Standing in the Light

Chapter 6

Brian and Emmett knocked on Jason's door. The boy did not answer. They tried again with the same result.

"Do you think he's run away?" Emmett asked worried.

Brian tried the knob and the door opened. Jason lay on his bed staring at the ceiling.

"Emmett!" Jason said ignoring the fact that Brian had opened the door and had been the first to enter the room.

Brian thought he had detected a brief glimmer of hurt in the boy's face, but then a wall had gone up and he had chosen to speak to Emmett. Brian understood those walls all too well. Jason was protecting himself, pushing Brian away before Brian could do the same to him.

"So how's it going?" Emmett asked.

Brian tried not to make a face at Emmett's pathetic attempt at conversation with the boy.

"I'm all right. I'm glad to see you," Jason said with a tiny smile and a glance at Brian to see his reaction. "What's he doing here?" Jason asked Emmett and nodding towards Brian.

"Bri … um, Andrew came with me to talk to you. We have a proposal for you."

"If it involves him," Jason said his voice full of venom, "I don't want any fucking part of it."

Brian knew that Jason was lashing out, taking his hurt out on him. But it didn't stop it from hurting anyway. "Emmett will explain what could happen, and it has little to do with me," Brian said.

"Then why don't you get lost?" Jason said refusing to even look at Brian any longer.

"Emmett," Brian said, "you talk to Jason. I'll be downstairs when you're through."

"Um … sure," Emmett agreed.

Brian looked over at Jason who refused to make eye contact with him. He felt badly that he couldn't make things better between them, but this seemed to be Jason's way of coping with his unrequited feelings. Brian knew that feelings were very powerful things. It had taken him years of practice to perfect the impression that he didn't have any. He hoped Jason wasn't headed down the same road, but that looked like what might be happening. He quietly closed the door behind him.

He waited for a moment until he heard their muffled voices through the door. Jason was at least talking, even if it wasn't to him. He was glad of that. The boy needed someone. He sincerely hoped that Emmett could convince the boy to go to Debbie's. He remembered that Emmett had made the comparison with another fourteen year old who had found refuge at Debbie's. That was such a long time ago, he thought, as he made his way down the stairs.

Emmett had asked Jason how he was and had gotten a sullen answer to the effect of what difference did it make. Once Brian was gone Jason was no longer so defiant. It was like he had given up.

"Are you willing to listen to my proposal?" Emmett asked.

"Why bother? I'm going to Red Wheel. Nobody wants me and nobody cares what happens to me, so I don't care about anything anymore either." Jason sat on his bed his arms folded on his chest, staring at the floor.

"What if you had somewhere else to go, not Red Wheel?"

"What do you mean?" Jason asked venturing a brief glance in Emmett's direction.

"Do you remember Debbie that came with me when I picked you up?"

"The freaky woman with the red wig?"

"That's the one. I live in her house."

"Jesus, are you that big a freak too?"

"Some people would say so, but the point is that Debbie is willing to have you come live at her house … with her and me," Emmett added.

"What? Why would she do that?" Jason asked looking up and staring at Emmett.

"Debbie's a great person once you get to know her. You would have your own room. It used to be her son Michael's, and she'll make sure you have good meals and go to school."

"Like that's an incentive to go live there!"

Emmett chuckled. At least one of Jason's reactions was a typical teenage one. "You will have an opportunity to live a normal life in a … semi-normal home. What do you say?"

"Like I could have a normal anything?" Jason reacted. "Do you know how long I've been here? I was in the first group of kids that Andrew brought here after Safe Haven opened. I was the youngest, the smallest. I'm the only one left and nobody wants me."

"Debbie and I do," Emmett said sincerely. "I'm not saying it will be easy, but it's worth a try, don't you think?"

Jason studied Emmett. He wanted to tell him to fuck off. He did not want to get his hopes up because they would eventually be crushed. That had happened several times when he was little. People had come to see about adopting him and it had always fallen through. That was when he learned that no one would ever love him, would ever want him. Except for Andrew. He had banked everything on Andrew and Andrew had abandoned him. He couldn't let these people do it to him again. He couldn't stand it.

"I don't trust you," Jason said bluntly. He would push the limits and see how quickly they turned away and left him, just like all the others.

"Trust is earned," Emmett replied. He knew they were at a critical juncture and he had to choose his words carefully. "I thought you trusted me a bit when you called me the other day."

"I … I…" Jason began. "Well, you were wrong. I don't trust anybody!" He was shouting now.

"Then don't trust. Come and live at Deb's and if you don't like it you can always go to Red Wheel anyway."

Emmett hadn't got mad at his outburst. He hadn't told him to fuck off. He hadn't hit him. Maybe there was something to this offer. "If I agree, I can still go to Red Wheel if I hate it at your place?"

"That's what I said, but I'm offering you this because I didn't think you wanted to go to Red Wheel."

"Are there rules?"

"Of course," Emmett said scrambling inside his head to think what rules there should be.

"Like what?"

"Um … we'd have to sit down with Deb and work those out," Emmett said finally, glad to get himself off the hook before he had to make up a litany of do's and don'ts.

"We? Me too?"

"I don't see why not," Emmett said hoping he wasn't promising something he couldn't deliver.

"Well … maybe we could try it," Jason said slowly. He wondered what he was getting himself into. At least this would get him away from Andrew and this fucking place and Red Wheel and the other snotty little kids.

He thought about Andrew. He had always admired the man, had loved him from the first day he had met him. He wasn't sure when his feelings had become something more, but he would never let anyone hurt him like that again.

"Then it's a deal," Emmett was saying. "All we have to do is work out the details. I'll go see Andrew about doing that right now." He opened the door and disappeared from the room.

Jason understood that Andrew held his life in his hands, and he could crush it and him at any turn. Andrew would be happy to get rid of him though, so he would make Emmett's plan happen. Jason flopped down on the bed and took a deep breath. He was scared but also a little excited. This would almost be like having a family, and he hadn't had one of those for a long time, since he was a very little boy.

Then reality hit. "Don't get your hopes up, stupid," he muttered to himself and buried his face in his pillow.

Emmett made his way downstairs to speak to Brian. He still had difficulty comprehending what Brian had revealed earlier. All the years that he had known Brian he had never suspected that the man was capable of anything like this. He found Brian and Blanche in her office discussing Safe Haven business.

"What did he say?" Brian asked as soon as he saw Emmett.

"He was kind of reluctant, but he agreed to give it a try."

Brian let out a breath. He was glad that Jason was going to Debbie's. It was probably the best place for him, but he knew it complicated his wish to keep his role at Safe Haven a secret. "Then to Debbie's it is," he said. Emmett gave him a look but said nothing.

"I've contacted the Child Welfare people and they could interview Debbie and do a home visit next week," Blanche said.

"That fast?" Emmett asked.

"We want what's best for the children. I asked them to put a rush on it and so did Andrew," Blanche explained. Emmett glanced at Brian again. Blanche noted the unspoken exchange and wondered what was going on. "I just have to tell them to go ahead."

"I should check with Deb first," Emmett said.

"You do that, let Blanche know and we might just get Jason to Debbie's in time for his birthday," Brian said.

"Oh, we can have a party and everything!" Emmett gushed already planning what kind of theme they could use to make a special party for Jason.

Brian groaned. He would be expected to be there. He would have to come up with a good excuse. "So we're all set then," he said.

They both nodded. His fate was sealed.

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Brian arrived late to the loft. He had worked on into darkness having used up most of his morning at Safe Haven. Running his own business had its advantages but it also meant that the ultimate responsibility for everything rested with him. If work was going to get completed on schedule sometimes he had to stay and do it.

He unlocked the door and entered the loft. There was no sign of Justin. He wondered where the lad had got to. It was almost ten o'clock, but he was usually home when Brian got there. He shed his clothes and went to stand in the shower. He still had a lot to think about as far as the Jason business was concerned.

As the warm water washed over him and soothed his nerves he thought about all the years that Safe Haven had been in existence. Overall they had been very productive and satisfying years. He wondered why that had had to come to a screeching halt with Emmett and Justin finding out about his involvement in the home. He didn't understand why things couldn't have continued the way they had been.

He shut off the shower, toweled off and threw on some sweats. He went out to the computer desk and was going to try to work some more, but he didn't really want to. He looked at the book shelf behind the computer and pulled out an old binder that was housed there. He fished through one of the drawers in his desk until he found the piece of paper he was looking for. He carried it and the binder over to the sofa and sat down.

He opened the binder at the back and selected one of the extra plastic pockets stored there. He carefully inserted the sheet of paper into the clear plastic. He looked at the drawing of himself and Joey standing side by side facing the world. Joey was a great little kid. He seemed to be doing so well at Safe Haven. The school was pleased with how he had fit in and his reports were good. He had a friend in Cheryl. His kidney seemed to be recovering from where he had been kicked. His cast would come off in a week or so. Why couldn't every child turn out so well?

Brian's mind immediately went back to Jason. He flipped back a few pages and found what he was looking for. It was a letter that Jason had written to him a couple of years ago. It said how much he liked Safe Haven and how he loved Andrew and Blanche. His words had seemed so innocent and pure at that time. And they had been. Now they could be interpreted very differently. Brian was pretty sure that Jason might still love Andrew, but at the moment he also hated him.

Brian flipped through the rest of the book stopping every once in a while to look at something more closely or read the words of a child that he remembered fondly. Once or twice he wiped away a tear as something really struck at the strings of his heart. He wondered why these children from abusive homes had taken time to pay him tribute with their drawings and letters and poems. Maybe it was because they recognized a kindred spirit in him. He shook his head at the injustice of it all.

Just then the loft door was pulled back and Justin came bustling in. He dropped his messenger bag by the door and walked towards Brian who had closed the binder and was trying to stuff it inconspicuously behind a cushion on the sofa. Justin watched sensing that Brian didn't want him to let on that he had seen anything. He did, however, make note of what Brian was stashing away.

"Hey," Brian said turning towards him.

"Hey yourself."

"Where have you been?"

"I went over to Daph's and we had a couple of beers and caught up on things."

"And what might darling Daphne be up to these days?" Brian asked with a smirk.

"She just broke up with the latest boyfriend and is working on getting another one."

"Are you sure she isn't waiting for you?"

"She'll be waiting a long time then," Justin said sliding onto Brian's lap.

Brian chuckled. "One encounter between you two was enough?" he asked tongue in cheek.

"Don't remind me," Justin replied wrinkling his nose in distaste.

Brian kissed his cheek. He was glad Justin was home. It scared him how much he missed his boy when he wasn't there.

"What have you been up to?" Justin asked trying to avoid looking at what Brian had stuffed in the sofa, but catching enough of it to know the color and maybe find it later.

"I was working until almost ten."

"How come?"

"I met with Emmett this morning and I got behind as a result."

"You did? How did that go?"

"It looks like Debbie's going to apply to foster Jason."

"No shit! I'm glad for Jason. She was great with me when I stayed there."

"I don't think Jason's quite so appreciative of the offer. But he says he'll give it a try," Brian explained.

"He'll like Debbie once he gets to know her."

"Yeah," Brian agreed.

"This is going to be a bit messy if Jason goes to Deb's. He knows you as Andrew. What are you going to do?"

"I don't know," Brian admitted. "I think it's all going to come out even though I don't want it to."

"I think you should just tell them."

"They wouldn't fucking believe me," Brian said shaking his head.

"But Emmett and I would be there to verify."

"Don't you think it's odd that my fucking friends would need verification?"

Justin could hear the hurt in Brian's voice. "You have created a unique dilemma," he whispered against Brian's ear.

"I don't want to think about it anymore."

"Maybe I can help take your mind off it," Justin whispered pulling on Brian's ear lobe with his teeth.

"Unh," Brian reacted. "You can always get my mind and my body on to other things."

"I want your body on mine," Justin said taking Brian's hand and leading him up the steps to the bedroom.

They quickly disposed of their clothing and fell onto the bed. Justin climbed atop Brian and began licking and kissing all over his face and chest. He looked down and noted the reaction he was getting. He nipped at Brian's neck and sucked on his breasts biting softly.

"I thought you wanted me on top of your body," Brian said against Justin's hair.

"This is good," Justin said with a grin. "I'm going to ride you."

"Are you now, my little bull rider?"

"Yee haw," Justin said and slapped at Brian's hip like he would a horse.

"Let's not get carried away, Hopalong," Brian chuckled.

"Who's Hopalong?" Justin asked continuing to buck against Brian's groin.

"Hopalong Cassidy. Your movie and television knowledge is sorely lacking."

"That's because I wasn't around in the Golden Days of TV back in the fifties," Justin said smugly, "unlike one of us."

"You little shit!" Brian reacted flipping Justin onto his back.

"I can't ride you from down here," Justin said with a giggle.

"Then saddle me up and get to work. I'm ready," Brian said falling onto his back and reaching for the lube and condom from the nightstand.

Justin slid the condom slowly down Brian's dick never taking his eyes off Brian's face. He smiled as he lifted up and squirted lube on his fingers. He worked them into his hole opening himself while Brian watched with lust in his eyes.

"I'm ready too," he said his voice husky with desire.

He squirted some more lube smoothing it along Brian's length. Brian held his cock upright as Justin slowly sat down on it, taking it all inside with a whiff of expelled air and a look of sheer pleasure on his face as he adjusted to being filled.

"It will be all right, Brian," Justin said as he began to slowly move up and down Brian's cock. He stared into Brian's eyes as he let the feelings flow through him. He worked the muscles around his hole constricting and releasing. Brian thrust up into each twist and turn and the ride soon had them both gasping in anticipation. The release was strong and long and satisfying. When Justin rolled away they both felt the loss and looked at each other.

"It's always so good with you," Brian admitted.

Justin slid closer and smiled at Brian. "Only one of the many reasons I'm here," he said softly. "I love you."

"I know," Brian replied and then pulled Justin onto his chest, his head under his jaw. He mouthed, "I love you too."

Justin felt the movement against his scalp and smiled. They fell asleep like that.