Chapter 7

Getting to the halfway point of the pregnancy, both Brian and Justin started preparations for the final weeks and the time when the baby would be born.

Brian had already been through it all concerning Kinnetik with Ted and Cynthia when he had been pregnant with Luke before and much like the first time, Ted and Cynthia offered to take over some of Brian's workload and to divide it between the two of them.

After all the years of having worked at Kinnetik with Brian, they knew the company and the clients as well as Brian did and they had a pretty good idea what he would agree with and what would go against his opinion.

Just like when he had been pregnant with Luke, they slowly lowered his workload, which had never been as high as it had been before Brian had gotten pregnant the first time. After he had had Luke and then with Gus coming to live with him, Brian had gotten back into work at Kinnetik, but never to the extent he had worked before he had had the boys living with him.

That hadn't changed even when Justin had come back and they had given their relationship another try. Yes, Brian would go into the office in Pittsburgh more often than he had before, knowing that Justin would be home to take care of the boys, who to be fair, would be in school most of the day anyway, but despite all that, Brian had never gotten into his crazy workload again like he had in his younger years. He always made it a point to be home in time for dinner at the latest and still tried to work from home more days than not.

He loved his work and he loved the hustle and bustle of Kinnetik, but he also loved spending time with his family. He loved helping Gus and Luke with their homework, he loved helping them on projects, he loved practicing soccer with Luke and doing some photography with Gus, which over the years had kind of become their thing. He also loved being able to work from home and being able to spend time with Justin whenever he wanted. He loved having him in his studio just a few doors away and loved being able to walk over and say hi for a quick afternoon delight whenever he felt like it.

Therefore a lot less planning was involved in preparing Kinnetik for the time of him giving birth and being with the new baby than he had anticipated.

Things were slightly different for Justin, but since they had been planning to have a baby for a while now, Justin had already rescheduled most of his planned shows.

He was due to have his last show before the baby in two months time in New York, but after that he would only work on a couple of commissions and wouldn't have another show for about a year.

His agent hadn't been all that happy when Justin had announced to her that he wouldn't be doing another show for a year, but in the end there was nothing she could do about it. Justin had fulfilled his contractual obligations, had promised to finish his commissions and had just decided to not take on any new ones for the moment.

Both Brian and Justin knew that Justin would create one way or another during this break. He was already filling sketchbook after sketchbook with drawings of Brian and the boys and Brian knew that he had also worked on a couple of new pieces.

Justin would always create one way or another and while he made an almost obscene amount of money with his paintings at times, neither of them needed that money. Justin hadn't been under any pressure to create in recent years and had always only created when he had felt like it. By now his agent was used to that, even though it wasn't something that made her particularly happy. Brian had always said that she was just interested in her own piece of the cake and her own salary, but Justin had just waved that away.

He had known his agent for years, worked with her ever since he had come to New York as a young man and knew that by now she also cared about him as a person and not just as an artist that would make her money.

She had accepted his choice to prioritise his family, had helped him accommodate his schedule, so it would always work with the boys' school schedules and now she would just have to do it again. End of story as far as Justin was concerned.

Once their careers had been taken care off and they had been able to take a step back from their professional lives, another thing had shown up in their life, rearing its ugly head, demanding their attention. Namely one person: Michael.

Michael had been released from prison a couple of weeks earlier. So far he had stayed clear of everyone in their Pittsburgh family, but neither Brian nor Justin were naïve enough to trust that silence. Thankfully they had a contact in the police force with Carl, who gave them regular updates about Michael. Having worked in the force for nearly 40 years, Carl knew a lot of people and was highly respected and he knew the person that was Michael's social worker.

From him, he had gotten the update that Michael had returned to Pittsburgh after he had been released from prison. So far he hadn't ventured near Liberty Avenue and had seemed to stay clear of any of his old contacts. As far as Carl had been told, Michael had moved into a small one bedroom apartment and was working for a cleaning company, cleaning commercial properties, earning a small salary that way.

The restraining orders that Brian, Justin and the boys had against Michael, made it clear that he was not to contact them in any way, shape or form and was not allowed to come closer to them than 500 yards. He also wasn't allowed to visit any properties owned by Brian and Justin, which by now included their house, the loft, Babylon, Kinnetik and the Liberty Diner, which Brian and Justin had bought a couple of years ago.

Both men knew that despite everything, Debbie had been hurt when Michael hadn't contacted her at all. They knew that after everything that had happened, she still loved him and probably always would. They had talked about it and had both agreed that they had no right to interfere in Debbie's relationship with her son, as long as Michael stayed clear from them and as long as Debbie didn't try to force anything on them as far as Michael was concerned.

Everyone in the family knew better than to expect anything from Brian and Justin where Michael was concerned and everyone, including Debbie, only understood too well and agreed with them.

While Debbie might have hoped for Michael to contact her and might have hoped for a reunion of sorts in her heart, she had known very well that even though she might be willing to give Michael another chance, Brian and Justin weren't and she would never force them to. After what Michael had done, she knew she couldn't expect anything else from her other two sons and she didn't.

Yet no one blamed her for feeling hurt when Michael hadn't even given her a call or come by her house. They all knew that Debbie loved him despite everything and probably always would as only a mother could.

***

“Brian,” Justin sighed, when he heard Brian coughing again and wheezing for air. “You need to see a doctor.”

“It's just a cold,” Brian said quietly, through his wheezing breathing as he tried desperately not to cough more. And failed.

As another coughing fit hit him, Justin slowly walked over and rubbed a gentle hand over Brian's back. “It's not just a cold. This sounds like a really bad chest infection. Damn, you can hardly take a proper breath.”

“Well, what did you expect? Without antibiotics?” Brian got out inbetween his coughing, taking a sip from his tea afterwards, trying to comfort his burning throat that felt as if it was on fire. Much like his lungs. God, it hurt to breathe and Brian just wanted this bad cold to be gone. He couldn't remember ever having felt like shit as he did now. Well, apart from when he had had cancer.

Justin sighed, knowing that Brian was partially right. When he had gotten this bad cough a week and a half ago, they had tried to treat it with household remedies, trying to stay away from medicine as far as they could, what with Brian being pregnant and all.

Now the cough had gotten so bad however, that Brian had real trouble breathing at times and would sometimes cough for what seemed like hours on end. This wasn't just a normal cough anymore and Justin doubted that it could be treated with household remedies. He had also seen how much pain Brian had been in, trying to breathe at times. He was getting really worried and while he knew that Brian hated doctors and hated when Justin worried, Justin had enough of seeing Brian in pain, of hearing him cough like he would never stop and of him sounding as if every breath was painful and might be his last.

“I want you to see the doctor tomorrow,” he put his foot down, walking around Brian, looking at him sternly, not accepting any contradiction. “There must be something that you can take that won't hurt M. This coughing can't be good for you and the baby. Hell, you sound like you can hardly breathe at times.”

“Justin, it will go away,” Brian just muttered angrily, not liking how Justin was making a bigger deal out of this than it needed to be. It was just a cough, a bad cough, yes, but just a cough. And since he was pregnant, he would be damned if he took any prescription drugs that might harm the baby. It would go away. He just needed to give it time.

Then another coughing fit hit him and this one was so bad, that Brian nearly doubled over from the effort it took him to get a good, deep breath into his lungs.

When he took his hand away from his mouth, he frowned when he saw small red spots on it.

“Is that blood?” Brian immediately heard the fear in Justin's voice and when their eyes met, he saw disbelief there that quickly turned into something else. Panic.

“I am calling an ambulance. Now!” Justin moved away and reached for the phone.

“Justin, stop!”

“You are fucking coughing blood. That is not normal, Brian. I am calling an ambulance.”

“No, you won't!”

“You don't just start coughing blood, Brian. I will call a fucking ambulance. Now.”

Brian was coughing again, and wasn't able to speak through his coughing. He reached for Justin's arm and pulled him back, looking at him from pleading eyes. “No...,” he got out as he tried to get his breathing under control.

“Brian, please,” Justin now had tears in his eyes and it hurt him to see Brian like that. He knew Brian was in pain, he knew he had trouble breathing normally, he knew that all the coughing hurt him and now there was blood. This was nothing they could treat with household remedies.

“It will scare the boys,” Brian whispered, looking at Justin from pleading eyes. “No ambulance.”

“You need to see a doctor,” Justin insisted and was relieved when Brian nodded after the longest time of just staring him in the eyes.

“We will drive to the emergency room,” Brian agreed after some time of trying to control his breathing. “Get your mom to watch them. Don't want them to get scared.”

Justin was ready to protest, but in the end just nodded. At least Brian had agreed to see a doctor and the more Justin thought about it, the more he knew that Brian was right. If he called an ambulance now, at 11pm at night when both of the boys were asleep, they would be panicked and scared. They would immediately know that something was wrong and the more Justin thought about it, the more he realised the flaws in his plan. He would need to stay at home with the boys. He couldn't leave them alone after their father had just been taken away by an ambulance, but he also needed to be with Brian and needed to be at his side. And he would be torn about who needed him more.

Maybe Brian was right. Maybe it was smarter to call his mother and ask her to watch the boys. They wouldn't even have to wake up the boys. They would never need to know that Brian and Justin had gone to the emergency room and hopefully they would be back long before it was time for the boys to go to school.

After thinking about it some more, he knew that Brian was right and reluctantly agreed with his plan.

He picked up his phone, called his mother and asked her if she could come by and watch the boys as he needed take Brian to the hospital to see a doctor.

His mother had known about Brian's coughing, had known about his reluctance to see a doctor for it and was smart enough not to ask many questions. She had heard the panic in her son's voice and she knew better than anyone that Brian would only agree to go to the hospital if things were indeed serious.

Knowing that a point like that had apparently been reached, she just let Justin know to give her half an hour and got ready without asking any more questions. Within five minutes she was on the road to Britin, worrying for her son and his partner, hoping that everything would be okay.

When Jennifer arrived at Britin, she immediately saw the reason for Justin's panic and agreed that they needed to go to the hospital. Brian was coughing badly and he was coughing into a tissue and she could see the small red spots on the tissue.

She had been a mother long enough to know that coughs could get quite bad, but neither Justin nor Molly had ever coughed bad enough to cough up blood. She knew that this was serious and rushed her son and his partner out of the house the minute she arrived.

Settling down in the kitchen with a cup of tea, Jennifer hoped against hope that everything would be alright. She cared deeply about Brian, had come to love him like a second son and she worried that this might not just be a cough. And in his current condition, being more than 20 weeks pregnant, she hoped that he would be fine again soon and that no harm would come to her unborn grandchild.

Getting ready for a long, sleepless night, she moved into the living-room and turned on the TV, not really paying attention to what was on.

***

At the hospital, Brian and Justin had to wait for a long time before they were seen by a doctor. Apparently it had been a busy night and nobody seemed overly concerned by the pregnant man that was coughing up blood. By the time they were led into a treatment room, Justin was ready to rip someone apart.

Brian's breathing had gotten more laboured with every coughing fit and he seemed to cough up more blood every time. By now Justin was really scared and only hanging on by a thread. He knew that Brian needed him to be calm and needed him to not panic, but that was harder said than done for Justin at this moment. He was worried like crazy and wished that they would already have a diagnosis that would tell them what was wrong with Brian and most importantly, that he and M would be fine soon.

As they waited for a doctor to arrive, a nurse had provided Brian with oxygen, making it easier for him to breathe. He was still coughing a lot and he was still coughing up blood, but at least he seemed to get more oxygen now and seemed calmer himself.

Brian's voice sounded strangely distorted when he spoke from under the oxygen mask. “It's going to be fine, Sunshine!”

“You don't know that...,” Justin just replied quietly, holding on to Brian's hand and squeezing it.

“It's just a cough. They'll give me something that won't harm M and in a week we'll laugh about this.”

Justin just nodded, knowing that Brian knew he wasn't believing a word of what he was saying, but also knowing that Brian needed him to agree and didn't need him to contradict. Justin wasn't an idiot and he knew that Brian wasn't one either. He had seen the fear in Brian's eyes the more he had coughed up blood. Both of them were aware that most likely this was not a normal cough, but neither was ready to think about what it could be or where it might have come from.

As long as they could pretend it was just a cough, they could pretend it would go away soon and they would be fine soon. All of them,including their unborn baby. Justin knew Brian needed to cling to that and if that was what Brian needed, that was what they would do.

Moving up to the side of Brian's bed and settling next to him, Justin rested his head on Brian's shoulder, moving his hand down to his belly, gently moving it up and down.

“I hope so,” he whispered quietly, not looking at Brian. “I need you to be fine. Both of you.”

“We'll be,” Brian whispered, hoping that he was actually speaking the truth.

When they were finally seen by a doctor, the doctor listened to Brian's breathing and quickly ordered some tests to be done. He wasn't happy with Brian's breathing and coughing at all.

“Do you know what could have brought this on?” Justin asked the doctor as he wrote down some notes in Brian's patient chart.

“At this point it's too early to say. There could be several reasons and we'll have to run some tests to eliminate some possible causes.”

“Causes like?” Justin asked, not ready to let go. He needed to know what they were dealing with. He needed to steel himself for what could be coming. He needed to fucking know.

“There can be many causes for a cough like that. I don't want to scare you with any of those until we know what we're dealing with.”

Getting tired of what the doctor wasn't saying, Justin just took matters into his own hands. “Lung cancer? A pulmonary embolism? Tuberculosis?”

“I see that you've done your research,” the doctor just nodded. “Unfortunately, the internet always paints a bleak picture and always makes us believe we're about to die. There could also be a lot less threatening causes for your partner's condition.”

“Like?” Justin challenged the doctor.

“That's what we're trying to find out. At this point, I need you both to stay calm and not worry too much. I am sure it won't be anything as bleak as the internet told you.”

With that the doctor left the room. Justin was fuming, feeling like the doctor hadn't taken him seriously at all.

“Fucking asshole!”

“Calm down, Sunshine,” Brian looked at him from tired eyes. “Don't drive yourself crazy.”

“I am not,” Justin huffed, glaring at Brian.

“Yes, you are. In your mind, I am already dying and only a step away from my grave. Stop it. It will be fine. I am sure.”

Looking at Brian and seeing how exhausted his partner looked under the oxygen mask, Justin chastised himself. He probably hadn't done himself and Brian any favours when he had started speaking about cancer, tuberculosis and the likes. Maybe he had gone a bit overboard.

“I am sorry... I am just worried,” he said quietly, moving back to his place at Brian's side.

“I know you are. So am I. Just... try to stay calm, okay? Until we know what we're dealing with at least,” Brian asked quietly and Justin nodded.

He then leaned in and their foreheads touched. “I love you,” Justin whispered. “I hate seeing you sick and I just want you and M to be alright.”

“So do I,” Brian whispered back and once again Justin could see hints of fear in those expressive hazel eyes.

“I am sorry for overreacting. I don't do well when you or the boys are in pain.”

“I know.”

Justin sighed once more, squeezing Brian's hand. As he was about to say something else, a nurse came in, ready to take Brian to his room. The doctor had informed them earlier that Brian would need to be admitted for the tests and would need to stay on oxygen for the time being.

She quickly informed Justin where Brian would be taken and Justin chose to use the time that Brian would be taken to his new room, to give his mother a call and to let her know that they would be at the hospital for longer than he had originally hoped, letting her know that she would need to get the boys to school as they wouldn't be home by morning.

***

“I am sure he will be fine, Justin,” Jennifer said in a voice that sounded much calmer than she really felt. Justin had just told her that Brian needed to be admitted for some further tests and she knew that that wasn't a good sign. She had also done some research and had also seen what the internet had said about the causes for coughing up blood and she just hoped that none of those were the reason for Brian being sick.

“I... I am just so scared, Mom. What if he isn't? He had cancer before and... what about M? What about Gus and Luke? God... we didn't even get to explain to them that we were going to the hospital.”

“Don't worry about that, Justin. I will explain in the morning and I will explain it to them in a way that they won't panic. They will be fine. I'll make sure of that,” Jennifer promised her distraught son.

“I am so sorry, Mom. I am sorry you have to take care of all of that now. You know what, I'll just make sure to come home in time for them to wake up, so I can tell them myself.”

“Justin, stop! You will stay at the hospital and you will stay with Brian. You will calm yourself down and you will not drive your sons crazy by worrying them. I can hear by your voice how agitated you are and... do you really think they'll be calmed down by seeing you like this, honey?”

At first Justin was ready to protest and to yell at his mother. How dare she call him agitated? But as he was getting ready for that, he realised that she was absolutely right. He was agitated. He was fucking scared. He was worried about his partner's well-being and the well-being of his unborn child. Not knowing what was going on, but seeing Brian in pain, having trouble breathing, being on oxygen. It was driving him crazy with worry. And his mother was right. The boys didn't need to see him like that. He would only worry them as well.

“I am sorry,” he whispered.

“Don't be. You're in an impossible situation right now, honey. You just worry about Brian and the baby. You take care of him and... Justin... you know Brian. Try not to drive him crazy. Try to support him, okay? I'll take care of the boys. Don't worry about them on top of everything else. They will be fine.”

Knowing that his mother was right, he agreed with her. Knowing that she was also right about him driving Brian crazy, he knew that Brian needed him to support him. He needed Justin to be strong, needed him to be a pillar by his side and not be a mess.

Yes, he was scared shitless, but Brian didn't need him to be. Brian needed him to be strong for him and if it was the last thing he did, he would be. He could be strong for Brian and his family.

Taking a deep breath after his call with his mother was finished, Justin steeled himself and made his way to Brian's room, hoping that all of this would be a bad memory in a couple of days.