Standing in the Light

Chapter 4

A couple of days later Brian entered Safe Haven. Blanche had called him and he knew he had to make time for his talk with Jason. The boy was getting into more and more trouble. He had gotten himself suspended from school for starting a fire in some boy's locker. He had been singularly unrepentant when he was confronted. Blanche had managed to get them to refrain from pressing charges, but Jason was under house arrest, so to speak, at Safe Haven for the next week. Blanche was worried that he was going to pull a runner.

Blanche met Andrew inside the front doors.

"Where is he?" Brian/Andrew asked.

"He's up in his room. He's very belligerent. What's worse, he doesn't seem to care what happens to him," she explained.

"I'm not sure what I can say to him," Andrew admitted with a sigh.

"You have to try. Somebody needs to get through to that boy before he really goes off the deep end."

"I'll try."

Blanche nodded and Andrew made his way up the stairs. He tapped lightly on the door to Jason's room. There was no answer. He knocked louder. Finally the door was yanked open.

"Andrew?" a surprised Jason said.

"That's right. Why didn't you answer the first time?" Andrew asked.

"I wasn't going to answer at all," Jason said belligerently crossing his arms on his chest.

"What kind of attitude is that?"

"The one I have right now," Jason said defiantly.

"Can we sit down and talk for a few minutes?" Andrew asked.

"Not unless it's to tell me that I can stay here."

"You know I can't do that."

"Then get out."

"Jason…"

"I don't want to talk to you anymore."

"This attitude isn't going to solve anything."

"Neither is anything you have to say."

"You have your whole life ahead of you. Red Wheel House is a nice place. They'll look after you. No one will hurt you there," Andrew added as an afterthought.

"Like no one hurt me here," Jason said bitterly.

"Did someone hurt you?" Andrew asked ready to fire anyone who might have injured one of his charges.

"Only you!" Jason declared. "But you don't care, so it doesn't matter." The bitterness was clearly evident in Jason's voice.

"I didn't mean to hurt you. I only wanted to help you," Andrew said softly.

"Then why can't you love me?"

"We do love you. We love all the children here."

"That's not what I mean … and you know it!" Jason practically screamed at him.

"Jason…" Andrew said and reached for the boy's hand. He felt Jason try to pull away but he refused to release him. The next thing he knew Jason's arms were around his neck and he was hugging Brian with every ounce of his strength.

"Please don't make me leave," the boy begged.

"Jason," Andrew said gently, "Jason." Carefully he pushed Jason away trying to be forceful but kind. "You know what the rules are," he said with as much compassion as he could muster. He wanted to take the boy in his arms and tell him everything would be all right, but he knew Jason would interpret that the wrong way. It would merely make matters worse.

"I … I love you," Jason cried the tears rolling down his cheeks.

"I've told you that that is not possible, not in the way that you mean," Andrew said trying to remain calm. He wished he knew the right thing to say. Nothing he did seemed to be making this any better.

"I … I told Emmett that I'm gay. I know I am. And I love you. I want to be with you. Don't send me away. Please!" Jason's voice was verging on hysterical.

Brian sighed. He had no idea what to do now. He had suspected for some time that Jason was gay, that Jason's affection for him was very different from that of the other children. He had tried first to ignore it and then to let Jason down gently without really dealing with it. Now he had to face it, and the distraught young man in front of him.

"Jason, I think we need to get you some counseling. I know how difficult the teenage years are, and being gay…"

"Don't you fucking try to foist me off on someone else!" Jason's words came with a cold, cutting edge. "If you don't want me and Safe Haven doesn't want me, then I don't want any of you!" he screamed. "Fuck you! Fuck all of you!"

He dashed past Andrew before he be could grabbed. He raced down the stairs almost falling in his haste but not caring. Breaking his neck would be preferable to the humiliation and rejection he had just experienced with Andrew.

Andrew followed close behind calling Jason's name. Blanche appeared out of her office as Jason darted by. The boy was out the front door as Andrew and Blanche met at the bottom of the stairs.

"What happened?" Blanche asked.

"He … it didn't go well," Andrew said simply.

"Should I call the police?"

"We have to wait twenty-four hours for it to be official, but call the officer that investigated the locker fire. Maybe he can get some people looking for Jason a little sooner."

"You don't think he'll come back on his own?"

Andrew shook his head. "Highly unlikely. I fucked it up really good."

"He's been in love with you for months. Nothing anybody said could change his mind."

"I know. I thought it was a crush that would wear off. Obviously I was wrong. Now he hates me and this place and his life. He has nowhere to go."

"He'll end up on the streets," Blanche said shaking her head.

"If we don't find him … and if he doesn't do something drastic first."

"You don't think he'd …"

"I don't know. He was out of his mind when he ran out. His whole world is collapsing around him. He could do anything."

"Shit!" Blanche said. She never swore, but Brian understood the word expressed her darkest fears. She went back into her office to call the police officer. Andrew went out to his car to drive around and see if he could spot Jason. If he did, he had no idea what he could possibly say to him.

A couple of hours later Andrew parked the Corvette outside Safe Haven. He had searched everywhere that he could think of and had found no sign of Jason. He had driven along all the streets in the area. He had stopped the car and asked total strangers if they had seen a boy fitting the description that he gave them. He was exhausted from worry and tension. He prayed that Blanche would have good news for him when he went inside.

He pushed open the front door of Safe Haven half expecting to find the foyer full of cops and reporters. He looked around wondering where Blanche was. Suddenly she came rushing out of her office.

"Andrew," she said, "we've found him. Emmett Honeycutt, the volunteer, just called to say that Jason had contacted him.

"Thank God!" Andrew reacted. "Is he all right?"

"Emmett talked to him on the phone. He said Jason was very upset, but he had managed to get the boy to tell him where he was."

"Where is he?"

"Emmett didn't say. He was going to go pick him up and try to get him to come back here."

"I don't think Jason's going to want to do that," Andrew said shaking his head.

"Emmett said he was borrowing a friend's car and might take Jason back there if he wouldn't come back to Safe Haven."

"I see," Andrew said. "Do we have any counselor volunteers that we could hook Jason up with? He needs to talk to someone, and it can't be me."

"I'll see what I can do," Blanche said. "Why don't you go home? We know where Jason is. Emmett won't let anything happen to him."

"Keep me informed. If he returns here … or if anything else happens, I want to know."

"Of course."

"I'm going then," Andrew said. He was exhausted.

As he climbed into the Corvette he wondered how Emmett was doing with Jason. That boy was a handful, but he seemed to trust Emmett. It was good to have someone to trust. He thought back to his teenage years and how he had learned to trust Debbie and Michael. He wondered if Emmett would end up taking Jason back to Deb's. Brian's secret life and his real life were suddenly overlapping in a very disconcerting way.

iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii

Brian lifted the gate on the elevator. He inserted his key and pulled back the door to the loft.

"Justin," he called. There was no response. Justin wasn't there.

Brian got rid of his briefcase and coat and went up to the bedroom. He put on some jeans and an old T-shirt feeling wiped. He walked down the steps and over to the bar cart. He needed a drink. He poured himself a tumbler full of Beam and carried it back up to the bedroom. He wondered where Justin could be as he dropped down onto the bed. He propped some pillows behind him and leaned against them. He took a sip of the liquor feeling its pleasant burn all the way down. He let out a big sigh.

His mind went back to Jason. He had really fucked up big time with that kid. The funny thing was, he liked Jason, had always liked him. He was a tough little boy when he first came to Safe Haven, but troubled too. Always troubled. He had been in trouble on and off all the time that he had been at Safe Haven. Usually it was small stuff and Blanche had handled it. Now it seemed to be getting more serious, more dangerous. Jason had been involved in shoplifting, setting a fire in another student's locker and now running away. Each time Blanche had called the boy on his shit, made him make restitution and then had followed through with some kind of punishment. What more could have been done?

Brian took a long drink of the Beam. He felt his stomach momentarily revolt. He didn't drink like he used to. He was getting out of practice. A lot had changed since the bout with cancer. He pushed that thought away.

Jason needed some professional help, Brian decided. He hoped Blanche could find someone who would take him on. Usually there were some psychologists or counselors who offered their time pro bono to Safe Haven. Occasionally they got a psychiatrist with an altruistic streak. He thought that was probably what Jason needed.

He wondered what his part in all of this had to do with how it had turned out. If Jason hadn't fallen in love with him, hadn't had a crush on him, would he have left Safe Haven more easily? Would he have been more willing to give Red Wheel a chance? He'd never know, but he still felt the responsibility.

He finished off the Beam and closed his eyes. Somewhere deep inside him was the scared fourteen year old who had walked into that shower with his coach. He wondered what would have happened if the coach had rejected him instead of letting him suck him off. He frowned. Jason had many things in common with him, but he couldn't pretend to love the boy, not the way he wanted him to. He did love him as one of his charges, as someone who needed his help, but not as a lover. And that was what Jason wanted. He didn't want to suck Brian off, although he probably would have with any encouragement. Maybe that was the difference between him and Jason. Jason was looking for someone to love him. Brian had never looked for that, had never even wanted that. He didn't believe in love.

Until Justin. His life had somehow started when Justin Taylor had walked into it. All the things he had claimed he never wanted suddenly were possible. And he found himself wanting them, especially when it looked like they would be ripped away from him. They had survived the bashing, Ethan, his own stubbornness and pride. He had almost succeeded in driving Justin away. Thank God the boy was even more stubborn than he was.

"Brian?" Justin's voice called from the loft door.

"Up here," Brian replied not getting up.

"Is something wrong?" Justin asked coming up the steps and seeing him lying on the bed. "Are you sick?"

"Waiting for you," Brian said softly.

"Did you start without me?" Justin asked as he slid on the bed beside Brian.

"Never," Brian said with a grin. He stared at the beautiful face in front of him. He didn't know how he had got so lucky to find this young man, but he couldn't conceive of a life without him, not any more.

"Is something wrong?" Justin asked again as Brian continued to study his face.

"I had a rough day."

"What happened?"

Brian sighed and then realized that he could tell Justin. Justin knew about Safe Haven. He could share everything with him. "It's about Safe Haven."

"Is Joey all right?"

"Joey's fine. It's another boy, Jason."

"I don't think I met him when I was there," Justin said thinking back.

"Probably not. He's one of the older boys, almost fourteen. He will be moving to another facility after his birthday."

"Oh," Justin said, "is that a rule?"

Brian nodded. "He's been fighting it … and he seems to have a crush on me."

Justin giggled and then stopped when he realized that Brian was being totally serious. "So what happened with Jason?"

"I tried to talk to him, but he wasn't listening to any of it. He pulled a runner. I was out driving around looking for him for hours."

"Is he still missing? I could go out with you?" Justin offered.

"He's with Emmett," Brian said.

"Emmett?"

"Yep, Emmett. Much prefers him to me," Brian said with a wry smile.

"What the fuck is going on?"

"Apparently Emmett befriended Jason when he was volunteering. He called Emmett after he ran away."

"Where are they?"

"I don't know. Maybe at Debbie's. Maybe he got him to go back to Safe Haven, although I doubt it. Blanche is supposed to call me as soon as she learns anything more."

"At least he's safe," Justin observed.

"Yeah," Brian agreed. "If he's at Deb's he might get crushed in one of her bear hugs."

"That is a hazard," Justin giggled.

Just then Brian's cell rang. He grabbed it from the nightstand. "Yeah," he said. "That's good … you think he'll stay put? … I hope so. Thanks for letting me know." Brian shut the phone and took a deep breath. "He's back at Safe Haven."

"That's a relief. Will he stay?" Justin asked resting his head on Brian's chest and drawing little circles with his fingers on Brian's T-shirt.

"Blanche seems to think so, at least for now."

"I wonder if it was Jason that Emmett wanted to talk to you about?" Justin asked.

"Now that I know Jason had talked to him, that's probably what it was."

"Are you going to meet with Emmett? Or should I say, are you going to let him see who you are?"

Brian thought about that. He really wanted to keep his role in Safe Haven to himself, but that seemed rather impossible the way things were going. If they were going to help Jason, he and Emmett needed to work together. He was going to have to tell the man and pray that he would keep it a secret.

"I think I'm going to have to tell Emmett. We need to work together," Brian said.

"For Jason's sake."

"Yeah."

"Emmett will be cool about it," Justin said.

"I hope so."

"Why don't you let me help you take your mind off things," Justin said lifting Brian's T-shirt over his head.

"I'm not sure that's possible."

"I have very talented fingers and lips and cock," Justin said confidently.

"I know you do."

Justin smiled his best room-warming smile. It always pleased him when Brian complimented him on his sexual prowess, when Brian complimented him on anything.

Brian's jeans disappeared as Justin continued to disrobe the man. Brian lay totally acquiescent on the bed. He loved it when Justin took charge especially after a hard day like today. Sometimes being the alpha male and always being in charge wore on his nerves and his stamina. When he let Justin take over he could relinquish all that. He knew Justin would never hurt him and that whatever they did together stayed between them. His reputation would still be intact no matter what he allowed Justin to do. And sometimes Justin did things to him that he could scarcely believe.

He felt Justin's hand encircle his stiffening cock. The boy slid his hand up and down the shaft a few times making him hard with anticipation. Suddenly he felt Justin's lips capture the head of his dick and suck … hard. Brian cried out and arched up.

Justin smiled as he held Brian's cock in his hand and watched the reaction. It never ceased to amaze him the noises he could elicit from this man. He could make him whimper and groan and moan and call his name and cry like a baby and beg with the best of them. Right now though he wanted to pleasure his man, wanted to take away the pain and exhaustion. He looked into Brian's eyes before his head descended to its prize.

Some time later Brian lay in absolute bliss with Justin sucking the last drops from his softening dick. The boy could do a blowjob like no one else on Earth. And he had tried most of those willing to give them. He sighed and turned his head to look at his young lover. The boy had moved up to rest on the pillow next to Brian. Justin's eyes studied him.

"Like what you see, Sunshine?" Brian asked.

"You look so sexy and … happy. I want to draw you," Justin said with a smile.

"So what's stopping you?" Brian asked.

"I don't want to be separated from you," Justin said simply looking at his fingers which were linked through Brian's.

Brian felt tears well up. That simple statement meant so much to him. He leaned over and kissed Justin softly. The boy was still fully clothed, but that didn't seem to matter to either of them.

"I don't want to be separated either," Brian whispered. "Come here," he asked.

Justin scooted closer and Brian pulled him partly onto his chest. "Heart to heart," he thought as he sighed in sheer contentment. Justin always made things better.