that God loves us, loves all his people, unless of course, you’re like me. A fag. I was taught that God drew the line at loving fags. And then a miracle happened, a tiny blond baby girl miracle happened and I began to believe that maybe God did love me in his own way. I’m sure if old Joanie could hear me now she’d have some choice words for me but she’d have to agree that sometimes miracles do happen.”

Brian looked around at the faces of his family and the people who came to honor Joan’s memory.

“Brian fucking Kinney is standing here in a church, saying the prayers that he thought he had long forgotten for a woman that for most of his life he wished he could forget.”

Brian bent down to reverently kiss his mother’s casket. “Thank you God for making miracles,” Brian said out loud looking back up to the ceiling then gazing lovingly at the casket. “I love you, Mom. I’ll miss you.” Brian kissed the casket for the last time then proudly sauntered back to his family.

“I’m proud of you,” Justin whispered as he kissed Brian when Brian retook his seat. “I love you.”

“I know,” Brian replied smugly. They all turned to give their attention back to Father Tom.

Father Tom walked down from the altar to address the congregants. “I’ve know Joan for many years as her spiritual advisor and as her friend. I was fortunate to bear witness to her transformation from a bitter lonely woman to a loving mother, grandmother and friend as evidenced by all of you here today. She would have been so touched by this outpouring of friends and family. And probably never would have believed it!” Father Tom said with a sly smile.

Brian laughed as he nodded at the priest.

“We celebrate the life of Joan Kinney even as we mourn her death. Let us pray.”

Father Tom made a sweeping motion with his hands. The congregation all stood as the priest led the closing prayers.

*****

The funeral procession slowly made its way past Joan’s house, the last leg in the journey to her final rest. The limo carrying Claire and her family was following closely behind the hearse. Brian’s distinctive Jeep was behind the limo. Gus and Bree decided to take the ride with their dads. Bree was a little calmer with her daddies and with her Gus. John, Bobby, Patrick with Claire and Steve were right behind Brian. The rest of the family followed. It seemed like all of Pittsburgh was following.

When they finally reached the cemetery, Brian, Gus, Justin and John took their places next to the pall bearers, slowly walking beside the casket to the prepared grave. Father Tom followed quietly saying prayers. Claire began to sob softly in the background.

As the casket descended, Father Tom said the final prayers.

“God our Father,

we thank you that you have made each of us

in your own image,

and given us gifts and talents with which to serve you.

We thank you for Joan ,

the years we shared with her,

the good we saw in her,

the love we received from her.

Now give us strength and courage

to leave her in your care,

confident in your promise of eternal life

through Jesus Christ our Lord.

Amen.”

Everyone was given a white rose from the blanket that had been draped on the coffin. One by one friends and family dropped a rose in the grave, saying goodbye to Joan as they paid their last respects.

When the crowd was finally gone and all that was left was Brian and Justin, Brian reached into his pocket to pull out a small silver flask. He unscrewed the cap and took a swig of Joan’s favorite sherry. He reached back to offer some to Justin. Justin took a small sip then returned the flask to Brian.

“To you, Mom,” Brian said as he raised the flask in a toast. He then poured a few drops into the grave then finished off the flask as he dropped his own flower into the grave.

“Brian, it’s time,” Justin said gently then led his spouse away.