Chapter 3

Over the next couple of days things slowly returned to normal at Britin. Justin was still sad about the news that he didn't have the male pregnancy gene and Brian knew that he couldn't just expect him to move on from news like that from one day to the other after it had become obvious how much Justin had been hoping for another baby and to be the one to carry that baby.

Brian knew that he needed to give Justin some time to work through that disappointment and he tried to be as supportive and understanding as he could be. He didn't hold a grudge against Justin for getting the test done behind his back or for never having talked to him about his wish to carry their baby to begin with.

He could understand why the blond had never mentioned it to him and while it had hurt at first, Brian knew that he couldn't let that hurt linger. They had talked about it, Justin had realised his mistake and had apologised and Brian didn't hold it against him. Really, he would be a hypocrite if he did. He had done way worse to Justin and had kept way bigger things from the younger man and Justin had forgiven him. Brian knew that it would be the least that he also forgave Justin now and didn't make a bigger deal out of it than it was.

Things between them had mostly returned to normal and Brian had tried to cheer Justin up as much as he could. They had taken the boys to the movies the next weekend and had just spent a quiet weekend together as a family, enjoying what they had, enjoying to spend time together and with their boys.

Watching Justin closely in recent days, Brian knew that he hadn't been lying when he had said that he was happy. Justin was happy. It was easy to see in the way his eyes lit up when he spent time with Gus and Luke, in the way he looked at Brian when they all spent time as a family and the way they made love at nights when the boys were in bed. Brian could see with his own eyes that Justin hadn't been lying and was happy and the more he thought about what the younger man had said, the more he started to understand what Justin had meant. They were happy, but maybe they could be even happier. Maybe another baby could have made their lives even more perfect than they already were.

Brian knew that Justin had pushed away his desire for another baby when he had received the news that he didn't have the male pregnancy gene and he wondered why that was. Had Justin only wanted another baby if he could carry it? Hadn't he considered talking to Brian to see if he would be willing to carry another baby? After all Brian had been pregnant before with Luke, they both knew he could get pregnant and yet for some reason Justin had never mentioned the option of Brian carrying another child for them and the older man couldn't help but wonder why.

They lay together in their bed, holding each other, ready to go to sleep after an invigorating session of sex and a quick shower afterwards, but Brian knew that he wouldn't be able to sleep until he got some answers.

“Sunshine?” He asked quietly, knowing that Justin was still awake.

“Hmmm?” the blond hummed happily, yet obviously tired.

“Would you also want another baby if I carried it?” Brian didn't know what had made him ask that question just like that. Why he hadn't been more careful in voicing it or why he hadn't gotten down the road of talking about this in a gentler way. The question had just made it out of his mouth and now there it was.

He watched as Justin opened his eyes slowly and stared at him for a long second. “Brian...,” he said quietly after an awkward silence had settled between them.

“I know you wanted to carry it yourself. I know you said you wanted to experience what it felt like and all, but... it sucks, but that's not gonna happen, but you never said anything about having another baby despite that, so I am wondering... Did you only want another baby if you carried it or would you also want another baby if I carried it?”

Justin slowly turned to lie on his back and stared at the ceiling for the longest time before he spoke quietly. “I don't know...”

Brian sighed, wondering why that answer sounded so frustrating to him. “Okay...”

The older man kept looking at Justin and ran his fingertips over the younger man's flat stomach. His voice was quiet when he spoke next a couple of minutes later. “I would do it, you know?”

“But you said you had never thought about it,” Justin whispered.

“And I haven't. Not really, but in recent days... I started thinking about it more and more. After our conversation, I started thinking about the idea of adding to our family. I know we're happy, I know we both love our sons and our family, but... I think you're right. I think we could be even happier if we had another child and... I want to do this with you, Sunshine. I want us to do it right for once. You know? The whole deal. From beginning to end. I want us to experience it all together and... I think we would be ready. Don't you?”

Justin slowly turned his head to look at Brian and the brunet saw that the younger man's eyes were glassy and he was trying to hold back his tears. “I know we are,” he whispered, his voice more emotional than Brian had expected.

Brian continued his caress of Justin's stomach with his fingertips and leaned closer, so their foreheads would touch. “And... if we're really going to do this, we should do it rather sooner than later... I know I don't look it and I know we don't talk about it, but even I am not getting younger and...,” he didn't finish the statement, knowing that Justin understood.

Brian was 42 now, he wasn't getting any younger and just like with female pregnancies, the older you got, the more risks a pregnancy could have for the father and the unborn baby. If they were ever to have another child, since Justin couldn't carry it, they would have to do it rather sooner than later, before the risk of Brian carrying a baby got too big for both Brian and the baby.

“Did you just admit that you're getting old?” Justin chuckled, looking at Brian with a mischievous expression.

“Older...,” Brian said seriously. “Justin, I am not opposed to having another child. I... I have done some serious thinking in recent days and the more I have thought about it, the more I have realised that I would really like us to add to our family. I would really like to do this with you. I... I loved being pregnant with Luke, I loved all the sensations and everything about the whole process and I don't think there is anything I'd love more than to have our child grow beneath my heart, knowing that you will be by my side for all of it, but... I won't do it if the risk would be too high for the baby. I... I won't risk our baby, Sunshine.”

Justin nodded, noticing how serious Brian's voice had gotten and knowing that Brian was right. “I know. I know you wouldn't.”

“If we decide to do this, I want to get a physical before we start trying. I want to make sure that there will be no more risk for the baby than necessary and... Sunshine...,” Brian started running his hand through Justin's blond hair, looking at him from loving, yet determined eyes. “If the doctor says we shouldn't do it because the risk is too high, I won't do it. We will find another way. We will figure something out, but I will not risk our baby.”

Justin nodded slowly, before he leaned in, softly kissing Brian. “I love you, Brian Kinney.”

“And I love you, Justin Taylor.”

They kissed lazily for a couple of minutes, before they pulled apart and looked at each other.

“So, what do you say? I know it's not what you originally wanted, I know it's not the same as being pregnant yourself, but what do you say to trying for another baby, Sunshine?”

“I say,” Justin started seriously, before his face broke into the biggest sunshine smile that Brian had ever seen on his lover's beautiful face. “I am game if you are.”

Brian grinned at the younger man, then quickly moved onto him, so he had pinned Justin into the mattress under him. “Oh, I am game. I am always game,” he said huskily, rubbing his growing erection into his partner's groin, noticing how Justin was getting hard himself.

“Hmmmm, I seem to remember that in order for you to get pregnant, you would need to be the one to get fucked,” Justin winked, using all the power he could muster and rolling Brian over onto his back, quickly rolling on top of him and staring down at him from his higher vantage point.

“As true as that statement is, lets not forget that we decided to see a doctor first. So no trying to get anyone pregnant yet,” Brian smirked up at the blond that looked like an angel, looking down at him from the heavens.

“True, true... but you must admit that practice makes perfect and we can always start on the practice part,” Justin muttered, before he leaned down and started nibbling his way down Brian's stomach, then starting to lick down his treasure trail from his bellybutton to his groin and moving on to his perfectly hard dick. Justin switched from licking to leaving featherlight kisses on the hard member, which made Brian groan in anticipation.

“You need no practice, Sunshine. You're already perfect in every way,” the brunet moaned as Justin took his hard member into his mouth and began sucking for life.

After Brian had been brought to his mindblowing orgasm by Justin's amazing blowjob skills – damn, Justin definitely had a mouth made for blowjobs and he gave the best blowjobs Brian had ever had, as if his mouth had just been made to suck Brian's cock – the younger man slowly crept up Brian's side, his own hard on rubbing into the older man's thighs.

“What should we do about this then?” He nodded towards his own erection, then looked at Brian with a raised eyebrow.

“Would be a pity to let it go to waste,” Brian muttered, still trying to regain his breath after his orgasm.

“I agree. A real pity...” Justin huskily whispered, before he started moving his fingers down to Brian's groin, past his dick and his balls and towards his goal. He gently circled Brian's hole and smiled when the older man gasped when Justin pushed in the tip of his finger. “Whatever should we do with it?”

Brian enjoyed what Justin was doing with his finger and moved his ass down, so it would push against Justin's finger. They occasionally switched and Justin would get to top more often than people probably thought he got to. It wasn't that Brian didn't like it when Justin fucked him, quite on the contrary. He loved it. Justin was a very skilled lover and always prepared Brian in a way that made sure that Brian would enjoy their fuck as well and damn, did Brian enjoy those fucks. They were amazing each and every time, but at the end of the day, even though Brian thoroughly enjoyed being fucked by Justin, he enjoyed fucking him even more. And more than that, Brian knew that Justin enjoyed being fucked more than doing the fucking. In that way they were perfectly matched after all.

Yet occasionally they switched roles and Justin got to top and Brian enjoyed each time immensely and he knew that he would enjoy this time as well. They might act as if he was playing hard to get, but both he and Justin knew that at the end of the day Brian was just like any other gay man and loved having a dick up his ass just as much as the next gay man.

Brian rolled over onto his side, giving Justin better access to his backside and said seriously. “Well, I guess there is only one thing to do then.”

He smiled when he felt Justin's other hand run down his spine, down the globes of his ass and towards its goal as well, while his other finger still teased Brian's hole. Soon after, Justin pushed in his whole finger, before adding a second and after some time of preparing Brian, added a third.

Making scissoring movements with his fingers, Justin carefully prepared his lover, his other hand making soothing motions on Brian's back.

Even though Brian loved being fucked by Justin, Justin knew that his ass wasn't as used to the intrusion as his own was for example and even more than that, Justin knew that Brian didn't like the pain that came with it as much as Justin did. Justin loved it rough at times, even welcomed the pain at times, knowing it was a part of being fucked and it was a part that he totally embraced, knowing that this pain brought immense pleasure afterwards, but he also knew that Brian was different than him and didn't enjoy it. He enjoyed the pleasure afterwards, but could have very well done without the pain before it and that was one of the reasons why Justin always made sure that he had prepared Brian well, even at times when they fucked rather roughly. Even then Justin made sure that Brian was well prepared and wouldn't have to suffer more pain than was absolutely necessary.

Brian enjoyed Justin's movements with his fingers and moaned and groaned happily as he felt himself being opened up. He hissed slightly when Justin's cock first entered him, but once that short wave of pain had passed, he eagerly pushed back onto Justin's cock as the young man began pumping into him. God, Justin fucking him felt so good.

They quickly found a rhythm and Brian met each thrust of Justin's with his own movement of his hips. It didn't take them long before they both felt the telltale signs of their orgasms. Brian's cock had come to life again while he had been prepared by Justin and now that he was being thoroughly fucked by his partner, his cock was ready to burst.

After a few more thrusts they both came, before Justin carefully pulled out, disposed of the condom he had used and then left lazy kisses on Brian's backside that was still turned to him.

“I love you,” he whispered gently, running his hand up and down Brian's back. He stopped his movements when Brian turned around onto his back and turned to look at him from shining, happy eyes.

“I think I can get used to that,” he whispered happily, leaning in to kiss Justin passionately.

“Oh, you better... You realise we'll be doing this pretty regularly from now on?” Justin raised an eyebrow and wondered if Brian would really be okay with that.

“I can imagine worse... and as long as I'll still get to fuck you as well, I'll be fine.”

“Always,” Justin smiled, leaning in for another kiss. “Don't think you're getting out of your duties of being my partner and having to fuck me regularly just because you're now getting fucked more regularly.”

“Hmmmm, more sex... Sounds perfect...,” Brian smirked, then looked down his chest and stomach where his cum had landed when his second orgasm had hit. “I think I need another shower. Wanna join me?”

“Would love to,” Justin smiled, making his way into their bathroom, smiling when Brian joined him in the shower.

For once they really only had a quick shower as they would have to get up early the next day to get the boys ready for school and to get ready for their own jobs.

Barely ten minutes later they were both back in bed, cuddled together, ready to fall asleep once more.

Brian was just drifting off, when he heard the quiet voice of his partner. “Thank you, Brian. For always doing what makes me happy. I love you.”

A small smile spread on Brian's face and he mumbled a tired “Love you, too.” before he drifted off. Maybe he wasn't too bad at this whole family and relationship thing after all.

***

Three days later, Brian and Justin were sitting in his doctor's office, waiting for the results of Brian's physical.

“You are very healthy, Brian. A lot healthier than many men ten years younger your age,” the doctor began once he settled in his chair behind his desk, looking at Brian and Justin once he had been done checking the results of the tests that had been run earlier.

“Healthy enough to try for another baby?” Brian asked impatiently, really not caring about the rest. He knew that he was healthy. He had given up smoking years ago, he hardly drank, he only had sex with one partner, went to the gym regularly, ate very healthily and had regular physicals, not the least because he had had cancer once before and still had regular cancer checks every year.

“I don't see why not,” the doctor began, his voice serious and professional. “Of course there are always risks with every pregnancy and especially with pregnancies over 40, but with your physical condition, I don't see any reason for any higher risks and I don't see why anything should go wrong. Your first pregnancy was an easy and healthy one, I don't see why a second one should be any different.”

Justin smiled as he turned to Brian, happy to see his own excitement reflected on his partner's face. “Thanks, Doc,” Brian thanked the doctor, then he and Justin left and got on their way back home.

“I guess that means we're going to do it, huh?” Brian said to Justin, who had been uncharacteristically quiet on the drive home.

“Yeah, I guess so,” he replied quietly, turning to Brian with a smile on his face.

“You okay, Sunshine?” Brian raised an eyebrow, wondering why Justin wasn't chatting away like crazy right now.

“Yeah...,” Justin took a deep breath, then rested his hand on Brian's thigh and squeezed. “You realise what this also means?”

“Besides you getting to fuck me on a regular basis now?” Brian asked, his usual smirk in place.

“I am serious here, Brian.”

“Sorry, Sunshine. Okay, what else does this mean?”

“This will be the first time we'll make love without anything between us... without any condom... It's... it's a big step,” Justin said quietly.

Brian turned to look at Justin, their eyes meeting, then he turned his gaze back on the road. He hadn't really thought about that, to be honest, but Justin was right. Of course they wouldn't be using condoms any longer. That was the whole point of trying for a baby. “I guess you're right.”

“I remember how you once told me that we would never ever do it without a condom and how I should never ever let someone fuck me without one ever...,” Justin said wistfully.

“Sunshine, that was before we were trying for a baby.”

“Yeah, I guess... it just hit me what a big step this is on... so many different levels, you know?”

Brian nodded, then squeezed the hand on his thigh. “You and I have been clean for years. We haven't fucked anyone else in God knows how long... Maybe it's just the next natural step.”

“Yeah, maybe.... Brian... do you think... do you think that you would also fuck me without a condom?” Justin asked and Brian could hear the nervousness in his voice.

“I don't see why not. Obviously we're not risking getting you pregnant, we're both clean... Fair is fair, right?”

“I think... I think I would really like that,” Justin whispered, before leaning over and kissing Brian's cheek. “No, I would really love being fucked by you without anything between us.”

“So would I, Sunshine,” Brian said seriously and Justin could hear that he really meant it.

Their gazes met for a second and in that second their eyes conveyed everything they both were really feeling.

Yes, this was a big step. Obviously it was. They would be trying for a baby, they would create new life, a new member to their family. Of course it was a big step, but it was also a big step for the two of them in their relationship, a step neither of them had ever thought possible. Not with what their relationship had been for the longest time, yet here they were. Ready to embark on this new chapter in their relationship, their family and their lives.