The First Fifty

Chapter 3

11-15

It’s oft been written that when someone wakes you up by sucking your cock, the best course of action is to let it happen; and that’s just what Brian did. A Justin Taylor blowjob was nothing to sneeze at. Brian stretched out his limbs and relished the sensation. A pale skinned hand reached out to caress Brian’s chest. Brian grabbed the hand and clutched it to his heart. As he came in the warm wet cavern of Justin’s mouth, Brian knew he was loved so completely.

“Morning,” he said when he could speak.

“Morning to you too,” Justin returned with a smile. “Good?”

“More than good,” Brian told him then kissed his lips. “What did I do to deserve that?”

“Do you think you need to do something to get a blowjob?” Brian shrugged. “You don’t. But if I had to come up with something to reward you for I guess it would be for spending this time with Gus. He really wants to know about you and Joan. It’s important to him and I’m proud of you. I know that some of the memories aren’t happy ones. As much as Gus needs to hear them, I think you need to tell them. Besides, there’s nothing wrong with a little high protein breakfast now and then,” Justin said smugly.

Brian laughed and gave Justin a little poke in the ribs.

“What do you have planned for today?” Justin asked.

“Nothing much. I imagine Gus has more questions for me so I’ll just hang around here. They’re predicting snow so maybe I’ll check in with Todd and the garden center. He’s built up quite a snow clearing list.”

“You going to blow some snow?” Justin teased, giggling at his own pun.

“No, smart ass,” Brian grumbled. “I think I’ll blow you,” Brian growled as he pounced on Justin and reciprocated the previous gesture.

What’s a man to do but lay back and enjoy it!

*****

“Uncle John?”

“Hey, Gus, what can I do for you?” John was having a lazy day at home. His Pittsburgh projects were going well so he was looking over some other proposals in his kitchen.

“What do you remember about Jack?”

“Not much. I only saw him twice and I never spoke to him. I just wondered what he was doing at the farm and why my grandparents were sad when he left. I never saw him again after that day I pulled Brian out of the stream,” John said sadly.

“I’m sorry if I’m bringing up painful memories.”

“They’re not really painful; it just happened such a long time ago. I never really think about it or him. Sure I wish I had a father. And I know your father would argue with me, but I kinda wish I had a father like Brian. You have one cool dude for a dad.” John smiled at his nephew.

“Yeah, I do.” Gus smiled brightly in return.

“Gus, just go easy on your dad. Memories are sometimes fickle things. They sometimes alter themselves to protect us. Your father will be as honest with you as his heart will allow him to be. Just accept and move on. Jack may not have been the best father in the world; he certainly wasn’t the worst. But he was the only one Brian had.”

“Thanks, Uncle John,” Gus said as John ruffled his hair.

“You hungry?” Gus nodded. “Then let’s make breakfast,” John suggested. Gus got up to help.

*****

“Jack,” Joan began with that tone he always associated with a prison warden. “We’ve outgrown this house. We’ve outgrown this neighborhood. You promised that we’d be here only ten years and then we’d move. Well, we’ve been here ten years and it’s time,” Joan said emphatically.

“Nag. Nag. Nag. Don’t you have anything better to do? Jesus Christ, woman! Can’t a man enjoy some peace and quiet in his own home!” Jack roared as he got into Joan’s face. “I don’t know why I ever married a shrew like you,” he said raising his hand to strike her but Joan didn’t flinch. Jack stormed out of the house.

Eleven year old Brian was waiting quietly in his room until he heard the door slam. When he knew the coast was clear, Brian left the house to go to the library.

“Good afternoon, Brian.”

“Hi, Mr. Thackeray,” Brian replied politely as he walked by the main desk.

“What is it today?” the elderly librarian asked innocently.

“What?”

“Your project. What are you working on today?”

“Oh, uh, history. Um, Irish history,” Brian lied. 

He really didn’t have a report to do but it was always quiet in the library. Brian came here as often as he could to do his homework and to study. Nobody yelled. Everyone spoke in hushed tones if they spoke at all. The only time it was ever noisy was when it was story time for the younger kids and then only until the kids got settled. Brian stayed in the main part of the library where it was always quiet.

“Exploring your roots. Well, done. We have some excellent reference books. Would you like me to bring you a couple of them?”

“Yes, sir,” Brian said with an award winning smile. “Thank you.” 

Mr. Thackeray always came up some interesting books for him to read. Brian went to his little corner of the library where he knew the librarian would find him. Brian could always be found in his little corner. It was near a large window where the natural light streamed in. Even in the winter or the darkest storm, there was light. Brian settled in and took out his notebook. He didn’t mind learning about Irish history.

“Here you go,” Mr. Thackeray said as he placed two very old volumes on the table. “Now I know you’ll be careful with these books. They’re very old. Call me over when you’ve finished and I’ll take them back to the vault.”

“I’ll be careful. Thank you!” Brian replied as he gingerly opened the first volume. He felt honored that he was entrusted with something obviously so precious. 

“You’re very welcome,” the kindly man smiled. The librarian shook his head; he wasn’t sure if he was heard. Brian’s nose was already buried in the book.

*****

“What’s this?” Gus asked as he and Brian sat down with Joan’s album once again. 

“That’s the first house we lived in. We lived there until I was a teenager.”

“It looks…small.”

“It was. Joan must have taken that around the time we were moving to the house she called home from then on. I don’t know why she wanted a picture of the old place. She never liked that house.”

“It’s part of a visual history of her family,” Gus said knowledgeably.

“Listen to you, Mr. College Man,” Brian teased.

“I have learned a thing or two,” Gus said with a smile so much like his father’s.

“I’m glad the mega-millions I’m forking out for your higher education are going to good use.”

Gus felt himself blush. There was nothing he could do about it. “I hope they are too, Pop.” 

“I’m sure of it.” Brian smiled fondly at his son. He wondered what Gus thought about his childhood. He hoped overall that Gus’ memories were happy ones even though there had been some rough spots along the way.

“Were you happy to move?” Gus asked after a minute.

“That’s an interesting question.” Brian wasn’t sure how to express the ambivalence he felt about leaving that house.

*****

“Brian, have you packed up your room yet?” Joan asked.

“Just about,” Brian replied. “Why do we have to move?”

“We’re renting this house. We’ll be buying the one we’re moving into.”

“Do we have enough money?” Brian asked with a worried frown. He had heard his father complain on many occasions about needing money, especially when he wanted to go out for beer with his friends, and he didn’t have enough cash to do that. Jack was always in a foul mood when that happened.

“Your father’s going to make it work,” Joan said with some hesitation. “He promised.”

Brian felt even a little more scared. The only promises Jack ever kept were the ones to tan Brian’s hide. That happened often enough.

“It’ll be good to get a fresh start,” Joan continued. “Have you said goodbye to your friends?”

“Um … no, I wasn’t sure we were really going.”

“Well we are, so you better say your goodbyes,” Joan warned.

Brian walked out the back door of the house. He wasn’t sure about moving. It wasn’t that he was particularly happy in this house, but at least he was familiar with things around here. He didn’t have a really close friend, but there were a few boys he played soccer with and one from school that he would miss … a bit. But Brian was mostly a loner. That was the way he liked it.

Brian grabbed his soccer ball from the back porch and started kicking it along the sidewalk. He had excellent control over the ball. He could push it ahead and then catch up with it, kick back and catch it before it got away. He liked bending it around his feet. That always confused his opponents. Quite often he left them on their ass when he made that move.

“Hey, soccer boy, think you’re pretty good, don’t you?” a big kid who lived down the street taunted Brian.

Brian ignored him and kept kicking the ball along the sidewalk.

“Hey, kid, you better watch out,” the big kid felt compelled to add.

“Brian, ignore that idiot,” his friend Robbie from school called to him from his yard up ahead. “He’s a jerk.”

“Yeah, a big jerk!” Brian agreed.

Robbie was a grade ahead of Brian, but they often walked to school together. Brian and Robbie were almost the same height, but Robbie was much heftier, not lean like Brian. Robbie looked like he could take care of himself without too much trouble, and he didn’t take any guff from anybody.

“Kick the ball to me,” Robbie said. He wasn’t much good at maneuvering the ball, but he would return it to Brian whenever it was kicked his way. After a few minutes, Brian picked up the ball.

“Do you have to go home?” Robbie asked.

“Soon, but I wanted to tell you that we’re moving.”

“Shit! That’s too bad. Most of the kids on this street are idiots. At least you’ve got a brain.”

“Thanks,” Brian said with a smile twitching at the corners of his mouth.

“When do you leave?”

“The weekend.”

“Will you be going to a different school?” Brian nodded. “That sucks. I’ll have to walk to school alone.”

“What about walking with Big Ralph?” Brian asked teasingly, referring to the big kid who had tried to pick on him.

“Fuck no, he’s got the IQ of a toad, and that might be generous.”

Brian laughed heartily. He knew Robbie was smart, a hell of a lot smarter than Ralph. That was why they got on so well. “I … I’ll miss you,” Brian said hesitantly.

“No you won’t,” Robbie said realistically. “You’ll forget all about me in a few weeks. Take care of yourself, Brian. Don’t let anybody push you around. You can scare them off.”

“Thanks for the advice,” Brian said. He knew he never had any trouble when Robbie was with him. Maybe he needed to learn to fight. Maybe Mr. Thackeray had a book at the library that could teach him, but he wouldn’t be going to that library anymore. That sucked too. Brian waved goodbye to Robbie and headed home. He wondered what a future in this new house might hold.

Before Brian got close to the house he decided to make a detour. He would probably be yelled at the minute he got home but this was an errand he had to do.

“Hi, Mr. Thackeray.”

“Hello, Brian, another report?” the elderly librarian asked.

“No, sir, we’re moving and I wanted to say goodbye.” Brian awkwardly stuck out his hand. Mr. Thackeray took Brian’s hand and gave it a squeeze. “My dad got transferred,” Brian said sadly.

“No need to explain, Brian. I’m the son of a miner. We moved around a lot to wherever the work was. I wish you and your family well.”

“Thank you, sir.” Brian looked dejected.

“Brian, come with me.” The librarian led Brian to his little corner of the library and they sat at the table near the window. “Brian, I’d like you to promise me something.” Brian slowly nodded. “I want you to be honest with yourself and be as honest as you can with the people you meet along your journey in life. Temper that honesty with common sense and good judgment. Not judgment of others but in the words you use. Do you understand what I’m saying?”

“I think so.”

“Brian, this world of ours is rapidly changing. See this index card?” Mr. Thackeray picked up an index card that someone thoughtlessly tore out of the card file then left on the table. “Soon we won’t be using the good old Dewey Decimal system to catalog books. I’m sure we’ll have some sort of electronic gizmo that will do it all for us. You’re a smart young man, I know you are. I imagine that some time in the future I will be reading about you and how you excel in your chosen field.

“Be proud of yourself and your accomplishments. Keep your integrity and work hard. I know you’ll go far and be very successful.” Mr. Thackeray patted Brian on the shoulder.

They sat quietly for a moment; Mr. Thackeray hoped that some of his words sunk in.

“Do you know what you remind me of?” Brian shook his head. “You remind me of these books; a hard exterior protecting pages and pages that have yet to be explored and discovered. When you’re ready, take a chance and open up a little. Don’t be afraid to share yourself with others. You will gain more than you lose.”

Brian considered the words his friend had told him.

“Where are you moving to?”

“Pittsburgh.”

Thackeray took the index card, flipped it over then wrote a name and phone number on it.

“I have a grandson just about your age. This is the name of his father. He’s a policeman.”

“Not a librarian?” Brian smiled, teasing the elderly man just a little. He arched his brow.

“Jerome loves his books, especially Sherlock Holmes and P.D. James mysteries. If you need someone to talk to, call him. You can trust him.”

“Thank you,” Brian said as he folded up the small card and shoved it into his wallet. “I’m sorry, I have to go. I, uh, just wanted to say thank you for your help with my…”

“Projects?”

“Yeah, and I’m going to miss…” Brian didn’t want to admit that he was going to miss Mr. Thackeray and the safe haven he had created here in his little corner of the library.

“This library? I will not be able to walk by this corner without thinking of you. Good luck to you, Brian, and do yourself proud.”

“Yes, sir,” Brian gave the kindly man a smile as they shook hands. He left the library then ran all the way home.

*****

“Hey, Dad, what is this?” Gus pointed to an index card that was in the album. They were up in Brian’s attic office. Gus was studying the treasures in the album while Brian worked at his computer. Kinnetik was working on several new accounts that required his attention. 

“What’s it look like?” Brian said from the other side of his computer screen.

“It looks like an old index card with numbers on it. I’ve never seen anything like this before.”

Brian got up from his desk to look at the card in the album.

“That, Sonny Boy, is the Dewey Decimal system.”

“The Dewey what?”

“The Dewey Decimal System. It was a way of cataloguing library books waaaay back in the stone age before all this modern technology,” Brian teased then he explained the system.

“Okay. Weird but okay. But what’s the card doing in here?”

“Not a fucking clue.”

“But this is your handwriting, isn’t it?”

In Brian’s distinctive scrawl, it said, “important keep,” on the card.

“Yeah, but I really don’t remember…” Brian slipped the card out of the page then turned it over. “Well fuck me,” he murmured.

“Dad?”

“It’s okay, Sonny Boy. Just a blast from the past.” Brian examined the card then jotted down the number before putting it back. “She probably never knew what this meant.”

“She who?”

“Old Joanie.”

“Okay, now I’m really confused.”

“Don’t be. Before we moved, before I met Michael and Debbie, I had a friend. A very good friend, although at the time I didn’t realize just how good of a friend he really was.”

“This isn’t the guy who, uh…”

“Took my cherry? No, before that. He was just a librarian who gave me some good advice. I was miserable for a long time when we moved. Our old neighborhood sucked but at least I knew what to expect. Now I was just another poor kid moving to the big city.”

“But then you met Uncle Michael and Grandma Deb?”

“Yeah, and Uncle Vic. You were just a baby when he died. He was a good man and a great cook. He loved you. He loved all of us. He had a big heart.”

“So does Debbie, when she’s not smacking you on the cheek,” Gus said. Father and son rubbed their cheeks at the thought of one of Debbie’s cuffs to the head.

“Yeah, she does have one hell of a right hook,” Brian admitted.

“Dad, did you really lose your virginity at fourteen?”

“Yes, I did. Not the smartest move I ever made but at least the guy wasn’t a total troll.”

“You had standards back then, huh?” Gus snickered.

“It’s never too early to be discriminating. He knew what he was doing even though he was doing it with a kid. I almost made the same mistake.”

“What do you mean?”

“Justin. He was a just a kid when we met. He looked twelve, especially the morning after. But that’s another story.”

“Dad, what that guy did to you, it could have been rape.”

“I know that now, but at the time I just wanted to do it. He wasn’t a bad guy, stupid but not bad. We both got what we wanted.”

“He used a condom, right?”

“Yes he did, thank the gods. I learned a couple of valuable lessons that day.”

“Like what?”

“Like fucking in the shower can be fun and that I was never going to bottom again.”

“But that changed, didn’t it?” Gus asked knowingly.

“Yes, it did,” Brian admitted. “But not for a long time after and for only one man.”

Brian winked at his son then closed the album. He had had enough for the day.