Wild Child

Chapter 31

Brian pulled into the Bramley lot the next morning. He was dropping Gus off before going into Kinnetik. Justin was going to take his rental car into Pittsburgh and start to tie up some loose ends in Europe. He and Brian had decided that they were going to live together at Britin with Gus. Justin needed to refocus his life back in the States. He also needed to talk to his mother. Neither he nor Brian wanted to waste any more time.

"Have a good day," Brian said as he pulled the Mercedes into a parking space outside Bramley.

"Yeah," Gus grunted.

Brian grabbed his son's arm. "What's going on, Gus?"

"Nothing."

"I don't believe it's nothing," Brian said flatly.

"It's nothing you can do anything about."

"How do you know I can't do anything, unless you tell me what's happening?"

"I need to go," Gus said opening the door. Nobody could help him.

"Gus, if you need me, just call."

Gus walked away from the car. He saw Ravi sitting on the steps up ahead. Ravi looked at him and then deliberately went back to reading the book he had on his lap. Gus changed direction knowing that Ravi no longer wanted to talk to him. So much for his one and only friend.

Brian watched Gus make his way across the yard. He knew something was terribly wrong, but he had no idea what it was. He waited to see if Gus joined up with any other students. But Gus merely went over to a tree and leaned against it … alone. Maybe the same thing was happening at Bramley that had happened in Toronto. Gus was again unable to make friends. Brian shook his head wondering how that could be. Gus was an intelligent, interesting kid. Why couldn't others see that?

Finally Brian put the car in gear and started out of the parking lot. He would talk to Justin about this, and give Gus till the end of the week before he stepped in. He had to do something, including taking Gus to his first appointment with Dr. Marla Feinstein. Brian had arranged it on Tuesday when he had received a call back from her office. He had been reluctant to tell Gus yet, but things seemed to be getting out of hand once again. Gus needed help.

Gus stood by the tree watching groups of kids talking and laughing. He wondered why he couldn't be one of them. He had thought briefly that maybe he and Ravi could have their own little group of friends but that dream had lasted barely one day. What was wrong with him? Why did people hate him, even assholes like Greg Fernley?

"Hey, kid," Jason Goodman's voice interrupted Gus' thoughts. "You look a little down. Need a pick-me-up?"

"No," Gus said defiantly. "I don't need anything from you."

"Suit yourself," Jason smirked. "You'll come running to me before long."

Gus watched Jason move away. He saw a packet of something change hands between Jason and another student. Gus wondered that no one else seemed to notice. He leaned against the tree feeling sorry for himself.

"Hey," a voice said beside him.

Gus jumped and turned to look. It was the nice prefect who had helped him find his homeroom the day before. "Hi," Gus replied.

"You look kind of lonely over here all by yourself."

"Do I?"

"My name's Tony. Is there anything I can do?"

Gus was tempted to spill the beans. Tony seemed so nice. "I don't think so," Gus said reluctantly.

"I'll be around if you want to talk."

"Thanks," Gus said. Tony was what a prefect was supposed to be, but he was probably a friend of that Jason's. Better not to say anything to anyone.

The bell rang and Gus made his way into the school. The day would pass with little contact with Ravi or anyone else. Gus felt so alone. He wished there was some way to fix things but he just didn't know how.

Justin sat outside Bramley waiting for Gus to come out. He recognized the red prefect ties that were in common use at many private schools. He wondered what the prefects at Bramley were like. Some of the ones at St. James had been nice but there were a couple who had used their position of power to their own advantage. Justin wondered if there were any like that at this school.

Justin waited expecting Gus to appear at any moment. He looked around the parking lot. Most of the kids had been picked up and there were only a few cars left. Justin wondered if something had happened to Gus. He was about to go into the school when he saw Gus emerge from the doorway. Gus seemed to be staring at something at the back of the parking lot. Justin turned and looked out the back window of his car. There was a red Mustang parked at the back of the lot. A prefect, by the color of his tie, was standing by the car talking to a couple of younger kids. Justin watched as a packet of something changed hands, from the prefect to the student. Money went the other way.

"Shit!" Justin said realizing what he was seeing. He looked up to see Gus heading towards the car. He kept glancing at the back of the parking lot. Justin couldn't help but wonder if Gus had made a similar deal like the one he had just seen go down.

"Dad working late again?" Gus asked as he threw his backpack into the back seat and got in beside Justin.

"Yeah."

Gus looked out the rear window as Justin backed out of his space.

"Do you know that kid?" Justin asked cocking his head towards the prefect.

"Sort of. He's a prefect."

"Is he nice?"

"Not particularly," Gus said.

"Oh, why not?"

"Um … I just don't like him very much."

Justin directed the car out onto the street and they drove home mostly in silence.

When Brian arrived home, Justin pulled him into the library. "I need to talk to you about Gus."

"What about Gus?"

"When I picked him up at school, I saw a drug deal taking place in the parking lot."

"Gus was buying drugs?"

"No, no."

"Gus was selling drugs?" The horror on Brian's face was evident.

"No, he wasn't doing anything. It was one of the prefects selling the drugs. Gus was just coming out of the school."

Brian let out a breath. "Then he wasn't involved."

"Not that time," Justin replied.

"What does that mean?"

"You know how funny Gus has been about going to school. Maybe he's been tempted to buy some drugs, or maybe he already has."

"Fuck!" Brian said running his hand through his hair.

"I know you don't want Gus to be involved in anything like that, but we need to talk to him about it."

"I guess so," Brian said slowly. "Maybe I should wait until he sees Dr. Feinstein."

"Have you told him about that yet?"

"No, I thought I'd talk to him after dinner."

"You better. The appointment's tomorrow after school, isn't it?" Justin asked.

"I'm no fucking good at this parent stuff," Brian replied, dropping down on the sofa. It seemed to be getting harder instead of easier the longer he had Gus with him.

"It's not your fault, Brian. We don't even know if Gus is involved in anything. I just thought you needed a heads up."

"Thanks," Brian said pulling Justin against his body. Things always seemed better when he had Justin to hold onto.

"We can wait until after Thursday to talk to Gus. Maybe you should mention it to the doctor. She wants to see both of you, doesn't she?"

"Yeah, maybe you should come too."

"I don't think so." Brian gave Justin a hurt look. "I just mean that the first session should be you and Gus. You can mention me, and if she wants to see me, I'll be happy to go."

"That's why I love you," Brian said initiating a toe-curling kiss that left them both breathless. "Is it bedtime yet?" Brian asked as he leaned his forehead against Justin's.

"It isn't even dinner time," Justin chuckled.

"Who needs food? All I want is a steady diet of you."

"Then lock the door, big guy. I think we have time before Mrs. Hadley calls us."

"I knew there was a reason I was waiting for you to come back," Brian grinned as he got up to lock the door to the library.

Upstairs Gus lay on his bed wondering how everything had got so screwed up so quickly, just when things seemed to be going good. He had made peace with his mother. She didn't hate him. He had made a friend at school, a school where he was getting a second chance, and then wham! Everything had gone to shit like it always did. It had to be him. He must have some fucking black cloud hanging over his head. Maybe someone had taped a sign on his back that said, "Loser" or "Kick Me, I Deserve It". There had to be something terrible that followed him around.

Gus wished he had asked Ravi for his phone number. He wanted to call and talk to him; he wanted to apologize. He wanted them to be friends. And most of all, he wanted Jason Goodman to leave them both the fuck alone.

Dinner was quiet with everyone kind of walking on eggshells about what to discuss. After dinner Brian told Gus that he wanted to speak to him in the library. Gus followed his father dreading what was to come.

"What's the problem at school, Gus?" Brian asked once they were seated on the sofa in the library.

"Problem?" Gus asked, avoiding really answering his father's question.

"I know something's wrong."

"N… nothing's wrong," Gus stammered.

Brian sighed. "Well, I told you that I was going to get you some help, and I have."

"W…what does that mean?"

"We have an appointment with a psychologist tomorrow after school."

"You think I'm crazy?" Gus asked in horror.

"No, Sonny Boy, I don't think you're crazy."

"Don't call me Sonny Boy, and I'm not crazy." Gus was starting to hyperventilate.

"Gus, calm down. This is for your own good."

"You have no idea what's for my good," Gus snarled. "I'm not going."

Gus went to stand up, but found his arm held tightly by his father. He sank back onto the sofa and Brian released him.

"You're going to see Dr. Feinstein tomorrow, and I'm going with you."

"You … You're coming too?" Gus asked in surprise.

"Yes, she wants to see us both."

"And you'll go with me?"

"That's what I said."

"Th…thanks," Gus said feeling tears start to well up. "Are you sure we have to go?" Gus asked trying to get out of this once more.

Brian nodded. "We're going, and Justin says he'll come the next time if the doctor wants to see him too."

"Really?"

"Gus, we only want what's best for you. Can't you tell me what's going on at school?"

"I should go do my homework," Gus said. Brian let him go. He couldn't force the kid to talk if he didn't want to. Maybe Dr. Feinstein could get something out of Gus.

Gus went up to his room. His computer would arrive tomorrow, but he wouldn't even be there to set it up. He had to go see this fucking doctor. His father must think there was something really wrong with him. It couldn't be cheap to see someone like that. What was wrong with him? Everybody seemed to know that something was. Maybe this doctor would put a name on it, and they would finally throw him into some kind of asylum, and conveniently lose the key.

+++++

The next day Brian dropped Gus off at Bramley, saying that he would be back promptly at 3:15 to pick him up for their appointment at 4 p.m. Gus grunted and got out of the car. Brian watched him walk up to the school. He was tempted to go in and talk to the principal, but maybe it would be better to wait until after their appointment with Dr. Feinstein. As Brian drove out of the parking lot, he wondered if he was really expecting Dr. Feinstein to solve Gus' problems or if he was merely avoiding meeting them head on. Something good better come out of that afternoon's appointment.

Gus was almost to the door of the school when he saw Ravi being dropped off by his mother. He was tempted to wave and try to make up with his former friend, but he saw Ravi glance quickly away when their eyes met. It didn't look like Ravi was ready to forgive him. The day just got better and better.

Gus went into the school and headed for the washrooms. He could hide out there until the bell rang. He pushed the door open and immediately regretted his choice of going in there. Jason Goodman was exchanging money and a packet of pot with some kid. They both jumped, and the kid ran out, brushing past Gus. Gus stood rooted to the spot.

"Come on in, kid," Jason grinned. "You need something?"

Gus shook his head, but he knew Jason was right. A little something to get him through the day was looking better and better.

"You sure?" Jason asked.

"I don't have any money," Gus admitted.

"I bet you could get it though. Your old man looks like he's loaded. And who's that blond guy that drops you off?"

"How…how do you know about Justin?"

"Justin, eh? I see everything. Is he your dad's boyfriend?" Jason joked.

Gus cringed. How could Jason have known?

Jason watched the look on Gus' face. He was right. The blond guy was the boyfriend. This kid's father was a fag. "So your old man's a fag! Well, fuck me!"

"He wouldn't dream of it," came out of Gus' mouth before he could stop himself.

"Why you…! Who the fuck do you think you are? You're probably a fucking fag too," Jason sneered. He advanced on Gus until he could glare down into Gus' face. Even though he wasn't much taller than Gus was, he seemed so much bigger, so menacing. "You know what, kid, I'm going to give you a break this time. It must be hard being the son of a pansy, so here's a little treat to help you deal with the trauma." Jason stuck a little vial in Gus' hand and then breezed out the door.

"Fuck!" Gus said as he slumped against the wall. Now the whole school would know his father was a fag, and he'd never hear the end of it. It would be worse than Toronto because these kids were older, and could make his life even more of a living hell.

Gus looked at the vial in his hand. It contained a little bit of white powder that he was sure must be cocaine. He should throw it in the toilet and flush it, but he knew he couldn't. He slipped it into his pocket as the bell went. He left the washroom to go to class.

Somehow Gus got through the day. He stayed to himself as he usually did and he didn't notice any snickering behind his back. Maybe Jason wasn't going to say anything about his father. As Gus was heading to his locker to leave school, Gus saw Ravi being pulled into the washroom by Jason. Gus held his breath wondering what he should do. He wanted to help Ravi, but he didn't know how he could. Then a thought struck him.

He dropped his books by his locker and marched down the hall. He pushed open the door to the washroom. Jason had Ravi backed up against a sink. "Ravi," Gus said, "Mr. Jennings wants to see you in his office immediately. He asked me to get you."

Jason backed away and Ravi scampered out of the washroom. Gus gave Jason a glance and then followed Ravi. He caught the smaller boy on his way to the office.

"Mr. Jennings doesn't want you," Gus said. "I just made that up. Grab your books and get out of the school."

"Th…thanks," Ravi said and ran out of the building.

Gus picked up his books from in front of his locker and grabbed what he would need to do his homework. He quickly followed Ravi out of the school as he saw Jason come out of the washroom.

Brian was waiting for his son. Gus came running over to the car.

"Are you that eager to see the good doctor?" Brian asked as Gus hopped into the car.

Gus had almost forgotten where they were going in his haste to get away from Jason. It had felt good to help his friend, Ravi. "No, not really," he admitted, coming back to reality.

"Well, we better get a move on," Brian said and gunned the Mercedes out of the parking lot. Jason watched them go from the door of the school.

Dr Feinstein turned out to be a very lovely woman in her early forties. She was obviously impressed with Brian, as he was with her. She got Gus to tell some of his early history and Brian filled in the parts that Gus seemed reluctant to reveal. It didn't take Dr. Marla, as she asked to be called, long to see what the problem was.

She saw an insecure boy who had never felt like he really belonged anywhere, raised in a very unconventional household over which he had no control until he got old enough and strong enough to assert himself in the worst possible way. She could see that he still didn't feel very secure about his place in his father's life, and she got the distinct impression that Gus felt he might be shoved out of that life at any moment.

When she had listened to enough to get these preliminary impressions, she decided it was time for some direct questions to Gus. She explained what she was going to do, and that she wanted Gus to answer each question quickly and directly, no beating around the bush or hiding things. She watched Gus shrink back when she told him this. She assured him that nothing would be held against him. She just wanted to see how he felt and reacted to certain issues.

Then she did a surprising thing. She asked Gus if he would like his father to wait outside while they did this. Gus nodded his head and dropped his eyes to the floor. He knew his father would be disappointed that Gus didn't want him there, but that was how he felt. Brian squeezed Gus' shoulder to let him know it was all right and left the room.

"Are you ashamed of your father, Gus?" she asked.

"Wh…what? No! I'm not ashamed of him. I think he's great."

"That's good. Then are you ashamed of your mothers?"

"No, not really, but it was hard growing up with two mothers."

"You blame them for what happened to you at school?"

"It wasn't their fault. I just … I never had any friends."

"Do you have any friends at your new school?"

"I sort of have one."

"How do you sort of have a friend?"

"I said I'd have his back and then I let something happen. I didn't help him."

"Why not?"

"I was afraid."

"Of what?"

"A bully."

"Someone's bullying you?"

Gus nodded. "But he bullies a lot of people."

"Like your friend?"

Gus nodded again. "But I helped him today." Gus looked up at the doctor.

"How did you help him, Gus?"

"I got him away from the bully."

"How did you do that?"

"I tricked the bully," Gus said proudly.

"I thought you were a pretty smart lad," Dr. Marla smiled. Gus smiled back at her. "Do you think that solved the problem?"

Gus' face fell. "Probably not."

"How can you solve it?"

Gus shook his head. "I don't think it can be solved."

"Sure it can. There's always a bigger bully than the bully."

"There is?"

"Like the authorities. What would happen if you reported this bully?"

"No one would believe me."

"How do you know?"

"No one ever believed me before."

"Can you get proof? Would Ravi back you up?"

"I don't know. Maybe."

"Gus, are you ashamed of yourself?"

Gus looked defiantly at the doctor and then his eyes filled with tears. "No one likes me. I can't make friends. People pick on me. There must be something terrible about me."

"I don't see anything terrible," Dr. Marla assured him. "I see a good looking, intelligent young man."

"I thought you might diagnose me with some kind of insanity and then they'd put me away in an asylum."

Dr. Marla tried not to laugh but a small chuckle escaped. "Gus, you're not insane. You've had some difficult things to deal with in your young life. You have nothing to be ashamed of, including your family. I've always found that if I stand up for myself, people usually back down."

"Yeah, but you're pretty."

"Thanks, Gus, and you're handsome, just like your father."

"You think so?"

"I do."

"Maybe I could try standing up for myself."

"I'd like to see that."

"So would I," Gus grinned.

"Just remember that it won't be easy."

"Yeah, I was afraid you were going to say that."

"I think that's enough for today. Do you think you could come back next week?"

"Yeah, I think so," Gus said. He kind of liked Dr. Marla.