Aftermath

Chapter 2

“Brian, we need to go back to the house,” Justin said softly.

“Fuck the house!” Brian stared into the grave looking at all the flowers that had been dropped there by Joan’s friends and family.

“Brian, everyone will be waiting.”

“Fuck everyone!”

Justin decided to try another tack. “The men need to fill in the grave.”

Brian made some kind of strangled sound, barely audible. Justin realized that was not the right thing to say. He tried again. “Bree will be waiting for you wondering what’s happened.

Brian blinked hard. “Bree…”

“Yes, she needs you right now.”

“Yeah … I need her too. Did she go with Jennifer and Seth?”

“Yes, she and Gus.”

“Gus will look after her.”

“I know, but she wants you too.”

Brian shook his head. “Why is this so fucking hard? I … I miss her already.”

“You got to spend a lot of time with her these last years,” Justin said gently. “You were both happy about that.”

“It doesn’t make up for all the time we wasted.”

“But it’s better than never having reconciled at all.”

Brian looked deep into the blue eyes full of concern. He drew in a deep breath. “Let’s go,” he said after a minute.

With that, they made their way to the Jeep. Brian took the familiar streets leading to Joanie’s house. It was like being on autopilot. He didn’t have to think and that was a good thing.

When Brian entered his old home, a hush settled immediately, except for Claire sniffling in the background. Bree ran up to her father and threw herself into Brian’s arms.

“Dada, I thought you weren’t coming,” she whispered.

“I’m here, Squirt.” Bree’s hug squeezed him tight.

“You okay, Pop?” Gus asked with a worried look on his face.

“I will be,” Brian said not really believing his words. “Do you want to take Bree back to Jennifer and Seth’s? I think she’s had enough of this.” Brian glanced at Justin who nodded.

“Sure, Pop. I’ll go find them and make sure it’s okay.”

“It will be,” Justin said. “Sweetheart,” he said to Bree, “Gus is going to take you to Grandma Jenn’s and spend some time with you. Okay?”

“Nooo,” Bree said shaking her head. “Dada?” She clung even tighter to Brian.

“It’s for the best. Gus will play with you,” Brian said through the haze that this whole day had become.

“Come on, short stuff,” Gus said taking Bree from Brian. “Grandma Jenn is ready to go.”

“Love you, Dada,” Bree said reaching to kiss her older father. She did the same with Justin.

After more kisses and reassurances Jennifer, Seth, Gus and Bree left. Brian looked across the house packed with people. Claire stood next to Father Tom sniffling and weeping as she told him some irrelevant thing about her life and how much she loved her mother. Bullshit! It was all bullshit, Brian thought to himself.

“Brian, come sit down,” Justin said tugging on Brian’s arm.

Brian allowed himself to be directed over to the sofa where he and Justin sat down, people having given up their seats for the grieving son and his spouse. Brian realized this was where he had sat when Jack had died. That day he had been clutching Jack’s bowling bag which contained his father’s bowling ball. Brian looked over at Claire still moaning to the priest. She stood by the table of food that had been lovingly prepared by Debbie and Emmett and neighbors and friends. He remembered that Claire had asked for remembrances of her father, and how little good anyone had had to say about dear old Jack.

That was the moment he decided that he must do something to make this different from the unpleasant events at his father’s funeral. He cleared his throat and stood up. Justin looked up at him worry in his eyes.

“May I have your attention for a moment?” Brian said in a loud clear voice. He wanted his mother to be proud of him. The house quieted as eyes turned toward the tall handsome man.

“I want to thank you all for attending my mother’s funeral. Joan would be pleased with the turnout.” Some people chuckled. “For many years mom and I…” Brian hesitated. He had used the term “Mom” deliberately, but he found it hard to continue. “Mom and I were not on very good terms,” he finally managed to proceed. He glanced at Claire whose pinched face and wet eyes did nothing to bolster Brian’s confidence. “But since the birth of Justin’s and my daughter, Briana, Mom and I have found … a kind of … grace. We put our differences aside because we loved that little girl. We have had many happy years together since then. I will miss Joan very much.” Brian sat down.

The hush remained for a moment. A few people wiped their eyes as they thought about the journey that Joan and Brian had been through.

“I … I’d like to say something too,” Claire said. She didn’t want to be left out. This was her mother too.

“Fuck,” Brian muttered. He couldn’t imagine what she would say. “Why can’t she leave well enough alone?” Justin squeezed Brian’s arm in support.

“I loved my mother very much,” Claire was saying. “We didn’t see as much of each other recently as I would have liked.” She looked pointedly at Brian. “She has two fine grandsons, my boys, Peter and John,” Claire continued.

Brian felt his blood pressure escalate. “Joan has three grandsons. My son Gus should be included in that number,” Brian felt compelled to remind her. He wasn’t going to have his son slighted just because Gus was doing his duty as a good son and wasn’t there to speak for himself. “Gus and Joan were very close.”

“Of course,” Claire conceded with another sob, “but Gus couldn’t miss Joan any more than my sons and I do.” She looked defiantly at her brother daring him to contradict her.

Brian was about to do so. Sometimes his fucking sister was such a cunt.

Before he could open his mouth, Justin whispered, “Don’t Brian. Don’t stoop to her level.”

Brian really wanted to stoop to whatever level was required to make his sister eat her words, but he knew that would do nothing but ruin Joan’s final farewell, and he sincerely did not want to do that. He bit his tongue and said nothing.

Claire looked at the assembled group triumphantly and said, “At my father’s funeral in this same house, I asked people to express some memories of him. I’d like to do the same this time … for my mother.” She looked at her sons, silently asking them to say something about Joan. They both shook their heads.

Brian wondered if they simply didn’t want to speak in front of the large group or if they truly had nothing good to say about their grandmother. Whichever it was, it was a disgrace to Joan’s memory. “If I had Jack’s bowling ball, I’d brain them both with it,” Brian muttered.

Justin shook his head. He hadn’t been at Jack’s funeral, but he had heard enough about it to make the connection of the bowling ball which Brian had used to terrorize Claire’s boys, saying he had Jack’s head in the bag containing the ball.

Once again Brian’s friends came to the rescue. Lindsay spoke up. “I got to know Joan very well over the last few years. She was a wonderful mother and a loving grandmother to my son Gus and to Briana. Joan loved her grandchildren so very much … all of them. Lindsay felt that needed to be said. “She was a good woman and a kind soul.” This was quite different from Lindsay’s words at Jack’s funeral. “He gave me a mint,” she had said back then. How pitiful it had been that that was the only good thing she could think to say about the man. Now her kind words resonated through the house.

Claire wailed loudly.

“I spoke at Jack’s funeral too,” Michael said. “I didn’t know Joan as well as many of the rest of you might, but we could share a joke and a story. I thought she was a fine old broad.”

Everyone laughed and Claire wailed some more.

Brian looked at his friend. Michael looked tired; a funeral did take its toll on everyone. He nodded his approval of Michael’s words.

It was Emmett’s turn to stand up and clear his throat to get everyone’s attention. Brian wondered what on earth his longtime friend would say. Emmett was always unpredictable.

Emmett studied his audience for a moment. “I don’t know why we’re doing this after all the heartfelt and wonderful things that were said about Joan at the church. I’d like to conclude this with my own brief story of something Joan did recently.”

Brian frowned as he studied Emmett’s face. Emmett merely gave him a toothy grin.

“It’s okay, Brian. I won’t embarrass you,” Emmett said.

“You! Embarrass me?” Brian asked. “Like that would ever happen.”

There were lots of chuckles at the verbal sparring of the two men. Emmett stuck his tongue out quickly at Brian earning some more laughs. Brian merely smiled and shook his head.

“If I may continue,” Emmett said, “after being so fondly interrupted.” Brian had to smile at that statement. “A few weeks ago Drew and I adopted our son Richie. Right after it became official I received a box in the mail. It contained a picture of Drew, Richie and me in an elegant silver frame. It had been taken at our celebration party for Richie’s adoption. Joan had not attended that party. I suspect she wasn’t feeling all that well even back then, because she loved all our family gatherings and was usually there for all of us.”

Brian nodded as he felt tears well up at the memory of that last big gathering without Joan.

“With the picture was a note, “Emmett continued. “It said that she wanted to congratulate Drew, Richie and I on having made a family together. She said she had got the picture from Brian and had had the frame specially engraved. On the frame it said, Family is everything. I know that’s exactly how Joan felt. Her family was so important to her.” Emmett looked at Claire who had finally stopped crying while she listened to Emmett’s story. Emmett knew he had accomplished at least part of what he wanted to do. “If you have a glass, please raise it in a toast to ‘a fine old broad’ as Michael so eloquently stated.”

To a chorus of “Hear, hear!” and “To Joan”, they all sipped their drinks.

Brian let out a soft sigh and stood. He walked over to Emmett and gave him a big hug.

People started to file out of the house knowing nothing more need be said.

“Bri, will you be okay?” Michael asked before he and Ben left for home. Michael wasn’t ready to move back to Pittsburgh, not just yet. He had grown used to the quiet of the lane but they had decided to spend a few days here, air out the house and check on the store. They’d go back to the lane within the week.

“Yeah, Mikey, I will be,” Brian said with a big sigh as he pulled the smaller man closer to kiss his head. “Don’t worry, I won’t be showing up in your bedroom, drunk or otherwise, anytime soon,” Brian reassured his old friend with a chuckle.

“That’s good, cause I’m not sure how Ben would like it,” Michael replied with a small smile.

“I’d allow it for one night then I’d throw your skinny ass out, Kinney,” Ben growled then winked at his spouse and friend.

“Thanks professor, I’ll keep that in mind,” Brian said as he released Michael then accepted a hug from the big muscle man.

“Come on, babe, time to go home. It’s been a long day,” Ben said as he got their jackets. “Good night, Brian. Please let me know if there’s anything I can help you with,” Ben said as he squeezed Brian’s shoulder. Brian nodded as he watched his friends leave Joan’s house.

“What are you going to do with this house?” John asked. He, Bobby and Claire’s family were the only ones left in the house, plus Father Tom who appeared to be one of the few who could get Claire calmed enough to listen to reason.

“I’m not sure,” Brian answered. “I did convince Joan to draw up a will. Considering the mess Jack left when he died, it didn’t take too much convincing. Joan didn’t leave much. Whatever cash she had and insurance policies will be split up between the grandkids. She was very specific about that. She does give Claire first refusal on the house,” Brian explained being familiar with the terms of Joan’s will.

“I don’t want it!” Claire shrieked then began to cry again.

“You don’t have to make any decisions right now,” Brian said more to Claire’s husband, Andrew, than to Claire. Brian had had enough of Claire’s histrionics. Andrew was Claire’s second husband, a quiet gentle man who appeared to have the patience of a saint when dealing with one very emotionally overwrought Claire Kinney.

“Andrew, the house has been paid off and it’s wired with an alarm. We have time to decide what to do with it and its contents,” Brian explained. Andrew nodded. “I think I’ll stay here for a while until the will is read,” Brian said as he looked around the room.

“Here?” Justin asked. This was the first he’d heard of Brian’s plans.

“At the loft,” Brian qualified his statement, but Brian staying in Pittsburgh was still news to Justin.

“Brian, Bree needs to go back to school,” Justin whispered as he leaned into his spouse.

“I know, Sunshine, and Gus has to go back to Penn. I’ll just stay for a while until we make some decisions and then I’ll come home. I can spend time at Kinnetik.”

“I’m sure Ted and Cynthia will be thrilled,” Justin muttered. He wasn’t very happy at the thought of being separated from Brian, especially at this time when Brian was a lot more vulnerable than he would ever admit.

“Brian, I’m at a critical juncture with the city reclamation project and I’m getting tired of hotel food. Could I stay with you at the loft?” John asked after a quickly whispered conversation with Bobby. Justin was visibly relieved at John’s suggestion.

“Yeah,” Brian said distractedly. “That would be fine,” he said not realizing that he was just manipulated. Normally Brian would have seen right through the ploy.

“Good, then I’ll bring my bag over to the loft,” John said.

“I guess we should clean up,” Brian said almost absentmindedly.

“Bri, Emm and Debbie took care of all that and we have leftovers to bring to the loft.” Justin held up the bags that Emmett and Debbie had packed up for Brian and for Claire’s family. Andrew gratefully took the bags then led his sobbing wife out to their car. Claire’s sons had already left. They had their own families to deal with.

“I’ll be on my way,” Father Tom said to the brothers and their spouses. “Brian, if you need me, please don’t hesitate to call on me. I’m your friend as well as Joan’s priest.”

“You’ve been a good friend to my mother and to me. I think you’re one of the few who really knows all my sins and doesn’t give a shit about them,” Brian said with a smirk.

“It’s what I do, Brian,” Tom said with his own smirk. “I mean it, anytime you need to talk, day or night, I’m there.”

Brian drew the priest into a hug. “Thank you,” he whispered.

Tom said goodbye, again expressing his condolences then blessing them all before leaving Joan’s house.

“I guess that’s our cue to leave, Sunshine,” Brian quipped. They gave the house one more check, setting timers, removing any trash then finally setting the alarm as they locked up. John and Bobby followed Brian and Justin back to the loft.

“John, I’m worried about Brian,” Bobby commented. Steve and Claire were staying overnight with Debbie and Carl then leaving early the next day. Patrick was with them. He was going to be dropped off at Rachel’s; he had to get back to school too.

“Mmm,” John mumbled.

“Is that all you can say is ‘mmm’? Your brother looks like he’s on the verge of an emotional breakdown,” Bobby stated.

“No.”

“No? No, what? No, you’re not worried? Or no, you don’t agree with me.”

“Just no. I don’t think Brian’s on the verge of anything. Just the opposite, I think he’s handling it quite well. But just in case I’m wrong, I plan to stick with him like glue. He does better with someone or something to care for. I think he prefers that over caring for himself.”

“So you’re going to let him take care of you.”

“Yes.”

“He’ll eventually see through your act.”

“It’s not an act. I had an awful vision of my own mother’s funeral. Joan wasn’t that much older than mother.”

“Maybe, but Joan’s health wasn’t the greatest even though she cleaned up her act; her alcohol abuse did take its toll. Claire keeps herself healthy.”

“I suppose but it didn’t stop me from thinking about it.”

“Death of a family member always makes you think.”

“Mom’s only eighteen years older than I am,” John deadpanned.

“John Anderson, stop it! You’re going to live to be a hundred and I’m going to be right there with you,” Bobby said with conviction. He couldn’t bear hearing the love of his life talk about death. He reached out to take John’s hand.

“All right, you win, I live to be one hundred.” John smiled as he gave Bobby’s hand a squeeze. “Brian’s going to need us, all of us. Our needs may have to take a back seat for a while. Are you all right with that?”

“I’m fine. As long as I know you love me, I’ll be fine. Just try not to stay away for too long. I don’t sleep well without you.”

John pulled over into a parking space close to the front of Brian’s building. He turned off the car then turned in his seat, releasing his seatbelt at the same time. As Bobby released his own seatbelt John took him into his arms.

“I love you,” John murmured into the red-head’s hair as he kissed him senseless. “For as long as I live and beyond, I will always love you.” The lovers hung on to each other for a few minutes.

“We should get up there,” Bobby whispered after a while. He felt John nod in his arms. “I love you, John Anderson, for as long as I live and beyond.” Bobby kissed John then they got out of the Navigator to go up to the loft.

Justin put away the leftovers in the refrigerator. “Do you want a drink?” Justin asked Brian.

“Water.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah. I think I’ve had enough alcohol, don’t you?” Brian asked as Justin handed him a bottle of water. Brian twisted off the cap to take a good long drink.

“No one’s accusing you, you know.”

“I know but it’s been a long time since I’ve felt the need to drown myself in booze. I don’t intend to use Joan’s death as an excuse to resurrect my former pain management techniques.” Brian watched Justin’s face; the relief was almost instant.

“Brian,” Justin said with almost a sob. Brian stood in the middle of the floor, his arms opened wide. Justin went into them immediately; he couldn’t help his tears. “I’m so sorry,” he whispered.

“For what, Sunshine?”

“For everything. For Joan’s loss, for being afraid that you’d get drunk and do something stupid, for not trusting the man you’ve become. I’m just so sorry.”

“No need to be sorry. We’ve been living a charmed life. I imagine you’re not the only one with that opinion of me. And who knows, if I didn’t have you, Gus and the Squirt with me, getting drunk and having a trick suck me off would probably be just what I’d do.”

“You really don’t want to?” Justin asked, moist blue eyes looking up into the clear hazel eyes of his spouse.

“No, Sunshine. My life is complete with you and our family. Tricks and excessive abuses of drugs and alcohol have no place in my life. I promise you.” Brian kissed Justin, pouring his heart and soul into his kiss. They broke apart when they heard the sound of the loft door sliding back.

“Get a room,” Bobby teased his in-laws. Bobby and John kept walking into the loft until they were right next to Brian and Justin. In a wave of emotion, they joined them in a group hug. John bussed his brother’s head and gave Justin a peck on the cheek.

“Are you all right?” John asked Brian.

“Truthfully?” John nodded. “Not really. I think old Joanie had a feeling something was happening to her but she neglected to fill me in. If I thought cursing and tearing up the place would do any good, I would. But that would only succeed in making a mess of my loft and piss me off even more. I happen to like this old furniture.”

“It still looks pretty good to me,” Justin commented as he looked around the still impeccable loft with its white Italian leather furniture and gleaming stainless steel appliances.

“That’s because it’s fucking expensive and the best quality. With care it should last until our grandchildren jump all over it,” Brian said with a smirk. “I just wish I had been better prepared.”

“You’re never prepared for this kind of loss,” John murmured. Brian searched the eyes that mirrored his own.

“Claire’s healthy as a horse. She’s going nowhere in a hurry,” Brian assured his brother.

“I know but I can’t help thinking about it,” John admitted. Just then Bobby yawned and rolled his shoulders. The men could hear his joints popping. “You okay?” John asked his spouse.

“Yeah, just tired, it’s been a long day. I guess I’m feeling it,” Bobby admitted.

“Then come on, old man,” John teased. Let’s get ready for bed.”

Brian let John and Bobby shower first while he and Justin made up the futon cushion. They got the extra duvet and pillows to make a cuddly warm nest for John and Bobby.

“Oh man, that looks like heaven,” John said as he toweled off his hair, standing over their made up bed.

In borrowed sweats pants, John and Bobby slipped in between the sheets then covered themselves with the thick duvet.

“Oh yeah,” Bobby murmured appreciatively as he cuddled close to John. John wrapped his long limbs around his spouse then they fell blissfully into a deep sleep.

*****

“Are they asleep?” Brian asked as he followed Justin into the alcove to check on John and Bobby. Brian and Justin shared their own shower while John and Bobby settled in for the night.

“Out like the proverbial light,” Justin replied as he dried off his blond mane. He looked upon his in-laws fondly. They were his foundation. He could depend on them as readily as he depended on Brian. “They were really tired.”

“Yeah,” Brian whispered. “Come on, let’s follow their example. I’m beat.”

Justin followed Brian into the bedroom, shedding their towels along the way. Brian slid into the big loft bed, holding up the blanket. Justin crawled in and snuggled into Brian’s arms. Within moments all that could be heard were the gentle snores of four exhausted men fast asleep.