Chapter 15

They had spent a quiet day at their house on Saturday. Brian had played some games with Luke and Justin, careful not to overdo it, always being watched like a hawk by Luke who was in full on nurse mode for the rest of the day.

Gus had hidden away in Justin's studio for several hours, but seemed to be better when he had emerged later that afternoon. He had joined his fathers and Luke in their games and together they had played and laughed for another hour before it had been time for Luke and Justin to start preparing dinner.

Luke loved helping Justin cook and loved learning all about the different foods and how to prepare them. This was their thing, their one on one time that they spent together, much like Brian and Luke connected over soccer.

At first Luke had refused to leave Brian's side, but when Gus had promised his younger brother, that he would take good care of their Dad, Luke had given in and had gone to the kitchen with Justin.

While they had cooked, Justin had carefully asked some questions, wanting to see how Luke was handling things. As expected, he was scared for his father and was worried, but all in all he seemed to be okay. As okay as he could be under the circumstances. Yes, there were some tears, but Justin hadn't expected otherwise.

He marvelled at how resilient kids could be and marvelled at how well Luke seemed to handle everything. While they had talked, Luke had promised to take good care of his Daddy and his new baby brother or sister when the baby was there and promised to help in any way he could.

Justin couldn't help but smile at that, appreciating how much Luke wanted to help in whatever way he could. He made sure to remind his son that it was also important that he continued to do well in school and continued to hang out with his friends as he normally would and that he wasn't supposed to stop his normal life to be by his father's side all the time.

At first Luke had seemed reluctant to not spend any free minute with his Daddy, but when Justin had pointed out that his daddy would want him to continue to be the happy boy that he was and would want him to continue to have fun with his friends because that would make him very happy, Luke had agreed. Making his father happy was something he could get behind.

While Justin and Luke had been cooking away in the kitchen, Brian had sat down with Gus and had talked to him some more. Gus seemed quieter and Brian couldn't help but wonder if maybe Justin had been right. Maybe the time in the studio had just been what Gus had needed.

They had talked some more about the cancer, the treatment and the baby, Gus asking many questions, trying to understand everything that was going to happen in the next weeks and months, but during that conversation Brian got the overall feeling that maybe Gus would be alright. Or as alright as he could be under the circumstances.

It was obvious that his sonny boy was growing up and Brian had been impressed with how astute Gus' take on the whole situation had been. Gus had said to Brian that he knew that the next weeks and months would be hard and stressful and that that was okay. They would be fine. He knew that his fathers would be busy with Brian and the baby, he understood that they might have less time for him and Luke and he told Brian that it was okay.

At first Brian had tried to contradict Gus, had tried to tell him that he and Justin would never be too busy for Gus and Luke, but that was when he realised how much Gus had grown up and how astute he was. Gus pointed out that with Brian being sick and having the chemotherapy and them having a new baby of course they would be focused on those and not on him and Luke and Gus assured him that it would be alright. That he was sure they would have lots of friends and family around to help and that Gus would make sure that Luke would be alright as well. Much like Justin, Gus had clearly told Brian that he was not to worry about anyone else but himself and Brian grew quite wistful when he thought back to the small boy that had first come to live with him more than eight years ago.

Gus was truly growing up and Brian felt guilty because he knew that his sickness and their current situation were only making Gus grow up faster at a time when he should be enjoying his own childhood and teenage years.

He vowed to himself that he would make sure that Gus would still enjoy this time in his life and wouldn't grow up before he had to. Brian wanted him to have a happy childhood and happy teenage years, wanted him to have fun with his friends and not sit at home day in and out worrying about his sick father. He would talk to Justin and together they would figure out a way to make sure that both boys stayed just that: boys!

After a nice dinner the whole family settled down in the media room and watched a movie together. Justin had purposely chosen a comedy, so that there would be laughter and fun.

All in all it was a pretty good day and when the kids had gone to bed and Brian and Justin decided to retire to their own bedroom, the weight on their shoulders seemed slightly less heavy. They were both optimistic that the boys would be alright and would make it through this in one piece and that made them both less tense.

They fooled around for a bit and had some sex to take their mind of things and fell asleep in each other's arms, feeling slightly better and slightly more optimistic than the night before. Maybe they could do this. As a family. Together.

***

“Stop it,” Justin admonished, when Brian once again squeezed his thigh in an almost painful way.

“Sorry,” Brian just mumbled, pulling his hand back into his own lap.

They were on their way into Pittsburgh to Debbie's place where they would have their weekly family dinner. Over the years as their family had grown once more, they had started to have the family dinners in different places each Sunday. They would have it at Britin one week, in Debbie's place another week, then move on to Ted's and Blake's house and Emmett's and Drew's, before having it in Jennifer's home and then starting all over.

A long time ago it had been decided that they didn't want Debbie to have to cook for everyone every single week, no matter how much the matriarch of their little mismatched family might like it. Debbie wasn't the youngest anymore and it wasn't fair to leave her with all the work, just like it wasn't fair to have the dinner at Britin every week where Brian and Justin would be left with the clean-up. Quickly everyone had agreed on the rotating schedule and now they had the dinner somewhere else every week.

The whole ride it had been obvious that Brian was nervous which in itself was very unlike Brian. Brian Kinney didn't do nervous. He was always focused, business-like, but nervous was not an adjective anyone would use to describe him. Today however, he was definitely nervous.

Justin knew that it was because of the news they would have to share with the family. He knew that Brian didn't want to tell anyone about his cancer but had to. Brian knew that there was no other way, but Justin also knew that if it was Brian's choice, he would just not mention it at all. Which was not an option.

Brian hated pity in any form and Justin knew that much of his aversion with letting the others know had to do with his fear that they would pity him and would see him as weak now that he was sick, but another, probably much larger part was the fact that Brian hated to cause anyone pain and he knew that people would hurt over this news. Especially Debbie.

Justin could understand that Brian was reluctant about sharing this news and he knew that especially Debbie would be heartbroken. Debbie was Brian's mother for all intents and purposes. Even more so now that Michael was not a part of their lives any longer. Being faced with the very real possibility of losing her second son would hurt her and Justin knew that Brian hated hurting people that he loved.

Justin reached out his own hand and gave Brian's thigh a much gentler squeeze than some of the ones he had received on their ride into Pittsburgh. “It will be okay. They will be alright,” he said quietly, not wanting to raise Gus' and Luke's attention in the backseat who were busy discussing the movie they had seen on Friday after they had passed a cinema where they had seen the poster.

They didn't need the boys to pick up on Brian's tension and mood.

Brian just eyed Justin like he was crazy, but then, after the longest time nodded, giving his hand a squeeze with his own.

When they pulled up in front of Debbie's house, they all got out and quickly made their way into the warm house of their surrogate mother.

For once they weren't the last and had arrived right on time.

They greeted everyone who was already there and Justin tried his damnest to avoid his mother who was throwing him concerned glances while he greeted everyone else. He knew that she knew that something was up, but he didn't want to tell her before they told everyone else. He didn't think he could go through this twice and he knew that she could probably see in his face that something was seriously wrong.

Thankfully Luke had bounded over and had excitedly told her about being cast as an angel in their Christmas play at school which diverted her attention away from Justin for the time being.

Sometimes his son was simply the best, Justin thought to himself as he watched how Gus told Carl all about the English lit test and how well he had done.

They settled in their usual places and joined the conversations around them as they waited for Emmett and Drew to arrive who were apparently on their way, but had gotten delayed because Emmett had to attend an event earlier that afternoon.

They were due to arrive in another ten minutes and everyone decided to wait for them before they started with dinner.

Justin was glad to see that Ted and Brian were talking, probably something connected with Kinnetik. At least Brian wasn't just avoiding all conversation completely.

When his own conversation with Debbie had finished, Justin could feel someone's eyes on him and wasn't surprised that his mother was watching him intently when his gaze met hers. Seeing the question in her eyes, he just shook his head slightly, making it clear to her that he didn't want to talk about whatever was going on now.

He could see that she wasn't happy, but with the boys present, she didn't make a big deal out of it and instead continued talking to Blake about one thing or another.

A couple of minutes later Emmett and Drew arrived and everyone welcomed the two men. Once they had sat down, Debbie got the Lasagna out of the oven and urged everyone to start eating.

Conversation went on all around the table and Justin was glad to see that Brian was eating. Not much, but he was eating. As were the boys.

Thankfully today had been much easier than the day before and both boys had seemed mostly okay all day, but Justin knew that talking about Brian's sickness again in front of their whole family was most likely going to bring back the tears.

When it was time for dessert, Justin declined which was a big mistake as he realised right away. It was just that he didn't feel like eating at all. The closer they got to the dinner being over, the closer they got to telling everyone what was going on and that made any appettite he might have had go away. Debbie eyed him like he had grown a second head, frowning. “Are you okay, Sunshine? You not eating dessert is totally unlike you.”

“Leave him be, Deb,” Brian just said in a tense voice.

“Are you alright, baby? You don't look too good,” Emmett said, having overheard the exchange between Justin and Debbie.

“I am alright,” Justin said quietly, not liking how everyone's attention turned to him.

“Gus, Luke, why don't you take your dessert and go watch some TV?” Brian suggested, but was surprised when Gus just shook his head.

“I want to stay, Dad.”

“Me too,” Luke agreed with his older brother.

Brian was about to say no, not wanting this to be anymore difficult for the boys than it needed to be, but Justin just rested a hand on his arm. “Let them,” he said quietly, knowing that both boys wanted to be there for their father, wanted to be by his side. And just as he had gotten Brian to nod in agreement, both Gus and Luke came over from their seats and settled with their fathers. Gus settled in Brian's lap while Luke climbed into Justin's lap.

Justin just smiled from Brian to both boys, then ran a soothing hand over Luke's back.

“Okay, now you have me officially worried,” Debbie said, watching what had just unfolded in front of her. Something was obviously going on, she just didn't know what.

She looked around the table, but all she could see were more concerned and curious pairs of eyes. It was obvious that no one knew what this was about.

Not that it was unusual for Gus or Luke to sit with their fathers, but just the way this had come to be. It just felt weird and as if something was very, very wrong.

“Is everything okay?” Ted asked, his voice full of curiousity as well as concern.

Brian took a deep breath and Justin led his free hand to Brian's neck, playing with the hairs at the nape of his neck, hoping to offer some comfort with that touch.

“There is something we have to tell you,” he started, looking at Debbie when he continued. “You might actually want to sit down for this.”

Debbie did as she was told, holding her hand to her heart. “Oh God, it's the baby, isn't it?” She asked in a shocked voice full of despair.

“The baby is fine...,” Brian said and Justin could hear the unspoken 'for now' that he didn't say.

“Then what is it?” Emmett asked. “You all look like you're about to head to a funeral.”

Justin winced which didn't go unnoticed by his mother, who just spoke his name in that way that only mothers could do.

“Justin?”

Justin gave Brian's neck a squeeze, looking at his partner, giving him a slow nod, indicating that he should go ahead. The whole time he avoided looking at his mother, not sure if he would be able to keep it together if he saw her concerned gaze. And he needed to keep it together. For Brian and the boys.

“They found a tumour. In my lung. I'll have surgery to remove it on Tuesday,” Brian rushed out in one go and after he was done there was an eery silence in the living-room.

No one spoke and everyone just gaped at Brian with wide eyes and open mouths.

“A tumour?” Ted was the first one to find his voice and looked at his friend and boss from shocked eyes.

“I guess smoking kills after all,” Brian said sarcastically, but stopped whatever he was to say next when Justin shook his head at him and quietly spoke his name.

“Brian.”

“And after the surgery, you'll be fine?” Jennifer asked and Justin wasn't sure why he was so surprised when he heard the pain and concern in her voice. He knew that the days of his mother not accepting and liking Brian had been long gone. He knew that they had gotten closer over the years and especially during his years in New York. He knew that his mother cared for Brian and loved him, yet the pain and concern in her voice still surprised him.

“The surgery will be followed by chemotherapy to make sure that no cancerous cells remain and that the cancer won't spread,” Justin picked up, deciding that Brian shouldn't be the only one to face the inquisition by their family. Justin was his partner and he was here to help.

“But... the baby,” was all Debbie could say, still clutching her heart.

“Once I've recovered from the surgery they will get the baby. By that time I should be in my 25th or 26th week and chances are supposed to be really good for the baby,” was all Brian replied, not willing to go into numbers and chances of survival while Gus and Luke were present. They didn't need to hear those numbers. They were already scared enough as it was, which showed by the way Gus clung to him and leaned into him and by the way he saw Luke lean into Justin's chest as well, looking at his daddy from teary eyes.

“I... I don't know what to say,” Carl stuttered, feeling absolutely shocked by the news that had just been shared. Over the years he had come to love Brian and Justin like they were his own sons and he had a hard time wrapping his head around the fact that someone as young and seemingly healthy as Brian was suffering from such a serious condition when someone as old as himself seemed to be fine. That was not the way things were supposed to be. Young people weren't supposed to get sick and die. And especially not now, not when Justin and Brian were expecting another baby and getting ready to expand their family.

Ted was the first one to recover from the shock and turned all business-like. It was obvious that he had learned from the best when it came to hiding emotions behind a business-like mask.

“What can we do to help?” He asked, which was met by murmurs of agreements from everyone else at the table.

“We really don't know yet, but... I guess we'll be spending quite a lot of time in the hospital in upcoming weeks or going back and forth from the hospital,” Justin started, trying to make his voice sound stronger than he actually felt at the moment. “We might need some help organising school runs, taking the boys to their after school activities, that kind of thing. We're not really sure yet.”

“Of course!” Several people immediately agreed to help and Justin couldn't help but smile. This was their family, their weird, mismatched family and after everything they had been through, everyone was immediately willing to help when needed. It warmed Justin's heart and when he looked at Brian and their gazes met, he knew that Brian was feeling much the same even though he would never admit it.

Brian always tried to appear cool and collected in front of their family, his emotional side was something that mostly Justin and the boys got to see, though Justin knew that it had gotten better in recent years. He knew that Ted had a pretty good idea about what kind of person the real Brian was, he was also sure that Emmett was able to look past the facade that Brian liked to present and was able to see glimpses of the real Brian and of course there was Debbie, who had always known the depths of Brian's love for the people he cared about. He had a feeling that most people here right now knew Brian better than he'd like to admit to himself, but that was family as far as Justin was concerned. Real family, not connected by blood or name, but by love.

Brian allowed everyone to come over and say their piece, to wish him well, to offer their support to hug him and the boys and if he was honest with himself, he quite appreciated how the family stepped up.

He loved how Jennifer and Emmett had immediately taken Gus and Luke by the side and had made sure that both boys were okay. How Blake had joined them after talking to Justin for a bit and had made them laugh with a funny story, trying to get their mind off things. He appreciated how Ted had immediately assured him that work should be the last thing on his mind and that his company would be fine in his and Cynthia's hands. How he and Blake would be available whenever they were needed, whatever the time of day or night.

Brian appreciated it. Ted had been one of the few people who had known the first time when he had been sick and who had supported him back then in his own way. Ted, who had been by his side through everything that had been going on with Luke, Michael and Lindsay, Ted, who over the years had become his best friend, his most trusted friend and employee and who once again immediately stepped up, offering that he and Blake would be willing to take the boys whenever it was needed, whenever Brian might have a bad day or when Brian and Justin just needed a break from it all.

And then there had been Debbie and Jennifer. His mothers. For a lack of a better word. Debbie, who had taken him under her wing as a teenager and had loved him ever since, Jennifer, who had come to love and accept him and had learned to accept his love for Justin. Jennifer, who now loved him like he was her son as well and who adored her grandsons. Jennifer, who had taken Gus to be her grandson even though they had no physical relation and loved him in the same way she loved Luke, her physical grandson. Jennifer and Debbie, who had hugged him in ways that made him fear for his ribs and the baby. Jennifer and Debbie who had cried, but offered their support. Had offered to do school runs, cooking, cleaning, whatever was needed really.

Brian felt his heart warmed by how his family had taken the news and was now stepping up, already organising school runs for the rest of the week, knowing that he and Justin would be occuppied with his surgery.

He smiled when he saw Justin in Emmett's arms, saw them talking quietly, saw Emmett say something that brought a smile to Justin's face.

Whatever might happen, he knew that Justin and the boys would be okay. However this might end, Justin and the boys would be taken care of by their family. And that gave him more comfort than he had felt in days.