The First Fifty

Chapter 4

16 -20

“Pop,” Gus said with a frown.

“Yes,” Brian replied. He wondered what direction their conversation would take this time.

Gus was studying a picture in Joan’s album. “How did you and Michael become friends?” Gus asked as he looked at a picture of a very teenaged Brian and Michael.

“I met Michael the first day of high school. We kind of fell into being together.”

“I never thought you and Michael had all that much in common.”

“We’re gay,” Brian said as though that explained everything. Gus raised an eyebrow. “At that time and that place, gay was not … easy. We recognized each other right away. He … needed some support. Everyone knew he was gay.”

“Did they know you were gay?”

Brian thought about that for a moment. “I guess I could have got away with appearing straight. But I took my friend Robbie’s advice, and I decided, as Emmett would so eloquently say, ‘Fuck them all’. When I moved to the new house, I refused to let anyone push me around. I didn’t care if they knew I was gay. I stood up to the bullies, and the majority of them back down when you do that.”

Gus nodded. “Yeah, thank God.”

“Did you have some bad incidents?” Brian asked. He couldn’t remember Gus ever being bullied or pushed around because he was gay.

“You were a good role model, Pop. I stood up to a couple of guys, and thankfully they backed down too.”

“That’s my boy.”

“Did you always know you were gay?”

“Yeah, I think so,” Brian said slowly. “I did … do some things with girls, but I always knew…”

“You dated girls?” Gus asked in surprise.

“Once or twice.”

“Did … did you … you know?”

“Sleep with them?”

“Yeah.”

Brian shook his head. “Not till a long time after that photo was taken, but I did try it once or twice later on.”

“Did you like it?”

“Can’t say as I did.”

Gus chuckled. “Remember when I had that crush on Lacy.”

“Did you…?”

“No, Pop, I never, but I sure thought about it.”

“There’s always that little question in the back of your mind until you come to terms with who you are. I guess Ray helped you do that.”

“One hundred percent,” Gus said with a big smile.

*****

“So how was your date with Peggy?” Michael asked in a singsong voice, and with an evil glint in his eye. It wasn’t often he got something to hold over his tall friend, and he wanted to milk it for all it was worth.

“My date with Petunia was … wilting,” Brian said sticking his tongue in his cheek.

Michael cracked up. “What did you do on your date?”

“We went to a movie, some chick flick. The male lead was John Cusack, and he wasn’t even worth looking at.”

“What about the female lead?”

“Who cares?”

The boys were seated on the bleachers pretending to watch a football practice. Michael didn’t know why they were doing that, since neither of them were interested in football.

“So, did you kiss her at the end of the date?” Michael asked.

“Are you nuts?”

“What did you do? Shake her hand?”

“I didn’t want to touch her,” Brian said with a shudder.

Michael laughed. “Your mother thinks she’s doing you a favor by setting you up with all the daughters of her friends.”

“My fucking mother is crazy.”

“Why don’t you just tell her you’re gay?” Michael asked in all innocence.

“Mikey, your mother loves that you’re gay. Mine would have a fucking heart attack.” There was a pause while Brian thought about that. “Hm, maybe I should tell her.”

“You don’t mean that,” Michael said.

“The fuck I don’t.”

“Brian…”

“You have no idea, Mikey.”

“Yeah, maybe I don’t.”

‘Clueless,’ Brian thought, but he would never say that aloud to his friend.

“So, who are you after now?” Michael was well aware of Brian’s burgeoning reputation as the gay stud of Allegheny High. Brian could have anyone he wanted, and he seemed to want quite a lot of different guys.

Brian grinned. He looked over at the football field. 

“Not a football player?” Michael asked in amazement.

Brian shook his head, but then he said, “Already had a couple.”

“A couple?”

“Yes, Mikey, as in one or two.”

Michael found that hard to believe, but he had learned that Brian never lied. “Then who are you after today?”

Brian raised an eyebrow, but didn’t answer. The football practice was almost over on the field. The coach was talking to the players in a group. The cheerleaders who had been going through routines on the sidelines started to disperse. 

Michael noted that Brian’s gaze was following the cheerleaders not the football players. He knew Brian wouldn’t be interested in the girls so it must be…

As the cheerleaders walked by the bleachers, Michael saw a look pass between Brian and one of the boys on the cheerleading squad. Jason Kenworth. Michael caught the look from Jason in return.

Once the group had passed by, Brian stood up. “Gotta go, Mikey,” he said.

“Yeah, catch you later,” Michael said. He watched his friend head toward the parking lot where Jason had already got in his car while the rest of the cheerleading squad went into the school. Brian walked nonchalantly over to Jason’s car and got in. The car wasted no time in heading out.

Michael’s last thought was, “How does he do it?” 

*****

“Hey, look at this,” Brian exclaimed.

He and Gus had taken a little break from their stroll down Brian’s memory lane. It was well after dinner when the cottage was quiet that Brian opened up his album again.

“Grandmaw Deb with Uncle Vic?” Gus asked, pointing at the man in the photo.

“Yes. That’s a nice picture of them together. I wonder where Joan found it?”

“That was me,” Justin confessed as he joined them in the sun porch. He brought in a tray of hot cocoa. “Joan knew you were close with Debbie and Vic so she asked if I had a picture of the two of them. I didn’t but Michael did, and he sent me a copy. I hope you don’t mind?” Justin asked with some trepidation.

“No, I don’t mind, Sunshine,” Brian said as he got up from his chair to give Justin a hug. “Thank you. It’s a very nice picture.” Brian poured out three mugs of cocoa then served Gus and Justin.

“Debbie and Vic were very important to you,” Gus said as a statement.

“Yes. To me and to a lot of people,” Brian said softly as he blew on his cocoa and offered a crooked smile to Justin. “I can’t believe the shit that woman gets away with.” Brian and Justin chuckled at some of their own personal memories of Debbie.

“I wish I remembered Uncle Vic. I bet he had lots of stories to tell,” Gus said with a sigh.

“When you visit your mother, why don’t you stop by Deb’s and ask her about him. I’m sure she’ll give you an earful,” Justin suggested.

“That’s a great idea, Sonny Boy,” Brian agreed. “You know how Debbie loves to talk,” Brian snickered. “Just be prepared to eat!”

All three men laughed. No one got away from Debbie without having a full belly.

*****

“Hey, Kiddo,” Debbie greeted Brian as he slipped through the back door. He took off his jacket then hung it on the back of a chair. “I made your favorite!” Brian noted a huge tray of lasagna resting on the stove. The sauce was still bubbling. Brian went for the plates.

“Wash!” Debbie pointed a spatula toward the sink. Brian sighed but complied. He was hungry but knew better than to argue. “How’s school? You send out your college applications yet?”

“Yes, Maw, they all went out today.” He whined a little like Michael.

Brian dried his hands, took out the dishes and utensils then began to set the table. He looked up at Debbie for a minute. Debbie shook her head.

“Vic went back to New York for a while but he’s moving back here as soon as he gets things settled.” Brian nodded then set the table for three. “Where’s Mikey?” At that moment, the front door opened then slammed shut. Michael ran into the kitchen. He placed a sack of lemon bars on the counter.

“How many times have I told you not to slam the door?!” Debbie admonished her son with a kiss and a pinch to his cheeks.

“Sorry, Ma. Hi, Brian,” Michael said as he automatically went to wash his hands then sat down at the table.

Debbie started to dish out dinner. When everyone had an overflowing plate, Debbie quickly murmured some words of thanks.

“Eat, before it gets cold,” Debbie demanded. The boys dug in without argument.

“So what are you boys up to tonight?” Debbie asked after a while. “I’m workin’ the late shift.”

Brian rummaged around in his jacket pocket and pulled out a video tape.

“You got it!” Michael exclaimed around a forkful of pasta.

“Oh, really attractive,” Brian snarked as he waved the tape around in the air.

Debbie concentrated on the moving target for a minute until she realized what movie it was. 

“That Jennifer Grey is cute as the dickens,” Debbie commented. The boys exchanged looks. 

“Patrick Swayze!” they both said then sighed. Debbie rolled her eyes as she went to dish out more lasagna.

“Who’s for seconds?” The boys held up their plates.

*****

“Brian, did you and Michael really jerk off together while watching Dirty Dancing?” Justin asked later that night as they got ready for bed. Brian cracked up into a fit of giggles. It had been a while since Justin heard Brian giggle. Justin fell in love all over again and felt a bit of relief too.

“Yeah, I was a dork back then,” Brian admitted.

“You? A dork?” Justin teased as he slipped between their warm soft sheets.

“I had my moment of dorkiness, a brief moment,” Brian qualified.

“I’m sure,” Justin snickered.

“How about you, little boy? Who did you shoot your load for?” Brian teased his spouse, running his fingers over Justin’s dick.

“Stop it.” Justin blushed then poked Brian in a tickle spot. Brian flinched and giggled more.

“Aw, Sunshine, you can tell me,” Brian urged. “I promise I won’t tell a soul.”

“Nope, I think I’ll keep you guessing,” Justin said smugly then turned over to face Brian. He ran his fingers over Brian’s ribs, tickling those very vulnerable spots.

“Oh, no you don’t!” Brian said snatching at the marauding fingers.

For a few minutes there was a true test of wills. The boys rolled around on their large bed, tickling, teasing and torturing.

“Give up?” Brian asked triumphantly as he used his larger frame to pin down his Sunshine. They both were breathing heavily.

“For now,” Justin marginally gave in. He smiled up at Brian. Brian leaned down and gave Justin a loving kiss. “Are you okay?” Justin asked with concern as he searched the hazel eyes. Brian understood what Justin was asking.

“I am.” Brian kissed Justin’s nose before rolling off the bed. He stood at the side of their bed looking at the mess they had made of the sheets and blankets. “Up.” Justin got up and the two righted the bed.

“I’m still a little pissed at the world,” Brian admitted. “But I’m glad that she went in peace.” Brian sighed, the tears welling up in his eyes as he smoothed out the duvet.

Justin hurried to Brian’s side, pushing him down onto the bed under the blanket. Justin got in and pressed his body close to Brian. Without words, the lovers clung to each other as they slipped into sleep.

***** 

“Hey,” Brian whispered with a sleep raspy voice the next morning.

“Hey,” Justin replied, staring into his eyes.

“I’m fine.” Justin’s eyebrows went up. “Honest.” Brian wriggled out one hand to make his pledge. “You were right that I needed to do this.”

“Do what?”

“Examine the album with Gus. For myself as well as for him. Make peace with my past,” Brian sighed and rolled his eyes. “God, I sound like such a fag spouting clichés.”

“But it’s true, isn’t it?”

“Yeah, it is. It’s like I can’t move forward until I acknowledge the past - all of the past, the good and the bad.”

“And can you admit that it wasn’t all as bad as you thought it was?”

“No, I can’t. My childhood sucked and I won’t sugar coat it. But I understand why it was like it was. And I can put it aside. Jack was a miserable old fucker who had a few moments of humanity. I owe him my thick hide and my determination.”

“And Joan? What do you think you owe her?”

“Not sure, yet. Everything and nothing. I’ll get back to you on that one,” Brian conceded. Justin’s stomach rumbled. Justin blushed as Brian chuckled. “I hear and obey,” Brian said as he jumped out of bed.

Taking Brian’s extended hand, Justin allowed himself to be pulled into a tight hug. 

“Thank you,” Brian murmured into the golden hair.

“For what?”

“For putting up with me all these years.”

“My pleasure,” Justin said with a kiss and more stomach noises.

“Come on, I’m sure the rest of the cottage is in agreement with your stomach.”

The boys performed their morning rituals then went to the kitchen to start breakfast.