Chapter 1

MICHAEL:

"Ma, you have to let go, or I won't have enough breath left to get to the airport!" I manage to squeak out.

"Oh, Baby, I'm just gonna miss you so much! I want you to promise me that you will call every day," Ma says before finally releasing the death grip she has on me.

I nod before turning to the man who has been the closest thing to a father I've ever had. I swallow the lump in my throat as I tell him, "Uncle Vic, I'm gonna miss you, too."

"Same here, Michael. Thanks for stopping by on your way to the airport. We're gonna miss you, kiddo. It's not gonna be the same around here without you. But David is your new life now, and I'm happy for you, Son. He's a good man."

I resist the urge to roll my eyes. I honestly didn't feel like I had much choice in my decision to go to Oregon. After I found out Brian wasn't moving to New York, I wanted to tell David that I had changed my mind and decided not to move out there. But I knew it would bring on a multitude of questions I wouldn't want to answer.

"I know, Uncle Vic. It's just that it's... nerve-wracking; a fear of the unknown, I guess. It's the first time I'll be gone from home. I won't have any friends or family out there and no job lined up."

"Be that as it may, Michael... just think," my mother responds. "You'll be with the man of your dreams! You'll have your very own house with David and Hank, a ready-made family! And I'm sure that soon you will find a job and meet new people."

I inhale before letting out a deep breath. I am highly skeptical that it will be that easy, but it is better to just go along with it, or some long, drawn-out lecture will ensue. "Sure, Ma. Now I'd better get going. I just wanted to stop by and say goodbye again. But if I'm going to catch my plane on time, I've got to leave now."

My mother and Vic nod; I see Ma begin to tear up as she briefly pats my cheek. "Call when you get there." I nod and turn toward the door, knowing I'm not doing what I really want to do, but knowing that I cannot back out now.

When I'm back in my car and on my way to the airport, I keep wondering if I went over to see Brian if he would ask me to stay. Maybe if he sees that I am actually going to leave Pittsburgh, he'll ask me to not go. I just can't help thinking that after sixteen years of friendship we shouldn't be separated, because that thought kills me. Brian is my rock; I need him in my life. Again, I think how I really don't want to go to Oregon, and how I never would have agreed if Brian hadn't told me he was moving to New York. With that thought in mind, I quickly do a U-turn and head back to Brian's. I can tell him I just wanted to say goodbye before I leave and pray that he will ask me to stay.

Driving up to Brian's, I see him ready to enter the jeep. Where would he be going in a tux? He hadn't mentioned anything to me. But I guess that stands to reason if he thought I wasn't going to be here. But a tux? Where would he be going in Pittsburgh in a tux? Even during all those ad agency events, he never wore a tux. Curiosity getting the better of me, I decide to follow him.

The drive isn't that long, and before I know it, we are driving up to the Priory Hotel. Wow; fancy, schmancy! What in the hell would he be doing at the Priory? As I watch him going into the parking garage, I see a banner hanging on the building. With a closer look I see... oh, hell, no! Fucking Justin's Prom?

What the hell? I immediately start thinking of my failed prom. I so badly wanted to go. I wanted a chance to fit in. I figured if everyone saw me at the Prom, they would realize I was the same as all of them. When I begged Brian to go with me, he actually laughed in my face and told me to get my head out of my ass, saying Prom was a stupid, heterosexual ritual. Why be crammed in a room full of horny straight kids? Besides, he'd already had anybody even remotely good-looking. He told me if we danced together, we'd probably get beaten up and left for dead. So, he told me he'd take me to Babylon instead. At least he'd be able to fuck some hot guy there. Now I'm wondering if Brian had been ridiculing our Prom, or was it the idea of going with me?

I decide to park my car and go in to see if that is really where Brian is going; after all, there are several ballrooms in a hotel, especially one as big as this facility. As I enter the main ballroom, however, I see Brian really IS at the Prom! I move to the side and stand by a large, potted plant, as I don't want to be noticed. Peeking around the side of the plant, I catch sight of Brian again; he's standing there with that fucking kid and his little fag hag, running his finger down the lapel of Justin's tux. Hmm, I thought that was a move he only made when he was picking up his prey in Babylon. He kisses the girl's cheek and now he's got Boy Wonder's hand... wait... they're actually gonna dance?

As I see them twirling and gliding around the wooden dance floor, I see a look on Brian's face I have never seen before. He looks so... happy. His smile, this smile, is one I have never seen, and it's for this blond, disposable twink? I didn't even know Brian could dance like this. He's dipping Justin, dipping! What the hell? I feel like I'm gonna be sick. I notice that everyone's attention is on them; some with looks of wonder, while some appear disgusted by them. And then at the end, he spins Justin around and kisses him...kisses him passionately, before he lowers Justin to the ground. My mouth falls open in shock as I see the smiles on both their faces, as if they are the only two in the room. That kiss. I shake my head in disbelief. No! Brian has never kissed anyone like that! Don't you reserve a kiss like that for someone you love? Oh, God! Could Brian really love Justin? I've waited sixteen years for Brian. Waited for him to even notice me, realize it was me he wanted. Me he loved. And this sniveling, snot-nosed, seventeen-year-old waltzes in and stalks Brian, and Brian is giving him everything I ever wanted? I feel angry and hurt, as bile rises into my throat. I gotta get out of here. I can't see any more of this.

Just as I reach my car a few minutes later, I hear laughing and singing, which sounds like Brian. I move over between a pickup truck and an SUV and watch as Brian and Justin head towards Brian's jeep. It IS him, and he's still with that kid! They're laughing and singing and doing something like dancing; now they're kissing at the jeep?! Didn't he already give the kid enough? Wanting to get a closer look, I decide to move out from between the vehicles. Just as I start to walk around the pickup, I see a baseball bat in the bed of the truck. I should just go before I see anything else nauseating... then another glance shows me that Justin is walking back towards the hotel. I close my eyes... my head is buzzing. Through white flashes, I see Brian and Justin. I remember Brian breaking his rule at Babylon and picking Justin up and kissing him. I remember all the times Brian has taken Justin home. Brian's jealousy when Justin won the King of Babylon contest and stole his own trick away from him. I see Brian...dancing, twirling, kissing. White flashes of fury; a voice saying, we'd probably get beaten up and left for dead. Not even aware I've moved and before I realize what I'm doing, I raise the bat, ready to strike. I see Justin turn around, a huge, bright smile on his face, and I remember the first time Ma called him Sunshine. My heart pounding with adrenaline, I realize I want the sunshine to go away, so I strike. I watch as Justin seems to fall in slow motion; I drop the bat and start to rush away.

Suddenly I feel a sharp pain in my knee, which causes me to drop to the floor of the garage. I look around and see Brian rushing back to Justin, who's lying several feet away, blood pooling around his head. I hear the word 'no' echoing in my head repeatedly and realize it's not me uttering it out loud, but Brian's agonizing cries repeating the word over and over. Not regarding me, but for HIM.

I noticed how dark the area was as I saw Justin approaching like some lovesick schoolboy, unaware of anyone but Brian. Luckily, the dimly lit garage and burned-out bulb overhead hid me like a shroud and I realize Brian must not have recognized me. And then it hits me: Oh, God, oh, God, what did I do? Brian. I have to get away. Brian can't see me. With that thought in mind, I find the strength and sheer willpower to get up, but the pain in my knee is unbearable. I bite down hard on my lip to keep from screaming out. When I finally get to my feet, I feel blood filling my mouth and spit it out quickly, as it is threatening to gag me. Then - half dragging my right leg - I hobble to my car as fast as I can, so I can get the hell out of here.

As I drive towards the airport, my hands are shaking as I grip the steering wheel contemplating what I did, but I believe Boy Wonder got just what he deserved. Brian did, too. It serves my best friend right. None of this would have ever happened if Brian had spent our prom night together, doing with me what he did with Justin, because then Brian would have realized he was in love with ME, and Justin would have never entered our lives. As I continue driving, the song playing over and over in my head, a small, satisfied smile ghosts across my lips over the irony of it all. Brian's words to me so long ago had been prophetic:

If we danced together, we'd probably get beaten up and left for dead.

Justin did indeed save his last dance for Brian.

TBC